Looking and seeing

[Lucia73]

Dear Cheryl,

How’s life these days?
Is there still seeking?
Is there anything else that you want to explore together specifically?

Life is still the same, nothing have changed. The anxiety is still there.
I suppose that I need some time to accept that there is no self.
In this moment there isn’t anything else I want to explore, I just want to sit with this and see if it’s going to change my perspective.
I am really very grateful for the time you have given me and the guidance you have provided me ❤️❤️❤️
Love
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Dear Lucia,

Here are the final questions. Please answer all questions in full, when you are ready.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?


Love,
Cheryl

[CherylVT]

Hi Lucia,

How are you doing with the Final Questions?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

I think you'd make a fine guide. And in Italian!!!

Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

Hi dear Cheryl,

I’d love to become a pointer but I am not yet there, I heaven’t crossed the gate.
I have understood the logic behind, but I am not totally convinced. My search for what is this “I am” is not finished.

Love,
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Dear Lucia,

Ah yes. Doubt. The 2nd fetter.

What is here if there’s no problem to solve?

What is here if there’s no thought?

I suggest Pernille Damore "s videos on 2nd Fetter Doubt.

I'm at a cabin on a lake with no wifi this week, so i am not prompt in responding to you

Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

Dear Cheryl,

This period is full, completely full of problems to face and I am exhausted.

What is here if there’s no problem to solve?

It would be a profound peace, a beautiful ocean of calmness and stillness.

What is here if there’s no thought?

Even if there is no thought there are sensations, even if I try not to indulge in thinking about the problems, there is a sharp sensation in the chest, ever present, day and night and again in the morning as I wake up. Always, also now that I am writing.

Enjoy your vacation near the lake, I am going to google this Pernilla in the meantime and watch her videos.
❤️
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Dear Lucia,

Thanks for your patience. Summer is delightfully busy.

full of problems to face

The ego, the self sees problems, names it "problem".
I myself excel at problem-solving, which is something i love to do.
However, when i look closely, what do i find?

Is there an "I" who solves problems?
Who is in control?

Describe one "problem."
Then describe it in terms of Direct Experience


Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

Dear Cheryl,

No worries at all.summer is so short..

Is there an "I" who solves problems?
Who is in control?

There is Lucia that has to face problems. And she’s not in control, doesn’t know what will happen and so she’s afraid, ‘cause she had to face really lots of problems and she’s exhausted.

Describe one "problem."
Then describe it in terms of Direct Experience

The “One” problem is my brother. He has been unemployed for years, there is no way he can keep a job, I am his only relative so I feel obligated to take care of him by giving up my freedom but he is often rude, arrogant and ungrateful. Even today he had lunch at my house and behaved insolently with my husband and my daughters.I suffer greatly from this situation.
The DE is pain in the chest,tears, thoughts of sadness, regret and disappointed, fear of not being a good sister, fear of the next sorrow that life will bring me.

❤️
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Dear Lucia,

There is Lucia that has to face problems

Who is this Lucia who has to face problems?
Where in the body is this Lucia?

she’s afraid

Describe "she's afraid" in terms of Direct Experience.

I feel obligated to take care of him

Who says you have to take care of him?
Lucia has to take care of her brother, or else..... What?

thoughts of sadness, regret and disappointed, fear of not being a good sister, fear of the next sorrow that life will bring me.

Please go through these thoughts one by one in terms of Direct Experience.
Or, if that feels overwhelming, choose just one thought.

Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

Hi dear Cheryl.

Who is this Lucia who has to face problems?

This body-mind is Lucia, or “I” or “me” with its characteristic personality.
This body mind, not another one. This one born in 1973, from that parents, the mother of two, the wife of that husband and the sister of that brother. Anyone else.

It’s not IN the body-mind, it’s THE body-mind. She could exist even without some parts of the body but not without it.
I am not able to see an impersonal consciousness that animates this body. I see this body, its aliveness strongly connected to this mind.

Describe "she's afraid" in terms of Direct Experience

She feels anxious, she feels a pain in the chest and there are thoughts of the “worst case scenario “ running in the background.

Who says you have to take care of him?
Lucia has to take care of her brother, or else..... What ?

It’s something I feel I have to do because it’s part of my family, he’s in need, good people doesn’t abandon brothers…and other thoughts similar to these.
So the answer is : thoughts say that I have to take care of him because instead I am not a good person and my karma will be horrible. Thoughts, thoughts and thoughts. These thoughts do not consider his rudeness toward me and rather say that it is okay to sacrifice one's own serenity to make others happy. But who says which thoughts are good and which are wrong?
In terms of DE all these thoughts give me this uncomfortable pain in the chest, make me cry and drain my energies.
And the fear of telling him to stop, becoming “the sister who abandoned her brother in need” is overwhelming.
❤️
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Wow Lucia. There are a lot of unexamined thoughts running around.

Does your brother traumatize you?
Does he traumatize your daughters?

Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

No, my daughters are not traumatized by him. They say that he obviously doesn't realize how he behaves and so you don't have to give him any importance.
I, on the other hand, remain worse and worse, perhaps because I have been subjected to these behaviors of his all my life but I cannot be impassive, they hurt me deeply. It's as if he annihilates me.
No one else has ever had this effect on me.

[CherylVT]

Dear Lucia,

How is the situation with your brother different from domestic violence?

Love,
Cheryl

[Lucia73]

Yes, it’s domestic violence, now I see it.
I decided to go to therapy with a psychologist to get out of it. I realized it when you wrote me if I am traumatized.
Today I was walking in the mountains, beautiful places, yet I had a series of thoughts about him so much that at one point I burst into tears.
On the one hand, the driving force of my spiritual search is the suffering he caused me and causes me, because if the world outside is a reflection of what we are inside, then I have to change myself and find what is true.
On the other hand I am exhausted of this suffering and want feel better.

Also today, while walking, I saw a beautiful hemlock plant, and I was reminded of the story of Socrates, who as he died from poisoning realized that he was not the parts of his body. I too realize that I am not the parts of my body, I know that there is no point in my body where there is "I" , it is as if "I" is the whole: the body and the mind. I can't perceive myself other than that. Maybe I am too much in my own thoughts. How can I do?

Cheryl, I thank you with all my heart ❤️
Lucia

[CherylVT]

Dear, dear Lucia,

I'm SO glad you took a walk in the mountains.

You know what they say on the airplane:

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

What would that look like?

Love,
Cheryl