Never The Same Again

[Vaughn]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
When I hear the statement "there is no inherent self," I understand it less as a denial of experience and more as a challenge to how we interpret that experience. The claim is that what we call a "self" isn't a fixed, independent essence. Instead, it is something that emerges from our thoughts, sensations, memories, and relationships.

What are you looking for at LU?
My first thoughts upon awakening (and often during they day) are that I am separate, limited, and incomplete. There is often a sense of impending doom and a probing of what could possibly go wrong. This is often followed by a strategy of how to control any problems. Even in the best of times, there is a sense that something is missing and always something needed. Life, enjoyable as it is in many ways, is essentially a vicious cycle of solving problems. My hope is that through working with a guide, this sense of separation will disappear and that I will feel more frequent moments of concentrated well-being.

What I hope to get from working with a guide is less about gaining new beliefs or knowledge and more about seeing clearly what's already here. On my own, it's easy to turn non-duality into an idea, something I think about rather than directly experience. A guide could serve as someone who can point things out in a simple, direct way and help cut through the mental loops. Essentially, the subtle ways the mind recreates a sense of "me" at the centre of everything, behind my eyes.

I'd also hope for honest reflection. Someone who can challenge assumptions like "I am in control" or that I need to be constantly problem-solving and help me look at my actual experience rather than my interpretations of it.

Another thing I hope to gain is consistency. It's one thing to have a glimpse now and then (which I have had), and another to live from that understanding more steadily. I imagine a guide could help me stabilize these experiences into a realization, not by giving me something new, but by helping me notice what's always already present. I've often approached these topics alone, and I think there's something relational about this that I'm missing. Overall, I'm not looking to become anything different, or gain some specialized knowledge, but to see through what's not true, with a bit more honesty and less effort than I might manage on my own.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
What I expect from guided conversations is clarity, honesty, and a kind of a precision that is hard to access on my own. I am hopeful that the exercises will continue to help me stabilize the sense that there is simply sensations, thoughts, and experiences without a centre. Left to myself, I can drift into concepts, interpretations, or subtle forms of "figuring it out." So what I'm hoping for is someone who can keep bringing me back to the direct experience, what's actually being seen, felt, or noticed right now, rather than what I think is happening.

Another important piece is pacing and focus. I don't expect constant insight or breakthroughs, but rather a steady process of looking, checking, refining. I also hope that this will help focus my efforts, as I can often feel scattered between many traditions and teachers and find myself in conflict. Overall, I'm not expecting a new belief or framework, but a space where honest inquiry allows for more opportunity to see things as they actually are.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
My experience with spiritual practice and inquiry has been a mix of exploration, questioning, and gradually simplifying things.

I've engaged with practices like meditation based on the teachings of Shinzen Young, Daniel Ingram, Mahasi Sayadaw, Sam Harris, S.N. Goenka. I completed a 10-day silent retreat in the tradition of S.N. Goenka, which gave me a really direct experience of disciplined observation. Spending that much time in silence, systematically scanning sensations, made it clear how reactive the mind-body system is and how sensations arise and pass away whether "I" do anything about them or not. It was the first time I saw, in a sustained way, the gap between raw experience and the stories layered on top (the difference between mental phenomena and physical phenomena).

I've also been influenced by the noting practices of Mahasi Sayadaw. That style of breaking down experience into notes of thinking, hearing, feeling, helped me see that experience is built moment-to-moment by impermanent and impersonal sensations. It can take something that feels solid, like "I am anxious" and reveal it instead as a series of changing sensations and thoughts.

I've also explored a Dzogchen-style approach through Waking Up with Sam Harris. It's less about gradual deconstruction and more about directly realizing awareness itself. The pointing out, like looking for the one who is looking, has led to some profound experiences. I've tried to combine this with Ramana Maharshi style self-inquiry with questions like "Who am I?" or "What is aware of this?". Even briefly, there's a sense that the "self" I normally refer to is harder to locate than I assume. At the same time, I've noticed how easily the mind turns all of this into concepts, ideas about awareness, practice, presence, or non-duality that feel convincing but aren't necessarily grounded in direct experience. That's been an ongoing tension: the difference between understanding something intellectually and actually seeing it. Overall, my experience with spiritual practices so far has been a process of refining how I look/see and becoming a bit more honest and direct, even if that means sitting with uncertainty rather than resolving it quickly.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

Admin note for Vaughn: You can only see answers in your thread when you’re logged in. Please check your thread regularly while logged in, as email notifications don’t always work.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Vaughn

My name is Stacy and I can be your guide, if you would like.

One thing that is helpful is to come to this forum
& post every day. Sometimes the site goes down. It will be back. Just come back later.

Yes, if once in a while you must post later, please post a note telling me when you will return.

If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and just confirm to me that you have read it. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link.

http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Some housekeeping guidelines:

1. Post at least once a day, or every second day. If you need more time, or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know please.

2. There is no one judging answers given, so please be 100% honest in your answers and inquiry.

3. This exploration is based on actual experience (AE) - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts. Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress. This is not a self-improvement process. There is no ‘self’ to improve.

4. Put aside all other teachings, philosophies, rituals, practices, books/reading and so on for the remainder of this investigation. Really put all your effort and attention in to seeing this reality, as it is. If you have a daily meditation practice, it is fine to continue that but is not necessary for this exploration.

Technology is not perfect and sometimes there is a glitch which can wipe out your responses. It is advisable that you copy and paste questions asked into Word, answer them there and then copy and paste them to your thread. Always save a copy of what you have done, it will save time in the long run!

To begin with, so that we both become aware of what your expectations are about this exploration. In your own words (not from actual experience, but just honest answers), could you please answer the 4 following questions:

How will life change?
How will you change?
What will be different?
What is missing?

Throughout this exploration I would like you to answer all questions that I have written in blue text. Please answer all questions even if I miss using the blue text.

Please answer questions individually, remembering to use the quote function to highlight the question being answered.

Below is a link to the video with instructions on using the Quote Function. Please watch it. Use the PREVIEW button to make sure your text looks right before you hit "SUBMIT."

viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

What would you like for me to call you? What time zone are you in, please?


Loving,