Stream Entry

[Nicholas]

Tell me Nicholas this that you call failure, what is it?

instead of looking at experience, still looking at interpretation of that experience

[Alless]

Hello Nicholas

I can tell you are doing your best to see clearly. We've tried many approaches and yet there is something in the way. And even though I have been blunt, you still are staying the course. And I do thank you for that.

We are at the point where I suggest we look at a face to face conversation as part of the investigation. We are all unique and face to face can be a effective alternative in finding a way through that works for you. Would you be happy to do that on Zoom or a similar medium say for 30 mins or so?

Let me know and if you are comfortable to do that I will send you a private message so we can arrange a time that works for us both.


With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

yet there is something in the way.

is this based on last response? (the one with failure)
I mean, I imagine this thought has been brewing for while but I was curious if even my last response was also... "wrong"

...

oh good idea yeah, let's do a video meeting!
will wait for your PM

hug

[Alless]

Hello Nicholas

yet there is something in the way.

is this based on last response? (the one with failure)
I mean, I imagine this thought has been brewing for while but I was curious if even my last response was also... "wrong"

It's not based on any particular response. It's what prompted the suggestion of a face to face to see if that would help with a breakthrough.

Have just sent a private message. We'll get a time sorted that way.


With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

Glad we talked on video Alan. Useful for getting unstuck.
Nice to meet you.

as we discussed... going to focus on:

+ sensation on lifted hand
+ where exactly is the feeler?
+ feelings will arise, focus on those and investigate them

Did I get it right?

Will write here on Monday! (or I think it would be Tuesday actually...)

[Alless]

Yes Nicholas, it was indeed good to talk. Thank you.

as we discussed... going to focus on:

+ sensation on lifted hand
+ where exactly is the feeler?
+ feelings will arise, focus on those and investigate them
Did I get it right?

Yes. That's it.

And remember what you experienced when something like a "blank" was experienced? It seemed to be a "blank" simply because the mind labelled it as such. As you saw, and also described, this is like a tangent that distracts from direct experience. So instead of going with the thought and believing "This is blank" stay with the looking at the "blank" and see what unfolds.

What then came up was the feeling of "stupor" as I recall. Again the mind can trick us into believing what it is telling us. The thought "This is stupor" deflects / distracts / creates a tangent from the looking.

Just keep looking as best as you can.

And also for the question "where is the feeler?" and when investigating feelings just watch what unfolds. Remember the "answer" will reveal itself "wordlessly." We then have to use words as best we can to try and describe what happened.

Will write here on Monday! (or I think it would be Tuesday actually...)

Lovely. Looking forward to what you find.


With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

Hey Alan.

So what I did is... for several times during these days...

lift my hand
feel the sensation
ask "where is the feeler"?

also found that if I change the words of the question but keep the significance... I actually get better results (they just feel more personal). like the question has more "impact"

for example: where's Nicholas? where exactly is Nicholas? where am I exactly in the body?

things like that

also tested throwing a dice and asking myself "which number is facing up?" and just looking at it trying to get a feel of "reality" while ignoring whatever interpretation or thought mind could generate.

but I still came up with some issues.

for example I didn't notice any new sensations or things happening.

and specially EXTREME procrastination.
and while trying to investigate this... I don't know where to look because I just notice sensations that are ALREADY there even before I do the inquiry.

is it possible to try with "easier" questions? for me the "where is the feeler" seems like the ULTIMATE question and seems hard.

like trying to chomp too much in one bite.

what do you think?

[Alless]

Good to see your post Nicholas.

We often face paradoxes in this exploration. The paradox here is that in seeking to find new questions one of two things can be happening - or both.

1. the desire for new questions can because that is a very effective way for the mind to create distraction from direct experience
OR
2. a different question does help to bring a new helpful perspective.

Only you will know at this point which is true. I sense that if you watch really closely you will find that it is number 1. The mind is creating distraction. But even with that being a distinct possibility let's take another example. So in response to this request.........

is it possible to try with "easier" questions? for me the "where is the feeler" seems like the ULTIMATE question and seems hard.

Do this Nicholas.
Take your shoes and socks off and put your feet directly on the floor. Feel the sensation at the soles of your feet. If you have a cold floor or on the other hand a rug or carpet that might be helpful to accentuate the sensation.

Now feel the sensation where the soles of your feet meet the floor.

How would you describe the raw sensation here. Is it cold, or tingling or intense or burning or does some other basic description fit best?




With your eyes closed can you tell exactly where the soles of your feet end and the floor starts? Feeling only the sensation is there a definite location of a "line" where they meet?




What is it that feels that sensation?




Without any thought about the body, where is the experience of the sensation found?




Try this and let me know what happens


With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

sorry I haven't written yesterday!
I'm WORKING on this. that is: NO MIND.

but I'm taking my time, specially with last 2 questions.

[Alless]

No problem Nicholas

And if you feel a face to face would help let me know.

We could do the same time as last week.

With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

still at this! will do 1-2 more days and if I don't get any more results will show results.

:)

[Alless]

Hello Nicholas

What happens if you just let the feeling be there without any trying?

With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

1 the desire for new questions can because that is a very effective way for the mind to create distraction from direct experience
OR
2 a different question does help to bring a new helpful perspective.

Only you will know at this point which is true

Asking “where is the feeler" doesn’t… generate nothing in me HOWEVER, if I ask “where is Nicholas” or “where is the Nicholas feeling this” … ooooh… that’s totally different! Because there’s something here that I call Nicholas, and it is worth investigating. In this case, I think that as long as new questions bring new sensations to investigate… or they generate some kind of different impression… yeah they useful!

Now feel the sensation where the soles of your feet meet the floor.

How would you describe the raw sensation here. Is it cold, or tingling or intense or burning or does some other basic description fit best?

feet directly on floor.
Cold.
Wet/humid/sticky.

With your eyes closed can you tell exactly where the soles of your feet end and the floor starts? Feeling only the sensation is there a definite location of a "line" where they meet?

ok I REALLY hope this answer hasn’t been tainted by thought. I just ask the question in my mind and I don’t pay attention to whatever thoughts arise, in fact… I don’t even encourage thoughts at this point haha. I just LOOK at the sensation that’s all.
This is what I see: There’s just a sensation. That’s all. There’s no feet or floor. Just a sensation. The answer is in the sensation, no thought necessary. The answer IS the sensation.

(ok I’m sure I can look at this clearly. Small victory)

(made another test, placed my hand on stomach. They “merge” and “create” a new sensation. it’s just one, that’s it)

What is it that feels that sensation?
Without any thought about the body, where is the experience of the sensation found?

Been working with these questions but nothing came up. No answer of any kind.

I could keep trying with those questions or we could try another direction

What happens if you just let the feeling be there without any trying?

other than getting distracted and forgetting about the sensation... nothing

[Alless]

Starting with this ....

This is what I see: There’s just a sensation. That’s all. There’s no feet or floor. Just a sensation. The answer is in the sensation, no thought necessary. The answer IS the sensation.

Yes Nicholas ! That's all there is ! Beautiful

(made another test, placed my hand on stomach. They “merge” and “create” a new sensation. it’s just one, that’s it)

Yes ! Good that you put merge and create in quote marks.

Going back to the top of the post...

Asking “where is the feeler" doesn’t… generate nothing in me HOWEVER, if I ask “where is Nicholas” or “where is the Nicholas feeling this” … ooooh… that’s totally different! Because there’s something here that I call Nicholas, and it is worth investigating. In this case, I think that as long as new questions bring new sensations to investigate… or they generate some kind of different impression… yeah they useful!

In particular....

Asking “where is the feeler" doesn’t… generate nothing in me

Look again.... is the fact that you found nothing (noTHING) ...is that the truth about this that we call the feeler?

HOWEVER, if I ask “where is Nicholas” or “where is the Nicholas feeling this” … ooooh… that’s totally different!

Tell me more ....what do you find that started the "oooooh?"





With love


Alan

[Nicholas]

Asking “where is the feeler" doesn’t… generate nothing in me

Look again.... is the fact that you found nothing (noTHING) ...is that the truth about this that we call the feeler?

It doesn’t generate any kind of answer. Like sitting and thinking “bubble”. In this case no answer appears because no question is being asked. Even though “where is the feeler” is a question, nobody, no one thing is answering.

I don’t know what I am saying, let’s try again (I’m going to let that text though)

…

I can’t say “that’s the truth” because I didn’t see nothing new (or old but forgotten).

HOWEVER, if I ask “where is Nicholas” or “where is the Nicholas feeling this” … ooooh… that’s totally different!

Tell me more ....what do you find that started the "oooooh?"

“where’s Nicholas?” “where am I?”

So nothing happens… no answers. So I look at the mind to see what IT has to say… and it says “well, I think I’m right here, in the head, behind the eyes, inside the mind” and what happens next is that I agree with that and I tell you this because this “agreement” has some kind of “energy” or “substance” or “palpable weight” that maybe should be looked into.

By the way, I think I know why I’m not getting any answers, or having difficulty listening. When I do these questions they just feel like words in the wind. I’m having trouble getting in the right frame of mind, in the “I REALLY WANT TO KNOW THIS”, when I ask… feels like I don’t want to know, like there’s no “power” in there, no energy.

However, seems that the better moment to ask is when I’m having difficult emotions. Although it’s also harder to investigate in those moments. But maybe I should look here, what do you think? When walking in the street “something” affected me and then I started asking myself “ok, who’s angry? Where’s the nicholas that is angry? Where am I?”. and maybe there was a chance to go through that door but I aborted because… well, I was mad, hahaha, and it was too sudden.