Unsure what this is?

[ankitawho]

I don't seem to be very good at Looking.

You're looking, and reporting honestly. This too is a thought.

So how do I break through those implicit assumptions? Drop the memories?

Dropping the memories is not an activity that can be consciously performed, and deep down the subconscious views these memories as helpful, and it will not allow brute force to undo it.
Only neutral, nonjudgemental, objective looking can ease these knots.

Here is a beautiful exercise from ACIM, lets try it:

We will be practising this idea:
"Nothing I see in this room [on this street, from this window, in this place] means anything."

Look slowly around you, and practice applying this idea very specifically to whatever you see:

This table does not mean anything.
This chair does not mean anything.
This hand does not mean anything.
This foot does not mean anything.
This pen does not mean anything.

Then look farther away from your immediate area, and apply the idea to a wider range:

That door does not mean anything.
That body does not mean anything.
That lamp does not mean anything.
That sign does not mean anything.
That shadow does not mean anything.

Notice that these statements are not arranged in any order, and make no allowance for differences in the kinds of things to which they are applied. That is the purpose of the exercise. The statement should merely be applied to anything you see. As you practice the idea for the day, use it totally indiscriminately. Do not attempt to apply it to everything you see, for these exercises should not become ritualistic. Only be sure that nothing you see is specifically excluded. One thing is like another as far as the application of the idea is concerned.

Please report the sensations that arise :)

[Stacyg888]

I laughed at the assumption that would know what ACIM is ;-) I did try it for a while but now I see I wasn't ready for it back then.

Please report the sensations that arise :)

First no sensations at all, then some bubbles of freedom and excitement. Initially some sadness/grief when I did "that body does not mean anything" looking at my husband but freedom and excitement when I did it again the next day. Also a bit sadness/grief when I did "this earth does not mean anything".

When that sadness arose, a thought of "I was right weeks ago when I said this all seems meaningless" popped up but I recognised it as just a thought almost immediately.

[ankitawho]

🤗 Lovely to read. There is an openness here.

but I recognised it as just a thought almost immediately.

Great catch!

Speaking of thoughts, lets try to apply the same idea to thoughts:

Let a thought arise, and say "This thought about ___ does not mean anything."
Once again, no preferences as to which thought to pick for the purpose. Watch the reaction that arises with curiosity :)

Next, take a thought that you think someone else thinks about you, or anyone or anything. "This thought that ____ has about ___ does not mean anything."

:) This is an unwinding.

[Stacyg888]

Definitely a sense of freedom opening up as I let go of thoughts, and other people's thoughts, meaning anything. I like this unwinding.

I have been practicing non thought when I catch myself spiralling into old toxic thought patterns That is getting easier to catch. But thoughts wrapped up with resentment still seem to have a strong hold. Those ones I'd like to shake as soon as possible.

[ankitawho]

I have been practicing non thought when I catch myself spiralling into old toxic thought patterns That is getting easier to catch. But thoughts wrapped up with resentment still seem to have a strong hold. Those ones I'd like to shake as soon as possible.

Neutral, curious observation undoes all.
Notice how when there is a strong desire to do away with a sensation, it no longer is a neutral observation, but a judgemental side-eye. Look at the sensation, and notice how innocent it is. Even resentment serves an innocent purpose, it sharply reminds you that there was a wound taken to the respect it believes you are worthy of.
All at its own time, gently. 🙏

Today, lets practice this exercise twice for 5 minutes in each session:

The idea we want the mind-body to sit with is: "I don't really understand what this is", which funnily enough is also similar to the subject line you gave this thread :) Full circle.
"I don't really understand what this hand is."
"I don't really understand what this fan is."
"I don't really understand what this colour is."
"I don't really understand what this bag is."
"I don't really understand what this plant is."
Really take it in.

I'd like you to end both of these exercise sessions with saying: ""I don't really understand what this apple is." Once we can drop all we assume we know about an apple, we can return to the very first subject-object exercise i.e. the apple exercise, and see if we feel any differently now :)

As always, please report how you FEEL. We know thoughts lie all the time, but a sensation can only be 100% authentic. Watch the sensations that arise, at all times, even outside of exercises.

[Stacyg888]

Full circle - that's funny :)

Neutral, curious observation - that is very helpful. Already I can feel resentments falling away when I look at them that way. Thank you!

"I don't really understand what .... is."

The exercise was fun. The sensations that arose were an innocent curiousness, and a sense of detachment from anything having to mean something. When thinking came back, it was like my alien analogy again. I did the exercise in the bath - "I really don't understand what this bath is". If an alien saw the bath, they would see white, the curves and shape of the tub, the hard material. But they wouldn't have a label "bath", they would just be looking.

I did the apple exercise again.

Is there really an entity ‘apple’ here, or only color + shape, and a thought ABOUT some entity ‘apple’? Can ‘apple’ be found in direct experience?

It seems to me that labelling is the problem. When I just see, feel taste the apple, I have a rich, direct expedience of it. When I call it an apple and think about what it looks or feels like, that puts limitation on it.

[ankitawho]

Good!

It seems to me that labelling is the problem.

Indeed, precisely so.

When I just see, feel taste the apple, I have a rich, direct expedience of it. When I call it an apple and think about what it looks or feels like, that puts limitation on it.

Absolutely! Not only does it dulls the experience, but sets a precedent to dull all experience that is to follow.
If there is an "apple" labelled separately out of this whole wild raw indistinguishable experience, there must be a "someone" also labelled out separately experiencing this "apple" labelled slice of experience.

Using your analogy, if an alien saw "you" eating an "apple", what would they really see? Shapes, colours, materials. What would they hear? smell?

Is their any ownership in this soup of visuals and sounds and smells and sensations? Does something called an apple own this bundle of smells and tastes and visuals, and something called you who owns this other bundle of sensations and thoughts and visuals?

Or is it all dynamic, coming in and going out of each other, constantly? Appearing and disappearing, constantly?

[Stacyg888]

If an alien saw "you" eating an "apple", what would they really see? Shapes, colours, materials. What would they hear? smell?

Aaah yes, of course. The apple and the I would all just be various shapes, colours, smells - not 2 separate objects.

Is there any ownership in this soup of visuals and sounds and smells and sensations? Does something called an apple own this bundle of smells and tastes and visuals, and something called you who owns this other bundle of sensations and thoughts and visuals?

"soup of visuals" I love that so much :) No ownership, just isness.

Or is it all dynamic, coming in and going out of each other, constantly? Appearing and disappearing, constantly?

I can see how it is all coming and going constantly. I can see it as a concept in my minds eye but my other eyes still show me things the way they have always been. Will that change with this unwinding?

And a curious question please. I had the opportunity to go quadbiking in the dunes of Namibia last week but chickened out of riding my own bike and had to hop on my husband's bike as a passenger. Afterwards I regretted not being braver. Is that an illusion of control that I could have done anything differently?

[ankitawho]

I can see it as a concept in my minds eye but my other eyes still show me things the way they have always been. Will that change with this unwinding?

This sounds as though it is still intellectual. As long as it is intellectual, it is not seeing at all. Yes, the unwinding is a change in perception.
When you say your eyes show you things the way they have always been, what do you mean? This practice IS to see things as they have always been. Could you please elaborate so I can understand you better and see where the gaps are?

And a curious question please. I had the opportunity to go quadbiking in the dunes of Namibia last week but chickened out of riding my own bike and had to hop on my husband's bike as a passenger. Afterwards I regretted not being braver. Is that an illusion of control that I could have done anything differently?

- Is there just a regret (a sensation + thoughts), or is there a 'you' who is regretful?
- Was there just fear of riding the bike solo (a sensation + thoughts), or was there a 'you' who was fearful?
- Was there a thought "Ah, maybe I should've been braver", or was there an 'I' who wished it was braver?

In all of these sensations and thoughts, is there any trace of ownership? What made the fear, the regret and the desire for bravery 'yours'?

Really sit with these questions individually, let them live with you. They are for you. Answer them slowly, one by one.

And now, the main question: If there is no ownership, who could have done anything differently?


Notice how we are not denying and dismissing fear or regret, but only questioning if there was someone to endure responsibility for the arising of fear and regret.

Referencing our previous truth/lie exercises, here's another approach:

Which of these feels more truthful?
- I was fearful, so I chickened out of riding my own bike, and then I regretted not being braver
- Fear was felt at the idea of riding a single bike, regret was felt for having shared husband's bike, and then there was a desire for bravery

This is not a way to look at new things, but just a new way to look at the same old things. Everything stays the same, exactly where it is, its just the 'I' that is swept out of the picture. This 'I' carries so much illusory burden for what just is.

[Stacyg888]

This sounds as though it is still intellectual. As long as it is intellectual, it is not seeing at all. Yes, the unwinding is a change in perception. When you say your eyes show you things the way they have always been, what do you mean? This practice IS to see things as they have always been. Could you please elaborate so I can understand you better and see where the gaps are?

Yes, still very much an intellectual understanding, still very much in my head. My eyes show me objects as separate items, not as a "soup of visuals". I see people as separate, not as One. I see a Me who is doing all day long.

- Is there just a regret (a sensation + thoughts), or is there a 'you' who is regretful?
- Was there just fear of riding the bike solo (a sensation + thoughts), or was there a 'you' who was fearful?
- Was there a thought "Ah, maybe I should've been braver", or was there an 'I' who wished it was braver?

Now that you have pointed that out, I get that there is no me to be regretful or fearful. This is where I understand this as concepts intellectually but the old conditioning keeps me stuck in this way of being. How do I break out of that?

Is there any trace of ownership? What made the fear, the regret and the desire for bravery 'yours'?

Only my old conditioning, I am so used to that way of thinking and living.

If there is no ownership, who could have done anything differently?

No one, no thing. The illusory burden of the I is exactly what I am trying to see my way out of, right?

Which of these feels more truthful?
- I was fearful, so I chickened out of riding my own bike, and then I regretted not being braver
- Fear was felt at the idea of riding a single bike, regret was felt for having shared husband's bike, and then there was a desire for bravery

The second one feels lighter, more freeing.

Thanks Ankita. I am determined to succeed but getting impatient at my stuckness.

[ankitawho]

❤️
Stacy, generations of family who lived with this way of perception precede us. This has been the default, and what we have known for very, very long, and is reinforced everyday when engaging and interacting with the world where a good majority still perceives like this.
When we first started conversing, there was restlessness, there was a struggle to make it make sense, and now there is an openness, a welcoming and making room for "seeing". There has been a shift, and you are by no means stuck.

One beautiful thing about this is that truth needs no practice, no convincing, no defence. No matter how much time in the day is spent in "the old ways", one moment of "seeing" makes all of it disappear.

Reminds me of the rope and snake story, where a person is really really scared of a rope in a dark room, because they mistake it for a snake. Someone else tells them its just a rope, try to see it as a rope, try to see it from this angle, try to see it with squinted eyes, do see that its just a rope?!? But this intellectual gymnastics cannot convince their mind, and the fear just compounds with every passing minute. And then the lights in the room are turned on, and effortlessly, plainly, simply, the rope is seen as a rope and the fear falls right off.
Does it take any time to "undo" the belief that the rope is a rope, not a snake?
Would it have taken more time to "undo" the habit of seeing the rope as a snake if the person lived in fear for 10 days vs if they lived in fear for 10 years? In both cases, doesn't the fear immediately drop as soon as the lights are on, as soon as clear "seeing" happens?

Don't worry about the whole day, see if the seeing can happen simply for this moment.
In this moment, engage yourself in an enquiry around what the body-mind seems to be upto.
What is going on in the moment? Perhaps we can come back to the exercise about labelling daily activities. Could you break down one activity for me right now into the 6 categories of direct experience? :) And then tell me if there is anything else going on thats not this?

My eyes show me objects as separate items, not as a "soup of visuals". I see people as separate, not as One. I see a Me who is doing all day long.

And when you notice yourself feeling like this any time in the day, try to break down the activity into DE categories and drop the question: "What is going on that is not this?"

One more question I'd like to ask you, and feel free to answer it in any way you understand it: Where does the sense of "Stacy" exactly live?

[ankitawho]

Oh, also, there are group meetings every Monday and Saturday, hosted by Vince who has been a long time guide here. Several people find it helpful, so you can explore it if you like. It is okay to join in anytime, drop off anytime.

Timings:
Monday: 6 AM Sydney Daylight Saving Time (AEDT)
Saturday: 9 PM (AEDT)

Here's the link:
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86991485768?p ... 12Um5DQT09
Meeting ID: 869 9148 5768
Passcode: 083035

[Stacyg888]

Thank you, Ankita ❤ I am feeling the openess, it's great to hear I'm not stuck.

The rope story made me laugh. Every summer I ask my husband to roll the water hose up all the way because I keep seeing a snake, haha. The rope analogy was perfect for me. Of course it is easy to see that it doesn't take practice or time to see the rope.

Could you break down one activity for me right now into the 6 categories of direct experience? :) And then tell me if there is anything else going on thats not this?

Seeing trees, blue sky, sunshine - colours, shapes, movement in the breeze
Sitting on a hard chair - sensation that bum is not comfortable
Listening to birds and beetles, voices in the distance - sounds coming and going
Aware of hunger

"What is going on that is not this?"

Nothing. Just peace underneath it all.

Where does the sense of "Stacy" exactly live?

When I stop to notice, she seems to fade out of existence but most of the fime I sense her in my chest or behind my eyes.

Thanks for sharing about the meetings. I will definitely get on one when the time lines up for my current time zone! I look forward to that.

[ankitawho]

Every summer I ask my husband to roll the water hose up all the way because I keep seeing a snake, haha.

haha! 🤗

Sitting on a hard chair - sensation that bum is not comfortable

Perhaps sensation, and a thought that this sensation is uncomfortable? :)

Aware of hunger

And what is hunger in DE?

When I stop to notice, she seems to fade out of existence but most of the fime I sense her in my chest or behind my eyes.

It was the same for me, and I suspect its similar for a lot of people.
I found this exercise amusing, and it really threw off this "sense of self" for me in a slightly disorienting way... See what comes up for you:
Many experience the ‘me’ as being centred in the head.
What I would like you to do is imagine a small apple centred in the head. Before the apple disappears….
…imagine a canary centred in the head, tweeting away.
Before, the canary flies off (weird huh?)….
…imagine a 'me' centred in the head.
Stay with it…
…imagine it is completely transparent. See straight through it…
…imagine there not seeming to be a 'me' in the head anymore.

How does it feel? Where did 'you' go?
Who is left back when 'you' are gone?

Also, a book recommendation: "The Headless Way" by Douglas Harding. The exercises ("experiments") really help to break out of the habit of living with this sense of self even after having seen through self.

[Stacyg888]

I just realised that probably the reason humans sense that their self is housed in their head and behind their eyes is because a voice needs a mouth - and a head has a mouth. The chirpy canary helped me see that, haha.

How does it feel? Where did 'you' go? Who is left back when 'you' are gone?

Without the me in my head, the body feels like an empty shell going about its business. The exercise really helped me see that. I didn't go anywhere since I don't actually exist. It feels liberating but I still have so many questions on this. Such as, there is still a sense of "me" and "you" though. How do I get rid of that?

I just read the book "No self, no problem" where the author talks about the left brain being our interpreter of the world. And it does not stop jabbering in my case! Is that my ego?

Also, another curious question please. My husband and I have a very big decision to make about our future. As with all decisions, there are pros and cons either way. Are we fooling ourselves that "we" are deliberating, or will life just play out and we have no control of that, only the illusion of control?

Thanks for the Douglas Harding recommendation, Ankita. I feel like I am going further down a rabbit hole with all of this. But it is all very fascinating and exciting.

Perhaps sensation, and a thought that this sensation is uncomfortable? :)

Yes, it is all thought, as is the awareness of hunger.