Let's do this!

[warissem]

Good morning

You are doing a good job here. Glad to read your answers.

I can only find a ‘me’ in thoughts.

Yes, how about this "I" which can only find...? Do you see the subtlety of thoughts?
Is there a you, Wouter seeking or is it just happening?

Here is an investigation of the body, it will help to deepen the seeing of no you, no separate self :
Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

Best for you

[Wouter]

Dear Nour,

Suddenly, since Sunday, there is a lot of anxiety going on. There are lot of thoughts about that I can’t complete the projects in my job when there is so much tension. These stories distract me from looking. It looks very compelling that there is a me that IS anxious.

[warissem]

Dear Wouter

Suddenly, since Sunday, there is a lot of anxiety going on. There are lot of thoughts about that I can’t complete the projects in my job when there is so much tension.

Is the anxiety due to the the fear that you can't complete the projects?
If it is the case, take a pause. List the projects and do a planning to manage them in time.
if the tension is due to what is going on this forum : just take it easy, there is no hurry and no worry. Let things come as they do. You can take a pause from here too.

These stories distract me from looking.

There is looking at the stories and this does not need a you

It looks very compelling that there is a me that IS anxious.

Anxiety is an emotion, it does not happen to you, it just is. "There is a me that is anxious" is a thought about a me, do you see this?
When there is anxiety, just observe the sensations in the body (without the label "anxiety"), welcome these sensations, let them be in the light, let them go. It is a good opportunity to do the exercise given in my last post about the body.

Waiting for your insights

[Wouter]

Dear Nour,

Thank you for your support. I deeply appreciate it.

Is the anxiety due to the the fear that you can't complete the projects?

Large portion of my work consists out of having meetings. When there is anxiety - which sometimes just arises - thoughts kicks in that say that I can’t perform well because I don’t feel relaxed.

What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?

Today, I did the body exercise a couple of times. At first, there were stories and images about a me that has to do something in order to feel. I also noticed subtitle memories about how tuning in to the body has led to relaxation in the past. These memories were projected into expectations. On top of that, I noticed an analysis going on about the sensations and storytelling about what I could write in this reply.

Looking closer, there were images about what the body is, how it looks and where its edges are supposed to be. But that isn’t direct experience. So I looked closer. Then there were just sensations. No idea where they are, what they are or who or what notices them. From this perspective, anxiety, and even the body, don’t exist as a thing. There are just sensations.

There is a me that is anxious" is a thought about a me, do you see this?

Right now, I see this. But yesterday this ‘perspective’ was not there.

When there is anxiety, just observe the sensations in the body (without the label "anxiety"), welcome these sensations, let them be in the light, let them go. It is a good opportunity to do the exercise given in my last post about the body.

Thanks. Yesterday I noticed that when there is anxiety, the mind wants to protect an image. An image that ‘says’: I can’t come across as anxious. But the sensations are there. They are the truth.

[warissem]

Good morning

Glad to know that you have gone through thoughts stories about anxiety. A feeling is thought + sensations.

It seems that we are in control of what we do and choose what to do, here is an exercise to investigate this :

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.
2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:-

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.
Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?
Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Best for you