Around me and inside me

[JonathanR]

Sorry Susanna,

I actually wrote “beady-eyed priests” but predictive text must’ve changed it to “beastly-eyed”.

Jon

[Hotpoot]

Hi Jon,

hello from the hospital again. I’m here now for breathing and kidney issues, but improving greatly.

The plane crash was very stressful to deal with, not just with the customers who were on the flights, but media who misconstrued what happened and then Trump claiming DEI caused the crash, because the Second Officer was a woman. I care deeply for others, so I was very grateful to be able to connect with so many and help them. Of course, some were more traumatized than others and really took it out on us verbally. I had one of the toughest encounters of my career with one of the passengers. I’ve worked at Delta for 30 years and have been in this role for over 15. In fact, I created this role and team. But, to be honest, this is my bread and butter at Delta. I’m the manager of the team that handles sexual assault, physical assault - customer to customer and alleged employee to customer, human trafficking, legal cases, employee misbehavior involving a customer and then on top of all of that, I’m the assistant to our CEO who handles passenger issues. I’m on call for him 24/7. I do my best with self care and I’ve relaxed a lot in this role.

I was raised by an atheist single mom who had 5 kids. She was adamant that we find our own spiritual path. She very rarely discussed her beliefs, only that we should have an open mind and not follow any particular path out of fear. I grew up in the South, so the “fear of God’ and “believe in Jesus or go to hell” were prevalent everywhere - you couldn’t completely escape its influence. The comment that I’m afraid if I don’t “get it” or will suffer horribly someday was referencing suffering the end stages of life of myself, my spouse or my daughter. The pain and sadness that would be inevitable. I guess I’m hoping to forgo that type of suffering. My dad died when I was 9 and my mom when I was 19. The grief was very pronounced with my mom and I think I’m reacting to those memories. Maybe. I’ve never been a Christian or Buddhist or really any particular religion at all. I’ve always practiced trying to be open hearted.

There was an idea that suffering can be avoided. I’ve dealt with many folks in Perfectly Okay who claim to be on some higher stage of awakening who no longer have emotions. However, I never wanted not to have emotions. I just wanted to pick and choose what I go through. I’m only now realizing all this because I’ve contemplated what you’ve written and now responding. Blindspots. I don’t feel that suffering should be avoided at all costs. I guess I always thought that the more actualized a person, the less or no suffering they experience. I do think suffering and inevitable suffering should be accepted as part of this existence.

There is no evidence the suffering will happen. It is truly a fear of a bogeyman that is unreal as you said - as unreal as the separate self.

I guess when I wrote that my desires weren’t pure, I meant they weren’t open hearted. Meaning, I guess the same thing as pure now that I think about it. Desires just happen.

I do understand that liberation is already available to me. Is it just a matter of deconditioning? letting go of trauma? Beliefs, blindspots, concepts- letting those go too? or is it just being aware. being awareness?

[JonathanR]

Hi Susanne

Sorry for a delay in replying to you. I was busy away from home for a couple of days.

hello from the hospital again. I’m here now for breathing and kidney issues, but improving greatly.

I’m very happy to hear that you have improved greatly. Hope you are continuing to feel much better?

There was an idea that suffering can be avoided. I’ve dealt with many folks in Perfectly Okay who claim to be on some higher stage of awakening who no longer have emotions. However, I never wanted not to have emotions.

I get that. I’ve come across a number of people in groups who talk in terms of “higher” (and “lower”) realisations or attainment and the idea of no emotions too. Maybe that works for them? I can understand why you don’t want to have no emotions though.

I guess I always thought that the more actualized a person, the less or no suffering they experience. I do think suffering and inevitable suffering should be accepted as part of this existence.

Perhaps there can be quite a bit less personal suffering but still not need to run from or push away from painful experiences?

There is no evidence the suffering will happen. It is truly a fear of a bogeyman that is unreal as you said - as unreal as the separate self.

Is it thought that makes the idea of suffering worse?

Another question; is it fear of experiencing fear that tends to go with the perception of a personal “me”?

What if everything is allowed to flow freely, even pain and pleasure? Who or what suffers then?

I do understand that liberation is already available to me. Is it just a matter of deconditioning? letting go of trauma? Beliefs, blindspots, concepts- letting those go too? or is it just being aware. being awareness?

What makes you think they don’t go together? I’d say they are both excellent and very helpful.

Sending love

Jon

[JonathanR]

Hi Susanne

I’m wondering how you are now?

It has been quite a few days.

Best wishes

Jon

[JonathanR]

I’m hoping you are ok Susanne?

Not hearing from you I’m wondering if you might have decided to give our conversation a break? If so that’s ok, though it helps me to know what’s going on because I tend to make a commitment when I guide someone. I tend to wait until a conversation is complete before answering anyone else at The Gate. I used to guide up to five people at one time but these days I’m busy with work, so I answer one person at any one time and try to give proper focus to them.

Not hearing anything from you I’m not inclined to keep posting to you. I’ve been available all this time but now I would like to feel free to assist one of the others who are waiting. I will wait to see if you answer this post for a few more days and you can always message me even if you return after months, but I may not be able to guarantee to guide you at that point. You may have to reapply for a guide and wait your turn for one to answer you. But you can always do that.

Wishing you the very best Susanne.

Love,

Jon