Through the gateless gate

[vandyand]

"Weird " is content of thought, a label, made up. not true, not "real."

Yeah, that's true but then what label is better? It feels like fingers on keyboard etc. It feels mostly the same as when "no self" is overlooked and obscured by illusion. It feels like little contractions bouncing around in this head thinking of words to write. It feels like the same contraction in the upper back/neck area. Though also, it feels "lighter" in the gut area like there's less gravity there. But also it feels "heavy" in the chest area like there's more gravity there. Also it feels like a very very slight tingling feeling all around the whole body. But also there is a nauseous feeling in the gut. And the tingling feeling is especially pronounced in the head sometimes. Yet no "self" is felt anywhere.

Thanks,
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Excellent. You're very aware of your Sensations.

no "self" is felt anywhere.

Well, how about that? ;)

When you finally see and experience no self it is likely to be an expansive feeling.

Loving,

[vandyand]

Hi Stacy

When you finally see and experience no self it is likely to be an expansive feeling

This is becoming more clearly seen, though slowly. There seems to be an area in this head, behind the right ear, which, when relaxed, makes it easier to experience no self (which is curious). It feels refreshing to relax this area. And when relaxed, the seeing is much clearer than when, say, there is a conversation going on with someone - then this area tenses up.

Thanks,
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Good.

Normally, you want to check your gut for Sensation. No idea about any head feelings.

Have you experienced a shift in perception?

Watch for that.

Loving,

[vandyand]

Have you experienced a shift in perception?

Not that I'm aware of (so no?) but will keep watching/listening/feeling - especially the gut.

[Anastacia42]

You'll know. Have you read Gateless Gatecrashers for examples?

Loving

[vandyand]

Yes I've read Gateless Gatecrashers. It seems the "awakening" happens differently for everyone so there's mostly just waiting and looking here. Perhaps I'll revisit the pointers from the dropbox sessions you shared earlier.

Perhaps it's worth sharing that sometimes in the morning when waking up there are sometimes intense very pleasant and blissful feelings through the whole body. Like "good energy" or something is coming out of my bones/gut. In direct experience it feels like tingling sensations of varying intensity through the whole body and it feels good. Also throughout the day when focus is placed on the gut sometimes it can happen during the day as well. These sensations are very welcome.

Thanks,
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

I think you're just stuck in doubt. You see that there's no "self." That feels like truth, open, expansive, then you fall into doubts again.

Yes, the DropBox pointers would be good.

Much love,

[vandyand]

I think you're just stuck in doubt. You see that there's no "self." That feels like truth, open, expansive, then you fall into doubts again.

Yes this seems to be the case. You've hit the nail on the head as they say. I remember Pernille Damore saying "Doubt cannot be solved, only dissolved" in the video you shared. It seems my default mode is in doubt but when looking intentionally the truth of no-self is seen. But then doubt still feels "sticky" as it were and somehow I find myself operating in it (from it?) time and again. But then there has been more direct looking/feeling/sensing recently so there is slowly less doubt but still it seems the default state. I will keep looking and waiting and especially be mindful of doubts when they arise and give them space to dissolve. It seems my default reaction still is to resist some doubts whereby sustaining them.

Thanks again for your guidance Stacy :)
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome.

there are sometimes intense very pleasant and blissful feelings through the whole body. Like "good energy" or something is coming out of my bones/gut. In direct experience it feels like tingling sensations of varying intensity through the whole body and it feels good. Also throughout the day when focus is placed on the gut sometimes it can happen during the day as well. These sensations are very welcome.

And what have you learned that expansive feelings mean?

Why keep believing lies? "Sitcky" is just a thought. It's not real.

Loving

[vandyand]

And what have you learned that expansive feelings mean?

When awakening "happens" it usually feels expansive.

Why keep believing lies?

At times it seems difficult to discern the difference between lies and truth. Thoughts are lies and words are lies and direct experience is truth which is fine but there are some bodily sensation where thoughts and sensation still feel intertwined. When looked at these sensations seem to deepen and usually they are quite negative (label) and can become very intense and culminate in intense anger, so then they're avoided. This seems to be the case with depression and melancholy (labels). The sensation is like a large dark contraction in my whole upper right back and neck and when looked at nothing seems to happen. I suppose there is innate resistance to these sensations based on the fact I label them as negative. Anyways, then the brain becomes very restless and bored and angry and starts trying to "solve" the "problem" and becomes difficult to reign in. And then I feel bad for other people around me (like my family) because I often feel exhausted.

Writing here is helpful.

Thanks for bearing with me.
Andrew

[Anastacia42]

Hi Andrew,

Have you found any of the thoughts behind your doubt?

Are there expectations that all your problems will be solved or something else?


Have I suggested The Work of Byron Katie? Take a look at www.thework.com

Loving,

[vandyand]

Have you found any of the thoughts behind your doubt?

I'm not sure. Maybe just a thought that I'm a failure in general.

Are there expectations that all your problems will be solved or something else?

I suppose there are some hopes or expectations underneath that life will somehow improve by "waking up". This "path" seems to be the natural direction that a search for truth leads in. Also, from accounts such as those in the Gateless Gatecrashers book, there is a general sense of increased well being by going through the "awakening" process as it were. Though I suppose if there is much depression here before "awakening" it will probably be here after as well. And it seems there are various definitions of what "awakening" even is. It seems in the context of Liberation Unleashed it would be traversing the gateless gate. Or a persistent recognition of "no self". Or something? It feels as if I'm just rambling on at this point.

Thanks,
Andrew

[vandyand]

Also, I should say there is a growing sense that depression is ok. Like, if the sadness is just felt and not resisted ironically it is much more bearable. This helps with anxiety too.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Andrew,

You're making perfect sense.

You can't be a "failure ' because you cannot cause awakening.

The *idea* of "self" is a lie feeling of contraction plus the lie thought of a "self." That's it.

"Enlightenment is an accident. Meditation makes us accident prone."

Sunryu Suzuki

We cannot predict it and we cannot make it happen. We can only practice the conditions in which it is more likely.

This frustrates the mind because it wants everything to be linear and logical and step-by-step, but this is not. It is non linear and unpredictable.

Above all, do not *believe* anything. Just LOOK. Do ButtChair or any of the DropBox pointers that you like.

RELAX and be patient.

Much love,