Hello

[anjali]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I have experienced a loss of self but have not sustained this with full integration.

What are you looking for at LU?
I am seeking guidance on dropping and fully integrating the dissolution of the first fetter. I feel like I am standing on a ledge of this dropping but something is preventing me from fully letting this go. I am hoping some guidance will support my efforts.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I am expecting my guide to help me gain clarity in self inquiry. My mind confuses this process and prevents me from progressing. I have been recently exploring the Fetters and would like to move through these.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
After a kundalini awakening I have pursued a variety of teachings to help bring clarity to what I have been experiencing.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self? 10

[Magdalena]

Hello there, Anjali,


Welcome to Liberation Unleashed. My name is Magdalena, and I'm happy to talk you out of your nonsense.


You're not on a ledge. You're curled in a fetal ball in the middle of the prison cell, clutching the key and whining that the door is “so close to opening.” No. That’s just more theatre.


There is no ledge. There is no edge. There’s just the refusal to look directly at the emptiness of the one who claims to be “almost there.”


Drop the talk of “integration.” Let go of “kundalini awakenings.” Drop the whole narrative, all the one hundred and one fetters and whatnot.


You don’t want to let go. That’s all.


You want to stay the seeker. You want it to feel significant, transformative, sacred. But it’s not. It’s ordinary. It’s raw. It’s THIS. It’s always been THIS.


So do it. Not tomorrow. Not after more clarity.
Right now.


What is actually here when you stop narrating?


Where is the self you're trying to drop?


Don’t answer with a concept. Don’t reach for an energy. Don’t drift into some poetic state.


Just look.
Right now. No filter. No process.


If you find a self, point to it.
If you can’t, then what exactly is left to drop?


Or admit this:
You’d rather keep spinning the story than end the storyteller.

[anjali]

Thank you Magdelena,

You're not on a ledge. You're curled in a fetal ball in the middle of the prison cell, clutching the key and whining that the door is “so close to opening.” No. That’s just more theatre.

There might be aspects curled up in a fetal ball but not the whole. Do all aspects need to be showing up ready or is it an all or nothing? Maybe this is what was appealing to me about the fetters. I have experienced significant shifts but not all.


There is no ledge. There is no edge. There’s just the refusal to look directly at the emptiness of the one who claims to be “almost there.”

How do I look?


Drop the talk of “integration.” Let go of “kundalini awakenings.” Drop the whole narrative, all the one hundred and one fetters and whatnot.


You don’t want to let go. That’s all.

The shifts I have experienced confirm for me that letting go of behaviors, stories, memories, patterns that were causing me suffering IS what I am seeking. I have felt more freedom and joy in the past year than I have experienced in my lifetime.


You want to stay the seeker. You want it to feel significant, transformative, sacred. But it’s not. It’s ordinary. It’s raw. It’s THIS. It’s always been THIS.

How can I not see this experience at transformative?


So do it. Not tomorrow. Not after more clarity.
Right now.


What is actually here when you stop narrating?

When I explore this question I feel like I am trying and working.


Where is the self you're trying to drop?

still here.


Don’t answer with a concept. Don’t reach for an energy. Don’t drift into some poetic state.


Just look.
Right now. No filter. No process.


If you find a self, point to it.
If you can’t, then what exactly is left to drop?


Or admit this:
You’d rather keep spinning the story than end the storyteller.

[Magdalena]

How do I look?

You’re already doing it. You’ve always been doing it.

You just keep overlaying interpretation on top of what’s already right here.

Don’t do anything. Don’t search. Don’t try to get deeper.

Stop.

Before the thought “how do I look?”
Before the next feeling.
Before the next insight.

What’s here?

Not in words. Not in ideas. Not in spiritual language.
What is actually present, right now?

Not what it means. Not how it feels.
Just this.

No parts. No progress. No integration.
Either the narrative runs, or it doesn’t.

You say the self is still here.
Where?

Show it. Point to it.
Not in a story. In experience.

Look now. No delay. No trying.

What’s here without commentary? Without the story about awakening, progress, some aspects of "me"?

That’s the only place this ever happens.




Please learn how to use the quote function to make our conversation clearer. Watch this short video:
viewtopic.php?t=660

[anjali]

You just keep overlaying interpretation on top of what’s already right here.

Emotional after reading. So true. Feeling exhausted. Stopping now. Tired of the narrative. Found moments in the day to simply be. Sitting and allowing. more tears.

[Magdalena]

Perfect.

Don’t touch it. Don’t label this. Let it all fall.

No meaning. No analysis. No spiritual insight.

Tears. Exhaustion. Silence.

That’s what’s actually here.

Let it tear through.

If a story arises, don’t believe it. Don’t push it away either. Just… see it. Let it dissolve.

There’s nothing wrong. Nothing happening to you.
This is the end of commentary.

Stay here. No past. No next. No you.

Just. This.

[Magdalena]

Hello Anjali,

How's it going?

[anjali]

Dear Magdelena,
It is going well. Family obligations moved in for the Easter holiday and moved me into doing, lots of doing. There are things to share with you. I will have space after the weekend to connect again.

[Magdalena]

Sounds good - whenever you're ready.

Enjoy the holiday. ;-)

[anjali]

HI Magdelina,
Took me a bit to settle from an active family gathering.

I felt like since I couldn't find time for stillness that I would listen to a spiritual speaker as this has been a very normal routine for me, but I found that I could not tolerate it. It was aggravating, so I just turned it off.

Also noticing more absence of thoughts, not totally but very reduced.

My partner brought up the subject of finances and the stress around this last night and I felt absolutely no reactivity to his comments, like no concern.

I still look at my hands typing here and I think they belong to my body.

Warmly,
Samantha

[Magdalena]

Samantha,


Cool.
The silence doesn’t tolerate noise anymore. That’s not a doing—it’s the system no longer running interference.


And the absence of thoughts, the stillness when reactivity doesn’t show up—that’s the ground, not an achievement. No one made that happen.


Now for the hands which, as you say,

belong to my body.

Look again. Slowly. Right now.

Set aside the label "hand".
Don’t go to thought.

Just notice what’s here.

Colors? Shapes?
Sensations?

Where’s the ownership?

Where is that thing called "my body"?

Don't answer yet. Just look. Stay with what's here before the label.

Where is “your body,” without thought?

Not the mental image. Not what you’ve been told.
Not memory, not sensation labelled “mine.”
Just the raw actuality.


Then try this:
Close your eyes and press a finger to your forehead.

Is there anywhere in that sensation where a body is found?
Or just pressure… floating in space?


This isn’t about denying a body.
It’s about seeing that ownership is story.

There is sensation. There is movement.
But no “body” until thought says “mine.”

Stay right there. Look again now.

What’s here before the thought “this is my body” appears?

[anjali]

Hi Magdelina,
It's so subtle I've been missing it. It seems to be unfolding so gently. I see the character Samantha now, I can see life expressing moment to moment. I've been waiting for this big thing to happen that matched my awakening experiences but this is barely noticable. But I am questioning if this is it? Thoughts are barely running. things have lost their labels. It seems I can access the names but its like a database I have to visit. The ringing in my ears will be completely absent for long stretches of time then appear again. My daughter came home from school today and I was completely in mom role, no problem.

Do you think this is it?

doesn’t show up—that’s the ground

Can you explain what you meant by the ground here?

Thank you!


Hi

[Magdalena]

Samantha,

l see the character Samantha now.

l can see life expressing moment to moment.

Slow down.
Who is seeing?


That phrasing still carries distance.
A witness. A someone, quietly standing apart, “watching the show.”
But that too is story. Can you see it?


Is there really a viewer?


Or is it just life, unfiltered—no one behind the lens?


If there’s a character being seen, there’s still a narrator.
If life is being observed, there’s still a gap.


And then… the question:

Is this it?

Only something outside of this would ask that.
Only a leftover idea of self could wonder if this is enough.

But then you say:
Thoughts are barely running.
Labels only arise if fetched.
Roles are played effortlessly.
The noise doesn’t hold.

That’s not a state. That’s absence.
No “you” doing it. No “you” managing any of it.


That’s the ground. Not something to reach—just what remains when the story dies.


And yet… you skipped the question that touches the last illusion.


You report all this clarity—
But the hands… still feel like yours?

Go back.


Don’t name them. Don’t explain.


Just look.


What is here before the thought “my body” appears?

Not later. Not once you understand.

Right now.

Look from the silence where the question doesn’t even arise.

[anjali]

A witness. A someone, quietly standing apart, “watching the show.”
But that too is story. Can you see it?

Yes, I see it. I do feel like I am watching a show.

No “you” doing it. No “you” managing any of it.

There is a flow, no effort in the day, in work, in routine. Just moving with it.

What is here before the thought “my body” appears?

When I stop just before the thought there is nothing. emptiness. But...there is also a feeling in that space of incredible peace.

But the hands… still feel like yours?

I am struggling here. Nothing feels like "mine" because I feel like I am watching something unfold. I'm starting to doubt and feel confused. It feels like walls are breaking down but maybe I'm just making up a new story. Frustrated.

I'll keep re-reading your guidance.

Thank you for your patience with me.

-Samantha

[Magdalena]

Samantha,


Perfect. This is exactly what it looks like when the scaffolding falls apart.


Of course it feels confusing. Of course part of "you" wants to grab some perspective to stand on — even if it's just “I’m watching the show.” That’s not failure. That’s the last echo of identification trying to reassert itself as something useful, meaningful, safe.


Let’s look deeper now — at the body. Don’t think. Don’t interpret. Just do the following:

Sit quietly. Eyes closed. Let thought settle.

Then ask:

Can it be known—from sensation alone—how tall “you” are?

Do sensations tell you your age? Your gender?

Is there any boundary between “you” and the chair?

Between “you” and the keyboard?

Can the sensation of hands by itself prove the existence of hands?

Stay very still. Notice what arises before the mind names it.

That pressure in the back— does it say “back”? Or does that word only arrive later?

And one more:

Open your eyes. Hold your hand in front of you. Don’t move. Just see.

Are you seeing a hand?
Or are there just colors and shapes?

If “hand” appears, does it exist before the thought names it?

Do this slowly. Gently. Repeatedly.

Don’t expect fireworks. Let the absence do its work.

Report what’s left. (Remember to answer ALL the questions — from observation.)