Leaving the Matrix Behind

[MayaDawn]

Hello,

So, questioning the line of thinking here about waiting.

The whole concept of waiting seems ridiculous now.
Who is waiting and when? For what?

- There's no person - it's just sensation and a bunch of stories; like a chapter book. Fiction, all the same.

- time is also non-existent, so there's no time in the future to get anything from.

- I've heard so many say that "it's" right in front of our face. So, it's here. Now. It's literally all there is. THIS is it. This confusion, this frustration, all of it.

How to see through the illusion for good?

[graceabounds]

Hello,

Great. Now, can the volume on the radio be turned down?

I think so. Not sure how that would happen, though.

Imagine a big dial in the point in space that the thoughts seem to appear. Watch the volume turn all the way down. See what happens.

I found Pernile and the Awakening Curriculum a couple weeks before Liberation Unleashed, not knowing that they were related in any way, and have been thinking about getting a guide to go through the fetters. Not sure if that’s something you do, as well, or not.

Wonderful material. I am familiar with them but only guide what in that structure would be fetter 1.
This is only the beginning. Lisa, in her video, also refers to the territory only now being entered and lots is ahead. Knowing how to look allows other beliefs and fetters to be examined.

Her joy just radiates. In all honesty, I’m waiting for THAT; what she talks about.

What I am hearing in your recent messages is release of attachment (business succeeding or failing is fine), seeing through self (no person, it is a fiction, a collection of stories), reduction in quantity and stickiness of thoughts, release from the illusion of time… transformation is here D!

It looks different for each person, the personality you went in with doesn’t go through a complete overhaul, so in general someone joyful will be joyful, someone reserved will be reserved, someone funny still funny after the gate. People’s spouses still think they are the same, just maybe a bit more ‘relaxed.’ It is allll an inside job. :)

- I've heard so many say that "it's" right in front of our face. So, it's here. Now. It's literally all there is. THIS is it. This confusion, this frustration, all of it.

How to see through the illusion for good?

Your first statement is the answer to the question. :)
What specifically is not seen?
Go back through that video and identify it, then we can work on whatever is foggy.

Lisa even mentions it being *possible* to see through the illusion at all times, not that it is seen through 24/7.

it still feels like there’s a lot of selfing going on

Can you give me some examples of this? And what is happening in direct experience in the body with each example?

Much love.

[MayaDawn]

Hi B,

Thank you SO much for your patience and understanding. I don’t know if you feel/see it in the exchanges, but it’s definitely noticed here how I can be okay for a few days then seem to get swept up into believing thoughts again, and experience some turmoil that goes with that. It seems less than it used to be, but seems more noticeable - if that makes sense.

Re: The radio volume – I didn’t get to it today, but I will try it tonight and tomorrow.

Lisa, in her video, also refers to the territory only now being entered and lots is ahead. Knowing how to look allows other beliefs and fetters to be examined.

An expectation I had was that awakening would be a ‘one and done’ event. Not sure how that would really play out in practical experience, but it was a fairy tale that was so easily believed in.

Yes, learning how to look has been very helpful.

What I am hearing in your recent messages is release of attachment (business succeeding or failing is fine), seeing through self (no person, it is a fiction, a collection of stories), reduction in quantity and stickiness of thoughts, release from the illusion of time… transformation is here D!

:)
Here’s a thought - or maybe an unexamined expectation (?).... I wish I could live there; in that space of release, seeing through the self, etc - all the time. However, the being here is not the same being that started. No way! Mostly subtle changes, but changes no less. Thank you for pointing that out.

Yes, it IS an inside job. All the more reason for any fears to rest that think I’ll be unrecognizable because I’ll change so much.

I do see it; I see the change. It’s just not as much nor as fast as thought had hoped.

Your first statement is the answer to the question. :)
What specifically is not seen?
Go back through that video and identify it, then we can work on whatever is foggy.

What specifically is not seen, or maybe ‘believed’ is a better word, is that there is nobody here. It FEELS so real. I’ve looked and looked, and looked some more, and I can’t find a person. I understand that the voice belongs to the body (kind of) and it’s just thinking with a soundtrack, but it’s difficult to believe. Who’s typing this?? It feels like I am. Is there someone in the hands? I can’t find anyone. Is there someone in the brain directing every movement? I’ve looked and can’t find anyone. How can I separate the feeling of being a person from what’s actually happening?

I did the exercises from the Headless Way several years ago and have always found it quite helpful to point back at where the head is only to find empty space that’s full of this - this wide openness in which all experience is appearing. That’s helpful. Maybe I just need to get into that habit until it’s clear more regularly (?). IDK. Maybe spend more time with the mirror exercise, as well.

Lisa even mentions it being *possible* to see through the illusion at all times, not that it is seen through 24/7.

One thing that I’ve noticed since beginning guidance is that ‘everyone’ who has uncovered their true nature seems pretty ‘normal’. They still walk, have regular lives, relationships, and some problems/difficulties. It’s not all roses. BUT - apparently little or no suffering due to no attachments and letting everything just be as it is.

it still feels like there’s a lot of selfing going on

Can you give me some examples of this? And what is happening in direct experience in the body with each example?

It could be anything - but all the times I forget just being with what is and get caught up believing thought stories. “I shouldn’t have gotten angry,” and then berating myself as being bad, etc. Or judging others driving. Things like that.

There’s always tension in the body when selfing is happening.


Much love and gratitude

[graceabounds]

Hello,

Lots of depth here to explore. Great. :)
Take a couple days if needed with this.

What specifically is not seen, or maybe ‘believed’ is a better word, is that there is nobody here. It FEELS so real. I’ve looked and looked, and looked some more, and I can’t find a person. I understand that the voice belongs to the body (kind of) and it’s just thinking with a soundtrack, but it’s difficult to believe. Who’s typing this?? It feels like I am. Is there someone in the hands? I can’t find anyone. Is there someone in the brain directing every movement? I’ve looked and can’t find anyone. How can I separate the feeling of being a person from what’s actually happening?

That’s the crux. You’ve already looked, and you’ve already not found… so the illusion is no longer ignorance, but belief. A felt sense. And belief is just a looping thought that hasn’t been examined as thought.

So right now, don’t try to convince yourself. Drop the analysis. Drop the belief. Right now, look.

Hold up your hand. Feel it. See it.
Where’s the one who owns it?
Look. Not for an answer!…look for what’s actually there.

Notice the sensation of “me” in the chest, or behind the eyes. Then drop the label. Drop the story. What is that actually? (Not what thought says)

That sense of “I”—what if it’s just a persistent tension, a habit of attention, a felt contraction misread as “someone”?
Can a sensation be a self?
Can a thought be a person?

Hold on to that “who’s typing this?” moment.
Right now, fingers are moving, words are appearing.
Is there a controller? Or is it just happening?
You say it “feels” like you’re doing it. But isn’t that just another layer of sensation and thought interpreted as doer?

Strip off the label. What is left?
Right now. Is there any entity doing, choosing, directing anything? Or is there only this arising: thought, sensation, action, all spontaneous?

I wish I could live there; in that space of release, seeing through the self, etc - all the time

Who wants to “live there”? Track that desire.

Notice there is no self, but the seeking impulse tries to sneak in the back door saying “now stay like this forever.”

You’re not meant to live there, you’re meant to see there’s nowhere to live. No “you” to live. No final state. Just this. Always this.

There’s always tension in the body when selfing is happening

Perfect.
Next time that tension arises, don’t escape. Sink into it.
Where exactly is the contraction?
What shape, what texture, what pulse?

Not the idea of tension—feel it directly. Don’t name it. Let it speak without words. And ask:
What story is this sensation protecting?
What belief does this contraction serve?
If this wasn’t labeled as ‘me’… what would it be?

-B

[MayaDawn]

Hello B!

I sat with this a lot. I looked for the owner of experience many times and during many experiences.

You’ve already looked, and you’ve already not found… so the illusion is no longer ignorance, but belief. A felt sense. And belief is just a looping thought that hasn’t been examined as thought.

So right now, don’t try to convince yourself. Drop the analysis. Drop the belief. Right now, look.

Hold up your hand. Feel it. See it.
Where’s the one who owns it?
Look. Not for an answer!…look for what’s actually there.

This seemed to stump me at first. An owner? Who owns the hand? I had to break it down. Who owns seeing? I couldn’t find anyone. Who owns sensing? Again, no one. Who owns the body? The trillions of organisms and microorganisms? No. Mind? No. Aware emptiness? No. It IS everything. There’s no need of ownership. So, there is no owner of the hand or it’s seemingly purposeful movements. Maybe that was the tricky part – - it seemed intentional.

Notice the sensation of “me” in the chest, or behind the eyes. Then drop the label. Drop the story. What is that actually? (Not what thought says).

It’s actually just a sensation, sensing. “A persistent tension, a habit of attention, a felt contraction misread as “someone.””
No - a sensation cannot be a self.
A thought cannot be a person.

Hold on to that “who’s typing this?” moment.
Right now, fingers are moving, words are appearing.
Is there a controller? Or is it just happening?
You say it “feels” like you’re doing it. But isn’t that just another layer of sensation and thought interpreted as doer?

Yes.

Strip off the label. What is left?
Right now. Is there any entity doing, choosing, directing anything? Or is there only this arising: thought, sensation, action, all spontaneous?

I can’t find an entity - just thought, sensation, and action.

You’re not meant to live there, you’re meant to see there’s nowhere to live. No “you” to live. No final state.

No solid ground. Nothing to cling to.
QUOTE: Next time that tension arises, don’t escape. Sink into it.
Where exactly is the contraction?
What shape, what texture, what pulse?

Not the idea of tension—feel it directly. Don’t name it. Let it speak without words. And ask:
What story is this sensation protecting?
What belief does this contraction serve?
If this wasn’t labeled as ‘me’… what would it be?

The contraction is always felt in the chest. An amorphous shape, with a texture like the dust around Pig Pen from Charlie Brown - a roughly scribbled frenetic texture.

The story changes slightly every time it’s noticed, but it’s always about the ‘me’ or ‘I’. The sadder, angrier, or more fearful the story, the tighter the tension.
It definitely seems to be protecting the false-I and the belief that there’s someone here.
If it wasn’t labeled as ‘me’ it would just be sensation, just sensing. (That feels so much more peaceful!).



Going over my notes about the ‘owner’ — there simply can’t be one. Does a bird own itself? Does a tree own itself? It doesn't even make sense.
If there was an owner here, one who could control things, choose things, everything would be vastly different. PLUS, there are not two things (or more!) going on here. So there is no controller. A feeling or a sense or a belief does not make it truth.


Warmly…

[graceabounds]

Hello,

Very nice. Yes, no controller. No ownership.

The contraction is always felt in the chest. An amorphous shape, with a texture like the dust around Pig Pen from Charlie Brown - a roughly scribbled frenetic texture.

The story changes slightly every time it’s noticed, but it’s always about the ‘me’ or ‘I’. The sadder, angrier, or more fearful the story, the tighter the tension.
It definitely seems to be protecting the false-I and the belief that there’s someone here.
If it wasn’t labeled as ‘me’ it would just be sensation, just sensing. (That feels so much more peaceful!).

Excellent pinpointing of this. Now I’d love to see what this sensation has to say directly.

This is an exercise about going straight into the tension in the chest and inquiring what it would like to communicate. The body may not use words, so be present to any memories, pictures, sounds or other fragments you get when simply sitting with the sensation, seeing it, and asking. What would it like to say? How long has it been there? What is it about?

Is the false-I behind it? Take a look. Is it necessary to any longer to protect that or anything that it believes is behind itself?

Dialogue with it around whatever comes. Follow any change to the shape, density, location etc… resume the conversation in the same manner if it relocates or shapeshifts.

Let me know how that goes.

Much love,
Becca

[MayaDawn]

Hello B,

I haven't had a chance to do this yet, so I will do it tonight and report back.

Funny... I've done something like this in the past and there was no problem. This time, however, I noticed HUGE resistance. Distractions of all kinds. Anything but this. I'm so curious to see what comes of it.

Talk soon. :)

[graceabounds]

How perfect.

[MayaDawn]

Hi Becca,

Last night, I did the exercise you suggested. Here’s what I discovered:

It was a busy day so there was perfect tension in the chest area to explore. :)

I began by just getting quiet and noticing the tension. I did what I had learned from Ilona, and welcomed it, and asked it how it was feeling. I also asked if it wanted to tell me anything. I sat for a few minutes just being with it, then thoughts (or feelings?) of fear of rejection and fear of judgement came up. I acknowledged and accepted them, sat with them, told them they were welcome here and could get as big as they wanted. I have lots of room for them. The tension did not get lighter. It didn’t move. I forgot to ask it how long it has been there, but I did ask many times what the feeling of tension was trying to protect. I didn’t get right away that it was the false-I, so I just stayed with it.

After several minutes, a thought came up about trying to meet EVERYONE’S expectations, feelings of fear came quickly behind it. Another thought came about how utterly impossible that is, and how perfect that is for keeping the tension of the separate self going. Question answered! I sat with the feeling of fear for quite some time.

The tension began to dissipate a bit, so I asked if it felt it was still necessary to protect the false-I, which doesn’t exist or if it felt safe to let it go. I didn’t get an answer, but felt it was okay/safe. I invited the tension to relax into the openness from which it came and began to breathe openness into it, letting the tension expand into spaciousness until the tension completely dissolved.

I was quite surprised by what unfolded. There was a lot of fear there.
I thought the whole process would only take 10 to 15 minutes, but it took a good 30/35 minutes to complete.

Thank you.

[graceabounds]

Hi D,

Great. You stayed with it. Not comfortable to be sure, but was it as unbearable as the resistance beforehand would have ‘you’ believe? In other words was the bright flashing ‘do not enter’ sign warranted?

After several minutes, a thought came up about trying to meet EVERYONE’S expectations, feelings of fear came quickly behind it.

Does this thought continue to conjure fear? If so what is the underlying belief? If you don’t meet everyone’s expectations then…. what does/would that mean?

Also is the contraction in the chest still present/locatable?

-B

[MayaDawn]

Hello B,

The investigation was not uncomfortable at all. Just noticed the tension there and had a little chat. :)

Does this thought continue to conjure fear? If so what is the underlying belief? If you don’t meet everyone’s expectations then…. what does/would that mean?

The belief that I need to meet everyone’s expectations is gone. There's no fear whether I do or don't. I know that's impossible. However, at work I am acutely aware of feelings of being judged (by two coworkers in particular). The thoughts and feelings about that don't matter and I've learned not to give into them, but I do see them when they pop up.

I think the underlying belief is that everyone must like me or I'm not good enough some how. Perhaps a belief that I need others' approval in order to be acceptable - even to myself! It's ludicrous, but I can see how that belief could be programmed in childhood.

Also is the contraction in the chest still present/locatable?

The contraction was not noticeable at all today (I had the day off), though it is often present and quite noticeable during the day - particularly while at work. There seems to be a belief that I have to be 'on.' For what, I don't know. To be ready to defend myself perhaps.

Thank you!

[graceabounds]

Hello,

There seems to be a belief that I have to be 'on.' For what, I don't know. To be ready to defend myself perhaps.

Don’t speculate.
Instead, next time you’re at work, don’t be on.
Let yourself totally drop the guard.

Do it and report. Not think about doing it.
Drop the armor. Let the “self” fail, collapse, disappoint.

What exactly happens?

I think the underlying belief is that everyone must like me or I'm not good enough some how. Perhaps a belief that I need others' approval in order to be acceptable - even to myself! It's ludicrous, but I can see how that belief could be programmed in childhood.

Can you find “not good enough” anywhere without a story?

Find it in the body, in the moment judgment arises. This is where it lives now, though it may have a history back to childhood it can only be met here now.

What are the exact sensations when “not good enough” is felt—not the words, not the label—but the actual sensation that gives rise to the story?

Describe it freshly.
Is it heavy? Cold? Sharp?
Where does it sit?

Stay with it until the label “not good enough” dissolves.
Report what’s left.

Much love.

[MayaDawn]

Hi Becca,

Don’t speculate.
Instead, next time you’re at work, don’t be on.
Let yourself totally drop the guard.

Do it and report. Not think about doing it.
Drop the armor. Let the “self” fail, collapse, disappoint.

What exactly happens?

Nothing really. When there’s freedom to just be, it doesn’t matter what others think or what thoughts come up here. I can notice it all, feel it all, and not attach to the story ABOUT it all.

Can you find “not good enough” anywhere without a story?

I cannot.

Find it in the body, in the moment judgment arises. This is where it lives now, though it may have a history back to childhood it can only be met here now.

I haven’t noticed that particular feeling lately, and haven’t been aware enough in the moment any other disparaging thoughts arise to be able to do this, but I will try to do this when I’m able. It’s to be aware and take the time (in the moment) to do this which is tricky when there are others around or things to be done.

I think this is very valuable and will do it with many feelings that come up.


Becca, on that note, I feel done here. I may not be ready for the final questions, and I’m okay with that. I understand there’s no one here (or anywhere), and whether or not I experience a shift of some sort at some point, doesn’t matter any more. I’ve seen through the seeking/wanting energy enough to let it fade away.

I thank you immensely for your help and patience in guiding me at this point, and am grateful that such a forum exists. I hope you understand and if there’s anything you need from me, please let me know.

Warmest regards,
Deborah

[graceabounds]

Deborah,

it has been lovely walking with you here.

And yes, there’s no timeline, no failure, no end goal. Just this ongoing invitation to meet what’s here, nakedly, without a center. And you’re already doing that.

Thank you for walking this path so sincerely, and for the courage it takes to meet what’s here.

If ever you feel called again the thread is open.

Much love,
Becca

[MayaDawn]

Thank you so much!