Asking on behalf of an imaginary friend

[overthought]

Hi Paul,

I'm headed to bed but wanted to check in for today. I'll dig in to these new questions ASAP, but my kids both just started getting sick and will likely stay home from school, so we'll see how much investigation time tomorrow offers.

Thanks, and take care!
Jason

[overthought]

Ok, one quick answer before bed:

If your mother hadn't had met your father, would there be a Jason, what about if your grandmother hadn't met your grandfather, or 5 generations ago if the two distant parents hadn't met would there be a Jason?
What comes up when you consider this?

None of this is in DE. Going into thought, I could tell you that the Jason character’s storyline does require ancestor characters to meet in order to result in his birth, but we’d just be having a conversation about a story. That being said, there are sensations and thoughts that arise and are interpreted as love and gratitude for my parents and grandparents.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Jason,
No problem respond when possible.

If your mother hadn't had met your father, would there be a Jason, what about if your grandmother hadn't met your grandfather, or 5 generations ago if the two distant parents hadn't met would there be a Jason?
What comes up when you consider this?

None of this is in DE. Going into thought, I could tell you that the Jason character’s storyline does require ancestor characters to meet in order to result in his birth, but we’d just be having a conversation about a story. That being said, there are sensations and thoughts that arise and are interpreted as love and gratitude for my parents and grandparents.

OK, yes thought stories, but consider the infinite possibilities of anyone thing happening, or not happening based on any one thing happening or not happening before it.
Where is any controller or doer or chooser or experiencer in that infinite possibilities of anyone thing happening?

[overthought]

Where is any controller or doer or chooser or in that infinite possibilities of anyone thing happening?

There’s been no visible controller or doer or chooser in any of this. It’s been seen that a quick choice between left hand or right hand just happens without a noticeable chooser or even any reasons to prefer one option. In the same way, the cascade of life events in This continues unfolding with no noticeable chooser. In fact, what is noticeable are the many thoughts that reflect a belief in being the chooser and doer, of wanting and planning, with a mixture of victories and disappointments in the results.

Kids were home sick today and I did not get to do the nature exercise you sent. I guess since there’s no doer we’ll just have to see when and if this exercise is done, possibly tomorrow.
Thanks,
Jason

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Jason,
Perfect when you're read.

[overthought]

Yes, I had the kids home in rough shape today and I’ve fallen behind on prepping for a big work thing on Thursday, but… also there’s something like resistance or avoidance arising. Thoughts dismissing this work as delusion, or that it’s genuine but I’ve lost the progress I’d made…
Anyway, all are noticed as thought and allowed to pass through.

I’ll keep checking in with you, of course, even through a pretty gnarly week.
Thanks,
Jason

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Jason,
Take your time, no rush.
Just notice the resistance and or avoidance as just what is happening.
Yes the delusion is the thought, isn't that ironic, the illusion is calling the truth an illusion Hahaha.
That's why you can't use thought to see through the illusion of thought.

[overthought]

Today I got back into the exercise you sent, in which I sit in nature and eventually

Notice that everything is part of one movement.

This was not yet noticed. I suspect I’m getting hung up on a literal interpretation, looking only for some overt connection between all the various movements I see. Tomorrow I should have a bit more time to sit, and will drop expectations as much as possible.
Thanks again. I hope all is well with you.
— Jason

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Jason,
Yes expectation is the seeking of knowing, when this is no longer there it reveals what is always "This".

[overthought]

Hi Paul, I could use some help with what seems like resistance. Without that label, I’ll just describe DE. Constriction in the midline — chest and throat, very stiff shoulders, neck, and face. Where there had previously been eagerness to use valuable free time to do this work, there have today been periods of what thought acknowledges as time-wasting, procrastination, compulsive. Other thoughts question tha reason for doing this work.

[overthought]

I sat with and did some written investigation of what’s been arising over the last couple of days — thought labels it as a kind of heaviness, a funk of doubt and demoralization. Thought is a real circular ride. It all kept coming back to: I don’t know who or what I am. In direct experience, I cannot find or see an entity that is the source of an identity. Thoughts arise and they presume such an entity, and even speak in first person language as such an entity. But even they can’t point to a source. So, in one sense, thoughts define who/what “I” am, in the way that an author defines who and what their fictional characters are. But is there anything more to “me” than thoughts? Not in DE. Thought creates the whole ecosystem of “me.” A thought arises that’s critical of “myself” and triggers a physical sensation, which is then judged as “bad” by thought, labeled by thought as some “negative” emotion, and suddenly “I” am in a bad mood. But there’s nothing besides thought and a physical sensation involved in all of this.
Ok, rant over for now.
Thanks for hearing it,
Jason

[overthought]

So, reading that back, I see that I do know who and what “I” am. A flow of thoughts about sensations. And looking around at the environment, there are only sensations, and it’s only thought that says some of them are “me” and some are “other.” When thoughts subside, there’s just the flow of sensations. No, if they’re “sensations” plural, then thought is still dividing up the flow. Will sit more and let this layer of thoughts subside as well. This flow of sensation (singular) is no doubt the “one movement” you refer to in the nature exercise.

[CarefulDog88]

Hi Jason, [
In This immediacy, what you are doing is all you need to do, I could give you an exercise or a pointing but this internal examination that you are conducting is the most beneficial, you have learnt how to look, now it's up to you to look.
Yes the flow of sensation is one, the thought is the last one to the party, everyone is having a good time and thought comes along and wants to take over as the DJ and control the vibe, haha a paraphrased metaphor I read some where.

Just notice the thought stories and notice the illusion in them, they blow in create a whole lot of noise and puff gone, and leave the body in a whole lot of contracted sensations, which we label as anxiety, anger, frustration, doubt.keep this observation and inquiry going.

I sat with and did some written investigation of what’s been arising over the last couple of days — thought labels it as a kind of heaviness, a funk of doubt and demoralization. Thought is a real circular ride. It all kept coming back to: I don’t know who or what I am. In direct experience, I cannot find or see an entity that is the source of an identity.

This is a good exercise, sitting and writing out things. While is was waiting for a guide at LU i sat down and did some work on Identity, what I did was contemplated all of the identities that I thought I had, there was the identity as a father, a husband, as friend, in my job, when i go shopping, when i play with the children when I discipline them and more. What I did was put each on a column and then i would write out the traits of that identity, this forced me to look at the concepts of each identity and how they differed from each other, there was a question at the end that just came up, try this exercise and see what question comes up for you?

[CarefulDog88]

Which identity is Jason?
If You Took all of the Jason Identities and put them aside what would there be?

[overthought]

Which identity is Jason?

Jason is the name attached to all the thoughts that make up all these identities.

If You Took all of the Jason Identities and put them aside what would there be?

The same thing there is with all these identities here — This. All This.

Thought really wants to convince someone that there could be nothing more important than thinking — that silence or attention on sensation is boring, unproductive, or a frivolous waste of time. Of course this isn’t true, but it’s been believed. But wait — even the believer is thought.