1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
There is no "self". There has never been a "self". The "self" cannot be found because it is not real. You can LOOK and SEARCH all you want, but you will not find a "self".
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
The other day I was in a park, and noticed a dog being walked. A 1-2 year old, saw this dog, and said 'dog','dog','dog', and started walking over to pet the dog. The nice person walking the dog said 'I'm sorry, the dog isn't very friendly.'. The mother of the child quickly grabbed the shoulders of the child and said 'You can't pet the dog.'. Immediately, the child started crying, stamping his feet, painful facial expressions on his face, intense sadness, intense unhappiness, all showed up...
This is one example of where the 'sense of self' gets shaped... The mind did not get what it wanted... The mind wanted to control and went against the flow of life. Powerful construction occurred in the child, because the mind was trying to get what it wanted... One aspect of the 'sense of self' is a natural defensive mechanism/process.
But take this experience and multiply it by tens of thousands. Add these experiences plus our nature (genetics), location where we were born, parents, conditioning, and random chance encounters, and ultimately what comes out is a unique illusionary character (like 'Batman' and 'Santa').
However, when you LOOK and SEE what is actually occurring, underneath all of this, it is just sensory events occurring in real experience. The "sense of self" can be broken up into distinct "sense of self" sensory event combinations.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
For me there were not big fireworks, from the realization. It was lighter.
I describe it as 'sigh of relief' feeling.
Lightness, bounciness, happiness, laughter, smiling, and peace. I just want to smile!
Gratitude for others show up. Appreciation for being alive, shows up.
The difference is now I can SEE when the 'sense of self' shows up. Once you recognize this, it is easier to not be reactive to "sense of self" sensory events.
For me, SEEING is recognizing various 'sense of self' patterns:
Mental DE Field - The 'sense of self' is easy to spot in mental chatter, because you literally hear 'I', 'Me'.
Feeling Sensory Field - In feeling sensory fields, 'sense of self' shows up as various heart and throat constrictions (tightness, heat, shrinking, constriction), when things are not going our way, or we are trying to control. Once you SEE this, it becomes very apparent. You can just ignore it, like annoying thoughts that keep coming up.
Visual Sensory Field - In terms of the visual sense field, you have the sense of being a watcher (or someone) viewing. To even understand the watcher/viewer concept, you have to involve the mind. So, drop the mind, and you will just see things showing up in the visual field.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The following things helped me see it:
#1 - Big Bang Expectations - There is so much confusion out there about spirituality. A lot of harmful content, because it can create unrealistic expectations. For me, there was not a big bang of realization. It was a natural, slow, steady process, that overtime stabilized into a realization of "no self".
#2 - 'Sense of Self' - Body Lie Detector as a tool.
This is one big thing I learned from Liberation Unleashed. I learned how to see the 'Sense of Self', from a DE feeling sensation standpoint. Essentially understanding the constriction feelings (tightness, heat, constriction) that can show up in the throat and heart, can be a tool in understanding when the 'sense of self' shows up. If you see this, then you can just let it go, when it shows up. This constriction feeling can be mild to severe, but your body can be used to SEE when the 'sense of self' shows up.
#3 - Realization that the 'sense of self' comes up and goes and is never there all the time. It is impermanent. It is just a sensory event. This means the "self" is not real, because its not there all the time.
#4 - Realization that 'caring what other people think' is just the 'sense of self' showing up. It’s a recognizable/repeatable feeling pattern of sensory events, that can now be easily spotted. If something is impermanent, and comes and goes, you SEE it and can let it go.
5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Decisions just happen automatically. You don't choose which arm to raise, or what food to order, when to breath, when your heart beats, it just happens. Mental thoughts (occur afterwards) and take credit for decisions that were made.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Intention just happens automatically. In direct experience, intention shows up as a blend of sensory events (small constriction, focus feeling, mental chatter). It is then labelled (afterwards) by the mind as 'intention'.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Free will is an illusion. Free will implies control. Free will is a concept of the mind. In direct experience, things just happen automatically. You are just sensing, feeling, hearing, tasting, smelling, and having random thoughts come up. Thoughts come and go and take credit for what is occurring, and take credit for free will.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Choices are made automatically. In direct experience, movement just occurs, things just show up. Mental thoughts (afterward) take credit for making the choice.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
Control is the mind fighting the flow of life. The more you try to control, the greater the constriction feeling can be. For me, in direct experience, control shows up as blend of constriction-based sensory events (constriction, tightness, shrinking, heat, blob sensation, mental chatter). As you SEE it, it becomes recognizable.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
It doesn't matter. Things just happen automatically. If we try to answer this question, we are involving the mind (thought contents).
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
It doesn't matter. To even understand this question, you have to involve the mind. When looking in direct experience, this does not show up.
6) Anything to add?
Listen to your body constrictions. For me, that was the key in SEEING.
Be careful what spiritual content you consume. Listen to your heart and body.
Be careful of your expectations. If you are expecting big fireworks, that may prevent you from seeing this.
Even after seeing this, you will still have painful sensations and emotions. For me, my relationship with them changed. Now there is more distance.
Even after all your LOOKING and SEEING, if you still think there is a "self", or if you feel that you are missing something, it is just the mind getting involved. What you are feeling is just 'sense of self', a combination of sensory events. These "sense of self" sensory events come and go, and this means that "self" is not a real entity.
Even after you realize this, the "sense of self" will still show up at times, but now you can SEE it.
Anything you need me to clarify? This is a summary of how I SEE it. Nothing to defend, so I'm happy to answer any more questions.
Thank you, Stacy! For being there and challenging me to SEE this.
