please guide me to put an end to my search, I feel desperate atm

[Gustav]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
To be pointed to the timeless self experiantionally and not only intellectually.

What are you looking for at LU?
To have a guide with me until I’m completely through “the gate”. I’m so tired of “trying” to find it on my own, I know it is true because I’ve seen it twice, but it’s more like a memory in the past. Today I feel that I’m operating from the personal self and seeker mostly. It’s not clear and right now I don’t want anything else but this, and I will not stop until I get it once and for all. Please help

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
To have an honest look and help maybe on how to deal with this in life. I want to see it for myself and not reference to past experiences. I expect to meet someone who have the genuine passion to help me “pass the gate”

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I’ve done meditation retreats, other kind of retreats. Done different kind of spiritual practices, now mostly meditating alone and in everyday life. Some inquiry aswell but it feels often mental for me.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 11

[graceabounds]

Hello,

I resonate with what you wrote and would be happy to be present with you in this inquiry.

To begin, could you orient me to the two glimpses you have had? What was experienced?

In gratitude,
Becca

[Gustav]

Hello Becca,

Thank you!
A glimse I mentioned was when watching satsang with mooji and I just “got it” all of a sudden, and I haven’t seen it so clearly again after that except while taking a bit of hash.
And the first time was a psycadelic experience when the person I thought myself to be was gone, I just laughed for the paradox of it all.

And now I know that there is no need to search really, but still some part of me is still searching and I want to go through the gate for good, even though I know there are the words of my “fake self”.

[graceabounds]

Great, thanks for sharing this Gustav.

You already see there’s no need to search. Yet something, some momentum, continues seeking.

Who wants to cross? Who wants to be done? Can that “one” be found outside of thought?

What’s the bodily feeling of “I want to go through the gate for good”? Where do you feel it? What is it? Tension? Vibration?

And what is here, right now, when you stop describing, evaluating, or grasping for anything? is there a “self” present right now, in this moment?

Don’t answer from memory or what “you know.”
But looking directly, is there any entity to be found, any watcher, any observer, any knower?

[Gustav]

Thank you,

I’ve tried inquiry and do it everyday as much as I remember, however it feels mental sometimes.
Could you guide me and go through an inquiry via video?

Gustav

[graceabounds]

I don’t guide by video.

If you would preferto be guided that way post in this thread and a different guide will respond:

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