???

[Anrol]

Morning, how amazing, when I ask a question the answer comes. A flow of understanding this morning. I have just listened to two Simon and Garfunkel songs which I have listened to for years but realise I have never heard . I ask and the answers appear in every moment if I listen. Perfect 😊

[Elad]

Morning, how amazing, when I ask a question the answer comes. A flow of understanding this morning. I have just listened to two Simon and Garfunkel songs which I have listened to for years but realise I have never heard . I ask and the answers appear in every moment if I listen. Perfect 😊

Beautiful 🌻

Is there a self whatsoever? Has there ever been? Is there any doubt?

[Anrol]

In this moment no self never has been no doubt. But still thought saying ah yes but there was doubt and maybe again. Then another thought saying so what. They cancel each other out .

[Elad]

In this moment no self never has been no doubt. But still thought saying ah yes but there was doubt and maybe again. Then another thought saying so what. They cancel each other out .

Yes!

If there is any doubt, don't ignore it, even if it seems very little. Keep looking:

Could there ever be a self?

[Anrol]

Could there ever be a self?

Everything is pointing to no . There has been more peacefulness and bliss today . This evening I meditated and noticed some expectation creeping in so still elements of doubt , thoughts about something needing to change. Probably due to what’s been heard about others experiences.

[Elad]

Could there ever be a self?

Everything is pointing to no . There has been more peacefulness and bliss today . This evening I meditated and noticed some expectation creeping in so still elements of doubt , thoughts about something needing to change. Probably due to what’s been heard about others experiences.

"Everything is pointing to now" sounds like an inference, a logical conclusion. Not sure if you mean it that way, but to be clear, we are not looking for logical conviction, we are looking for seeing beyond doubt.

Let's look at expectations: Are there any unfulfilled expectations to seeing through self illusion at this point? If yes, what are they?

[Elad]

"Everything is pointing to *no* " sounds like an inference that is

[Anrol]

Yes it does and that’s the issue. I seem to be swinging between knowing it’s true but then feeling that it’s a belief because all the evidence from what I’m hearing and occasionally experiencing is pointing to it being true but not necessarily seen . There seem to be big shifts between clear seeing and then back into the default mode network. What is consistent is the desire to look more and deeply. Much is being revealed in ways not seen before.

Much love .

[Elad]

Yes it does and that’s the issue. I seem to be swinging between knowing it’s true but then feeling that it’s a belief because all the evidence from what I’m hearing and occasionally experiencing is pointing to it being true but not necessarily seen . There seem to be big shifts between clear seeing and then back into the default mode network. What is consistent is the desire to look more and deeply. Much is being revealed in ways not seen before.

Much love .

Beautiful, the clarity and sincerity here is very helpful.

What is the difference between "your" states of seeing and states of not seeing?

Is there a self in any of these?

Also, are there any unfulfilled expectations? Say for special states?

[Anrol]

Ok so the states of seeing are total lack of anxiety, free flowing of activity, no stressing around priorities, knowing that the next thing to do will be presented with out “ me” having to decide what’s right. A feeling of lightness and ease. The ability to openly smile at strangers without feeling self conscious and contracted. Being able to converse openly without the need to follow the same old patterns. Having more courage to speak the truth without the fear of confrontation. Having a flow of creative ideas . Finding joy in the mundane. Listening to music and hearing it . The senses generally heightened. A feeling of love towards all things to the point of tears at times.

Not seeing is the fear of not experiencing the above permanently. Because I have experienced these things intermittently throughout my life and they have seemingly vanished and instability and depression and anxiety have replaced them . Also recently I have noticed having been in the above state and then doing something like watching tv after which I feel like the above states have all been imagined and that I’m deluded and should be more responsible, when in fact I also know that it’s the other way around. So feels like there are to voices in there.


The unfulfilled expectations are more about this fear of not being able to maintain the first states described. I think I’m expecting a more black and white experience where it is seen and remains without the flip side which is still doubting .

[Elad]

These are beautiful relatable descriptions of states of flow and no-self and states of depression/anxiety/contraction. Neither of these, however, is the insight that the self is an illusion. Once that insight is clear, it is equally clear in depressed/anxious and lightness/flow states...

The lightness states point to the insight but they are not the insight. And actually the depressed/anxious states equally point to the insight, if seen clearly.

Are you willing to let go of the expectation that clear seeing will perpetually free you from the uncomfortable states or perpetually situate you in a love/lightness/ease state? Are you willing within the context of this exploration to to focus exclusively on what is really true?

Pease keep looking, is there a self inside any of these states? Don't accept a conviction for an answer! Keep doubting as long as there is any doubt. Keep questioning, burning for the freedom of truth "from inside".

[Anrol]

I am more than willing ,I don’t have any choice do I ?

[Anrol]

Hi Elad ,

Apologies for the lateness but It has been a day of being confronted by seeming contradictions which then throw up doubt and there has been reluctance to try to verbalise this . Also though seeing elements of the story being seen and deconstructed. A realisation that the conditioning is so vast , which has brought moments of clarity which seems so obvious but then either a thought dominates for a while or there is flow . When a thought arises say about the story of “me” and it is seen for just that , what then is doing the seeing and the apparent choosing not to pursue that thought ?

[Elad]

Good with the willingness (we certainly can be unwilling in imagination and believe it to be true...)

Good noticing!

As for: "what then is doing the seeing and the apparent choosing not to pursue that thought ?"

Does there need to be anything?

Do you need to know the answer to that?

What happens if you let go of the idea that you need to know more/else then what is directly experienced?

[Anrol]

Life becomes extraordinarily simple 😊