Hello, I saved your last response, but I couldn't log in to the site.
Is there someone in charge of letting life manifest? Does it need a middleman to allow it to do so?
No. I have tested it many times. Yet during the day, as if I would forget about it and have self-awareness.
Is there an expectation that something should change?
Yes, the search is over, a change of perspective. I felt close to myself... But now the old pattern has returned.
Reading the things on this page, the "motivation" started again, it clicked again that everything happens by itself. But in vain I examine it again. It's not new anymore.
Why should it be, this has always been the truth? If the change happens again, I still forget during the day and everything remains the same. It's like I fell asleep a few times, but I can't do it every day. And no one can show me this click.
I kept telling myself "This moment is it", but it didn't help either. In vain I watch how thoughts, feelings, body sensations and movement come by themselves, something still pulls me back. What and who? I don't know. Is this also a thought? Who thinks this? Nobody. This thought also arises... Why does it bother me? Who does it bother? I don't know, maybe it's a habit. So is there another thought about a habit (a recurring thought)? Maybe. I see it, but I just go around and around, nothing changes. I have to examine myself to get it to click again, and I have to stay in it as often as possible. Otherwise it's just a play on words... 'I don't know' means I don't want to examine it and I believe it...
Tell me more about resistance. What is it? Where is it? How can it be recognized?
It's the same, I want something other than what I have and control. But no matter how much I try to look for it, I can't find it, it's just a thought, a habit. As if everything is a mass that we can judge, analyze, but nothing changes. These are only ABOUT it and not what we analyze. I don't even break down food into its components in my mind when I eat...
I understand the methodology. We examine everything honestly, with real experience. To know for sure that there is no self. That is what the questions are aimed at.
Do you think of the separate self as being nowhere, or do you directly experience that it was never present?
It's nowhere.
’What is it? Where is it? How can it be recognized?’
Existence itself? Continuous. I am. And this is mixed with the thought that I am doing this or that. If I shift the focus (I think I am not doing this either), then it becomes more neutral, but we have to be careful not to make it a watcher (a made-up self-consciousness).
Solution: There are 2 ways. Examination or staying in it. I have already examined it. During the day, while working, staying in it is the key. In the description from the site I read: removing “my-ificaton” labels (the thought arises afterwards, taking possession of the events).
I'm starting to feel nauseous from everything again, I don't want to exercise, it only strengthens me!!!!!!
