Take 2 new guide needed please

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,
Yes this is not like a sport whereby the harder you train the better you get until you win an Olympic Gold Medal.
The illusion is seen through when it is seen through. You just have to keep looking and enquiring, where is this me, this I and if it can't be found what is still believing in it?

Oh my! There are just sensations, some good, some not so good - but without the head jumping in with labels and stories, it's just a sensation.

Yes and neither are they good or bad, they are just sensations. Have a look at that as well, don't sensations arise and pass away the same as thoughts? Is the sense of "me" is exactly that, sensations arising and passing away.

I think I didn't understand the difference between awareness and attention, they were one and the same. It feels like attention moves around as focus, but awareness is always in the background, always everywhere, not moving around like an entity. Perhaps you can differentiate better for me?

Is Awareness without thought?

Is Attention without thought?

How are Decisions Made?
Put two drinks you like in front of you on the table, you can also use two different foods you like.
Then sit back and think about the pros and cons of one, then of the other. Now pick up one of them and have a sip or a bite. How was the choice made which drink/food to take?
1.Is there anyone, or anything, that made the choice
2.How the choice was made?

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

if it can't be found what is still believing in it?

You asked me some time ago if there is fear holding me back and I said no but each time I get to a void of sorts, something pulls me back. Is that the "what is" that is still believing in an I, do you think?

Awareness without thought? Is Attention without thought?

Both are without thought - then the Mind kicks back in again.

How are decisions made?

1.Is there anyone, or anything, that made the choice 2.How the choice was made?

I see that there is no decision maker, a choice is not actually made, life is just happening.

Which leads me to a question that has been bothering me since I accepted that life is just playing out, just happening.

I no longer assert my opinions to help my husband make decisions, specifically financial decisions. If he wants to buy an expensive caravan for example, I see that life is going to happen either way, with or without my input. I have taken a back step in participating in life's decision making. Is this an appropriate way to live ???

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy

You asked me some time ago if there is fear holding me back and I said no but each time I get to a void of sorts, something pulls me back. Is that the "what is" that is still believing in an I, do you think?

Is this void a peacefulness, stillness, can you sit in this void?

The more you visit this void, the more it becomes available.
This something that pulls you back is just a thought, when you are in this void notice the thought that resists you staying there.

Awareness without thought? Is Attention without thought?

Both are without thought - then the Mind kicks back in again.

Awareness is not an entity or a thing, its just being aware, are you aware of the thoughts are you aware when there is no thoughts?

Attention is just a focused awareness, you are aware of a void, you are aware of thought resisting that void, equally as you are aware of a bird singing in amongst an infinite amount of sounds, or your aware of a particular colour in infinite colours that you see every moment. This is focused awareness or attention. your attention goes to that colour or that sound.

Which leads me to a question that has been bothering me since I accepted that life is just playing out, just happening.

Is the bothering coming from the memory of something that has already happened?

Isn't this memory thought?
Can anything be changed about what has already happened?

I have taken a back step in participating in life's decision making

Did you make a decision to take a back step?

Is this an appropriate way to live ???

does living still happen appropriately?

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

If we can't control anything in life, why do we try to awaken (or whatever it is we are doing here)? Won't life wake up to the no self realisation whenever that happening is going to happen, with or without my efforts? Since there is nothing else that can be controlled in life, I don't see how this can be either.

Is this void a peacefulness, stillness, can you sit in this void?

Oh, what I was talking about seems not to be the void then. It was a feeling of being pulled from about the chest area towards a black hole of nothing. When it happened, I resisted and pulled back.

Awareness is not an entity or a thing, its just being aware, are you aware of the thoughts, are you aware when there is no thoughts?

This reminds me of TM - we aren't aware of no thoughts, we suddenly become aware again (with a thought) that there had been a period of no thought, no nothing.

Is the bothering coming from the memory of something that has already happened?

It's coming from a question of what is this self realisation stuff and how does life really work, since it doesn't work as it appears to.

Isn't this memory thought?

The question is a thought, yes. The mind is trying to solve the puzzle, haha. I know this realisation won't come from Mind, it has to be experienced through DE but even my practice of DE seems to be filtered through the Mind.

Can anything be changed about what has already happened?

No - just like anything that is going to happen in the apparent future cannot be changed either.

Did you make a decision to take a back step?

There is no me, no decision maker yet it appears that this "work" is influencing the life of Stacy.

does living still happen appropriately?

It's all just happening, I understand that intellectually but it's all a bit confusing cos I can't see past the Me in all this. I don't see life as just happening, I see it as happening to Stacy and I don't see how it can actually be any other way.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,

If we can't control anything in life, why do we try to awaken (or whatever it is we are doing here)? Won't life wake up to the no self realization whenever that happening is going to happen, with or without my efforts? Since there is nothing else that can be controlled in life, I don't see how this can be either.

These questions keep reappearing in this dialogue, I will be straight these questions are philosophical and have nothing to do with realizing that there is no self. They are all thought based and won't make seeing through the illusion of self any closer.

If there is an impulse to inquire into the illusion, then you will inquire.

does living still happen appropriately?

It's all just happening, I understand that intellectually but it's all a bit confusing cos I can't see past the Me in all this. I don't see life as just happening, I see it as happening to Stacy and I don't see how it can actually be any other way.

Let go of whether it is happening to Stacy or not, STOP for a few seconds and LOOK, is life happening, with or without Stacy, right now, look it is as close as you reading this post right now, LOOK. IS LIFE HAPPENING?

Did you make a decision to take a back step?

There is no me, no decision maker yet it appears that this "work" is influencing the life of Stacy.

not relevant, these are thought derived answers, for there to be any inquiry you need to Look into DE, what is actually happening, not what you think about.
Did you make a decision to take a back step?

and if you did pin point when that decision was made exactly?

Now pinpoint the EXACT moment you made the decision to do the very next thing you do?(Stacy or No Stacy)

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,
Just checking in to see if you are ok
Cheers
Paul

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for checking in. Every day I mean to reply and every day I haven't been getting to it. Not so fun life stuff has been playing out but all good thank you.

Let go of whether it is happening to Stacy or not, STOP for a few seconds and LOOK, is life happening, with or without Stacy, right now, look it is as close as you reading this post right now, LOOK. IS LIFE HAPPENING?

I see life happening all around - "Stacy" is included in all the happening. You said in the past that if I look at Stacy as if from outside of this body, that is just a thought - but it feels like Stacy is just one other thing in the whole view.

Did you make a decision to take a back step? and if you did pin point when that decision was made exactly? Now pinpoint the EXACT moment you made the decision to do the very next thing you do?(Stacy or No Stacy)

When you ask questions like this, I see that there was no actual decision, just life doing its thing.

Does spending time in DE take us into the body and out of the head? Is that the purpose of DE? I know thoughts are part of DE and we can never stop them arising, I am referring to just the 5 senses here.

Thanks Paul.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,
Apologies for the delayed reply.
I have slowed down my guiding and you are my last and only client for the near future. I will follow this out to the end with you, whether that be when you see through the illusion of self or your tired of me and want a new guide which you are always welcome to do. Either way I am here, there may be times where my replies take some time, during these periods there are many exercises that we have gone through that you can go back and repeat. These exercises are designed for you to inquire into the truth about the illusion, you can take breaks and use them as opportunities to further inquire, if that is your impulse.

Does spending time in DE take us into the body and out of the head? Is that the purpose of DE? I know thoughts are part of DE and we can never stop them arising, I am referring to just the 5 senses here.

Thoughts happen, yes but we use the 5 senses as the means to directly experience what is happening, thought cant experience anything.

So we go to the senses to directly experience.
Thought can't see, hear , smell, feel or taste can it?

This is why we cannot turn to thought as a belief of what the experience is.

The senses may keep us out of our heads for a period, but you always seem to end up back there. So seeing through the illusion of thought and the stories that are created through images and audio(self dialogue), we don't need to stay out of our heads because we see thought for what it is, an illusion. this is why we use the 5 senses to experience what is actually happening.
I would like you to do this exercise and be careful not to run to a thought derived answer, I would like you to take time with each question and explore with them, dive deeply into the inquiry and really look over and over into the exercise, please.

Explore the Emotions
Each emotion consists of body sensations and a label attached to it.
Feeling the body sensations of the emotion that's present, explore the sensations.
You can also do this when you experience physical pain.
1.
Where exactly are the sensations in the body that are called “happiness”, “irritation”, or “pain”?
2.
What kind of sensations are present? Describe the quality of the sensations, for example, tingling, pressure, warmth, constriction.
3.
How far do they extend?
4.
Let yourself sink into the sensations as you would into a warm bath. Being immersed in them, are they pleasant? Unpleasant? Neither?
5.
Do the sensations know anything about their descriptive label, for example, “sadness”, “excitement”, or “tension”?
6.
What happens when you finish the experiment and the labels are added again?
7.
Who owns the sensations and emotions, to whom do they belong? Where is the ‘me’ that is happy or irritated and knows about it? Really look.

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for the message. I don't mind if you want to move on after this post. I am sure you have given me more than enough pointers by now - I just need to see them and who knows how long that might still take.

Exploring the Emotions - we did this before but I returned thought-based answers. I have tried again.

1. Where exactly are the sensations in the body that are called “happiness”, “irritation”, or “pain”?

These sensations are felt around the chest area.

2.What kind of sensations are present? Describe the quality of the sensations, for example, tingling, pressure, warmth, constriction.

Irritation feels dense, constricted. Happiness feels light and airy.

3.How far do they extend?

They extend in a small space around my chest - happiness feels expanded, irritation feels closer to the chest, almost turning in on itself.

4.Let yourself sink into the sensations as you would into a warm bath. Being immersed in them, are they pleasant? Unpleasant? Neither?

If I don't listen to what thought is saying, the sensations are neither pleasant nor unpleasant and they dissipate after a short time.

5. Do the sensations know anything about their descriptive label, for example, “sadness”, “excitement”, or “tension”?

No

6. What happens when you finish the experiment and the labels are added again?

The labels are just empty, meaningless words.

7.Who owns the sensations and emotions, to whom do they belong? Where is the ‘me’ that is happy or irritated and knows about it? Really look.

There is no me - sensations and emotions are like thoughts that just arise and fall away again. I do know from watching Ilona's videos that it helps to have a dialogue with emotions - honour them, ask them what they need, sit with them.

Thanks for your time, Paul.

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

Just checking, are you going to pop in again at some stage? If not, what do you recommend I do from here on?

Thanks,

Stacy

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,
Apologies, I have been starting a new business and it has consumed a lot of my attention.
I haven't gone, its just that when ever I remembered to write to you I would be driving or some where I cant action it, then I would forget.

Not to worry, we are here now, since it has been a while it would be nice to hear how you have been.
And we can pick up from there if you like>
:)
Paul

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for the quick reply. All the best with your new business! That's exciting.

I have been very well thanks.

With respect to No Self, I do a daily practice where I sit listening, seeing, feeling sensations and trying not to label them, just experience them. I am aware thoughts come and go during this practice but I don't listen to them/buy into them. I feel like something is going to be revealed to me through this practice - like seeing through the veil of illusion - but so far nothing.

I have recently started beachfront yoga which has been a wonderful time of being more aware, and watching the ocean while we do the class. I feel like something may be revealed through that too but also nothing yet.

Intellectually I gather I am that which is aware but my experience seems to be "in front" of that. You have asked before what comes before a thought - that is what I suspect I am. I just can't seem to tap into it.

If you are still consumed with your new business, I will wait patiently to hear from you again. No rush.

It is good to be in touch again. I appreciate it :)

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy,

Good to hear you are enjoying beach yoga.

I am that which is aware but my experience seems to be "in front" of that.

Is there anything other then the immediate experience?

Look very closely, take a seat in a quite place, pick an object, take a few breaths through the nose nad observe the sensations on the tip of the nose, quiten the mind.

Now, put your attention on the object "a cup for example" and focus in on it. Is there anything other than the direct experience of the cup?

without thought or labelling. Stay with this for 10 or 15 minutes. notice, what is the experiencing.

[Stacyg888]

Hi Paul,

Is there anything other then the immediate experience?

It seems there is the immediate experience with an overlay of incessant mental chatter.

Is there anything other than the direct experience of the cup? Notice, what is the experiencing.

Same thing. I stared at the cup - I saw the colour and shape, it not moving, then mind started "this is boring, nothing's going to change, we don't need to look at a cup for 10 minutes". So the direct experiencing of the cup with an overlay of (unhelpful) mental chatter. There was also a noticing of birds twittering, a breeze, like senses were heightened in the stillness. As for what is the experiencing, that is awareness that I have referred to before. That is the only word I have for it.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Stacy

immediate experience with an overlay of incessant mental chatter.

Is the overlay of mental chatter in your immediate experience, are you not experiencing it?

Are you expecting mental chatter to disappear?

Why would it?

As for what is the experiencing, that is awareness that I have referred to before. That is the only word I have for it.

And as we have also done before, where is this awareness, is it hiding in your senses, does it bounce around from hearing the tweeting birds to seeing the cup, to internal dialogue saying this is boring, or perhaps this awareness is hiding in stillness?
Doesn’t all of this exist without thought giving it labels?
Isn’t all of this experiencing including thought?