Looking for a guide

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,
Very good, this is Direct Experience and we use this to LOOK.

Let me know what you notice from doing this exercise.

I was noticing something several times but it was too subtle and fleeting to describe it. With seeing especially, I felt just there, almost like I wasn’t doing anything. I also felt some settledness and stillness.

Ahh, so it's started already, what is happening there is an ever so subtle falling away of the labelling and story filled thought process that would have consumed and clouded your direct experience. We are not gaining something by doing this work, we are losing it and that losing opens up the clouds so we can see the sky.

The next exercise have a many layers so take some time and Look at them with DE repeatedly and sit with the questions before answering.

Finding the Gap Between Thoughts
This exercise has a dual purpose. Firstly, to become aware of each and every though as they appear. Secondly, the careful looking for the gap is an example of how carefully to look when looking for the ‘separate self’.
Here is a step-by-step description of how to look at thoughts. First thing is to sit for at least 10-15 minutes quietly somewhere, several times throughout your day. Close your eyes and just notice thoughts. Don’t engage with any thought, just notice them.

Notice the current thought that is present.
Like when you sit observing the body, a thought might arise “this is my feet” or “here is a pain” or “my breathing is too quick” or “I am bored with this exercise” or “I have better things to do” or any sorts of thoughts.

2. This thought will pass and another thought will come. So just observe this thought passing.

3. Then wait for the next thought to come.

4. When the next thought is present, just notice it, and see how it passes.

5. Then wait for the next thought to come.

6. Repeat #4 and #5 many-many times.

Between the 2 thoughts there is a gap. It can be very short or subtle, just a second or a few seconds before the next thought comes in.

This is how to look at thoughts:-
Looking how they come and go, and Observing the short gap between them. Noticing how the current thought is passing. And waiting for the next thought to come.
Please do the following exercise:
Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.
Let me know how you go, report what comes up please.

[Octobergrace]

Please do the following exercise:
Throughout your waking day, try to observe the gap between thoughts as often as possible. It can be done by noticing that ‘thinking’ is happening right now, then stop and just simply wait for the next thought to come. In the ‘waiting’ there is a gap between two thoughts.
Let me know how you go, report what comes up please.

This felt harder than the DE exercise yesterday (which spontaneously continued into today). Yesterday felt like no effort, no will power, right now, pervasive, immediate, peaceful, still. Today felt like subtle effort and trying, localized in my head, subtle sense of pushing thoughts away and not allowing them, subtle sense of doing the exercise wrong, of being confused, of not knowing what a thought is, of overthinking. And then an OMG feeling—these are thoughts!

And then my mantra from years ago appears and another OMG—this is a thought. And this keeps happening, the sense of trying, of pushing to notice a thought and then an OMG—this trying and pushing is a thought and then a gap comes. And then a sense of trying to figure out what a thought is and why it doesn’t feel like DE and then another OMG—this is a thought. And then a gap. And then getting absorbed in the content of thought (why does thought feel so different from DE, why are some thoughts easy to identify as thoughts and some are not, why this, why that) and then an OMG, this is thought and then a gap comes.

I feel like I should continue this exercise until a sense of clarity arises that allows me to experience thought as DE instead of something else, and then an OMG comes—this is a thought. And this thought keeps arising followed by a gap.

Thank you, Paul, for your support. It's making a difference.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,
Very good, the thought phenomena is starting to be seen, continue this recognizing of the thought stream and notice how often they arise then how long they stick around and then how they morph into a story. When you are ready answer the questions below please.

Thought exercise
Sit quietly for about 15 minutes and notice the arising thoughts.
Just let them appear as they appear. Try your best to COMPLETELY ignore what they are saying and just notice how they appear without you doing anything at all.
Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

Can you predict your next thought?

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?
What is a thought made off?

What can a thought do?

Can a thought think?
Just notice that thoughts are arising and passing.

Please answer ALL the questions.
Look as many times as it is possible during the day even for a few seconds.

[Octobergrace]

Where are thoughts coming from and going to?

At first it felt like they were coming from activity in my head, brain, and mind. And then it felt like that were just passing through my head, brain, and mind. And then they felt more ephemeral and less like mine and more like something free floating that I was just noticing. I couldn't localize where they were coming from or going to. They appeared then disappeared.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No. All I could do was notice them.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

I don't think so. But it does feel like I can choose to think about a subject, bananas for example, and then thoughts about bananas will come but I can't choose the exact moment or the exact content.

Can you predict your next thought?

No.

Can you select from a range of thoughts to have only pleasant thoughts?

No

Can you choose not to have painful, negative, or fearful thoughts?

No

Can you pick and choose any kind of thought?

No. But it does feel like I can choose to fixate on a thought, which will generate a slate of related thoughts in the form of stories, speculations, analyzing, etc. But then it comes back to, "oh...these all are just thoughts."

Is it possible to prevent a thought from appearing?

No

What is a thought made of?

I don't know. For me, a thought has a different quality from the DE of sensations, for example. Sensations feel like direct awareness. Thoughts feel one step removed from direct awareness. Thoughts also feel harder to discern--I have to look for them. And maybe the "feelings" of "harder to discern" and "I have to look for them" are just other thoughts.

What can a thought do?

Nothing! Just come and go. Before this exercise I thought they carried some power or knowledge, but now they feel more like experience, like something I can notice.

Can a thought think?

This is such an odd one. I feel like I'm thinking thoughts to answer this question, and then an awareness comes that the feeling of thinking thoughts is just a thought, and like even the "I" that is thinking the thought is just a thought. So my answer is no.

Just notice that thoughts are arising and passing.

This one astounded me. I have always experienced thoughts as the voice in my head. But today I also experienced thoughts that weren't just the voice in my head. These thoughts felt thicker and like there were many layers and they felt like what I think of as me. And now it's feeling like almost everything is just a thought, even who I think of as me. I'm filled with doubt but even that feels like just a thought!

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,
You have conducted a very good LOOKING, lets stay with this for a bit.

I couldn't localize where they were coming from or going to. They appeared then disappeared.

Yes this is what thoughts do they appear from nothing and return to nothing, arising and passing away.

Did you do anything to make a particular thought or thoughts appear?

No. All I could do was notice them.

This is all that is required, a noticing of thoughts and a noticing of the gap in between the thoughts. In this gap is the true nature of THIS. The more noticing, the more gaps are seen and the more gap the more the awareness or consciousness or what ever term that is refereed to wants to stay in this gap. Over time the stillness of this gap starts to permeate, giving rise to peace/stillness/truth.

Could you have done anything to make a different thought appear at that exact moment instead?

I don't think so. But it does feel like I can choose to think about a subject, bananas for example, and then thoughts about bananas will come but I can't choose the exact moment or the exact content.

Try it out and see, ask yourself what is my next thought going to be about and sit and wait and see, if an idea comes think about it and see - report what comes

What is a thought made of?

I don't know. For me, a thought has a different quality from the DE of sensations, for example. Sensations feel like direct awareness. Thoughts feel one step removed from direct awareness. Thoughts also feel harder to discern--I have to look for them. And maybe the "feelings" of "harder to discern" and "I have to look for them" are just other thoughts.

It is different, is a thought not made of stories/content, yes "i have to look for them" is the story in the thought.
The thought is experienced in Direct experience, but the thought is made of stories which is content.
If there is no story, is there a thought?

These thoughts felt thicker and like there were many layers and they felt like what I think of as me. And now it's feeling like almost everything is just a thought, even who I think of as me. I'm filled with doubt but even that feels like just a thought!

Hmmm, everything outside of direct experience is a thought, especially doubt. Doubt is the thought story of the self trying to protect it's existence.

"even who I think of as me"

Lets have a quick look for this "me" you refer to, can you find a independent autonomous self/me in charge, anywhere?LOOK

[Octobergrace]

Try it out and see, ask yourself what is my next thought going to be about and sit and wait and see, if an idea comes think about it and see - report what comes

Sensation in the belly. Almost immediately I label it fear. Many thoughts, very loud. Doubt. “You’re doing it wrong.” “I don’t want to do this anymore", etc. The thoughts feel true. Like I should act on them. Sensation in belly again. Simply sensation this time. No struggle or pressure to figure it out, to make sense of anything. Now laughter at this “me” person and that whole “I don’t want to do this anymore” drama that felt so true. That OMG feeling. That feeling that me is just a thought!

If there is no story, is there a thought?

Wow! Without a story, it still feels like something is perceived but it’s more like a sensation than a thought. Without a story, it’s not about that “me” person. It feels like it’s the story that makes the thought personal, that turns the thought into “me”. Without the story, the thought feels more like that gap feeling but with a tiny bit of movement. Not nothing but not something. Something feels perceived but maybe it’s not a thought. I’m not sure about this one.

Lets have a quick look for this "me" you refer to, can you find an independent autonomous self/me in charge, anywhere?LOOK

I’m looking but I can’t find me. It feels so funny, almost ludicrous--it makes me belly laugh. Then thoughts come, mainly doubt. Then the laughter. Back and forth. Something feels lighter, like I'm on the right track--and then the doubt comes but I remember more and more quickly that the doubt is simply a thought!

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,
Starting to get interesting, a beautiful LOOKING you are DOING.

Sensation in the belly. Almost immediately I label it fear. Many thoughts, very loud. Doubt. “You’re doing it wrong.” “I don’t want to do this anymore", etc.

This may feel like a contraction, and it probably is there all the time, it intensifies and this is when we notice it.
Take a few minutes and relax, just breath and notice your breath. Once you have located this sensation that the story describes as the "fear" and "doubt", relax into this sensation and literally sink into it, allow it to be, become one with this sensation, and talk to it, give it your love, thank it for protecting you, then tell it that it is no longer needed, you are safe and it can go now. Acknowledge its' existence and let it go.
Describe what you notice please.

That OMG feeling. That feeling that me is just a thought!

Describe this feeling using DE, How does it feel to realize this?

Something feels perceived but maybe it’s not a thought. I’m not sure about this one.

LOOK again, until you are sure. is the "me or "I" just thought or is there a little Alexis sitting somewhere in a control tower controlling every movement, every thought, every reaction to every thought story, owning everything, being the centre of the universe?

Something feels lighter, like I'm on the right track--and then the doubt comes but I remember more and more quickly that the doubt is simply a thought!

Ahhh......, life is lighter, there is no track to be on Alexis, you are already what you LOOK for, now those clouds are clearing up and the blue sky is starting to reveal this truth.

Everything outside of your DE is thought, and the stories are the illusion of "self" now you see this, relax and enjoy it.


“I” labelling

Get a sheet of paper and draw a line that divides that sheet in half. Label one half 'self' and the other side 'other'. Sit down and start a timer for 5 minutes. Every time you have a thought make a mark on the sheet.
If that thought is about the self, put a mark on the self side, if it’s about something else, mark the other side. If a thought about food occurs due to feeling hungry, mark that on the self side. Any thought that refers back to a self should go on the self side. (I'm bored, I'm tired, is the door locked (my safety) that video was funny (I was amused), my back hurts, I am frightened) get it?

Let me know how you go and what you notice.

[Octobergrace]

Describe what you notice please.

Sensation in the belly as I read these instructions. Fear of doing this exercise. Read the instructions again. Located the sensation in the belly. It disappeared before I could relax into it. Located it again. There's a reluctance to relax into it. A sad story about why I can’t let it go. Wanting to tell you the details of the sad story because you would agree it’s a sad, sad story. Laughing out loud. Relaxing into the sensation. It moves from my belly to behind my eyes and the top of my skull—a tension, a tightness. I’m loving it up. Noticing a holding on to the sensation then a letting go. Deep, big yawns. Smiling—I didn’t die, I’m still alive. Now laughing loudly. Now a doubt story comes, “that was too easy”, “you’re making this up.” Curiosity, wondering--who is noticing all this? Haha--that’s a thought.

Describe this feeling (of OMG) using DE, How does it feel to realize this?

Wow! OMG feels like space or spaciousness. No boundaries. Not contained. No edges. I’m having many thoughts, full of wonder thoughts. Laughing. Now doubting is here but with some lightness mixed in, a feeling of “you don’t have to turn doubting into a big deal”. Just notice it. So glad you asked for a description of the OMG feeling! But did I use DE? Is "knowing" DE?

LOOK again, until you are sure. is the "me or "I" just thought or is there a little Alexis sitting somewhere in a control tower controlling every movement, every thought, every reaction to every thought story, owning everything, being the centre of the universe?

Haha! No little Alexis. Very sure. I can't find her anywhere. But now doubt comes and the question, “If you’re so sure, why the doubt?” Noticing an expectation that all doubt about this should stop as my proof that there’s no little Alexis. Now some joy. Some quietness.

I labelling....Let me know how you go and what you notice.

Drew the line. Voice in the head laughing and saying, “I don’t need to do this. I already know it’s all about me.” I’m now doing the exercise. OMG! I’m at the center of every thought!! Even, “I wonder how my sister is,” is about me. So little Alexis’ identity as a kind, altruistic person is just a thought, just conditioning. So identity is just a thought! Who is having this conversation with Paul? If no little Alexis and no little Paul, who/what is doing this?

Good night--thank you!

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,
Very nice effort and sharing.

But did I use DE? Is "knowing" DE?

Yes and No, some story, but I get it. stillness spaciousness, and knowing isn't DE. The truth lies in the body and the DE, if you have the impulse try again how does the OMG feeling get represented in sensations.

Even, “I wonder how my sister is,” is about me. So little Alexis’ identity as a kind, altruistic person is just a thought, just conditioning. So identity is just a thought! Who is having this conversation with Paul? If no little Alexis and no little Paul, who/what is doing this?

Yes every thought that is ever had is about you either in the first second or third person, it's only ever always about you,
your conditioning and how this life experiencing is going to relate to your survival.

Yes Identity is a thought, how many identities does Alexis have? there is Alexis the kind Altruistic sister is one identity and I'M sure the Alexis hanging with her friends behaves and is conditioned differently and Alexis the daughter another identity that acts differently, Alexis with work colleagues is another identity and so on, thousands of conditioning and identities, which one are you?
It would take many lifetimes to try and work on all of these conditioned states, so we don't work on them individually, we just see through the overarching belief that Alexis actually doesn't exist and we wipe out all the identities at once. It's just a thought, not 1 million different thought stories, just one thought after another, over and over again. See it for what it is a thought, the same thought.

Just checking in, in one or two words , describe what is different from the beginning of this dialogue to now please.

Lets have a LOOK at Choice.

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.
Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice. Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.
2. Count to 5.
3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.
In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities?
Or did they kind of appeal by themselves?
If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences?
Or did they just pop up by themselves?
In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event?
Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?
Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’?
Have you seen this function in action?

[Octobergrace]

if you have the impulse try again how does the OMG feeling get represented in sensations.

It feels like relaxation of the tension in my head, neck and shoulders.

…thousands of conditioning and identities, which one are you?

None of them feels like the ultimate or real me. They all seem situational and transitory.

Just checking in, in one or two words , describe what is different from the beginning of this dialogue to now please.

MORE LOOKING.
As an aside, when I did the line down the paper exercise and felt I knew there would only be items in the self column, I’m so glad I went ahead and did the exercise. Looking gave me an experience; just thinking I knew without looking just gave me a thought. Ahhhhh, is looking associated with DE and thinking associated with only more thinking?

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities?
Or did they kind of appeal by themselves?

They appeared by themselves. As I responded to this question, a sense or thought came that even if I decided to write a list of the qualities—which feels more deliberate and intentional than just thinking about the qualities--they would still appear by themselves instead of me directing what should appear. So I made a list and they still just appeared rather than me choosing! More qualities popped up when I wrote them down than when I just thought about them, but I didn’t choose them.

If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I didn’t choose the preferences, they just popped up. I was even surprised by one of the preferences.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event?

No. A sequence never occurred to me.

Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

No.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’?

No.

Have you seen this function in action?

No.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

[Octobergrace]

if you have the impulse try again how does the OMG feeling get represented in sensations.

It feels like relaxation of the tension in my head, neck and shoulders.

…thousands of conditioning and identities, which one are you?

None of them feels like the ultimate or real me. They all seem situational and transitory.

Just checking in, in one or two words , describe what is different from the beginning of this dialogue to now please.

MORE LOOKING.
As an aside, when I did the line down the paper exercise and felt I knew there would only be items in the self column, I’m so glad I went ahead and did the exercise. Looking gave me an experience; just thinking I knew without looking just gave me a thought. Ahhhhh, is looking associated with DE and thinking associated with only more thinking?

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities?
Or did they kind of appeal by themselves?

They appeared by themselves. As I responded to this question, a sense or thought came that even if I decided to write a list of the qualities—which feels more deliberate and intentional than just thinking about the qualities--they would still appear by themselves instead of me directing what should appear. So I made a list and they still just appeared rather than me choosing! More qualities popped up when I wrote them down than when I just thought about them, but I didn’t choose them.

If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I didn’t choose the preferences, they just popped up. I was even surprised by one of the preferences.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event?

No. A sequence never occurred to me.

Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

No.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’?

No.

Have you seen this function in action?

No.

Good night. See you tomorrow.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Alexis,

Ahhhhh, is looking associated with DE and thinking associated with only more thinking?

Very good, yes.

Here is the body exercise, work through it and see from LOOKING with DE

Body Exercise
1. Shift between letting the arm be still and move. Several times and pay close attention.
Where does the "decision", the "command" to move or stop come from?
What makes the arm move?
Does a ‘you’ or a thought command the body, can you find that in direct experience?

2. Can you choose to fall asleep?
Can you find the moment / point / spot or realm where you choose to fall asleep?

3. Can you choose the very content of the next thought? Can you choose willingly the next thought that will arise?

4. Can you choose the very quality (tightness, openness, vibration, hardness, contraction etc) of the physical sensation, that will arise next?

5. Can you choose the next emotion, mind state, attitude that will arise? Sit and look at what is happening. Can you find any choice - point where you willingly chose any emotion that appeared in response to a stimulus?

6. Think of a number between 1 and 20. Try to notice the exact point when the choice is made. Did you know what number would be chosen before it appeared?

What do you notice after doing this Exercise?

[Octobergrace]

Hello Paul. Here is what I wrote before I received your latest message:

Doubt thoughts continued today. I’m curious about them. Who is doubting? I look but can’t find a source. Just thoughts.

Paul said, “the truth lies in the body and the DE.” So I keep going to the body, to the DE. Sensations are noticed, then thoughts come. Seeing is noticed, then thoughts come. Questions are noticed and it’s clear they are just thoughts. Expectations of what should be happening are noticed. Expectations are just thoughts--not imperatives, not truths I need to judge my experience by! OMG…tension releasing in the belly, in the chest. Curiosity about the expectations is noticed—it seems like a worthwhile exploration, a way to understand what’s going on. Haha! Just thoughts! I go back to the body, to the DE. Who made this choice?

This has been my day especially after leaving work: the back and forth and noticing that the DE is exquisite. Is that sense of exquisiteness just a thought? It feels direct. It feels inherent in the DE.

I'll do the exercises you sent shortly.

[CarefulDog88]

Who made this choice?

Indeed

This has been my day especially after leaving work: the back and forth and noticing that the DE is exquisite. Is that sense of exquisiteness just a thought? It feels direct. It feels inherent in the DE

Not trying to get rid of thought, just notice them as you are doing.
Is the thought TRUE or is the the TRUTH found in the body, in your actual experiencing of THIS?
Just sit in the BEING of THIS

[CarefulDog88]

curious are you in Australia?