See the sought

[Bluejay]

No problem. I'm here to guide and help :)

So in pure aliveness or life itself, where is the self in that?

Is there aliveness and something else (sensations, sounds, images, etc)?

Take some time to relax into these questions.

[tia22]

So in pure aliveness or life itself, where is the self in that?

I don’t know. When living normal life, this feels like the fundamental or primary existence, and I have always called this aliveness “me”. The familiar aliveness that has made perception possible for this lifetime. When I look directly, without thought, I don’t find anyone or anything. But the looking is also the aliveness.

Is there aliveness and something else (sensations, sounds, images, etc)?

After sitting with this for a while I can’t find any separation internally. There are no perceptible boundaries between sound, sensation, images and aliveness. I only note boundaries in the “external” visual field

[Bluejay]

That's good. Keep looking. 👍 👀

How does this aliveness make perception possible?

Is there a self that is looking? Try to find the exact location of the looker.

[tia22]

How does this aliveness make perception possible?

I think that was an assumption. I don’t know how anything is possible. Nothing seems to be creating anything else. It’s all just spontaneous. Which is another assumption. I don’t know. There is a fleeting discomfort with not knowing :)

Is there a self that is looking? Try to find the exact location of the looker.

As I sat and tried to find the looking and the looker, I didn’t find either of those things. I only seemed to find the observed/seen. I don’t understand. I have tears streaming out of my eyes. What is this? There is no person, no thinker, no doer, no looker, no seer, no decision maker, no experiencer, no center.

[Bluejay]

Hi Tia,

The grief and tears is normal, because it feels like you are losing what you thought to be the center of your life. All you have to do is allow and acknowledge.

Can you find the sense of self anywhere?

[tia22]

The grief and tears is normal, because it feels like you are losing what you thought to be the center of your life. All you have to do is allow and acknowledge.

Can you find the sense of self anywhere?

I can not find a sense of self. Even the thoughts don’t seem to be pushing the self agenda today. At the same time nothing feels different at all.

[Bluejay]

That sounds good, Tia :)

Hang in there for a bit and see if the sense of self arises again.

[tia22]

Will do

[tia22]

I guess it seems like the sense of self is still popping up. There is not the same “knowing” that there is not a sense of self, as I felt yesterday. I feel a little bit disconnected from the clarity I felt two nights ago.

[Bluejay]

Flip-flopping back and forth a bit is quite normal, so we keep exploring :)

Is there a specific topic where the sense of self is strongest?

For example: making decisions, thinking thoughts, feeling, hearing, seeing/watching, control, responsibility, or being awareness/aliveness?

[tia22]

I feel like thinking thoughts and seeing/watching/noticing are the areas that feel most like a self.

[Bluejay]

Understood. Let's try this:

Find a quiet space, take some deep breaths to relax and calm down. Then explore:

1. Where do thoughts come from and where do they go?

2. Can you predict the next thought?

3. Think of a number between 1 and 49. Did you know the number before it appeared?

4. Is there a 'thinker'?

[Bluejay]

And: Is there a me anywhere in thoughts?

[tia22]

1. Where do thoughts come from and where do they go?

No clue. Thoughts seem to just appear from nothing, and then disappear into nothing. There is a thought that claims a location they appear in- “the mind”, but that is also just a thought. There is no place or physical location of a thought or a mind.

2. Can you predict the next thought?

Not at all. lol
Not at all. I tried a few time, and it’s actually kind of funny to see.

3. Think of a number between 1 and 49. Did you know the number before it appeared?

38 just appeared. There was no knowing beforehand or choosing of that number.

4. Is there a 'thinker'?

Mmmm… this one feels sticky for some reason. But only sticky to the thoughts apparently, because the thoughts are responding to this. This one feels confusing… maybe

5. Is there a me anywhere in thoughts?

There is a thought that says “there is a sense of me here”. Then the thought disappears and there is nothing

[Bluejay]

What are the thoughts referring to when they say 'there is a sense of self'?

What sensory input are they pointing to?

So if there is a thinker or sense of self, what is it doing when it relates to thinking?

Let thoughts come and go, while you look for the thinker. Some questions that may help:

- Where is the thinker located?
- Does the thinker have a voice and speak the thoughts?
- Is the voice male or female?
- What are the characteristics of the thinker? (smoker, likes unicorns, eats too much candy)

😎