gratefully seeking a guide to realize that i don't exist

[Bananafish]

A mind that thinks

What is that "mind," without naming it mind?
How is it perceived?

[lovehere]

Thoughts.

Thoughts are experienced, in the same way sounds are heard. They "appear" in this experiential moment. I don't know how else to describe it.

When a thought arises, it does not take up 100% of the experience...they can be there, while something is being seen...or a sound is interpreted.

What is interesting is attention. Earlier, there was an audiobook playing in the car, but then thoughts of making a song in "my head" were happening. Minutes later, I had lost the book...and missed some of what was said. Attention was focused on the internal thoughts rather than the sound of the audiobook. I am not really sure what causes attention to shift.

[Bananafish]

What thinks thoughts?

[lovehere]

Nothing can be found, that thinks thoughts. They appear.

It's like there is a mirror, which represents awareness, and there is phenomena that arises (thoughts, sounds, sights, sensations, smells, tastes). I AM the mirror and the phenomena. I must be both, simultaneously.

Thoughts can only be experienced if the "mirror" is also there. They must be there together.

That which thinks thoughts cannot be known.

Thoughts are experienced as a sound is heard, not by an ear or brain, but sort of like this mirror.

The deluded "I thought" is like a person looking at the mirror, and claiming/thinking that that is in fact itself.

[Bananafish]

I AM the mirror and the phenomena. I must be both, simultaneously.

Are these words on the display "mirror" or "phenomena"?

[lovehere]

These words are phenomena. The mirror doesn’t “need” affirmation of what is. The nature of the mirror is awareness, not phenomena.

Phenomena like these words pop up in this maya-interplay, just like rain falling or a baby moose being born. Things are happening. Always changing.

[Bananafish]

Are what you say about "awareness" phenomena?

Can you show what "awareness" is, without resorting to
"phenomenal" ways?

[lovehere]

In this moment, I am unable to spot awareness "alone." I try to isolate it, but it always seems to coincide with phenomena.

There are thoughts about deep, dreamless sleep, and how perhaps, awareness exists "there" without phenomena; but this is still just thinking, and not happening, right now.

[Bananafish]

What's awareness right now?

[lovehere]

There is what is being seen. There is what is being felt. There is what is being heard. There is what is being smelled. There is what is being tasted. There are thoughts, subtle but a few arrive. There is no "aware-er" just awareness and the phenomena. Like two sides of the same coin. That's what is here, now.

Who am I? Is there anyone home? Or, is all of this home?

It's as if this moment is more home than the "feeling that there is a person in the skull."

Am I just saying this stuff, or is it truly being felt this way in the moment?

This too, was just a thought.

[Bananafish]

Ok, thanks. :)

Leave the thoughts as they are and inquire further into the same question.

Regards,

Kento

[lovehere]

Hi Kento,

I hope you're well. :)

Let's see what words pop out, shall we? Awareness is natural. It is seeing the computer. It is feeling the keyboard. Hearing a ringing pitch. It's thoughts arising about the question itself. Awareness is somehow aware of this experience.

What is awareness? It's not clear that it can be labeled or deconstructed. Awareness is always here. Things change, awareness "notices." Awareness is the movie screen upon which the movie is played.

[Bananafish]

Hi Michael. :)

Thanks! Now, leave all those explanations behind, and try being
as non-explanatory as possible.

Inquire into what "awareness" is, and give an answer.

Regards,

Kento

[lovehere]

Hi Kento,

I have inquired multiple times. There is no clear answer. The mind can't know. It must be experienced directly.

Do you have any direct pointing for such a clear seeing to happen?

I am not certain "where to look?"

Thank you. :)

[Bananafish]

Hi Michael. :)

You've been telling things about what you call "awareness," and as long as that's something
to be perceived in any way (including the case in which it is a pure concept, in other words, a thought),
that perceived "awareness" is where to look.

Even if you say "it can't be perceived," or "the mind can't know. It must be experienced directly."
it is still perceived as a thought or idea of something "that can't be perceived,"
"the mind can't know," or "must be experienced directly." Then you have to observe that thought.

Hope this helps,

Kento