What's with this "I"

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alexandr!

If you remove the label "little stream", then only the murmur will remain. Murmuring is also a shortcut to describe the sound. Everything must be labeled in order to understand what it is specifically, So that the brain recognizes it, a label is attached to everyone.

Who is speaking here?
Can you see that this is thought talking?
Concepts, and nothing more. Mental chatter over that which cannot be contained by labels.

My thoughts arise in my head as a result of any events.

Really, what is an “event” without the thought that calls it so?

Thoughts come to mind on their own.

Yes!

Of course, the thought is much easier to accept than direct experience

Another thought. "Of course" marks the beginning of an unquestioned assumption. Here, we question everything! If someone were to scold you, “I see you’ve done it again! I told you to never come naked to work again! That is simply not allowed!!”, would you run to find your clothing?
Or would you see the absurdity because of the evidence at hand, namely the clothing on your back?

I just don't want to do it, it just happens by itself.
I have no choice in this matter.
Thoughts also arise by themselves in the head.

Feeling into this “trouble with thoughts,” I recall a scene from a movie, “A Beautiful Mind.” In this film, the main character, a brilliant mathematician, began to experience disturbing hallucinations that seemed to take on a life of their own. He interacted with the “characters” born of his mind, and visible only to him. By the end of the film, he had “come to terms” with his beautiful mind. In one of the ending scenes, his familiar characters were still seen, still only by him. He bid them farewell and from that point forward, ceased to interact with them. The characters did not disappear in the wake of his intention, but since he did not interact with them, “they” did not interact with him!
As so with our thoughts.
Do you expect thinking to cease with “awakening from the illusion of a separate self?”

"To sit by the computer. To look at the monitor. To feel strong anger and frustration. To feel tension throughout the body."

Reading this now, these statements naked of identity (it could be anyone), how do you feel?

When you add the “I” subject, and the story about the fight, does this affect your felt experience? How so?

If you replaced the subject with another, say, the mailman, does this affect your felt experience? How so?

I can conclude that the real experience differs from the imaginary one in that my jaws actually moved when I chewed it. And the taste remained after I ate it. Otherwise, everything is very similar.

Interesting…
Let’s try another exercise which points out the difference between direct experience and content of thought.

There are two types of thoughts:
(1) Thoughts with words “Here is cup”
(2) Visual mental images of a “cup”

Think of a cup. Get a very clear picture in your mind. See clearly the size, shape, color and volume of the cup. Notice whether it is decorated or plain. Notice whether it has a handle. Notice whether it is heavy or fragile. Do you have a clear picture in mind?
Now, can you physically grasp that image of a cup? Can you pour tea into it? Can you drink from it? Is there a “real” cup or just an image of a cup? Is there an appearing mental image? Is the content of the mental image (the cup) “real”?
The thoughts and mental images are real only as arising thoughts and mental images. Their “presence” cannot be denied. However, their contents, are not “real”, they are just fantasies. Can you see this?

Over the course of the next day or so, please notice the content of thoughts.
Whenever there is an arising thought or mental image, check whether its content (what it’s about) is really happening, or the content is just pure imagination. Please report three to five examples.
For example: “The dog has to go out soon.” Fantasy. AND
“Feeling the sensation of soft tongue against hard teeth.” Real.

Cheers!
Janine

[Alexandr]

Hi Janine. Thank you for your time. I apologize for not responding immediately.

Do you expect thinking to cease with “awakening from the illusion of a separate self?”

I don't expect thinking to stop on its own, I'd like to focus less on it.

"To sit by the computer. To look at the monitor. To feel strong anger and frustration. To feel tension throughout the body."
Reading this now, these statements naked of identity (it could be anyone), how do you feel?

I feel like this has nothing to do with me.

When you add the “I” subject, and the story about the fight, does this affect your felt experience? How so?

If you replaced the subject with another, say, the mailman, does this affect your felt experience? How so?

If you add the topic "I", then it already becomes somehow personal, I feel that it concerns me, but only in my thoughts. There are no visible changes. To explain it, it triggers some kind of defensive reaction in my head that tries to protect me. Or to warn, and no more.

If I replace myself with a postman, then again it has nothing to do with me.

Let’s try another exercise which points out the difference between direct experience and content of thought.

There are two types of thoughts:
(1) Thoughts with words “Here is cup”
(2) Visual mental images of a “cup”

Think of a cup. Get a very clear picture in your mind. See clearly the size, shape, color and volume of the cup. Notice whether it is decorated or plain. Notice whether it has a handle. Notice whether it is heavy or fragile. Do you have a clear picture in mind?
Now, can you physically grasp that image of a cup? Can you pour tea into it? Can you drink from it? Is there a “real” cup or just an image of a cup? Is there an appearing mental image? Is the content of the mental image (the cup) “real”?
The thoughts and mental images are real only as arising thoughts and mental images. Their “presence” cannot be denied. However, their contents, are not “real”, they are just fantasies. Can you see this?

Oh, Janine, I get it)) The cup presented in the thoughts has nothing real. This is a mental image in the head that has no physical basis, you can't pour tea into it. It's a fantasy.

If I see a cup in front of me and I think it's a cup, is it a real experience?

[Alexandr]

Here are my observations:
I'm thinking about feeding my cat - it's a fantasy.
When I pour food for him and think about the fact that I pour food for the cat, this is reality.

I look at my cat who asks to be given something to eat and I think that he is hungry - this is a fantasy.
When I stroke him and think that he is "fluffy and soft", this is reality.

When I think that I need to reply to an email, it's a fantasy.
When I type a reply to a letter and tell my thoughts in this letter, this is reality.

[JanineJanaki]

Hello Alexandr!

I'm taking care of some things here.
I will reply when I am able, another day or so.

Peace and good cheer!
Janine

[JanineJanaki]

Hello Alexandr!

I don't expect thinking to stop on its own, I'd like to focus less on it.

So, we have seen that thoughts appear without our bidding.
Who or what is driving this?
Do you have a choice?
Can you hold onto a single thought for ten seconds, such as “I’m not going to look at thoughts anymore?”
Who is deciding to look, to focus, to hang onto the thought stream, or to turn away? Look carefully for this mechanism of a controller or chooser.

Try the following exercise:
Imagine for a moment a scene, one of a little mountain stream which is tumbling down a hillside gully, not far from its source. It has been raining and so the level is quite high. Consider in your mind's eye, if you can, how it flows to the right over a little rock (where, had the level been lower, it would probably have gone around the rock), then the flow goes to the left over a tree bow, and then slows a little in a broader place, before splashing over a small cascade into a pool, and so on down the mountain side. Does it choose any of its directions? Is it even really a separate entity different from the water deposited in it, the rocks, the depressions in the ground etc? Is it even the same entity moment by moment, or more the product of weather conditions and water, like an ever-changing pattern?
1. Can you find anywhere where Alexandr autonomously intervenes into life, choosing something that is not the product of all the elements, that is not a part of the overall flow?
2. Now please consider a regular decision made eg: what to wear in the morning, or what to eat for lunch, and describe to me what happens. There are environmental factors, there are color preferences (but where did those come from - any autonomous intervention there perhaps?), practical issues (such as what is available), available time for preparation, purpose (eg: need to fill up for the day, or to look hip and cool for that person!) etc. Where in there is an autonomous entity, apart and independent from everything else, intervening in the flow of life? Can you find someone somewhere?
3. Can anything be found for which Alexandr is responsible – if so responsible to what and for what?

To explain it, it triggers some kind of defensive reaction in my head that tries to protect me. Or to warn, and no more.

Is explanation necessary to describe something experienced directly? Yes or no?
Or does explanation deviate from the simple truth?

In this investigation, we do employ words for the sake of communication, but let’s keep them to a bare minimum. The more words, the greater the narrative, and more lost we become in the land of mental abstraction, fantasy land. Know that anytime we start a sentence with “I think,” a conclusion entangled with a story, seemingly built upon past conditioning, is sure to follow.

Then next time you think you know anything, report the thought, then strip it of its seriousness by removing the subject and judgment.
Example: “That inconsiderate driver cut me off. Wow, he came so close to hitting me!!”
Vs. A vehicle closely crossed in front of my path.
Now compare the felt sense of the two statements using your own example.
Which statement feels closer to the truth?

The cup presented in the thoughts has nothing real. This is a mental image in the head that has no physical basis, you can't pour tea into it. It's a fantasy.

Yes!!

If I see a cup in front of me and I think it's a cup, is it a real experience?

Try this out for yourself. Get a cup of tea or any beverage.
Now pour it over your hand. Do it. Don’t imagine it!!
Go to a sink and pour the contents over your hand.
Now tell me, is your hand really wet? Yes or no?
Actual experience. This is Life in the “real world.”

I’m not convinced that you are distinguishing fantasy from reality.
Your last response comes closest.

When I think that I need to reply to an email, it's a fantasy.
When I type a reply to a letter and tell my thoughts in this letter, this is reality.

We are letting go of the grip upon mental abstraction and identification with it.
Let’s try that exercise again, this time omitting the subject, “I think” and reporting only from direct experience. A complete sentence is not necessary.

Example:
I’m thinking about the time, wondering if I should cut the exercise short. Fantasy.
Vs. Pedaling steadily. The breath in cadence with pedal strokes. Hot. Moisture under arms and beneath clothing. Hair dancing with every movement. Reality.

Thanks and good cheer!
Janine

[JanineJanaki]

Hello Alexandr!

It's been some time since you've posted. Are you alright?

Cheers!
Janine

[Alexandr]

Janine, thank you for your time. I'm having difficulties with my family. I need to figure it out completely. I think we need to postpone our communication. since now, my head is full of something else entirely. Thank you very much for your time.

[JanineJanaki]

Hi Alexandr.

Thank you for letting me know.
Follow your heart, a most apt guide.
I am here when you are ready.

With much love and serenity,
Janine