A Quest for Shedding Relentless Doubt

[Woodlands]

Sorry for the delay. It’s been a rough period of time…

There’s been a lot of turning towards the fear when it’s noticed and trying to seek this out. Until there isn’t!

There have been some really strong/sticky stories coming up that have been hard to shake. Just knowing they’re stories doesn’t seem to be enough to loosen their grip or power. Knowing your suffering is all based on made up stuff only seems to increase frustration and suffering!

I know there’s a strong element of recurrently falling into the pattern of not wanting something as it is, and either forgetting completely how to just be with that, or believing my being with that isn’t ‘right’.


This is where I get a bit confused as might we be talking about different kinds of ‘right’. In my previous post, this was more of a right that means ‘closer towards a specific intended direction’ (something that aids clearer seeing of the illusion of separate self/being present) as opposed to there being a specific way something should happen as though this was some unwritten law somewhere. Without some kind of ‘better’ direction, how can one know which way to move with any of this? (Again, better not as in an absolute better but as in one which is more likely to lead to a certain outcome relative to another, in a set of specified circumstances). Letting go of any sense of if what is being done is going in a particular direction seems to pose the risk of easily giving up and becoming pulled into the trance of thought and old patterns again.

I think as things get hard and old patterns come up, there seems to be a need to have something to remember and have trust in.

I am realising I think I’m seeking ground, security, something to hold on to. There defintielt seems to be something in clinging to, though I’m unsure what this is specifically.

I’m not sure if there are some key beliefs to expose and/or some strong feelings too.

I was wondering if it might be possible for someone in this community to do a deep looking session or similar? This week has been really tough and it feels I might need more help looking more closely at things I might not want to look at (and therefore may not quite be able to ‘get at this stuff’ by myself).

Thank you for your help and patience.


Jade

[ty0]

Yes it sounds like a live session would be helpful for you. Why don't you join one of my friend Vince's Zoom meetings?

There is a meetup every Saturday at 9 pm (Sydney Australia time)
each Monday 7 am ( Sydney Australia time)
each Wednesday at 4 pm (Sydney Australia time)
and every Friday 8 am (Sydney time) - not published publicly. It is available only to participants by email request.

This is the link: https://link.sbstck.com/redirect/a24352 ... XyC158x_os

You can contact him at vinceschubert@substack.com if you want to join the Friday meetings.

[Woodlands]

Thank you!