Hi May!
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No. There is no separate "I".
It was never there. There were thoughts which referenced an "I". There were sensations which were mis-identified as "I". There was an assumption/thought that things being done, were being done by a "me"..
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
As a child, when there was a need to learn to do things and achieve things, a separation was created between the world and the "I", so that the I could do things to the world - to see an actor as an ingredient, to be able to predict, plan, and act and achieve. This was probably initially a tool for learning consequences, but then became a sticky container for all things "owned". This then became heavy and seemed real.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Once it was seen that neither perception, nor thoughts, nor action have a "seer, thinker, doer" present, then this "I" weakened and with enough repetition was seen through completely as an illusion. Then it no longer is brought up by the mind often, since cause and effect, perception, thought and action, all continue without it. And by adulthood, thoughts about the "I", to sustain it, to grow it, to perpetuate it, were using considerable resources making everything difficult, tight, tiring, costly. Seeing through it and letting go, creates space, releases energy (used earlier to maintain "I"), and makes everything lighter.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
The last bit was that there was Doer who was responsible for getting here (to liberation unleashed for instance) and who was needed to get liberated. When I looked for that Doer and found no one, then looked for any Doer and found none, and then saw that all actions arose and happened, there was no Doer, then the illusion completely fell apart.
5) Describe
- decision,
- intention,
- free will,
- choice and control.
Intentions can be set - while they do not cause action in that moment.
Intentions guide decisions - decisions arise because of past actions, intentions, and what is happening now, but there is no "self" making the decisions now.
There is no "Self" who is deciding things in the moment. After the fact, the "Self" was getting attributed to a decision or to free-will. When the illusion is seen through, it is seen that decisions happen, there was no "free-will" making a this or that decision.
Choice and control are illusions - these may have helped as a child to build a world model to be able to understand causes and conditions. But there is no self, no choices, and no control in the present moment. Things arise and happen.
What makes things happen? How does it work? Give examples from experience.
The things that happened in the past cause things to happen in the now. Everything that took place has a weight in what happens next. This includes past thoughts, intentions, actions. It is only that in the present moment there is no "self" that is causing things to happen.
I want to finish writing this response, that is an intention. When the conditions are not right (I am traveling, tired, sleepy), it the writing does not arise to happen. Then when I am awake, and the conditions are appropriate, then the action of opening the laptop, finding the post, understanding it, crafting a reply, all happen moment by moment. Each subsequent action follows as more likely, until something else happens to create a change. For example, hunger, or completion. Then those conditions cause different actions.
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
The first answer is that "I" am responsible for nothing since I do nothing - then I see that it is naive.
A more complex answer is that all future states depend on current states, where intentions, exposure to different stimuli, all shape future states. So choicelessly (and "self"-lessly maintaining right view, right intention -> each then contributes to the next domino.
So while the "Self" is responsible for nothing, there is still intention, effort, and action, which are happening on their own which can be setup to be right.
6) Anything to add?
Thank you May for patiently walking me through the questions, to see through this illusion. It has been such a blessing!
Warm Regards,
PK.
