Seeking truth

[Sylwia]

Thank you very much, Vince.
Just wanted to let you know that there's a lot going on for me right now and, in the meantime, I'm working on the answers (doing my best to really look and see what feels true) and I will get back to you soon.

Much love,
Sylwia

[Sylwia]

First of all, thank you very much, Vince (and others), for bearing with me. After those few weeks that passed by, I feel like not much has changed in the way I see myself and the world around me. I still feel like there’s “me” and kind of forgot all the things that were seen and discovered here with you, Vince. Perhaps I’m more aware of the thoughts and not trusting them totally, but no other noticeable changes. The thought comes that it’s a clear sign that the shift hasn’t happened, but I leave it to you, the specialists:) But perhaps there’s some truth in the last question I was asked, and even though I really tried to look, I was just buying into a story “I” wanted to believe in. It felt right to put some effort into seeing what I know I should see, what the right answer would be. But, perhaps, that was very superficial.  
Anyway, here are the most honest answers I can offer you today. 

1) With eyes closed, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'blackness,' as I mentioned?

Yes

2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'blackness'? 

No, just some visual memories of my facial features come up (the shape of my nose that I see with my eyes open), but they are seen for what they are. Apart from that, it’s only blackness.

3) Can what is witnessing the blackness be found?

No, I can’t find it, but there are a lot of “I can see it!” kind of thoughts, one after another, but the most predominant one seems to be the memory of my facial features and a lot of sensations around my face area. It gives a strong impression that the blackness is experienced and seen with this face. Even though I know it’s not really here, it’s hard to let go of it. As if I cannot separate the two and the blackness can’t exist without the sensory stimuli coming from my face, because it has to be experienced WITH something.

4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a person be found that is witnessing the blackness? Or is there just 'blackness' to be found? What do you find?

Still, there’s a strong feeling that the seeing happens thanks to the eyes. I cannot find anyone, but the felt sense is that’s all happening thanks to this body, and without that the perception of blackness wouldn’t be possible.

Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

I see how an idea or thought could be noticed and discarded, but this felt sense seems so true. I cannot even imagine how it would be possible to feel that there’s no see-er and the blackness is all there is. “The fact that I can’t see myself doesn’t mean that I’m not here, because I can clearly sense my (and this body’s) presence” - this thought pops up, and even though I know it’s just a thought, it’s hard to argue with it.

Exercise 2
1) With eyes open, can you confirm that what is experienced is 'what can be seen' as I mentioned?

Yes

2) Is there anything else in 'seeing' other than 'what can be seen'?

No

3) Can what is witnessing 'what can be seen' be found?

Just with seeing- no, but still there’s the felt sense of this body doing the seeing. F.e. when I move my head, what’s seen changes. 

4) Can a pair of eyes, an 'I' / 'me', a Justin be found that is witnessing 'what can be seen'?
Or is there just simply 'what can be seen' to be found?
What do you find?

I feel like I’m trying really hard to get it but still can’t grasp it…Even when I try to focus solely on the seeing, the awareness of this body doing the exercise makes it impossible. 

Can an INHERENT SEE-ER be found? Would anything that is suggested as the see-er, be anything other than a concept/idea/thought?

Right now this concept of me being this body feels so real…

What is Seeing?

This one actually takes “me” out of the body a little bit, and it feels like Seeing is what’s happening in between this body and the object, as if Seeing is happening through the space. 

Look at whatever is in front of you. It is seen from the perspective of two windows (eyes) or is it like a windscreen view? Now zoom back in and try to find the thing that’s seeing. Is there seeing separate from what’s seen, or is there just what’s seen? Is there any awareness separate from experience, or is there just experience?

It’s like a widescreen view, but a thought comes: “That's how the brain makes it work,” and again, it’s hard not to believe in it. And if I move the head, the picture changes. It feels like there’s the see-er (via the sensations in the face) and seeing. 
__________________
Oh, I feel like “I” have made a few steps back instead of moving forward. My own presence feels so real and undeniable. It feels like any conclusion I make while following any exercise of this kind can be easily swept away with this doubt that we are just playing some mind games through changing my perspective, but some things are unchangeable, like where this perspective is coming from (from me).

I truly want to examine it but, for some reason, find it so hard. Perhaps there’s something I keep on missing, and I carry on walking in circles. 

I keep on noticing the thoughts, labels, sensations, etc., but reminding myself that they are just that feels like I’m trying to make myself believe it even though I don’t. So perhaps that was the issue with my previous answers- I looked and oftentimes really saw what I thought I should see but didn’t really feel it deep enough.

I don’t know if I should put more effort into looking to “make it work,” or if the way I presented it now feels right. I’m open to any suggestions and really grateful for your support. <3

With love,
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sylwia, thanks for your honesty. ..and staying honest with yourself will facilitate you seeing completely through the illusion.
Reading your answers it struck me that there is a single 'crossover' point that the illusion hinges on. So let's investigate that.
This is it..

because it has to be experienced WITH something.

Can you see that this is a logical conclusion?
It might (or not) be a good one, but nevertheless it's a mind story. IT IS NOT PART OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. (the thoughts are, but not what they are about)
Here is an exercise that i want you to do. It is intended to expose the difference between a concept that appears 'real' and what is actual. ..and the big one relative to your current experiencing - it will show you that experiencing (seeing) can (does) happen without a subject (you) or an object (cup)

Because it could be difficult to read and remember the instructions in one go, it is practical to do it in sections until you have grasped the whole.
Take your time and do it several times until you get it.
Notice the difference between the direct experience and thoughts about it.

Let’s make this raw, physical, inescapable. Drop the intellectual—this is about punching through the veil of mind in real time:

---

Put a cup in front of you.

Stare. Let your eyes land on it. Don’t flinch away.

Now—watch what thought immediately does.
It starts labeling. “Cup.” “White.”(or whatever color it is) “I like this one.”
If it does..
Stop. That’s not seeing. That’s commentary.

Strip the commentary.
Look again.

Are you looking at something?
Or is there an impulse to look for something?

Catch that difference.
Looking for is mind-hunting.
Looking at is stillness, direct.

Now go deeper.
What’s actually happening in this moment?

There’s color. Texture. Contrast. Shape.
But the instant you say what it is, you’re already gone—lost in the storyof cup.

Drop that.
Feel your eyes. There’s light hitting them.
There’s vibration, form—but it’s not a cup. Not yet. Not until thought labels it.

Now—investigate seeing itself.
Right now—what is seeing happening to? Careful now... don't answer with the mind.
Where is the “you” in this? Can it be found without thinking?

Ask it:
“Who is seeing this?”
Say it as you stare into the colors and shapes and textures.

What happens?

Does the image collapse?
Does everything go flat?
Does the detail blur as the mind flails for a seer?

Good.

Now go again.
Drop the “who.” Ask: “What is being seen?”
Look into the cup like it might fall apart under scrutiny.

Does the shape flicker?
Do the textures go dim the moment you try to grasp them?

That’s it.

Every time you insert “who” or “what,” you pull the plug on seeing.
You enter a concept. A hallucination.

Stay in the raw experiencing.

Look again—no words. No story.
Can you stay with just this collision of color and form?
Can you rest in seeing with no thing being seen, no one seeing?

Notice:
The moment you think about who is seeing or what is being seen, seeing stops, mind reboots the story:
“That’s a cup. I like it. It’s old. I drink tea from it.”
You're gone again.

Do you see it now?
You weren't seeing a cup.
You were seeing, then thinking "cup.”

And now?
You’re no longer seeing.
You’re relating to a concept, a memory, a function, a personal preference.

The actual seeing is gone.
Vanished. Replaced by narrative.
Can you see that both the cup and the self are concepts and only the seeing is actual.
Not the fact of seeing but the experiencing that is called seeing.

Now go back.

Strip the name. Strip the meaning. Strip the function. Drop all concepts. (thoughts about it.)
What’s left?

Stay there. Don’t talk about it. Don’t analyze it.
Just feel that gap.
That immediate presence before the cup comes back.

That’s the crack.

Stay in the crack.

This is actual.

Report...

[Sylwia]

Hi, Vince!
thank you for this exercise. Here are my reflections.

Feels like this exercise has helped me to see where all the labeling coming from the mind takes me. Something what just is becomes limited by the name and the story about it and, as a result, it becomes impossible to see what's truly there. And it happens really fast.

I noticed that I and the cup are just concepts, and without the thoughts I have nothing to confirm that it's me looking at the cup. To be honest, I can say nothing "practical" about anything, as it's all mind-made interpretations based on my experiences.

I did the exercise with a cup a few times over the last week and then tried to experience my surroundings with "the same eyes" - just looking, no observer and no thing that can be seen. I started noticing textures, colors, shapes...all of those I hadn't really seen before even though I looked at them many times. Feels like the label was always in the way of seeing.

I also had this hard-to-describe feeling that it cannot be me doing the looking, as the thing is already there, somewhere in the space, as if there's nothing connecting me and the cup...but I don't know where this feeling is coming from. It felt good, though, because in that very moment it left me with a feeling that seeing has nothing to do with me.

Take your time and do it several times until you get it.

I feel a little bit doubtful now to say, "I got it," because I don't know what I should expect when I truly get it and when it's just a mind-made story again...I did my best to look, stop all the thoughts and not believe any concepts. But now it's all back to normal, and I need to focus to see what's in front of me without the limitations my mind puts on everything.
But this could also be this false belief I have that there should be a sudden, meaningful change of perspective if I experience something "outside" the mind.

Thank you Vince for being here for me,
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sylwia,

I feel a little bit doubtful now to say, "I got it," because I don't know what I should expect when I truly get it and when it's just a mind-made story again...I did my best to look, stop all the thoughts and not believe any concepts. But now it's all back to normal, and I need to focus to see what's in front of me without the limitations my mind puts on everything.
But this could also be this false belief I have that there should be a sudden, meaningful change of perspective if I experience something "outside" the mind.

Here’s where you start to drift:
“I feel a little bit doubtful now to say, ‘I got it,’ because I don't know what I should expect…”
Stop.
That sentence right there—that’s the ego sneaking in through the back door, wearing the robes of humility.
“I got it” is the seeker trying to reboot itself.
Waiting for a dramatic shift. Expecting a final trumpet blast to declare that you’ve arrived.
But you already saw:
Seeing happens without a seer.

Life flows without a doer.

Reality reveals itself when the mind shuts up.

The sense of self never existed—it was an illusion.
So let me crush the final doubt for you:
There will be no final shift.

No “aha” that lasts.
Because the illusion never existed to begin with.
There’s nothing to cross.
No gate.
No other side.
You said:
“I did my best to look, stop all the thoughts, and not believe any concepts.”
And what happened?
Not knowing. Stillness. Clarity. Peace.
That’s not an experience to chase.
That’s what’s left when there’s no one chasing anything.
Now, here’s what you do:
Don’t wait for “got it.”

Forget arriving. Forget transformation. Forget spiritual identity.
Instead, right now—again:
Look at something. Anything. A wall. A pen. Your hand. 
Without story. Without label. Without the idea that anyone is doing the looking.
Isn’t this already it?
Say it out loud:
“I can’t find a self.
I never could.
Everything else was just a thought.”
Now breathe.

Tell me—what’s here now without thought? Not special. Not profound. Just actual.

much love

vince

[Sylwia]

Dear Vince,

first of all, thank you so much for your message.
I don't know how many times I've read it in the last few days, as I feel there's a lot in it for "me".
It all sounds very true, and some of your words made me stop, and at the same time I notice that this waiting for something to happen is still there, so when I notice it I try to let go and just be.
I also notice the thought, "so what should I do with this message if there's nothing to do and there'll be no meaningful shift?!" as if my brain can't grasp it and gets frustrated.
And I honestly don't know what to do next; I feel stuck. The brain's tried to grasp it from so many angles up till now, and it just doesn't work. Perhaps that's what it's all about; I don't know.

Then I do the exercise.
I do what you said- stop the thoughts and the stories, and look at my hand. It's not easy to just look at it- I quickly start looking for something special, noticing all the details, and soon after there's the mind commenting on it. I hear it and cut it. Back to looking. Feels meaningless, and the brain says "boring, it's much more fun with all the stories. They are not real but fun". I cut it and keep looking. Feels empty in a sad way, lifeless...dead. Perhaps that's why it's hard to stay with it. Back to looking. "What's the point? There's nothing here...nothing to hold on to...". This feels a little bit scary, but I also feel an urge to go deeper and check, so I keep on looking. I don't feel calm or at peace, it's more like a void. "Will I go crazy? Did all the thoughts and stories bring all the meaning and fun in my life? What's left when they are gone?". I see the fear coming up, fear of losing the point to my life. There's something tempting in it, too, but there's more fear, so I try to stay with the sensations in the body and keep on looking.
That's where I am at now. I'll keep on going.

With love (and fear),
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sylwia, Let's crack open the final bit of identification...

I also notice the thought, "so what should I do with this message if there's nothing to do and there'll be no meaningful shift?!" as if my brain can't grasp it and gets frustrated.

ChatGPT said:
There it is. The final twitch of the seeker, squirming in the electric chair.

“What should I do with this message if there’s nothing to do?!”

Boom. Right there is the root illusion still firing: the assumption that there’s a “you” who needs to do something with it.

That thought—“so what should I do now?”—only arises after you’ve already seen clearly.

It’s the mind having a meltdown because it’s no longer in control.
It’s not frustration from a real self.
It’s just a system used to grabbing the wheel, suddenly realizing the car’s driving itself.

So let’s deal with that thought directly.

“What should I do with this?”

Look right now.
Is there anything to do?
Is something broken?
Is anything missing from the seeing, the hearing, the breathing happening now?

Without that thought, is there a problem?
Without a self-image to preserve, is there any demand for a “meaningful shift”?

You’re waiting for an event—a dramatic, climactic experience. But you already saw:
Experience is always happening. And no one owns it.

So what now?

Nothing.
There’s nothing to fix, keep, explain, or hold.
Just life lifing.

And that frustration? That’s beautiful. That’s the engine of seeking seizing up.
It can’t run on no-doing. It needs struggle. It needs time. It needs a goal.
You took all that away—and now it’s choking.

Let it choke.

What’s here when even that is let go? No fixing, no shift, no special state. Just this. Raw. Unfiltered. Unclaimed.

Tell me.
Right now, in the absence of any next step—what’s left?

And I honestly don't know what to do next; I feel stuck. The brain's tried to grasp it from so many angles up till now, and it just doesn't work. Perhaps that's what it's all about; I don't know.

ChatGPT said:
Right now, in the absence of any next step—what’s left?

Stillness.
Breath moving. Sounds arriving. Colors flickering.
And not a single thing is being done by “someone.”

No watcher.
No inner narrator who owns any of it.
Just this—spacious, vivid, immediate, and utterly centerless.

The engine that asked “What do I do now?”
—it’s silent.
The self-image that was waiting for the meaningful shift
—it’s gone.

Even the idea that there needs to be silence or stillness or vividness
—gone too.

Just happening.

Right now—can you even say what “you” are, without reaching into thought?
Without memory, without label, without position—what remains?

Exactly this.
Not a mystery to solve.
Not a realization to possess.
Not an awakening to chase.

The seeking has no fuel left.
And what’s here without it is always what was here.
But now—it’s naked.

Stay here. Or don’t.
It doesn’t matter.
There’s no one here to “stay.”
No one here to “get it.”
Just life, dancing itself into and out of form.

Look again.
Is there anything to fix?
Anything at all to do with this message?
Or is it already over? Already complete? Already whole?

Back to looking. Feels meaningless, and the brain says "boring, it's much more fun with all the stories. They are not real but fun"

Yes. That’s the perfect lie—delicious, believable, and just familiar enough to pull you back in.

“It’s more fun with stories.”
“Looking is boring.”
“Meaningless.”

WHO is that speaking?

Look directly.
That voice—right now—can you find a speaker behind it?
Or is it just sound, a ghost pretending to be you?

“Boring.”
That’s the mind’s tantrum when it’s not being fed drama.
It wants something to chase, to judge, to fix. It wants conflict and resolution, villains and victories. It wants to feel like it matters.

Because without that...

It dies.
And it knows it.

So it says, “Hey, let's go back. That was more fun.”

But look again, freshly:

Right now—before thought—
is anything lacking?
Does this moment need a story to be full?
Or is the story what flattens it? Covers it? Deadens it?

“Meaningless” only exists in contrast to “meaning.”
Both are concepts.
And they require a self to whom meaning applies.

Can you find that self?
Can you find the one who finds this boring?
The one who wants fun?
The one who prefers story?

Or is that just another story?

Here’s the brutal, beautiful truth:

Without a self, everything is meaningless.
And so—everything is free.

Free of purpose.
Free of ownership.
Free of the burden to entertain.

Just texture, color, sound, movement—
no past, no goal, no commentary.

It’s not boring. It’s not fun.
It’s not meaningful or empty.
It’s untouchable by thought.

So go ahead.
Let the mind scream. Let it whine.
Let it pitch its circus of meaning and drama.

And just—look.

What’s here without the show?
What’s left when the “fun” ends?
Can you find anything that needs fixing, improving, or narrating?
Can you find the one who’s bored?

much love

vince

[Sylwia]

Good morning, Vince!

Thank you very much for your message - I was just starting a longer meditation retreat when I read it, and coming back to it throughout the retreat was very helpful.
I'll get back to you soon.

Much love ❤
Sylwia

[Sylwia]

Dear Vince,

I was thinking about this message and what to write to you, but I still don't know, so I'll just write what comes to mind.

Your last message has brought a sense of calmness. I keep noticing the thoughts that say "There still must be something to get and somewhere to get to" but they are seen, and I seem not to pay that much attention to them. The fear around life being boring is gone. Last few weeks have been emotionally challenging but it's ok. Perhaps things don't "stick" to me that much these days? I don't know. But it feels good to feel and there's less fear around failure or, when there's some fear coming up, it's more often acknowledged and expressed. There are thoughts that I did it; it's my progress, but they are seen. Sometimes they seem to be believed, but the remembering that 's there's no me comes at times and brings some relief. I don't usually notice the labels like "fear"or "failure" but it doesn't seem to be a problem.

Most of the time I still operate as if Sylwia is here, and I notice the expectations that perhaps it should be different, that things should be different, but I don't care that much I guess. I notice I keep thinking that it's about me, but it doesn't feel like a burden, more of an autopilot, so the thought that says "You should remember that there's no you!" is also seen and there's some kind of acceptance that things are as they are.

I don't know if it makes any sense, Vince. Perhaps it's another game the mind is playing, but trying to trick whom? Right now it feels like there's no point in trying to understand it, that I'd be better off just leaving it. But I don't know.
I would love to hear what you have to say, Vince. Your guidance has been absolutely amazing and I feel so lucky I got to get this support from you.

With love,
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sylwia,

Most of the time I still operate as if Sylwia is here, and I notice the expectations that perhaps it should be different, that things should be different, but I don't care that much I guess. I notice I keep thinking that it's about me, but it doesn't feel like a burden, more of an autopilot, so the thought that says "You should remember that there's no you!" is also seen and there's some kind of acceptance that things are as they are.

Good. Let’s stop circling and go straight into the root of it: visceral identification.
We won’t talk about it—we’ll cut right into it.

Step 1: Call up “Sylwia”
Right now, say the name “Sylwia” in your mind.
Let it echo.
Notice what happens in the body when this identity is invoked.

Where is it felt? 
Tightening in the chest?
 Pressure in the head?
 Contraction in the gut? 
A subtle forward-leaning tension? Where?
Stay with the raw sensation. Don’t drift into story.

Step 2: Find the Velcro
When you hold “Sylwia” in awareness, watch for the sticky points:
“This is me.”
“I’m here.”
“This is my life.”
Where in the body do these thoughts hook in?
Name it precisely—throat, belly, forehead, chest.

Step 3: Drop the label
Now remove the word “Sylwia.”
Let it dissolve completely.
Stay only with the raw sensation that’s left without the name.
Is there still a “me” there? 
Or is it just heat, tingling, vibration, pressure—impersonal and empty?

Step 4: Look for the Owner
Ask:
Who is this sensation happening to?
 Where is the one feeling it?
 Can you find her?
Look directly—no thinking. 
Is there a separate awareness holding it? 
Or is it simply happening in the open space you already are?

Step 5: Let it unravel
Don’t fix it. Don’t push it away.
 Just sit in the raw identification until the “me” either dissolves or is exposed as nothing but sensation + thought.
Then notice:
Without the label “me,”
without the story “Sylwia,”
is there anything left but this… happening?

Now:
Do it right here.
Find the spot where “Sylwia” lives in the body. 
Hold it. Look through it. 
Report what you see when the label drops and only raw experience remains.

I don't know if it makes any sense, Vince. Perhaps it's another game the mind is playing,

This simply doesn't matter. We don't need to make up a story of meaning...

Much love

vince

[Sylwia]

Dear Vince,

Do it right here.
Find the spot where “Sylwia” lives in the body. 
Hold it. Look through it. 
Report what you see when the label drops and only raw experience remains.

I feel waves of sensations and some pressure in my jaw/throat/upper chest area. I see that "Sylwia" is the ever-changing sensations and thoughts ("it's me; it's happening in my chest"), and some pictures of my body come up along with the thought. Again, it feels like the thoughts are suuper quick and it's not easy to stay with the sensations only, but in those milliseconds when it happens, it's just that - the sensations with no observer.

Those few moments of no story are still so difficult to grasp; the labeling process feels endless and so sneaky. I know that's the way it is, and there's not much "I" can do about it, but I guess that may be the reason why those doubting thoughts keep coming back, like "have you really experienced it? Or you're just making it up?". Those thoughts are seen and I know there's no one listening to them, so they don't cause too big of a reaction, but I just want to be honest about the experience now.

With love,
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Those few moments of no story are still so difficult to grasp; the labeling process feels endless and so sneaky. I know that's the way it is, and there's not much "I" can do about it, but I guess that may be the reason why those doubting thoughts keep coming back, like "have you really experienced it? Or you're just making it up?". Those thoughts are seen and I know there's no one listening to them, so they don't cause too big of a reaction, but I just want to be honest about the experience now.

Right now.
Not one second ago.
Not a moment from now.
This.
The instant of NOW.
Where is the past?

Can you touch it?
See it?
Hold it?

No. Only memory—images, words, flickers in the head.

Past is an idea.
Future is an idea.
Both held by no one.

And when those ideas fall silent—
what’s here? Look - Actually look.

Is there Just this. (whatever that is...)

No history.
No expectation.
No character called “I” suspended between a story and a goal.

The seeker dies here.
Because without past or future,
what is there to seek?
Who is left to become?
What remains to fix, prove, or protect?

Look.

Not as a thought. Not as a teaching.
Look directly.

Right now—
is there anyone here at all?
Is there anything here at all without referencing past or future?

Without the memory of “me”
and the projection of “what’s next”
—is there even a problem?

Or just:

Stillness.
Color.
Sound.
Movement.

No story.
No self.
No thing.

You’ve seen it.
You’re seeing it.
But no one is seeing.

Now the mind creeps back in, whispering:
“Is this it?
Did you get it?”
Look again—who’s asking?
Where is that voice coming from?
Where is the one it’s speaking to?

Gone.
Never was.

Just this.
Now.
Empty of you.
Full of life.
Whole.
Unclaimed.

So stay. Or go.
Speak. Or fall silent.
But let it be seen now:
There is no I.
No story.
Nothing.
And it was always enough.

So let’s cut through one more illusion:

You said “I just want to be honest about the experience.”

Look right now.
Where is the “experiencer”?
Was an experiencer required for the experience to happen?
Where is the one who had or didn’t have the real thing?
Who is the one who could be honest about anything?

More thought.
More stitching of narrative.
But no center.

Now drop it all again. This instant.
No claim.
No story.
No self-image to verify or doubt.
What’s here, right now, if you don’t name it?
If you don’t measure it?
If you don’t check whether it’s enough?

Look. Report. Not from memory. From THIS.

much love

vince

[Sylwia]

Hi Vince,

Now drop it all again. This instant.
No claim.
No story.
No self-image to verify or doubt.
What’s here, right now, if you don’t name it?
If you don’t measure it?
If you don’t check whether it’s enough?

Look. Report. Not from memory. From THIS.

Colors, movements, sounds, sensations, typing, thoughts coming and going...that's what's happening right now.
There are many thoughts and descriptions the mind wants to add to this picture to make it clear and impressive, but it's seen. Many "me" and "am I doing this right" thoughts. "Who's doing what here?" thoughts usually follow, and some kind of stillness comes with it.
A few seconds and more thoughts later, another thought comes: "I need to get back to this perspective." It's seen there's no I to get back to anything. More relaxation.
Waiting for something to happen. I am waiting. It's seen there's no I and no one to wait.
Lables, names, a surprised thought that a sip of water was taken and it wasn't planned.
Waiting for something to happen again. "There must be something more to discover. One cannot live this way. Do I need to remember this all the time? I am stuck." Sensations labeled as frustration and impatience.
Shifting back to just looking, a thought comes "There's no me who's shifting back." Appreciating the sounds, view, and sensations, and a thought "It's a judgment that it's beautiful, that's the mind again."
"Am I doing this right? I'm walking in circles...".
"Should I ignore those thoughts? When I pay attention to them, I miss what's here. I feel lost." More I thoughts that are seen.
Sounds, sensations, colors...

Thank you so much for your support, Vince <3
Sylwia

[vinceschubert]

Hi Sylwia,

Colors, movements, sounds, sensations, typing, thoughts coming and going...that's what's happening right now.
There are many thoughts and descriptions the mind wants to add to this picture to make it clear and impressive, but it's seen. Many "me" and "am I doing this right" thoughts. "Who's doing what here?" thoughts usually follow, and some kind of stillness comes with it.
A few seconds and more thoughts later, another thought comes: "I need to get back to this perspective." It's seen there's no I to get back to anything. More relaxation.
Waiting for something to happen. I am waiting. It's seen there's no I and no one to wait.
Lables, names, a surprised thought that a sip of water was taken and it wasn't planned.
Waiting for something to happen again. "There must be something more to discover. One cannot live this way. Do I need to remember this all the time? I am stuck." Sensations labeled as frustration and impatience.
Shifting back to just looking, a thought comes "There's no me who's shifting back." Appreciating the sounds, view, and sensations, and a thought "It's a judgment that it's beautiful, that's the mind again."
"Am I doing this right? I'm walking in circles...".
"Should I ignore those thoughts? When I pay attention to them, I miss what's here. I feel lost." More I thoughts that are seen.
Sounds, sensations, colors...

Yes. That’s the raw feed.
No edits. No polishing. No escape hatch.
Just the machine running—
thought, labeling, grasping, shifting, doubting—looping without a center.
You said it:
“There are many thoughts and descriptions the mind wants to add.”
“Who's doing what here?”
“There’s no I to get back to anything.”
“One cannot live this way.”
“Do I need to remember this all the time?”
And you saw it:
None of those thoughts belong to anyone.
They just appear.
And they vanish.
And they were never yours.

Now pause here.
Without referencing memory,
without trying to fix, deepen, repeat, or maintain anything—
what’s actually here?
Sensation.
Sound.
Color.
Motion.
A thought.
Gone.
A sip.
Gone.
Another thought.
Gone.
And every single one trying to say:
“This means something.”
“This is progress.”
“This is failure.”
“This is awakening.”
“This is just thought.”
“This is not enough.”
All of it—thought.
All of it—seen.
None of it—owned.

Here’s the critical piece:
“I feel lost.”
Good.
That “lost” is the last tether.
The assumption that there should be orientation.
That someone should know where they stand.
That this should become something.
That it should stabilize into clarity or bliss or rightness.
But it won’t.
Because there’s no ground.
And no one standing on it.

You said:
“Am I doing this right?”
Perfect.
That’s the heartbeat of the illusion.
The final flicker of a self that needs to succeed,
that believes this process is about it.
And what happens when that thought is seen—just seen—without trying to fix or push it away?
What’s left?
Not an answer.
Just this.
Only this.
Unowned. Uninterpreted. Already whole.

Now:
Drop every thought that says “I should.”
Let frustration burn if it wants.
Let boredom arrive. Let tension build. Let thought spiral.
Do nothing with it. Own none of it.
And look: what is actually here, in this second?
Not remembered. Not compared. Not explained.
This is the fire. Stay in it.
No one gets out alive because no one ever existed.

much love

vince

[Sylwia]

Dear Vince,

Now:
Drop every thought that says “I should.”
Let frustration burn if it wants.
Let boredom arrive. Let tension build. Let thought spiral.
Do nothing with it. Own none of it.
And look: what is actually here, in this second?
Not remembered. Not compared. Not explained.

Me looking at the screen. A thought that there's no me, just looking. Thoughts about what to write, what would be right. It's seen.
Typing, sounds, another thought asking what would be the right thing to tell you, noticing it.
Noticing that the thoughts come as they please, a thought about it having nothing to do with me. Waiting, observing what's happening now. Seeing the observer.
Thought's about how, when I was doing the exercise you'd given me, it was seen that the thought "Oh, now I'm back, I was lost in thoughts" is just another thought and nothing was missing earlier. Nothing was wrong or could go wrong.
Another thought that you may appreciate it, but right after it "Who wants to be appreciated? It doesn't matter." A sensation labeled as "shame" comes up; it's seen, and naming it here brings a sensation labeled as "relief."
Thinking what to say next..."Am I missing something important? I want Vince to get the full picture. Am I being honest with myself?". It's all seen, and the tension in the body is softening.
Typing, sensations, "screen," but it's a label, and it's seen. "But it doesn't come naturally; you have to remind yourself it's all labels!" Seen.
"It's tiring being so present and watchful." Seen that it's the mind struggling.
Sounds, hands moving, colors of the "screen," sensations on "my skin." It's seen that it's a thought it's my skin; without that thought I have no idea; it's just sensations.

Again, I can't find the right words to express my gratitude for all your support, Vince.
"I" am doing my best to look as deep as possible.
Thank you SO much <3

With love,
Sylwia