i have read and reread your post waiting for some 'direction' to emerge.
What turned up is that i am happy to keep pushing you into a 'deeper' experience of this stuff.
If at any time you realize that you want to stop, just let me know and i will give you those questions again.
In the meantime, let's deepen...
Read this slowly. Don’t just read it—stop in it.Me looking at the screen. A thought that there's no me, just looking. Thoughts about what to write, what would be right. It's seen.
Typing, sounds, another thought asking what would be the right thing to tell you, noticing it.
Noticing that the thoughts come as they please, a thought about it having nothing to do with me. Waiting, observing what's happening now. Seeing the observer.
Thought's about how, when I was doing the exercise you'd given me, it was seen that the thought "Oh, now I'm back, I was lost in thoughts" is just another thought and nothing was missing earlier. Nothing was wrong or could go wrong.
Another thought that you may appreciate it, but right after it "Who wants to be appreciated? It doesn't matter." A sensation labeled as "shame" comes up; it's seen, and naming it here brings a sensation labeled as "relief."
Thinking what to say next..."Am I missing something important? I want Vince to get the full picture. Am I being honest with myself?". It's all seen, and the tension in the body is softening.
Typing, sensations, "screen," but it's a label, and it's seen. "But it doesn't come naturally; you have to remind yourself it's all labels!" Seen.
"It's tiring being so present and watchful." Seen that it's the mind struggling.
Sounds, hands moving, colors of the "screen," sensations on "my skin." It's seen that it's a thought it's my skin; without that thought I have no idea; it's just sensations.
"I" am doing my best to look as deep as possible.
Everything you just wrote is it.
Not a report about “it”—but the direct movement of seeing itself.
You saw:
“Thoughts come as they please.”
“It has nothing to do with me.”
“Nothing was missing earlier.”
“Who wants to be appreciated?”
“Sensation labeled as shame… then relief.”
“It’s tiring being so present.”
“It’s seen that it’s a thought it’s my skin.”
That’s the dismantling, happening live.
The illusion doesn’t vanish with a blast of light.
It dissolves in exactly this way—
thought by thought, sensation by sensation, story by story—
each one seen and left unclaimed.
Now pause here again.
You said:
“Me looking at the screen.” Then: “There’s no me, just looking.”
“It doesn’t come naturally; I have to remind myself.”
“It’s tiring being so present.”
That exhaustion reveals something very valuable.
That is that you are trying to adhere to an ideal. A rule.
That there is no self isn't a rule. It isn't an ideal. It's a fact.
when you are behaving 'as if' there's no self you have to remember the script. That's tiring.
When it's actually 'seen', then a reminder thought will get a reaction of "Oh, of course" and a softening of the body.
So when those "reminder" thoughts happen, don't move to adopt an attitude, but remember to notice what is already there. That is a belief that you are doing something wrong. (not remembering)
Laugh at the recognition of what you discover.
You’re watching the self-model try to resurrect itself using spiritual effort.
Let’s make it explicit:
Who says it’s tiring?
Who says this should come naturally?
Who says there’s a way to do this right?
Who says I have to remember anything at all?
No one. Just thought. Floating.
No center. No seer. No self.
Just appearances, passing through space.
You said:
“I want Vince to get the full picture.”
“Am I being honest?”
That’s not a problem.
That’s not ego.
That’s thought doing what thought does—trying to complete itself, to make meaning, to land somewhere safe.
But you already saw the truth:
“It’s all seen.”
“Tension softening.”
Nothing is being done. It’s just happening.
And the illusion that there’s someone here doing the seeing?
Seen too.
Now read this next line carefully:
“‘I’ am doing my best to look as deep as possible.”
Yes. And look:
That thought, too—just another wave.
Just another twitch in the space that doesn’t belong to anyone.
No “you” are looking deeply.
Looking is just happening.
Depth is already here.
You’ve never been the one doing it.
So don’t try to stay clear.
Don’t try to make it lasting or perfect or articulate.
Let the next wave come. Let it collapse. Let it burn through.
And keep reporting only what’s real—only what’s now.
No striving.
No spiritual identity.
No one to awaken.
Just this.
Already whole.
Already seen.
Already free.
So tell me now,
in this exact moment, stripped of all effort, what’s left?
What’s here—before the next thought forms?
i would love to see you at the Zoom meetings, but a close second best is that you watch the recordings.
A lot of what is investigated is relevant to your situation.
Here's the link to those recordings. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=P ... tCHDUBmEwX or better yet, subscribe to Substack and you will get even more. https://vinceschubert.substack.com
much love
vince
