I have arrived

[coolpillows]

That exercise was helpful. Interesting to be able to spend time with each sense. Obviously easier to "see" more and label it than it is to taste or smell more. But it focuses and crystallizes the moment so that the mind is away. Yesterday was just a rough day mentally and I'm approaching today with a clearer sense. I'm actually in touch with a previous student, Aloshan, who recommended this to me and he's given me some further insight. I know all of this in a way but I don't really know it ... and then again ... there is no "I" anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

peace.....

[Anastacia42]

Okay. Have you read any of Gateless Gatecrashers? You can download it here.

Loving

[coolpillows]

I have read about half of it and I’m in the process of continuing to read it. That’s what got me here!

[coolpillows]

Checking in. Not sure if this is supposed to be back & forth or whatever but I remember you said it’s good to post every day, so I’m posting. Holding steady. Still stressed by domestic nonsense, maybe a little less so. But i found myself listening to some advaita sutras, some touching on non-duality. It was good to reconnect to some of that. When I first heard about non-duality, a little less than a year ago, I was fascinated. It was like a portal to this new world, a new way of thinking I had never encountered. I had forgotten some of that sensation. It’s all related for me. I think there was some guidance to not delve into too many other teachings when doing this, but just being honest. That’s what’s goin on! :)

peace……

[Anastacia42]

Are you still practicing ButtChair?

Your title says "I have arrived," but every timr I ask, you say you have not. e

Loving,

[coolpillows]

Are you still practicing ButtChair?

Sure I was just practicing it. In a way I can feel my butt but then I can feel almost nothing. Like I'm not even here in a way.

More about me and why I wrote "I have arrived." First of all, when we do this form that gets us onto this discussion board, we sorta come up with a subject line in a way. So, the subject was just my way of saying "I'm here." Not to be taken too literally.

But there's a little more to that expression for me. I have an affirmation from Thich Nhat Hanh that I use now and then:
I have arrived. I am home.
In the here and in the now.
I am solid; I am free.
In the ultimate I dwell.

And finally, where I see myself on this path. I started off a little unsure if I'm even in need of a guide or whether I want to be going down this path. I'm in a pretty good place with all this. I haven't been slaving over this for years and years, wandering all over the world, etc. I kinda stumbled into it and, after some time when I was kinda seeking a little too deliberately, I had something of a breakthrough where I realized, lo and behold, duh, I had broken through. I didn't even realize it at the time. This has only been going on since May last year. And even then, I didn't think i was really seeking. I was just exploring this term 'non-duality' and watching videos and so on. It did quickly become a rabbit hole I went down and there was nothing else in my purview. I was ensconced in everything about this, discovery, realization, awareness, Buddhism, advaita, you name it, I could go on and on. I had a few sessions with a very good teacher and he kinda pointed me along the way and I've been bopping along.

As for this work we're doing, I see it as another layer I'm peeling away, another level of depth, a deeper understanding. I was reading in the Gateless Gatecrashers book the chapter on Tom. I'm sorta like "Tom" in that I don't quite feel like I'm already there and may not sound like I'm all there yet but I'm making progress.

Of course, this 'domestic aggravation' that I'm PM-ing you about and going through has been really upsetting me. I'm able to see that as something where the "I" takes over, ego steps in and demands attention. it's hard. But it is where the rubber meets the road or the butt meets the chair lol ... where I encounter the "I" once and for all and release all the tension and aggravation that is created and free me completely. I don't yet have that sense. I'm wary of any dramatic conclusions and momentous occurrences. I am making progress. Hope this makes sense. Interested in your feedback.

peace......

[Anastacia42]

Thank you for sharing more of the Thought Story.

Really, you're either seeing or you're not It's on or off, but even when off, seeking stops. gratitude is usually felt & one can't believe in a "self." Is not exactly a progression. There's usually a clarity, even if it seemed to take time to get there.

It seems you're stuck in doubt. That can make you crazy.

After seeing through the first 3 here, some clients pursue the 10 Fetters.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetter_(Buddhism)

Loving,

[coolpillows]

Yeah, I can sense doubt. Some confusion and just not being settled. I’m familiar with the fetters but haven’t looked into it thoroughly. When you say “after seeing through the first three here,” what did you mean? The first 3 fetters?

[Anastacia42]

Yes.

https://youtu.be/a_8N331jpA4?si=1ExyCBwfr0WX9IWW

[coolpillows]

Thanks. I’m in the middle of watching the video and exploring more on the fetters, particularly the 2nd one on doubt & perplexity. More to come….

peace…..

[Anastacia42]

https://youtu.be/vTyUspd7c3c?si=GUVRNXCLQX6my2pZ

[Anastacia42]

We have a couple of support groups that are meeting via teleconference and I'll give you the information on that.

There are 3 meetings.

Vince Shubert runs one on the weekends. Write to vinceschubert@gmail.com for the link & schedule.

Luchana & Lubo run one on Thursdays. Write to Luchana at luchanauzunova@gmail.com

Ilona holds a monthly meeting. Write admin@ilonaciunaite.com for that link & schedule

Maybe chatting with others will help.

Loving

[coolpillows]

Thanks for these links and guidance. I really appreciate it.

I remember running into a Luchana & Lubo video when I was first starting on this. They were one of many different teachers I was encountering and just amazed at the variety of styles and approaches, while it all leads to the same place. I’m still viewing the first video and I’ll check out the second. I am very receptive to input and feedback and will always check things out. I never know exactly what will strike a chord or connect with me.

But I want to say something about seeking. There’s a distinction between seeking and just receiving knowledge and insight. While I do seek knowledge, I don’t want to feel like I’m on some endless quest, especially when I’ve had some real breakthroughs already. One of my first big breakthroughs happened when my teacher didn’t show up for a session. He was ill and something had happened. It was almost the opposite of “when the student is ready, the teacher will arrive.” When he didn’t show, I wound having some profound insight that, duh, “I have arrived.” I was already there and just hadn’t recognized it fully. I likened it to being at the airport waiting for luggage at baggage claim. The flight was over. I’m at the destination. I just got into town and haven’t even explored it. Something like that. The metaphor is not perfect. But you get the idea.

I’ll keep at this. It does make sense to me.

peace……

[Anastacia42]

Sounds good. I hope you can make it to Vince's meeting today.

Much love,

[coolpillows]

Couldn’t make the meeting today. I watched some more of the video and continuing to read more about the 10 fetters and so on. I’m just posting as you said I should post every day. I guess I’m in something of a static state right now. Not upset, not flying high. I feel like more will be revealed. Should I continue posting regularly? Hope you are well.

peace……