Now and Here and Nowhere?

[Anastacia42]

Good. Here's some additional inspiration.

https://youtu.be/wyNwhK2Ur1c?si=TZwuFEst-7Hsadpu


and this:

https://www.liberationunleashed.com/res ... ar-seeker/

There are other articles here on our page.

Loving,

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi. . .
Yes, just look ("and check").
Have been letting distractions interfere with desire, looking.
Found myself pausing more today in the middle of internet scrolling,busy-ness, etc, to "look and check"

It's ever clearer that Direct Experiences are all there is.
That thoughts are concepts and unreliable.

From the youtube:

Bring the looking from the land of concepts to experience.

Looking at some fowers on my table. . . belief would say "I'm seeing, flowers, beautiful," etc . . all extra . . . .
Direct experience-- just vivid shapes and colors . .. and that's enough . . . .
and words (including "vivid shapes and colors") aren't necessary . .

And over and over... sensations associated with "sense of self" are only sensations... no self there. ..

And yet there is this knowing . . seeing . . . . feeling . . . .
Just happening? . . . Absolutely nothing knows or sees or feels?

That's still a stretch . . . .

Will keep LOOKING.

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

You're not going to vanish in a puff of smoke. There will still be what I like to call "awareness" and some people call "consciousness" although both are a little bit challenging to define.

Being aware does not define a "self."

When the penny drops and this becomes real for you, you will see what is meant. In some ways you've already had glimpses of this every time you felt light and open.

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi,

You're not going to vanish in a puff of smoke. There will still be what I like to call "awareness" and some people call "consciousness" although both are a little bit challenging to define.

Good to know.

Sitting in the morning,
Working with butt/chair . . checking for I. . . noticing thougths . . .

Being aware does not define a "self."

Yes, no actual "I" even in awareness, tho it's still a bit murky.
Some moments of lightness. . .

More people distraction today. . .
Hope to get better at remembering to LOOK when there's commotion... .

thanks, e



.

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good.

Did you do "Where is 'I'" from the DropBox?

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi

Did you do "Where is 'I'" from the DropBox?

Appreciated "where" is I, as opposed to "who" . .
coming up with NO where. . .
There were sensations in face and a sense of weight, associated with "I' am here . . .
And Intensity in the upper body, jaw, with"trying" to find the where of the "I" that knows a thought/sight/sound . . .
In seeing this there was a sort of hollowed out feeling . . .

When able to let go of the idea of an "I am knowing" a thought/sight/sound . .
or let go trying to find a what knows, or where is this "I" that knows . .
And instead allow "there is" knowing thinking/seeing/hearing.... there'd be relaxation, relief . .

Later read tbis in the Gateless Gate:

Theraveda people focus attention, look, understand, etc. What’s wrong with this? The self that is in the middle of each step

It resonated.

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Hope to get better at remembering to LOOK when there's commotion... .

Question:

When you saw that Santa Claus was just a man in a red suit did you have to "get better at remembering?"

Or was it obvious from then on? You knew.


Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi . . .

When you saw that Santa Claus was just a man in a red suit did you have to "get better at remembering?"

I read this and laughed. And no . . . I did not have to "get better at remembering!'

Or was it obvious from then on? You knew.

Yes, I absolutely knew. (Losing the Easter Bunny came later. An even greater disappointment.)

There's a kind of automatic "I'" response with emotions, urges. .. (Never had an automatic "Santa is real" popping up all the time.)
Today was more acutely conscious of that & sometimes DId have to remind myself it was just emotion/sensations.
And the word "I" pops into thoughts regularly... but more easily flicking it off as just a thought.

And was checking in more frequently today to see where an "I" might be. Nowhere.
But also popping up more (or sometimes conjuring up) was just the direct experience involved with walking, or noticing just seeing or hearing, (sometimes even talking!) . . . almost like watching a movie. Very vivid.

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Yes, it is like watching a movie. No "I" No control. Nothing.

Stop believing the lie of a "self," just like Santa Claus.

Don't be fooled.

What does it FEEL like to see there is no "self?"


The lie will come & go, but you always know the truth when you look.

Loving

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi,

What does it FEEL like to see there is no "self?"

Too much going on today, not enough sleep, ...too much talking . . . feeling blank/tired . . .
Yesterday it felt more like seeing there is no "self", today more like believing it

The seeing felt light, kind of exhilerating, sometimes a very alert trancelike feeling,
but also feeling grounded. . .

today more trying to see, trying to register a feeling... tension with that,
and more a feeling of being "pulled out" (ungrounded) . ..

But pausing and checking in right now.. ..seeing once again there is no self in any of these sensations or thougts,
no "I" anywhere . . . .a sense of lightness, relaxation . . .

The lie will come & go, but you always know the truth when you look.

Just now looking more carefully . . .

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Tell me when you are no longer fooled by Santa's red suit (the false sense ofa "self")

Can you say 100% there's is no separate "self? "
What is keeping you stuck?

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy hi,
Yeah, how do i get fooled?

Can you say 100% there's is no separate "self? "

Yes.
But often this seems like more of a belief than an absolute knowing.

What is keeping you stuck?

I honestly don't know!
A notion that there's an "I" at the core of any knowing? Forgetting and falling back into old habits and reactions? Feelings of not being good enough to ever awaken?

You wrote earlier,

the lie will come and go

Playing with how it is to know there is no Santa Claus.
The feeling of knowing that: solid and forceful.

No "I"? Body sensations/tensions associated with "I" instantly arise that interfere with the force of the statement.
Recognizing this interference seems to dissociate the sensations from the thought "I."

but you always know the truth when you look.

It takes some awareness for that to happen.

With some repetition, "no santa," "no I" , . . . the "no I" has a force more similar to "no santa."
I'm seeing through those connectiona of body sensations to "I" thoughts.
In fact, "no I" takes on a spacious quality.

Seems there's a need to keep practicing ... to somehow reinforce the belief with a gut sense of it . . .
Things like butt/chair . . . where is I? .... no santa/no I . . . .etc. . . . . all help.

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

Good work. You're being very diligent & looking frequently. That helps.

No "I"? Body sensations/tensions associated with "I" instantly arise that interfere with the force of the statement.

Lie feelings (contraction) or truth feelings (expansion)?

It sounds like your lying of a self is popping up so quickly that you're getting the lie feeling instead of the truth feeling. Look closely.

"no I" takes on a spacious quality.

Yes. The truth feeling because it's true. Stick with that.

"Thus you should see that
indeed there is no thing here;
this, Bahiya, is how you should train yourself.
Since, Bahiya, there is for you
in the seen, only the seen,
in the heard, only the heard,
in the sensed, only the sensed,
in the cognized, only the cognized,
and you see that there is no thing here,
you will therefore see that
indeed there is no thing there.
As you see that there is no thing there,
you will see that
you are therefore located neither in the world of this,
nor in the world of that,
nor in any place
betwixt the two.
This alone is the end of suffering."

Or life life-ing. Nothing else.

Loving,

[Ezilda]

Stacy, hi,

Lie feelings (contraction) or truth feelings (expansion)?

The sensations/tensions that arise with thoughts of "I" are subtle, almost unconscious unless I'm really paying attention.
But they provide a kind of background "I" sense to go with "I" thoughts. . .
And tensions with trying, "have to," indecision, etc . . also foster an "I" sense, even if the world "I" doesn't appear.

It's to keep recognizing that this "I" sense is extra, tacked on, not real . . . .
All there is

in the sensed, only the sensed

tensions, contractions are only the sensed, not "I"....
At those times I grok this, or this is grokked, the tensions relax and soften . . .
the sense of "I" diminishes . . .
thinking is less predominate . . ..

thanks, e

[Anastacia42]

You know, grokking there is no self is a pretty good way to say what we're looking for.

Loving,