beyond the gate

[Blu]

Thank you Nour,

I think fear is a problem right now... sometimes I ask myself: but if I'm not here (body and thoughts), then where do I lean??
and I take a step back.
Disappearing scares me.
What can I do with the fear of disappearing? I feel like it's holding me back.
I also notice the constant presence of expectations about how It should be/how I should feel.

[warissem]

Good evening

You are right where it is needed for you to be. This fear of disappearing is a common place where the illusion is trying to stick. There is no separate self, no you to disappear because it was never here even before coming to this forum. it is an illusion, a thought story. Is awareness going to disappear with the disappearance of a thought or an ima "ge? No. There is nothing to fear of. Now, when the feeling of fear is here, just welcome it and let go the word "fear" and stay only with the raw sensation in the body. Does this sensation in the body says : "I am fear"? Does it say : I am going to disappear?
See that "I am afraid to disappear" is only a thought, don't take it credit. Just BE KNOWINGLY AWARE.

Expectations are how things should be or how should I feel. Let expectations show up like all other thoughts, don't give credit to thoughts, let them come let them go like clouds in the sky. There is seeing of expectations, there is awareness of teh what is called fear, is there a way to be unaware? Stay as being aware, as this clarity, this openess which has been here all along before you came to this forum.

There is awareness right now, thoughts are noticed, sensations are known, emotions are known : they are named "fear", "expectations", ... the clue is to be open to all of them and being aware of them = not letting them steer the ship. Know that there is nothing outside of what is here now : sensations, appearances, emotions, feelings, thoughts and the knowing (being aware) of them. There is no place for a you or an "I" in all of this.

Waiting for your insights, be gentle with yourself.

[Blu]

Good morning Nour, thank you for all your words.
It seems like things have stalled a bit here, but not because I have crossed the gate, but because I don't seem to know how to proceed.
I know you have already given me the tools I need and more, but I feel like I'm missing the point

Hug

[warissem]

Dear Sylvia

It seems like things have stalled a bit here, but not because I have crossed the gate,

What is "crossing the gate" ?
Is there something you're expecting the path to look like that maybe it doesn't?
Is there awareness of this "not because I have crossed the gate" ?
What is this "I" saying it? Is there really someone, Sylvia saying it or is it just a train of thoughts with "I" as a central thought?

but because I don't seem to know how to proceed.

There is no you to proceed or not proceed. Do you see that there is no "I" speaking? Do you see that there is no separate self saying "I don't seem to know how to proceed"? Do you see that it is a train of thoughts containing the thought ?

I know you have already given me the tools I need and more, but I feel like I'm missing the point

See that the sentence above is a train of thoughts containing "I". The illusion resides in this "I" to which a credit is given. LOOK AT this "I" and SEE definitively that there is nothing behind it. It is like seeing that there is no tiger under your bed.
Being aware is surely missed by thoughts. A thought cannot have the point on awareness. There is nothing more to what is here now.

Answer to this question with a big YES or a big NO.
Eyes open, is there an "I", a you, a separate self in the experience?
Eyes closed, is there an "I", a you, a separate self in any shape or form?

So simple.

Best for you

[warissem]

Instead of this :
Do you see that it is a train of thoughts containing the thought?

Read this :
Do you see that it is a train of thoughts containing the thought "I"?

[Blu]

Eyes open: colors, thoughts that label EVERYTHING, sensations, sounds, flavors. (Breaking everything down into just de)
If I don't concentrate everything recomposes

Eyes closed: sensations, sounds, flavors, thoughts that once again label everything.

But something is aware of all this and I am that (not to use the expression from Nisargadatta's book, but it's the phrase that best describes).. furthermore, identification with body and thoughts remains.
Maybe I don't try hard enough
Compared to the first days where I was almost obsessed with research, lately things are loosen. I would like to do more but I don't know how

I can't say that I don't exist..

[warissem]

Good evening

Eyes open: colors, thoughts that label EVERYTHING, sensations, sounds, flavors. (Breaking everything down into just de) If I don't concentrate everything recomposes

Eyes closed: sensations, sounds, flavors, thoughts that once again label everything.

Yes, there is nothing more to what is and there is awareness of all of this.

But something is aware of all this and I am that (not to use the expression from Nisargadatta's book, but it's the phrase that best describes).. furthermore,

Yes, but it is not something which is aware. There is only awareness (being aware) : there is no you, no one to be aware. There is a conditioning about a verb needing a subject. It is where the identification operates. As you can see : there is no one doing raining, there is no one thinking, there is no one writing on this forum, there is no one seeking.

identification with body and thoughts remains.

Yes, there is a lot of conditioning, old habits running on. Take thoughts at a distance, just be knowingly aware.
What knows that identification is happening?
Just be aware of this identification with body and thought. The key is TO BE KNOWINGLY AWARE : awareness aware of itself.

Maybe I don't try hard enough
Compared to the first days where I was almost obsessed with research, lately things are loosen. I would like to do more but I don't know how

What is this "I" which wants to do more?
What exactly is missing right now, in this moment?
Is there anything in your direct experience that is not known to you right now?
Are you content with what is here now?
Are there expectations to change what is here now?

I can't say that I don't exist..

Yes, there is existence, awareness but it is not you, it is IT. It is not personal.
This awareness that sees everything come and go… is that itself coming and going?
Can you find a beginning or end to it?
Is this awareness trying hard to be aware? Or is it simply present?

There is no more to it. Keep coming back with your comments.

Sit with each question and give answers through direct experience.

Waiting for your insights

[Blu]

Good morning Nour

What knows that identification is happening?

It's a thought story

What is this "I" which wants to do more?

It's a thought story

What exactly is missing right now, in this moment?

So many things but once again it's a story

Is there anything in your direct experience that is not known to you right now?

No, my direct experience is what is known to me

Are you content with what is here now?

Absolutely no

Are there expectations to change what is here now?

I expect it to change my point of view on what is here now

This awareness that sees everything come and go… is that itself coming and going?

No

Can you find a beginning or end to it?

No

Is this awareness trying hard to be aware? Or is it simply present?

No effort, just present

Thanks for your time

[warissem]

Dear Sylvia

Good observations.

Are you content with what is here now?

Absolutely no

Bob Adamson says " there is nothing wrong about now when we don't think about it".

Is there something in you that resists what is here now?

Can you be with what is here now, with its ups and downs, without needing it to change?

Are there expectations to change what is here now?

I expect it to change my point of view on what is here now

What do you imagine would change if your point of view shifted?

Who or what is the 'you' that wants the point of view to shift?

Waiting for your insights

[Blu]

Good evening dear Nour,

Bob Adamson says " there is nothing wrong about now when we don't think about it".

Thought cannot be stopped..
it's about stopping giving credence to thoughts...? but how?

Is there something in you that resists what is here now?

Yes

Can you be with what is here now, with its ups and downs, without needing it to change?

No

What do you imagine would change if your point of view shifted?

Acceptance, love, awareness of how things are, of what I am, of what life is and enough detachment from thoughts and emotions to be able to savor a little peace (constant) without falling back into hell
All this should make me make peace with what is aand with myself

Who or what is the 'you' that wants the point of view to shift?

stories of thought

Thanks❤️

[warissem]

Good evening

Thought cannot be stopped..
it's about stopping giving credence to thoughts...? but how?

There is no need to stop thoughts, they come and go. Just let them come, let them go. What if you stay at the station and don't take the train of thoughts? Just be aware of thoughts, it is the clue.

Is there something in you that resists what is here now?

Yes

What is it? Is it a sensation, a color, a smell, a thought?

Can you be with what is here now, with its ups and downs, without needing it to change?

No

Can you pinpoint to that which says "no"?
Is there a you, Sylvia resisting to what is? LOOK

What do you imagine would change if your point of view shifted?

Acceptance, love, awareness of how things are, of what I am, of what life is and enough detachment from thoughts and emotions to be able to savor a little peace (constant) without falling back into hell
All this should make me make peace with what is aand with myself

If the desire for peace arises from stories of thought, what is aware of those stories right now?
What remains when the stories quiet down, even for a moment?

Best for you

[Blu]

Good morning

There is no need to stop thoughts, they come and go. Just let them come, let them go. What if you stay at the station and don't take the train of thoughts? Just be aware of thoughts, it is the clue.

I can't create enough detachment to just observe them without getting involved. When there is thought I am the thought. I don't know if it makes sense

What is it? Is it a sensation, a color, a smell, a thought?

only thought and physical sensations of contraction labeled as resistance

Can you pinpoint to that which says "no"?
Is there a you, Sylvia resisting to what is? LOOK

nothing can resist to what is,
thought says no and again, contractions in the body, especially in the belly
I can't take away the authority of thought

If the desire for peace arises from stories of thought, what is aware of those stories right now?

what I call I

What remains when the stories quiet down, even for a moment?

they don't calm down, I can't get out of the thought, it's like a spider web
only a few times in these last days I happened to be without thoughts, I couldn't find any.. then they came back. they are like a river that never stops flowing, sometimes impetuous, other times like a continuous background noise.. rivers of chatter or images, a constant noise that settles like a veil on everything the direct experience and hides it, distorts it, incinerates it

Maybe I'm not suited to this investigation
I'm not saying I don't want it.. it's just a consideration
I feel a bit like a slave to thoughts

[warissem]

Dear Sylvia

I can't create enough detachment to just observe them without getting involved. When there is thought I am the thought. I don't know if it makes sense

Yes. Try this : when a thought comes in just say “thinking is happening” or “labeling is happening”

only thought and physical sensations of contraction labeled as resistance

Just stay with these sensations without the label “resistance” : what is wrong with sensations?
Do sensations say :”we are resistance”?

nothing can resist to what is,

Very good.

thought says no and again, contractions in the body, especially in the belly

Once again stay with sensations.

I can't take away the authority of thought

There is no authority behind thoughts of any kind : a thought is a pattern coming and going with no objective, no agenda. It is a program running. See that a thought is insentient, not intelligent, it is just a concept, an image. Are you aware of thoughts or are they aware of you?

If the desire for peace arises from stories of thought, what is aware of those stories right now?

what I call I

There is no I, no you, there is this knowing principle, awareness, presence.

they don't calm down, I can't get out of the thought, it's like a spider web
only a few times in these last days I happened to be without thoughts, I couldn't find any.. then they came back. they are like a river that never stops flowing, sometimes impetuous, other times like a continuous background noise.. rivers of chatter or images, a constant noise that settles like a veil on everything the direct experience and hides it, distorts it, incinerates it

You are describing a common place. It is fine. The goal is not to be without thoughts, it is to be aware that thoughts are objects like clouds in the sky. Let them come let them go, don’t do any effort. When a thought comes, let it be, just be curious about it : where was it before it appears? Observe it and find where it goes? Try to find a boundary between two thoughts : where the first ends and the second begins. Just play with thoughts as you play with clouds (they come, they go, they change form, they are dark or clear, low, high, ...)

Can the spider web be felt, sensed—not analyzed—but simply known as sensation?
Are you the river of thoughts or are you aware of this river of thoughts?
Do you see that this constant thought-noise is not veiling nor distorting, nor hiding, nor incinerating direct experience but this turmoil is part of direct experience, it is appearing within awareness?.

Maybe I'm not suited to this investigation
I'm not saying I don't want it.. it's just a consideration
I feel a bit like a slave to thoughts

There is no I, no you at the first place to assume what is said above. Have you seen for sure that “I” is a concept? If it is so, read again what you said knowing that “I” is a label : what can a label say? Does a label think? Can a label be slave of thoughts?

Waiting for your insights.

[Blu]

Hi Nour, the situation is this: thoughts are much less focused on research. I'm very sorry because I would like the opposite. The fact is that I can hardly look anymore. It seems like they are sabotaging me. It is fear?
What to do?
I don't want to give up

[warissem]

Dear Sylvia


You're tired or scared or maybe overwhelmed — and that's okay. There is no worry. There is no urge to this process. Things happen when they happen. Take it easy and relax.
Is there a fear of failure, inadequacy, success, judgment, or something else?

Know that there is nothing to achieve, no task to perform, just Be knowingly what you are.
I suggest a pause for a week : forget all about this process, the seeking and enjoy what is here now. I invite you to go for a walk in a park, in nature as much as you can and observe the colors, the sounds, the perfumes, ...

I am with you. You are welcome here whenever you want. Let me know about what is going on.

I wish the best for you
Nour