Ready to cross the Gateless Gate

[JonB]

If you can live your life without avoidance or grasping you are free. It sounds like you were able to experience that during your dad's passing. How has it been since then?

Yes, strangely enough it felt like I was able to be fully present throughout the process. I was able to make clear decisions, to to be his primary caregiver in the final weeks, and to be with him, holding his hand when he passed. Caring for him--the man who gave everything for me to have the life I have--was the most meaningful thing I've ever done. As was giving his eulogy.
The overall experience is very difficult to put into words, but I wasn't resistant to any of it. It felt as if resisting the experience would make it emotionally unbearable, so I allowed it, and met it with grace and compassion.

Since then, I've been back to work and engaged with various creative projects to keep me occupied. I reflect on the experience and a part of me misses looking after him. And a massive part of me simply just misses him. But I pause and allow the silence to wash over me, and somehow, it feels like he's here, but just in a different form. Everywhere and in everything.

I ask myself if I can just keep meeting life the way I met it when my dad was dying. The answer is yes. Alert compassion is what it feels like. When I think about the experience, thoughts feel chaotic and there's a sense of emotional turmoil, but under it all this stillness is available. It was available through all of the most challenging aspects of being by my dad's side. And it is here now. It feels like a benevolent energy passing through, and that I don't really control it.

[indranet]

Jon,

Thoughts feel chaotic and there's a sense of emotional turmoil, but under it all this stillness is available.

This all sounds great, I don't really have anything for you to do. Just keep allowing things to arise and move through your awareness. I do want to know how this unfolds, please keep checking in.

J.P

[JonB]

J.P., your help has been such a tremendous blessing. I have immense gratitude for your patient, kind, insightful, dependable and wise guidance.
You mentioned before that you experienced a loss of someone this year. I’m sorry to hear that.
It’s strange to know so little about someone, yet feel a genuine loving appreciation for them, but these are my feelings towards you.
I will definitely be in touch.
With gratitude
Jon

[indranet]

Jon,


Thank you for the kind words. I am glad to have helped in some small way.

And it is here now. It feels like a benevolent energy passing through, and that I don't really control it.

Do you feel clear on the question of is there a doer/controller?

J.P

[JonB]

Hi J.P.

Do you feel clear on the question of is there a doer/Do you feel clear on the question of is there a doer/controller?

I feel like I could feel clearer about it, but after the experience of my dad’s passing, there has been a sense of ease in letting go and not having to control so much. It feels like life is one big letting go. The selfing mechanism is still very much at the forefront of my experience, but conscious awareness can quickly quiet it down. Still, I wouldn’t say there’s been some kind of enlightenment experience. But it feels a pretty dense layer of identity has been shed.

[Elad]

Great about the shedding of confusion.

What does "I wouldn’t say there’s been some kind of enlightenment experience"? Is this by comparison with stuff you have read and heard? And did we agree that this is not the way here and useless here?

If it is not what you mean, then what is it in direct experience that is lacking?

Remember "you" will NEVER NEVER NEVER be enligthened. What you take to be you, your thoughts and stories about how things are for you across time, is what what we look at here, so as to see, that they are no more than stories.

Awakening is direct experience NOW or nothing. It is not a charachteristic that you have or don't have.

Look if there is attachement to the story about you and your attainment, that actually interest you more then what is just true here now direct experience?

The vibe in several of your messages give me this sense. That is VERY normal. And if it operates without full clarity about what it is (an illuison, an attachment to illusion), we can see and see but remain emotionally dissatisfied.

[indranet]

Jon,

Apologies. One of our other guides posted on the wrong thread by mistake.


J.P

[indranet]

Jon,

It feels like life is one big letting go. The selfing mechanism is still very much at the forefront of my experience, but conscious awareness can quickly quiet it down.

Can you give me an example of how that played out from your own experience?

Do you feel like the " conscious awareness" is always available?

J.P

[JonB]

Hi J.P.,

No need to apologize for the mistaken response from the other member. It had a powerful effect.

Conscious awareness quiets the selfing mechanism when there is enough wherewithal to surrender into it. Then thoughts fade out…then they come back. I can remain aware that they’re there with detached awareness for a while. But then, in all honesty, they take over without my conscious awareness and I’m entirely absorbed in them.

I don’t know, J.P., it feels like I’ve made progress, yet I still feel stuck. In the moments when I miss my dad, and I pause to “communicate” with him, it feels much the same as when I pause to open to formless awareness—to the Higher Self or whatever label you want to give it. And that can feel peaceful and like a hug from the inside.

And the. I’m just unconsciously lost in thought again.

Sorry. I’m just confused and frustrated.

Thank you

[indranet]

Jon,

they take over without my conscious awareness and I’m entirely absorbed in them.

Please let go of the idea that you need to be in some state of permanent detached awareness.

You can cycle through periods of open awareness, observing thoughts, immersed in thought. None of these are wrong or right. The point is that there is constant change, resistance to change is where suffering starts.


Allow EVERYTHING bliss, frustration, confusion, joy, it will all come and go.

J.P