Introduction

[graceabounds]

Experience is complete and lacks nothing without the image of myself. My thoughts and other mental activity continue but the mental picture of myself has yet to return. I was able to work, meditate, go to the gym etc. without it.

Excellent, this is how it has always been.
Now in the absence of this image, or thought-picture, is there still a sense that there is a ‘you’ who decides to to to work, meditate or go to the gym, or do these things just happen?

————-

Here is an exercise which points out the difference between direct experience and content of thought.

There are two types of thoughts:
(1) Thoughts with words “Here is cup”
(2) Visual mental images of a ‘cup’

So I invite you to do this exercise:
Think of a cup. Get a very clear picture in your mind. See clearly the size, shape, color and volume of the cup. Notice whether it is decorated or plain. Notice whether it has a handle. Notice whether it is heavy or fragile. Do you have a clear picture in mind?
Now, can you physically grasp that image of a cup?
Can you pour tea into it?
Can you drink from it?
Is there a ‘real’ cup or just an image of a cup?
Is there an appearing mental image?
Is the content of the mental image (the cup) ‘real’?

The thoughts and mental images are real only as arising thoughts and mental images, their ‘presence’ cannot be denied. However their contents, what are they about are not ‘real’, they are just fantasies. Can you see this?

Over the course of the next day or so, I'd like you to notice the content of thoughts. Whenever there is an arising thought or mental image, check whether its content (what it’s about) is really happening, or the content is just pure imagination. Let me know how it goes.

I found the sensations were pressure and location (ex: top of head). I noticed there was a story about "my head" and "my hand" touching it. It feels like there is skin, bone, blood vessels, brain between the pressure points and I feeling that they are all part of my head.

Without the story, right now, what is there? Pressure. Location. That’s it.

Does any of that pressure say “head”? Does sensation itself say “mine”?
Is skin/blood/bone actually found or simply pressure plus thought?

[Haider2233]

I kept track of my thoughts and I was surprised to notice that the vast majority of my thoughts were fantasies (recurring topics were the past, future, and mental arguments Id have with myself). I'd say 20% or less of my mental activity was about the current situation. I don't know if that's a good or bad score. The image of myself behind the forehead has yet to return but I still deal with difficult emotions. Life still unfolds.

As far as the head touching experience, I understand the raw sensations are just pressure and location but it still feels like my head. I can't shake the illusion of ownership but intellectually, what you're saying makes perfect sense to me.

[graceabounds]

Hi!

Apologies for the delay, somehow was unsubscribed from your thread. Just pulled it up to send a message checking in and saw your reply! Resubscribed, so should be ok now but if in future you don’t hear from me for a couple of days feel free to send me an email: becca@supportedawakening.com

So, excellent noticing that the majority of thought is NOT about what is current. Most is fantasy, habitual story-making, 95% repetitive, looping, predictive noise. Nothing wrong with your “score.” There is no score. The noticing itself is the point. :)

And yes, life still unfolds. And will continue to roll along. No driver necessary as it turns out.

I can't shake the illusion of ownership but intellectually, what you're saying makes perfect sense to me.

Let’s zoom out a bit and explore the body as a whole.

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?
Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question.
Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

In gratitude,
Becca

[Haider2233]

Hi Becca, I've found myself strongly identifying with my body. By body, I mean my 4 extremities, skin, bones, and organs. It has the shape of an adult male and occupies space but I cannot determine height or weight based on pure sensations. Skin is the boundary between me and the outside world. The skin and everything inside of it is my body while everything external to the skin is the outside world. I can't describe the experience of body and I'm not sure it has one but I know this body belongs to me and I should take care of it.

[graceabounds]

The skin and everything inside of it is my body while everything external to the skin is the outside world

Let’s slow this down and look carefully. Is that actual experience, or a story about experience?

Close your eyes right now. Drop every thought about “skin,” “inside,” “outside.” Just stay with raw sensation.
Can you find a boundary? Is there an actual line where “me” ends and “world” begins or is it just thought saying “skin”?
Do sensations themselves report “male,” “adult,” “arms,” “organs”? Or is that information added by memory, by thought, by image?
Right now—without a single word—what is the actual experience of body? Stay with this...

Strip away the words. Without thought labeling, what is really here?

[graceabounds]

Checking in…

What is present?