Ready to dive in...

[vinceschubert]

Hi ix, answer the last post first, then read this. i thought it might hit the spot for 'you';
Penned by Peter Marjason

Searching is it


I’m trying to get hold of

Something to boost my search

This month

But the seeking has eased



Not replaced by bliss

But by missing the search

And fear that the trivial

Was worthy all along



I didn’t ask for that



The lack of insight

Or promise

Leaves an emptiness

Vulnerable to the world

And it’s distractions



Waiting it out

Invites despair



I’d rather have a stab at something

Even something prompted

By this predicament



The problem is

If this is it

If truth exists at all

If consciousness is all there is

Then there’s nothing

More true or more here

Than this mess



I want to have the truth

To think about

But even that want with its thoughts

Is truth unfolding

Before I can get it



Truth slips away into

Disappointment

Which is it's

Other disguise



It’s here

It never leaves me

Yet I can’t have it



Whatever I think it is

It isn’t



Yet neti neti

Eventually obliterates itself


Not this not this

Culminates in

Not not this



In other words it’s

Never not this



It is this

Not some other idea

About this



I never have to go elsewhere

I don’t need to go looking

Or seeking

I never have to mistrust what is

And ask

What is it?

Because it’s always

This



Even when I’m doubly frustrated

And searching for the search

That searching is it

Like now

Being unsatisfied

That’s it!

Doubting

That’s it!



It’s not that I have

Wasted my life searching

It’s that I am

Wasting my life searching

And yes that’s totally it

Too

That's living

Now

Wasting my life

That's it!

Not a problem



It’s here

Alive and well

In all it's forms


Thank you


Thank you!

[ixturtle]

Oy-- caught up in the spinning of storms and caretaking and work stories... i think sorting out "this is it" also intimidated me a bit...

So what is it that is happening that obscures the Seeing that 'This is It' ?
Does part of you not know that THIS is it ? (i believe that part of you Does know this)

My knee jerk reaction is that all of me doesn't know that THIS is it. but I'll try to break it down...

THIS: what's happening here and now
is: quality of happening, being, existing
it: this is where it gets tricky... it points to what we're looking for in this inquiry, suggests that direct seeing is seeing that there is nowhere other than the present moment as it is-- no idea or belief or vision or understanding can eclipse the simplicity of what's here. there is no where else to get to. all stories, including stories of self (which i've been especially wrapped up in these last couple of weeks, but also more generally for all of "my" life) are irrelevant details relative to the fact that what's here IS WHAT'S HERE.

I get it and I don't. Part of me certainly acts like I don't get it. It does seem that if I really saw it for a millisecond it would be impossible for the seeing, even when obscured, to be forgotten.

Is a possible future, more attractive than the present ?

Not really... there is a futility that is showing up right now that might be a good thing but feels like a real drag...and certainly shows up with a fair bit of resistance (anger, shame, dismay), which seems the opposite of embracing what's here. of course, an opportunity to embrace resistance arises... except who's there to do the embracing... my whole journey to date along this path of awakening has been defined by "practice" and "agency" and with that, falling down and getting caught up and then feeling helpless/a failure. and yet the concept of failure is COMPLETE STORY.

OK. I'm gonna read your next post and then head to bed...

[ixturtle]

ha ha ha... sigh.

[vinceschubert]

i think sorting out "this is it" also intimidated me a bit...

Tell more on this...

that direct seeing is seeing that there is nowhere other than the present moment as it is-- no idea or belief or vision or understanding can eclipse the simplicity of what's here. there is no where else to get to.

You got it beautifully. So what is hindering the acceptance of this ?

all stories, including stories of self (which i've been especially wrapped up in these last couple of weeks, but also more generally for all of "my" life) are irrelevant details relative to the fact that what's here IS WHAT'S HERE.

No, they are not irrelevant. They are also part of IT. They are just unnecessary and distorting, but if they exist then they are also IT. (especially the reactions to them)
Once SEEing and Recognizing them occurs they will diminish and maybe eventually completely disappear.

except who's there to do the embracing...

You assume that there has to be a "who" to do the embracing. Embracing happens.

my whole journey to date along this path of awakening has been defined by "practice" and "agency"

Yes, conditioning occurred that said you had to Earn it.
It is almost blasphemy to realize that What you are trying to Earn, was with you all along.

[vinceschubert]

This seems relevant to you.
It is a computer translation from French, so...
yvesOctober 25, 2012 5:53 p.m.
hello, for my part, I can not always stay in the present moment, and when it works one day, so then it becomes more difficult for several days, I feel a lot of silence in my life with little thought, but my ego and duality are still there, I do not know if age can have an impact on our production and in recent years more I meditate a lot, not as much as before, I have no desire and it disturbs me a little thank you for your attention. Yves.
Reply Delete

Guy MauchampOctober 25, 2012 9:03 p.m.
Hello Yves.
questioning Thanks for your staff is actually quite universal because the issue of the moment is a recurrent problem for spiritual seekers.
Interestingly view is gradually limiting beliefs to which one adheres without seeing . Yves and your description, there seems to be several beliefs.
A first is that the conscious life of the present time should be linear as a long quiet river. Or be it in its natural state or arousal, life goes on the same way, absolutely nothing changes, there is always joy and sorrow, soft and hard, well-being and pain. The difference is that this is no longer lived in the same view. Things are received without grip without involvement.
Another belief is to think that we leave the present moment. But watch very carefully: Have you ever been away from your experience? When it becomes more difficult, this is what happens to you in the present moment. it is a moment of difficulty which is colored, but you have never left the present moment. What happens is that you certainly involve much more when it is "difficult", perhaps by the refusal, which you say afterwards that you were as absent from the present moment.
's ego that must disappear is a belief that has thick skin. The ego is a concept, an idea of a set of psycho-physical carctérsitiques fluctuating. In the natural state, the ego is still there with its own characteristics, and it can be functional in everyday life. It is simply seen as an object and not as an identity, it no longer leads the dance.
Awakening is unconditional, it can occur in spite of, not because of, as being the origin of all causes. Enlightenment is understanding that there is no time, the notion of flow of time emerges from the eternal present. You do not age. Believe that you have 40 or 120 years is a joke, a second-hand knowledge.
Awakening is meditation without effort. Do meditation is an effort of concentration which may occur in your life, and this is no problem. Find that you no longer taste the efforts of concentration can be received as good news.
I was a little long, but you have lots of questions. The goal is to discover that you already know the answers to return to your natural state in which the questions are dissolved.
Friendships.
Guy

[ixturtle]

So happy to be back on this site (and to discover not one but two posts from you). these past few weeks have been a roller coaster, but since even the phrase two weeks is a concept, and certainly the notion of roller coaster, i guess its better to just stick with now: which is to say, happiness arises...

i think sorting out "this is it" also intimidated me a bit...

Tell more on this...

a long standing aspect of this personality is the neurotic need to get things right, or to understand, or to "do" (or on this site "see") whatever it is that's on the table. there is also generally a corresponding "turning away from" that which feels like an impending "failure." "this is it" is obvious in one way, and yet it rarely penetrates personal experience. thus the sense of "i don't really get it" and related avoidance. something like that anyway.

that direct seeing is seeing that there is nowhere other than the present moment as it is-- no idea or belief or vision or understanding can eclipse the simplicity of what's here. there is no where else to get to.

You got it beautifully. So what is hindering the acceptance of this ?

yes, what? in this moment there is a soft sense of it. so easy to get caught up in standard view that something's wrong, something's needed, something lacks.

Embracing happens.

right. not my "job". not "my" job.

conditioning occurred that said you had to Earn it.

right. not my "job". not "my" job. just what's here is enough. anything else is exhausting.

as for the franglais, it is a bit hard to follow but these bits leap out:

"Life goes on the same way, absolutely nothing changes, there is always joy and sorrow, soft and hard, well-being and pain. The difference is that this is no longer lived in the same view. Things are received without grip without involvement. "
So seeing the gripping is really all there is to "do"... and that "doing" is just an arising, not a "doing" at all, just a noticing that happens when conditions allow/arise. so in other words, stop beating myself up for not noticing, and in any case, noticing "not noticing" is noticing...

"watch very carefully: Have you ever been away from your experience? ...What happens is that you certainly involve much more when it is "difficult", perhaps by the refusal, which you say afterwards that you were as absent from the present moment. "
i've gotten this before, but just now reading this it seems to have landed in a deeper way.

"Awakening is meditation without effort."
Love this.

[vinceschubert]

Go to a mirror, get close enough to see the structure of your eyes.
Don't focus on answers - just the questions.
Ask "Who is seeing what ?"
Ask "Is the image in the mirror seeing a face ?"
Ask "Is the physical face seeing an image, seeing a face ?"
Ask "Is there anything behind the image in the mirror that sees ?"
Ask "Is there anything behind the physical face reflected in the mirror, that sees ?"
Is seeing just happening ?
Is reflecting just happening ?
Are thoughts just happening ?
Is there an I anywhere in this ?

[ixturtle]

Once again avoidance arises... but i finally went to the mirror:

Ask "Who is seeing what ?"

Thought arises: me over here is seeing reflection.

Ask "Is the image in the mirror seeing a face ?"

Thought arises-- no, just a mirror.

Ask "Is the physical face seeing an image, seeing a face ?"

Eyes collecting data which brain translates into "reflection of face"

Ask "Is there anything behind the image in the mirror that sees ?"

no, Just a mirror.

Ask "Is there anything behind the physical face reflected in the mirror, that sees ?"

Well, the eyes see, don't they? As before, they take in light/data and this gets translated into an image which the brain "recognizes" based on conditioning as a "reflection of face" and in particular "reflection of ME". And then there is the awareness that this is taking place. And isn't this awareness SOMETHING that the mirror doesn't have? and isn't this awareness unique to this body/mind? (Aha-- new trouble spot: "MY" awareness...)

Is seeing just happening ?

without thoughts, yes, seeing is just happening.

Is reflecting just happening ?

that seems easier to accept somehow. like the sink and toilet several months ago.

Are thoughts just happening ?

yes, thoughts are happening all the time. they get generated by the brain.

Is there an I anywhere in this ?

the only "I" appears in thoughts. otherwise there is eyes sensing/perceiving and mind translating/responding based on conditioning. and there is awareness that this is happening.
so why am "I" so identified with this "I"? what is it that "I" am not seeing?!?!?!

(i know you didn't ask for answers, but the thoughts come regardless...)

[vinceschubert]

Once again avoidance arises...

Do you recognise what the avoidance is about ? (or only thoughts about possible reasons)

[ixturtle]

Before the first conscious "thought" is a sense that i'm not going to get it-- feels like a mostly unconscious and rather debilitating limiting belief at work. but that too must be included in what's "here"...

speaking of which, i've been appreciating the noticing that there is always presence, even when there is apparent lack of presence.

anyway, i did do it again-- stayed away from answers; mostly then there was just a sense of confusion/dumbness laced with occasional noticing that my face up close looks nothing like what i thought it did (there's a stark bones/fleshness of it and also a lovely vulnerability...).

but returning to the end of my previous post: "the only "I" appears in thoughts. otherwise there is eyes sensing/perceiving and mind translating/responding based on conditioning. and there is awareness that this is happening. so why am "I" so identified with this "I"? what is it that "I" am not seeing?!?!?!"

(or maybe i should just stick with the lovely vulnerability?)

[vinceschubert]

what is it that "I" am not seeing

Just check that there hasn't been a habit formed. That the idea of not seeing isn't now automatic.
Perhaps each morning (and now) there needs to be a fresh checking.
Maybe it's not "what you're not seeing" but what you are seeing. Rather than looking for 'something' to see, consider what you are seeing that presents an obstacle, not to remove it, but to welcome it as a help.

that too must be included in what's "here"...

Yes, yes. i'm impressed with your awareness (wisdom). Not meaning to provoke a retreat by saying this. You will make a great guide (when you are ready) and i hope you consider 'paying this forward' when the time comes.

speaking of which, i've been appreciating the noticing that there is always presence, even when there is apparent lack of presence.

...even here you are appreciating the noticing and are not swept away in the presence. Beautiful.

why am "I" so identified with this "I"?

Maybe what you call "identification" is just the automatic nature of navigating daily life. Hmm, how to put this?? Have a look at my last blog post on assumptions (remembering it was written for those much less versed in this stuff than you are).
Also remember that the nature of the automatic-ness will change more radically post gate.
http://vince-wisingup.blogspot.com.au/

maybe i should just stick with the lovely vulnerability

..or certainly appreciate it more frequently, especially if it is associated with the wonder-full-ness of Not knowing Anything.

much love & appreciation.

[ixturtle]

Just check that there hasn't been a habit formed. That the idea of not seeing isn't now automatic.

Hah! Most certainly there is a habit of not seeing. So then see what i'm seeing that is an obstacle to seeing... first and foremost, the idea of not seeing. Good good.

to bed now. thinking of princess bride's dread pirate roberts: "goodnight wesley, i'll most likely kill you in the morning." but he doesn't, and then one day the dread pirate roberts reveals the ruse and wesley becomes the dread pirate roberts. no idea why this thought appears... maybe just the idea of living each day with one view of things and then one day the ruse is revealed and everything changes view. so goodnight ix, i'll most likely kill you in the morning...

[vinceschubert]

Ha, very good. Well seen.

[ixturtle]

seeing "not seeing" at times, and can see how seeing this broadens the view.
present to non presence is the same.

there is a sense of haze or fuzz or dullness though-- like the mind's not sure what to make of things if it isn't supposed to know (or rather if the mind's knowings are seen as just blathering). there is an expectation if i were on the right path, this fuzz would not be fuzz but clarity and brightness. in my experience though, clarity and brightness usually has a strong narrator. so maybe fuzz is OK? regardless, it's what's here.

today every time i went into the kitchen there was an apple core on the counter. each time i put apple core in compost. mind makes a lot of noise about how if i put apple cores in compost, more apples cores will be left there. mind wants a strategy to keep this from happening. minds wants a skillful way of communicating "i'm not here to clean up apple cores." then i think about you saying yes to what's here, saying yes to what the moment calls for-- which as best as i can tell is to put apple core in compost. it's the mind that sees 1 apple core equaling 1,000. feels like it will one day drown in apple cores if it doesn't put a stop to it now...

[vinceschubert]

if i were on the right path

There is no path, or rather any step in any direction is the path.

there is a sense of haze or fuzz or dullness

Everything is in a constant state of flux. Fuzz will flow and clarity wane on one part of the cycle and Clarity will flow and fuzz wane on another. Clarity only exists because of fuzz (and vice versa)

there is an expectation

Expectations are just more stories. Noticing them is good, believing them is folly.

mind makes a lot of noise about how if i put apple cores in compost, more apples cores will be left there

Apple cores are so trivial, it is obvious that there is a principle (story) that really elicits the emotion. Perhaps try putting compost bin where apple cores appear.
i wonder if apple cores are your portal ?