Goosh... let's do your work here.

[Goosh]

I think its just a habit.... I found myself glancing in a mirror as I went by. I think I was trying to check that I was a person. . . just a habit... I remember doing that as a child. So who am I? But this time I saw myself do it and noticed how limitted it made me feel.
You are right it was easy being still centre for those dear people. I just ran about fulfilling my role. No time to think much.
It is the same at work. I am a class teacher for youngsters with autism and other learning difficulties. I just fulfill my role... no time to think much.
The thinking comes after. . . when I think others are not respecting my role as defender and supporter of these vulnerable but lovely people... or not doing their job properly.
I'd probably feel equally defensive if someone were to pick on or criticise my grandchildren.

[mag]

Right, looking at false selves expressing themselves is something that continues after we have seen the illusion of "I". Last few messages from my side were expanding little bit the scope of the work of LU, the latter being just seeing of no-self. You may carry on with self-observation, but let's get back to investigating the realness of "I".

What for is "I" needed? What is that which doesn't happen on automatic in life? Could you try living without "I" as the subject for a while? The experience would be described with many -ing -ending verbs: thinking, moving, sensing, touching, feeling, etc. But no "I" anywhere in sight? Try!

[Goosh]

OK Will try that tomorrow.. .
today teaching was terrible. No control. . . no clarity. . . no vision re where we were going with things. . . tried to do the day on automatic but it did not work.
If I am being in the present in my sense perceptions, then the planning I normally do in my head at weekends, when cycling to school etc just doesnt happen.
I shall try and do exercise of keeping I out of things but still planning. Now I feels confused. . , planning... not I'll plan! I tried to jump in then.
Planning... teaching..... will be done.
Tonight sleeping... no planning!
Tired so resting.
Thankyou Mag!

[mag]

Even planning happens... it's just mind processing things... but you are not the mind, so there is not doership. Let all the necessary planning for the school work happen as before, but know that you are not the planner.

Mind thinking, processing, planning..... body moving, pedalling a cycle.... all life processes in body and in
nature happen all by itself.... on automatic. No one to to do anything.

What for is a self needed? It was just an entity dreamed into existence by mind, an illusion that sneaked in from the back door?

[Goosh]

OK... That all seems evident.
Throat is sore, body needs sleep.
Speak tomorrow!

[Goosh]

Throat still sore. . .been off work. Spending a lot of time creating a mixed media art project entitled 'Who am I?'
Changed it to 'Who was I?'
I feel I am standing on the threshold of door to nothingness... I am looking backwards!
I need someone to give me a push...

The art thing does just happen.

But can still get wound up by my husband if he is feeling provocative. But then I can drop it much more easily as there is no separation. But why do I get wound up at all if there is no belief in a separate I?

[mag]

Good news.... or bad... depending how you take it, is that psychological "I" will be lost. Which means that you lose interest in defensiveness and reactiveness. That doesn't mean that you will become a door mat. Common sense can be applied. But drama of "I" is gone. The "I" that can be hurt psychologically or needs to be defenced verbally is gone. LU is mostly about awakening of Mind, but then there will be some residue emotional work to be done afterwards, so don't think that you need to be free of all reactiveness upon seeing the illusion of "I".

But back to the belief in "I". It is a psychological center around which much thought activity is centered. Who would you be without that center? How life would look like? What if, from now onwards you would be living without a center of "I", would there be any problem? Your experience - although it is not really "yours" - would be of 360 degrees of sense perceptions and appearing/disappearing thoughts that are observed but not believed to be of "yours", just thoughts? How light would that kind of living be? Do you want that more than the drama of "I"? Would you release holding and projecting various images of yourself to others?

[Goosh]

I definitely dont want to believe in a separate I again. It brings hurt and separation lonliness boredom. I dont think theres any problem living without a sense of I. At this moment there there is no desire for the petty dramas of I.... But I dont feel that thats the end of it....

[mag]

Can you answer previous questions more transparently. Each question is important. Use Quote-function, please. Thank you!

[Goosh]

Back in touch at weekend. Kate

[Goosh]

Sorry Mag, I have had problems using the quote function on my ipad, but will try again.

Good news.... or bad... depending how you take it, is that psychological "I" will be lost. Which means that you lose interest in defensiveness and reactiveness. That doesn't mean that you will become a door mat. Common sense can be applied. But drama of "I" is gone. The "I" that can be hurt psychologically or needs to be defenced verbally is gone. LU is mostly about awakening of Mind, but then there will be some residue emotional work to be done afterwards, so don't think that you need to be free of all reactiveness upon seeing the illusion of "I".

OK I accept all that. I have begun to feel a release from needing to defend myself. That is a great relief!

But back to the belief in "I". It is a psychological center around which much thought activity is centered. Who would you be without that center? How life would look like? What if, from now onwards you would be living without a center of "I", would there be any problem?

No there is no problem being without that psychological centre. Its not real anyway. Things feel so much lighter without it!

Your experience - although it is not really "yours" - would be of 360 degrees of sense perceptions and appearing/disappearing thoughts that are observed but not believed to be of "yours", just thoughts?

Yes I get that sense some of the time. Lovely!
Also feel a lack of guilt which is brilliant.

How light would that kind of living be?

Yes it does feel light.

Do you want that more than the drama of "I"?

I definitely want that rather than the drama of I, which is so limited and limitting!

Would you release holding and projecting various images of yourself to others?

Far less holding and projecting images to others although these days I have given up doing that most of the time!

I feel fairly free of my SELF image..... I am totally convinced that it is just a concept, but still find myself muttering in my head and once I observe this and disassociate it dissolves.

[Goosh]

Sorry did not manage to use the quote function successfully. hope you can find my answers in amoungst your message.
Kate

[mag]

Thanks Kate for your answers.

You could now review our thread and confirm for yourself that you have deeply and honestly looked at every question that I have made for you. Once you have done the review, you may contemplate on the following core examinations (that I gave you earlier):

What evidence supports still the belief in "I", why you think you are a person?

Your current experience consists of sense perceptions and thoughts, anything else? We have covered both, sense perceptions and thoughts, in separate exercises. Also, I have explained the nature of "I"-thought, how it's embedded in all thoughts "I this or that".

Are you able to find a self in your current experience? Where?

If not, what prevents from relaxing into centerless living?

[Goosh]

I am continuing to look back through our posts and check how I feel.
You are right. The imaginary work persona is going unchecked through the day.
This morning there has been a lot of unaware thoughtcentred around I. I shall try (there's that I again) and remain aware while cycling to school and with any luck during the day too.
Kate

[Goosh]

Hi Mag, I gather youve rather given up on me, and I have too. Shall we leave this now and return another time. Its driving me a bit mad. Too much going on at school to remember to not remember...
Thanks for your time.
Yours still Kate