Starting Here

[ZackiZen]

Hey, Nic,

Yes please.

Thoughts arise about claiming this, losing this, staying in this, grasping this.. These thoughts are seen.

Talk soon,

[Nikinutter]

Hi K,

I see it.
But it's so subtle. Soooo subtle. ... It feels so "primitive".. so primary to everything

Can you describe what this primitive sensation feels like? Where is it located, what type of quality does it have? Is it always there or does something trigger it? Can you stay with the sensation or is it fleeting?

I look forward to hearing from you!

Warmly, Nic

[ZackiZen]

Hey, Nic,

Thank you for getting back to me.

I'd like to start by saying that the sensation is fleeting (or so it seems). In fact, it is no longer my experience now, which leads me to believe I was diluting myself. Maybe it's because I was trying to grab unto it so much. Maybe not. I have no idea.

That being said, I'll try to explain what it was like..

I could not locate it, so no It didn't have any location. It felt almost like the background to everything. The "existence" underlying everything for a lack of a better word. It seems like everything else was on top of it. It had no qualities. It was just there.

I'm not sure what triggered that seeing, but the story goes like this: I was on my way home, and I had thoughts of frustration, desperation, hopelessness, giving up etc.. I was fed up of chasing my own tail, of following thoughts, etc.. There was then a thought of "fuck all of it, I'm kind of sick of this, I'll let everything be just as it is, I don't care anymore, I'm tired." And then it was revealed.

This is the story.
Although I'm not sure how it connects.

Thank you,

[Nikinutter]

Hello K,

In fact, it is no longer my experience now, which leads me to believe I was diluting myself. Maybe it's because I was trying to grab unto it so much. Maybe not. I have no idea.

Sounds like your mind took over, the thinking brain trying to grab hold of something and make sense of it. This cannot be made sense of though. Let's get back to what is happening in direct experience. No thinking or figuring it out! What does it feel like in the body when you first notice the grasping sensation?

I could not locate it, so no It didn't have any location. It felt almost like the background to everything. The "existence" underlying everything for a lack of a better word. It seems like everything else was on top of it. It had no qualities. It was just there.

So there was nothing you had to do to, it was just there. Isn't that interesting? That is where you need to look and get curious..

There was then a thought of "fuck all of it, I'm kind of sick of this, I'll let everything be just as it is, I don't care anymore, I'm tired." And then it was revealed.

Are you sure it was revealed? Or maybe you just noticed what is always here when the thought loops stop?


I would like you to do this Introductory Body Exercise:

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes.
Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:
Can it be known how tall the body is?
Does the body have a weight or volume?
In the actual experience does the body have a shape or a form?
Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing?
Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?
Is there an inside or an outside?
If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly?
If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?
What does the word/label ‘body’ ACTUALLY refer to?
What is the ACTUAL experience of the body?
Look very carefully, especially with the last question. Take your time, don’t rush. You can
look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering,
having a short break from work, walking, etc) before replying.

Warmly, Nic