I don't quite understand what to write here :)

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

settling with the curiosity of life.

Is this like a resignation?

What provokes investigation now?

maybe this sadness.

Can you describe the physical components of this sadness?
Can you see any thoughts that are attached?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince;

I have been to Denmark for 2 weeks

Is this like a resignation?

Definitely.

Can you describe the physical components of this sadness?

Tears just poor down at every given moment. It is like tears in the heart and the throat tightened up

Can you see any thoughts that are attached?

It feels like this physical feeling stops me from doing or achieving anything.

As I said, I have been to Denmark and I think where the story I have been telling myself begins. I therefore observed the sadness coming up and imbraced it by putting words to it at couple of times. The story I have been telling myself is that since my mother claims to be right, then I must be wrong...at all times. There is sadness in not choosing just to be for a lifetime.

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

Tears just poor down at every given moment. It is like tears in the heart and the throat tightened up

Ok, you call it sadness but I want to make sure that it's not grief.
The difference is that sadness has a sweet flavor to it and it's devoid of stories (apparently) whereas grief is loaded with stories about how it shouldn't be.
The heart and throat sensations do seem to indicate sadness, but are there ideas about how wrong it is?

It feels like this physical feeling stops me from doing or achieving anything.

Yes, both can incapacitate you. There is no room for anything else.

The story I have been telling myself is that since my mother claims to be right, then I must be wrong...at all times.

Ah, this sounds like grief. Grief over what could be but isn't. Grief over what is missing in that relationship.
Mothers are supposed to be nurturing, not combative.
Then in order not to alienate her you adopt a victim role. "you must be wrong".

There is sadness in not choosing just to be for a lifetime.

You don't get to choose this.
Choice, decisions, control are all delusions if you believe them. They are fundamental to the suffering that comes from the idea that things can be different to the way they are.
..and the way that they are isn't what your mind says they are.
The way that they are in absolute terms is beyond the human mind to comprehend. (so it's a mystery)
The way the mind describes them is a personal interpretation, and it's always wrong.
If you accept that for yourself, then you also have to accept that it is that way for your mother too. She is innocent in the delusion that she is right. Neither of you are.

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince
Then it is definitely grief

There is no room for anything else.

As an example: I left Denmark because I was so afraid of not being able to construct a life there, unable to get a job and earn money. There was no room for growth

Mothers are supposed to be nurturing, not combative.

The paradox is that she was not being combative. She insisted she was on my side

you adopt a victim role. "you must be wrong".

Definitely

If you accept that for yourself, then you also have to accept that it is that way for your mother too. She is innocent in the delusion that she is right. Neither of you are.

It has helped me understand exactly where this way of believing to be wrong came from, and embracing the pain. Having embraced the pain I feel flow.

Thank you

All the best

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

I was so afraid of not being able to construct a life there,

Did this change when you left?

There was no room for growth

Say a bit about this. What kind of growth?

She insisted she was on my side

How did you feel about this?

a victim role.

Definitely

I get that you felt hopeless and unable to do anything about it, but you did. You left. Did you regret that you had to?

Having embraced the pain I feel flow.

Does the pain still exist in the flow?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

Did this change when you left?

No, I still have this impression

Say a bit about this. What kind of growth?

Realising that I am capable

How did you feel about this?

It has been such a paradox that I haven't spoken to her for 8 years

Did you regret that you had to?

I only regret because it feels like not acknowledging my self for what was

Does the pain still exist in the flow?

No

Have a nice day

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

No, I still have this impression

What does this suggest to you?

I haven't spoken to her for 8 years

Is it mutual? Has she attempted to speak to you?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

What does this suggest to you?

That there is grief left in this decision.

Is it mutual? Has she attempted to speak to you?

In the beginning, she tried but then she left me alone. Now I have had contact with her for some years.

A nice day to you

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

good evening Gitte,

That there is grief left in this decision.

Can you see the stories about how it should be different?
Can you see the sensations separately from the stories?

Now I have had contact with her for some years.

Is there any desire to connect with her?

with love

vince

[Gitte]

Dear Vince

Can you see the stories about how it should be different?

Yes

Can you see the sensations separately from the stories?

Yes

Is there any desire to connect with her?

No

:)

It is liberating to let go

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

It is liberating to let go

Great.
So to summarise...
Do you recognize that a self exists only as a story?
Are there any doubts about this recognition?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince

Do you recognize that a self exists only as a story?

Yes

Are there any doubts about this recognition?

No, I have no doubt.....I do though get caught up in it from time to time anyway

:)

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

'morning Gitte,

.I do though get caught up in it from time to time anyway

This is to be expected. How long before you realize that it has happened?
What is the usual response when it is realized?

vince

[Gitte]

Hello Vince;

I have had some difficulties answering, something wasn't right, too easy. It has been straightforward aligning with the I not being, but at the same time I isolate, I downsize in my work, and I keep on being critical in an aggressive kind of way towards other people.

Last night Pernille took part in our usual Monday meeting and I understand I am bypassing not being ok with myself.

:)

Have a nice day, Vince

Gitte

[vinceschubert]

Good evening Gitte,

I understand I am bypassing not being ok with myself.

say more about not being OK with yourself. Not the symptoms, but what stories are there that you are avoiding.

vince