Tired of searching and not finding :(

[EverChanging]

Where are they coming from and going to?

They come from nowhere and then dissipate when I stop engaging in them.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No, they are chaotic and jump from subject to subject.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

No, the thoughts just stream in without my doing anything.

Can you predict your next thought?

No, they are all over the place.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No, I can try to “avoid” dealing with a thought, but I have no control over what pops in my mind.

Can you choose not to have painful, negative or fearful thoughts?

No

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No, they just come.

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

Not in my experience.

It seems that thought has some logical ordered appearance, but look carefully and just notice if there is an organized sequence? Or is that just another thought that says ‘these thoughts are in sequence’ or “they take content from previous thought”, or that ‘one thought follows another thought’?

The sequence seems to be that the thoughts are about past events, but there is no rhyme or reason for when these thoughts come in and what they are portraying to me. They can start on one subject, but quickly jump to the next one.

Can you find an inherent self anywhere, outside of thought?

Ugh, this is crazy. I think I am getting it a bit here. The thoughts are totally creating the story of me and I am believing every bit of what they are saying.

Can thought experience thought?

This is a deep one. Thoughts are thoughts, so no, they cannot experience themselves. Then the question is who is experiencing.

I am really going to sit with this as much as I can today. I feel like it is starting to break through a bit.

[Anastacia42]

The thoughts are totally creating the story of me

Yes. The "self" illusion is only thoughts & a body Sensation of contraction indicating a lie.

Let me know what you find.

Loving,

[EverChanging]

Let me know what you find.

Throughout the day I find my thoughts are constantly telling me stories about everything I do and see. I am now starting to question what the narrative is telling me. As the day goes on, it feels like I am always putting out fires and have no time to think this through, but that is also another thought. Today I am going to listen less and observe more.

[Anastacia42]

Good morning

Yes, that's all true. Now that you're recognizing the stories what we want to do is ignore them and just look.

,Here is a pointer that may force you to look, not think:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?


It is simple direct & nonverbal. Just LOOK.

Then write what is true.

I did only this and nothing else for 3 months and then saw. It crept up on me while I was sitting at a stoplight. Seeing often happens when we are simply relaxed and looking. I should say, it ONLY happens when we are relaxed and LOOKING. All of this thinking is useless. Truly.

Loving

[EverChanging]

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.
Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

No, there is no clear division. The longer I focus on the sensation, that even disappears.

[Anastacia42]

Excellent. Look often. This isn't about right answers. It's just setting up the conditions in which seeing can happen. It's a meditation.

The *idea* of "self" is a lie feeling of contraction plus the lie thought of a "self." That's it.

There is what we call, "awareness," but only because we want to call it something. Some people call it "consciousness, " but that word gets used a lot. I live in a place where even a brand of coffee is called "Conscious Coffee" So I prefer "awareness. "

Awareness is not a "self."

This will make no sense at all to you until you drop all thinking and actually see it. Until then It is all concepts.


"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes us accident prone."

Sunryu Suzuki

We cannot predict it and we cannot make it happen. We can only practice the conditions in which it is more likely.

This frustrates the mind because it wants everything to be linear and logical and step-by-step, but this is not. It is non linear and unpredictable.

Above all, do not *believe* anything. Just LOOK.

We're looking for a shift in perception.

Loving ❤️

[EverChanging]

We're looking for a shift in perception.

I am trying, but not seeing it yet. I will work on this throughout the day today.

[Anastacia42]

You must stay relaxed. If you're stressing about it, take a break. It is just as likely to happen when you're not looking. Maybe more likely.

Loving,

[EverChanging]

Ok, give me a few days to practice. The weekend is coming, so I will have more down time to work on this. I have also started Ilona's class and need to catch up on that.

[Anastacia42]

Sounds great.

[EverChanging]

I have been investigating where my butt ends and the chair begins, but have not had a change in perception. I am trying to stay relaxed and just see what comes up.

[Anastacia42]

Good. It will happen when it happens. Could be days, weeks, maybe even months. This exercise takes you right to the core of having no self if you are seeing that there is no division. You did not say what you saw.

What is seen?

Loving,

[EverChanging]

What is seen?

The sensations comes and goes into nothingness.

[Anastacia42]

Okay. We're looking for a shift in perception. Keep looking & posting here, even if it's the same.

It would also be fine if the Sensation did not seem to disappear. Relax into it.

Loving

[EverChanging]

Sensations are coming and going.