Who is in control?

[StaticChange]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I see that everything is changing moment to moment. However, there is a "self" that looks like is in control and doesn't want to "flow" with every changing moment. In other words, this "static" self isn't aware of this fluidity/impermanence.
When I'm aware of this, it's liberating. But if time is everchanging how can there be a "time" to be aware?

What are you looking for at LU?
Freedom, and honestly, to get rid of thoughts of illness, depression, hatred, sadness and grief.
I tend to think about these matters when I'm suffering more acutely, and I think I might be freed from this negativity by stopping being involve in these thoughts.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
Help to understand who am I, and how can I solve this paradox, which is how can there be control, if 'I' doesn't know who is searching for.
I would like to have clues to see things for myself, and not merely think about them.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I practiced vipassana meditation for a few years and attended meditation retreats. Nowadays, while I'm naturally curious about searching for myself and understanding things, I don't do sitting formal meditation.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
9

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,
It was pleasure to meet you this evening.

I read your intro and thse ones pops-up:

and I think I might be freed from this negativity by stopping being involve in these thoughts

Beautiful desire. Notice that this experience of negative thoughts is here because there are beliefs that there is someone small, unworthy, persona called Fred?

Help to understand who am I

What you are when you check and cannot find Fred?
What is there/here?
Look at your own Direct Experience?

Much love,
Lubo

[StaticChange]

Hello again, Lubo,

It was amazing, thanks again for today!

Beautiful desire. Notice that this experience of negative thoughts is here because there are beliefs that there is someone small, unworthy, persona called Fred?

Unworthiness come to mind. When I read this there are sensations of closing/contraction that arise, in the abdomen and chest area, but recognizing them is freeing. Actually when I look into the chest area, what arises is "worthlessness".
I also notice a slight uplifting when I look into this experience, but it's like that feeling arises from wanting to be freed (and not freeing itself). There's also a desire to "get this right", which results in more desire (and inevitable frustration).

What you are when you check and cannot find Fred?
What is there/here?

Just space and Awareness. Quite liberating!

All the best,
Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,

Thank you for the reply.

"worthlessness".
I also notice a slight uplifting when I look into this experience, but it's like that feeling arises from wanting to be freed (and not freeing itself). There's also a desire to "get this right", which results in more desire (and inevitable frustration).

I can feel you, when I read this.
Notice that mind trying to fix someone who is not OK?

Notice what is the main problem of Fred?
what needs to be fixed?

So much love to you,
Lubo

[StaticChange]

Hi Lubo,

"worthlessness".
Notice that mind trying to fix someone who is not OK

I feel the body strain when I read this. The mind is not restful and it enforces the "thought" of seeing into "direct awareness" (which implies it doesn't want to accept myself). There is shame, regret, anger and contempt. Anger and contempt for not wanting things to "be" as it wants.

Notice what is the main problem of Fred?

The thought that comes is "it doesn't likes himself". Disgust comes to mind.

what needs to be fixed?

The entitlement to feel happy.

Thank you so much,
Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,
Wonderful investigation.

I feel the body strain when I read this.

Nice that you can see that.

here it is the story:
Mind create a map what this life IS and what we are.
And mind moves according to this map.
Awakening is to wake up to the fact that this map is not correct.
You are aware of that, because you are here in the forum.
Let's notice what shortcuts mind is created:
me=Fred=problems
Life=problems

Now help mind to change connections with
me=freedom
life=freedom
plan for the feature=freedom

How life looks like now?

Make a list with everything which mind connect with problems
and change it with =Freedom



I am with you,
Love
Lubo

[StaticChange]

Hi Lubo,

Sorry for the delayed reply, couldn't manage time to be alone.

here it is the story:
Mind create a map what this life IS and what we are.
And mind moves according to this map.
Awakening is to wake up to the fact that this map is not correct.
You are aware of that, because you are here in the forum.
Let's notice what shortcuts mind is created:
me=Fred=problems
Life=problems

Now help mind to change connections with
me=freedom
life=freedom
plan for the feature=freedom

How life looks like now?

Looks like a relief and a world of open possibilities.

Make a list with everything which mind connect with problems
and change it with =Freedom

I"ll list what I found to be true for reference:
Fear of being abandoned/rejected
Worry about my cognitive performance
Worry about my mental health
Worry about being stepped over
Worry of being weak
Fear of failure

If I equates these thoughts/feelings with freedom, I feel my body expand, specially in the heart. It's kind of funny too, makes me smile

"Worry about being stepped over" -> In this case It still looks it is a more tangible feeling, because, beyond the worry ,it still sucks to be stepped over.

Deeply thankful once again!

Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,

I"ll list what I found to be true for reference:
Fear of being abandoned/rejected
Worry about my cognitive performance
Worry about my mental health
Worry about being stepped over
Worry of being weak
Fear of failure

You are speaking for all of us. This is valid for 99,99% of population.
Notice that this to be here, there should be someone, a persona, right?
because we don't know what is this here and the mind tries to fill in the unknown with imaginary things?
Notice also that mind is worry for his mental health?

I want to take you on a quick walk to see what's here - no need to believe minds interpretation, no need to identify with the story about someone with own mind, this is mind's fabrication.

So,
with eyes closed - what is here?
with eyes open - look around ...?
now notice how far are these two experiences?
are these two separate or from the same gang?
Now you can identify with these two but not to the imaginary someone.
Can you trust whats appear here?

So much love to you,
Lubo
PS.Do you want video session this week?

[StaticChange]

So,
with eyes closed - what is here?

Nothingness

With eyes open - look around ...?

I see 'spaciousness' between me and experience

now notice how far are these two experiences?
are these two separate or from the same gang?

They look like they are one and the same thing

Now you can identify with these two but not to the imaginary someone.
Can you trust whats appear here?

Yes. It's very freeing 🙂


A funny thing I noticed is that there are only sensations when I'm not looking.

Sent you an email regarding video session!

Deepest thanks,
Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,

I see 'spaciousness' between me and experience

describe what the world "me" point?

They look like they are one and the same thing

Yes :)

Can you trust whats appear here?

Yes. It's very freeing 🙂

Yes :) I can feel the freedom you are sharing

A funny thing I noticed is that there are only sensations when I'm not looking.

Yes, the world is created by sensations. When you look what else is here?
Is there something more then colours/form, sounds, sensations, taste, smell and commentator/thoughts?

Love,
Lubo

[StaticChange]

Hi Lubo!

describe what the world "me" point?

Again, it points at nothingness/awareness.

Yes, the world is created by sensations. When you look what else is here?

Peace (which makes the body open up) and freedom. It's just Space in-between objects.
Reminds me of this scene ahah: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTsTE2zJ0mo&t=56

is there something more then colours/form, sounds, sensations, taste, smell and commentator/thoughts?

There is peace :)

(There are feelings which look like the body reacting to external stimuli).


When Im in the persona, there is still a lot of fear for sensations. I think because I spent a great deal of effort and time being reactive/involved with/by sensations over the years I spent praticing Vipassana. I was trying just to make them go away instead of acknowledging them.

Maybe we can work with that.

Thank you, once again, Lubo!

Best wishes,
Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,
Wonderful.

When Im in the persona, there is still a lot of fear for sensations

You found that there is no persona.
Notice that your experience is without first part of the sentence ".......there is still a lot of fear for sensations"
Right?
And now notice what is to find that there is fear but there is no Fred, no persona? :)
Look behind the protection of fear, what is there?

Much love,
Lubo

[StaticChange]

Notice that your experience is without first part of the sentence ".......there is still a lot of fear for sensations"
Right?
And now notice what is to find that there is fear but there is no Fred, no persona? :)
Look behind the protection of fear, what is there?

There is Love.

I think it also answers my initial questions because there is no control, things are happening by themselves. It's like we are the creating the world trough sensations. Which brings me, to other questions, which are unrelated, but interesting nevertheless: what about others, such as you: are we all manifesting form and the world atl-together?
It's looks like others are a reflection of ourselves, so they don't really exist either.

All the best,
Fred

[Lubo]

Hi dear Fred,
Nice questions

I think it also answers my initial questions because there is no control, things are happening by themselves. It's like we are the creating the world trough sensations. Which brings me

notice that world is created by itself and yes "me" is just a story that something is someone.
Notice that you are Nothing here?

others, yeee, is there something which is not This? :)
Is there others in others? :)

[StaticChange]

Hi Lubo!

I sent you an email concerning our conversation.

Best wishes :)

Fred