I feel so close, please help me to Really See!

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

Thanks. I've done the exercises and am about to answer the questions - clicked on the video and it is a 20 second clip of the sound of rain. Is that right?

With love,

Gemma

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

Thanks. I have done the exercises and am about to answer the questions, I clicked on the video link and it's a 20 second soundscape of rain, is this right?

With love,

Gemma

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

Yes I can see and feel how my second attempt was clearer in showing what's there in experience before the labelling and thinking. Thank you for helping me to see that.

1.

I am typing
I am sitting on a bench
I am looking outside the window
I am breathing
I am hearing my family talking
I am moving my tongue around my teeth
I am sniffing
I am looking at my mug
I am scratching my head
I am swallowing my tea
I am rubbing my lips together
I am feeling tension in my tummy
I am looking at the patterns on my rug
I am clasping my hands together
I am hearing the clock ticking
I am hearing my son singing
I am hearing my neighbours talking in the garden
I am hearing my tummy making noises
I am rubbing my fingers together
I am looking at my to do list
I am watching the clothes moving on the clothes line
I am rubbing my chin
I am feeling sleepy
I am moving my bottom around on the bench

2.

Hearing my son
Hearing my tummy
Scratching my eyebrow
Sighing
Hearing the clock
Watching husband walk through the room
Hearing sons arguing
Hearing birds singing
Looking at the bookshelf
Crossing legs
Breathing
Biting thumb
Feeling tingling in toes
Feeling pain in back
Feeling toes scrunching up in shoes
Seeing cat run across the garden
Seeing cat walk through the room
Hearing son drop something
Hearing swishing noise of him walking upstairs
Biting lip
Licking lips
Scratching at sore on thumb
Squeezing lips with fingers
Staring at painting on wall
Scratching ear
Holding chin in hands
Hearing washing machine turning on
Hearing son cough
Smelling fingers
Staring at light on wall
Looking at table cloth pattern
Moving bottom on bench
Hearing tummy groan

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The second one seems truer. There's less detail/labelling, so the description seems more accurate and immediate, less personal and fluffy. More sensory and 'close'.

2. What is here without labels?

Sensation. Experience of reality as physicality. A sense of life happening to me/for me.

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

The labels are just describing what's happening. Adding story and therefore thought and emotion to the 'event' being described.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

The second experiment was experienced with less bodily tension, and less thinking. The first experiment I felt more tummy butterflies and constriction of the throat and tummy as a rising panic over the experiment and thoughts of 'I'm never going to get this'. During the second experiment there was a sensation of space opening in the body, a relaxation, but not fully. There were still flutterings but less intense than the first experiment.


I will try the anxiety exercise and let you know what comes up.

With love,

Gemma

[Anastacia42]

Your replies are good. Yes.

The video should be Ilona's YouTube Deep Looking at Fear.

https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE?si=fhqUrWqSVy7zBAcx

[Anastacia42]

Here's the next pointer:

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.


We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

This is a significant one for me because I feel like I lie all the time. Not big lies, just in conversation with certain types of people. But also because I've felt like I'm performing/lying just in my everyday construction of a self that is acceptable to the world. I have autism (Aspergers) and so I have always had a slippery/unusual sense of self, and have been mystified by how others seem so sure of themselves, so convinced by things. I learned to mask (lie) in order to 'fit in', so I have always seen through the performance of self. This is why I have ended up here, I have spent my life questioning everything. Literally.

The lie here is telling my ex boyfriend that I loved him when I didn't.

What is found?

Definitely a contraction in the tummy and the chest area. A sense of being short of breath, and rising butterflies (from the tummy to chest). Heat rushing up the body towards the face. A heaviness and general weariness is also felt.

Do you see that?

Yes. The bodily sensations that arise with lying are very familiar to me. I also know how expansive and relaxed the body feels when I'm being honest and truthful. Light too.

With love,

Gemma

[Anastacia42]

Excellent. You're ahead of the game.

So, try this:


Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple (or any fruit you like.) If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise. Google for a picture of an apple.



When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought.

Actual experience is sound, thought, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thought arising, but not its content.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by "looking in actual experience." What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

Loving,

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

I'll get back to you properly on this one tomorrow - this illness I have has taken a turn for the worst.

Interestingly earlier I fell asleep and then awoke with panic sensations in the body, like if you've not set an alarm and then woken late but much stronger than that - with a thought almost shouting saying 'there's no self!' There was a mental image of falling through the sky.

I will reply about the apple thing tomorrow.

With love,

Gemma

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Hope you feel better soon

[ShamanKip]

Hi Stacy

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

I've been looking at an apple. I can see that my thought 'this is an apple' is not linked to the direct experience of the apple. My thoughts about the apple are mental descriptions of the appearance of the apple - 'there's a bruise', 'it feels waxy', but the thoughts are not the experience of waxiness or how the bruise actually looks.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

There is only the sensory experience of the apple and the thoughts labelling the apple, in my experience 'apple' is not present. Writing that and then looking at and touching the apple again, I notice a closer intimacy with the apple, the waxiness feels like part of me.

However, is an apple actually known?

There are a bunch of sensations that feel very close, the apple seems to be getting lost in the experience, merging with me. It feels known still on the level of sensation, but the boundaries between 'me' and the 'apple' seem to be dissolving. This is causing panic sensations in my body.

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

I am having an experience of looking from a different angle, like further out the top of my head. The 'I' experience feels like it's expanding beyond normal boundaries. I am feeling less like I am localised in my head, typing feels more like it is just happening rather than that I am doing it. There's a blurry, expansive sensation that is causing some vertigo.

This exercise has been fascinating!

With love,

Gemma

[Anastacia42]

Very good There is no apple. Only the thoughts we made up

That expansive feeling - Stay with it. Remember truth is expansive.

Do you have a clear sense that there is no separate self?

Loving

[Anastacia42]

Hello? Are you still there?