Having moments of liberation - wanting more!

[BlueRacoon]

https://www.lionsroar.com/the-fullness-of-emptiness/

That article is amazing and overwhelmingly beautiful. It is the best description of how we are all live I have read. I get it. I feel like I could cry for an hour with joy and tenderness and relief. But I have to work in 8 minutes.

[Bluejay]

Excellent article on emptiness. Love it :)

William Blake maybe knew something about it:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour

[BlueRacoon]

That quote is beautiful, and yes, it’s the same thing. That idea of inter-being is becoming much clearer for me.

Avalokita looked deeply into the five skandhas of form, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness, and he discovered that none of them can be by itself alone. Each can only inter-be with all the other

In my quest for the self, I find I can only find these things. And when I am feeling “self,” it is because I have fused consciousness with one of the others, or most likely thought or thought and one of the others.

I am becoming quite clear that the sense of “me” is bound to thought and a binding of consciousness to that thought. When I shift to a more spacious state of awareness, the tightness of “me/I” and whatever that is associated with (like/dislke/etc) softens, and while feeling may still be there and thought may still be there, there is a lightness to it all even if the content is heavy. Everything relaxes and letting go happens. I am continually being more accepting of what is and just allowing that to be. And of course, because it is life, and I am not holding on, it shifts. That’s delightful to notice.

[Bluejay]

In my quest for the self, I find I can only find these things. And when I am feeling “self,” it is because I have fused consciousness with one of the others, or most likely thought or thought and one of the others.

Exactly. The sense of self arises when one or more senses are entangled with a loss of clarity (not seeing them separately).

I am becoming quite clear that the sense of “me” is bound to thought and a binding of consciousness to that thought. When I shift to a more spacious state of awareness, the tightness of “me/I” and whatever that is associated with (like/dislke/etc) softens, and while feeling may still be there and thought may still be there, there is a lightness to it all even if the content is heavy. Everything relaxes and letting go happens. I am continually being more accepting of what is and just allowing that to be. And of course, because it is life, and I am not holding on, it shifts. That’s delightful to notice.

That's great to hear.

Is anything in this process not happening automatically?

The shifting, the noticing of binding, are you doing any of that?

Here's the next pointer:

Body Exercise

Sit with eyes closed for about 15 minutes. Paying attention only to the pure sensations, without relying on thoughts or mental images:

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In direct experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to? What is the direct experience of the body?

Look very carefully, especially with the last question.

Take your time, don’t rush. You can look several times during the day while doing other things (like washing hands, showering, having a short break from work, walking, eating, etc) before replying.

[BlueRacoon]

I am looking forward to the exercise!

Is anything in this process not happening automatically?

The shifting, the noticing of binding, are you doing any of that?

I’m clear that the answer to this is no. I have no idea how or why the shifting happens. If only “I” had control (ha ha!) I was noticing that yesterday when things would tighten in and expand out.

It's especially clear when I’m lost in thought and then come back to the present. What does that? I haven’t the slightest idea! :-) If there was an I with control, I would rarely leave the conscious,present state. I used to love to think. Now I can see how it’s so much less enjoyable and alive than being present.

[Bluejay]

It's especially clear when I’m lost in thought and then come back to the present. What does that? I haven’t the slightest idea! :-) If there was an I with control, I would rarely leave the conscious,present state. I used to love to think. Now I can see how it’s so much less enjoyable and alive than being present.

Yes indeed! Who knows what does it. One could say dependent origination. Causes and conditions coming together.

What erodes a mountain or makes a flower grow?

[BlueRacoon]

So true! What makes the wind blow?

I have to say, that awareness is wonderful. My mind wants awakening to happen, and my being-ness knows it will happen or not happen and timing is up to the universe because I have no control over where I look, when I look there, whether or not I pay attention, etc. It will just happen how it happens. Wow.

I worked on this this morning - in a meditation and while in the shower and while cooking.

Can it be known how tall the body is? Does the body have a weight or volume? In direct experience does the body have a shape or a form?

Only by visual inspection (height). Weight might be said to be felt in the legs if standing/moving. But with eyes closed and sitting, there is none of this. Even when touching fingers together in various ways - I wasn't always sure which hand I was feeling. And without referencing an image of my body, I could not tell at all where that feeling was coming from (which hand? or even what part of the body if I don't think "hand").

Is there a boundary between the body and the clothing? Is there a boundary between the body and the chair?

I can sense the connection/meeting place in some areas, not in others. What I was sensing was just the sensation of contact, but not really a boundary. I was aware of a lot of emptiness or no-sensation throughout the space where my "body" is. Nothing could be found in terms of sensation.

Is there an inside or an outside? If there is an inside - the inside of what exactly? If there is an outside - the outside of what exactly?

No, there's just sensations, floating as it were, without any image or thought reference to a "body".

What does the word/label ‘body’ actually refer to? What is the direct experience of the body?

I have to say, I don't know. Thinking-wise I know, but sensation wise, I can only say a bunch of varying sensations. I noticed when I was in the shower and washing my arms, they didn't feel like arms or skin, they felt kind of plastic like. And my face didn't feel like I expected - I was aware it felt like an old person's face (how the skin would move as I washed it). I have a memory/thought of it feeling like a young person's face. Must be a long time since I have paid attention!

Look very carefully, especially with the last question.

I am aware that with eyes closed and without reference to thought/image (great pointer!) then the experience completely shifts. The images/thoughts come, and I can "see" structure, then I shift away from them, and the structure disappears.

I'll keep at it - great exercise. :-)

[Bluejay]

I have to say, that awareness is wonderful. My mind wants awakening to happen, and my being-ness knows it will happen or not happen and timing is up to the universe because I have no control over where I look, when I look there, whether or not I pay attention, etc. It will just happen how it happens. Wow.

There can be a natural urge to wake up. It's quite wonderful when it's not run by escaping the present.

I have to say, I don't know. Thinking-wise I know, but sensation wise, I can only say a bunch of varying sensations. I noticed when I was in the shower and washing my arms, they didn't feel like arms or skin, they felt kind of plastic like. And my face didn't feel like I expected - I was aware it felt like an old person's face (how the skin would move as I washed it). I have a memory/thought of it feeling like a young person's face. Must be a long time since I have paid attention!

And notice, when your body is seen, it's color/image, is it not?

It's simply a part of the wholeness that is seen, included in the image.

I am aware that with eyes closed and without reference to thought/image (great pointer!) then the experience completely shifts. The images/thoughts come, and I can "see" structure, then I shift away from them, and the structure disappears.

I'll keep at it - great exercise. :-)

To play with distance:

Notice something that is maybe 3-5 feet away from you.
Notice the next thing that is maybe 7-10 feet away from you.
Note the distance between them.

Close your eyes.
Where is the distance?
What tells you that something is further away than something else?

Open your eyes and look again.
Repeat this a few times.

These questions are not really meant to be answered by thought, but to be curious about and wonder.

[BlueRacoon]

Hi Henri,

Thanks for your last response - I'll get back to you on a point or two in the morning. I will also try the exercise but I'm not quite clear what you mean here:

Close your eyes.
Where is the distance?
What tells you that something is further away than something else?

Now that I am not looking, am I using the image in my mind to explore and see how I determine distance? I immediately go to grade school and learning to make drawings with perspective by using a single point and radiating lines. But I'm guessing you don't mean that (e.g. all the mental gymnastics to decide that something is further or closer). If I don't use the image and thought, then I'm not sure where this pointer is asking me to look. I can only "think" the distance by figuring it out with thought. But maybe that's the point?

Thanks and good morning! I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Bluejay]

Now that I am not looking, am I using the image in my mind to explore and see how I determine distance? I immediately go to grade school and learning to make drawings with perspective by using a single point and radiating lines. But I'm guessing you don't mean that (e.g. all the mental gymnastics to decide that something is further or closer). If I don't use the image and thought, then I'm not sure where this pointer is asking me to look. I can only "think" the distance by figuring it out with thought. But maybe that's the point?

That is why I mentioned not to go to mind for an answer :)

We can draw perspective on a piece of paper, but does that make objects farther away (on paper)?

So when you close your eyes, imagine the two objects, and look for distance. Can you see distance?

What tells you in direct experience that one object is farther away and one is closer?

[BlueRacoon]

Well that’s easy - nothing!! It’s clearly a mental exercise. ;-) I suppose that’s good that that is so easily obvious to me.

I’ll experiment:-)

On working with the body and sensing - I am finding that I’m understanding what I’ve read about the moment being unknowable. I strained my back a week ago and it aches some. However, when I don’t add the mental construct of the back and muscles and where it’s located, I can’t quite wrap my mind around how it actually feels. It’s odd - there is sensation there but I can’t put it together to make it into something or describe it at all. That is a new experience.

Thanks for all of the pointers - they are helpful and I can feel my perspective shifting and building towards a greater clarity on my experience.

[Bluejay]

Glad to hear it!

Yes, keep experimenting and wondering what's going on. It's fantastic that you're applying this in life :)

Here is a deeper investigation of the body. Please follow each step. Take your time. Don't move to the next step until the previous one is clearly seen. Repeat the exercise several times.

Stand in front of a bigger mirror.

(1) First, close the eyes and feel the sensations labeled ‘body’.

(2) Then open the eyes and look into the mirror while still paying attention to the sensations.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations and the image in the mirror? Or just thoughts (and/or mental images) suggesting that there is?

(3) While still paying attention to the sensations move one hand and observe the movement from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labeled ‘hand’) and image of movement in the mirror?

(4) Now do the same movement with the hand, but this time look at the hand directly, not from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labeled ‘hand’) and the image ‘of movement’? Or only thoughts suggest it?

(5) Now, pay attention only to the image in the mirror.
Does the image by itself suggest in any way that is ‘you’ or ‘your body’? Does the image itself suggest in any way that it is a ‘body’ at all?
Or are there only colors and shapes?

(6) Where the mirror ends, some parts of the body (probably legs) cannot be seen.
Just by the image in the mirror, is there any ‘knowledge’ that there must be legs, or only thoughts and mental images suggest so?

(7) Now turn away from the mirror and look forward (don’t look directly to any body parts).
Is there a ‘body’ anywhere when all thoughts and images are ignored, or are there only sensations?

(8) Start to walk slowly.
Is there a ‘body walking’, or are there only sensations?
Is there actual experience of ‘walking’ at all?
Or just thoughts about ‘walking’?
Can such a thing as ‘body’ be found OR just thoughts about a ‘body’?
Can such a thing as ‘walking’ be found?

(9) Are the sensations localized in space, like ‘going through the room’; OR is there only an image that is labeled ‘room’ and appearing sensations without any location?

Enjoy!

[BlueRacoon]

(1) First, close the eyes and feel the sensations labeled ‘body’.

I am noticing a lot of emptiness (nothingness) where the body is. Mostly I just find sensations at (what my mind thinks is) where my skin is.

(2) Then open the eyes and look into the mirror while still paying attention to the sensations.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations and the image in the mirror? Or just thoughts (and/or mental images) suggesting that there is?

I am noticing and becoming clear that the sensations are just here-and-there and that there isn't a felt sense of a "body" as a whole, but rather a collection of sensations that I group together and think of as "body".

(3) While still paying attention to the sensations move one hand and observe the movement from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labeled ‘hand’) and image of movement in the mirror?

(4) Now do the same movement with the hand, but this time look at the hand directly, not from the mirror.
Is there any connection between the felt sensations (labeled ‘hand’) and the image ‘of movement’? Or only thoughts suggest it?

It seems like the sensation could be anywhere, but my mind puts the sensation "on/in" the hand. The connection of the two is weaker for me now, and I noticed it was weaker in the mirror than when directly looking at my hand. But it was interesting to notice that the sensation almost seemed behind my hand today, which shows me it could be anywhere, and my mind is connecting the two. Even while typing, I'm aware of the contact with the keys, but the sensation and the image are not separate (like the rivers). Two things that I have combined.

(5) Now, pay attention only to the image in the mirror.
Does the image by itself suggest in any way that is ‘you’ or ‘your body’? Does the image itself suggest in any way that it is a ‘body’ at all?
Or are there only colors and shapes?

That one is easy. It is only "me" because I have thought of it as me for so long. But I have never actually looked at me, so who knows! And it's a body because I've labeled it as a body, but I'd say it's a collection of things that I have put together in my mind as "me" and as a "body" for most of my life.

(6) Where the mirror ends, some parts of the body (probably legs) cannot be seen.
Just by the image in the mirror, is there any ‘knowledge’ that there must be legs, or only thoughts and mental images suggest so?

Another easy one. I'm am clear here. No direct knowledge - just thoughts of something being there. Only if I look down can I know that my legs/feet are there (if I trust my senses!)

(7) Now turn away from the mirror and look forward (don’t look directly to any body parts).
Is there a ‘body’ anywhere when all thoughts and images are ignored, or are there only sensations?

No, again, it's weird to notice how much of my "body" that I do not have sensations for. I seem to be like the Cheshire Cat that grins and the rest of the body disappears, leaving only the grin.

(8) Start to walk slowly.
Is there a ‘body walking’, or are there only sensations?
Is there actual experience of ‘walking’ at all?
Or just thoughts about ‘walking’?
Can such a thing as ‘body’ be found OR just thoughts about a ‘body’?
Can such a thing as ‘walking’ be found?

I mostly feel like I am floating. I can feel the bottoms of my feet alternatively making contact with the floor, but I don't really feel my legs or much of my body unless I shift my weight around to deliberately provoke sensation in the leg/torso. So no direct experience from the sensations perspective of a body or of walking.

(9) Are the sensations localized in space, like ‘going through the room’; OR is there only an image that is labeled ‘room’ and appearing sensations without any location?

There is just a thought about where I am, but the sensations are not connected to a location other than the thought that the sensation is my feet on the floor, and that is below me. And I am in this room, therefore my feet are in this room, etcetera. But in DE, the stream of sight (the room) is separate from the stream of sensation (bottoms of my feet).

I have been thinking how amazing it is that my body does so much all on its own without my direction. There are of course the basic functions (breathing, etc), but then typing, walking, driving, etc, all just happen without even thought. I then have the thought, "of course, you learned how to coordinate all of that action years ago. It's procedural knowledge stored in your brain." But what then hits me is that thinking is learned too. Thinking is not an inborn function, the same as driving isn't inborn. It's not natural. I'm not sure where I'm going with this (or where my being is going with this), but it is helpful to see I think.

Happy Monday to you!

[Bluejay]

I have been thinking how amazing it is that my body does so much all on its own without my direction. There are of course the basic functions (breathing, etc), but then typing, walking, driving, etc, all just happen without even thought. I then have the thought, "of course, you learned how to coordinate all of that action years ago. It's procedural knowledge stored in your brain." But what then hits me is that thinking is learned too. Thinking is not an inborn function, the same as driving isn't inborn. It's not natural. I'm not sure where I'm going with this (or where my being is going with this), but it is helpful to see I think.

Exactly. The thought 'you learned how to coordinate' assumes there is someone learning, when the learning itself is on automatic.

There was no choosing of what to learn, how, and if it was going to be applied.

I mostly feel like I am floating. I can feel the bottoms of my feet alternatively making contact with the floor, but I don't really feel my legs or much of my body unless I shift my weight around to deliberately provoke sensation in the leg/torso. So no direct experience from the sensations perspective of a body or of walking.

Try this one as well:

Sit on anything: a couch, a chair, a bench outside, or even the grass. Sit for 15-20 minutes to really explore.

Close your eyes, and focus on your butt.

LOOK for any place where your butt ends and the chair begins in direct experience.

Is there any clear dividing line between them?

Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

Do not go into thoughts. If thoughts come in, simply note "thought" and return to the exercise.

[BlueRacoon]

Sit on anything: a couch, a chair, a bench outside, or even the grass. Sit for 15-20 minutes to really explore.

Close your eyes, and focus on your butt.

LOOK for any place where your butt ends and the chair begins in direct experience.

Is there any clear dividing line between them?

There is only a dividing line in thought. Initially, I had a fuzzy sense of a boundary in my sensations, but over time as thought dropped away, the sense of a boundary dropped away too.

Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

The direct experience is actually very diffuse. I found my mind struggling to find words (imagined to share with you) as I sat.

The longer I sat, the more there wasn't "a line" but rather something very open that didn't really feel like a "line" or "border" at all. It struck me that it was weird that the mind could have the idea of a boundary when the felt sense is nothing like that.

I was also aware that I could put the sensation of my hands on the tops of my legs anywhere in space. On its own, it seemed like it was floating below my chin when I considered the location of the sensation. But if I imagined my hands/legs "over there," the sensation went over there.

Quite a bit came together during this exercise. I am now very aware of how thought/words are overlayed on the over streams - sight, sound, sensation, consciousness... I am also clear how overlaying words on experience narrows down and limits the actual direct experience - DE is transformed into something else with words and the actual experience is lost. I am surprised how much the actual experience differs from the words. I had a moment of a scratching sound outside and the image/thought of "a leaf blowing by". I was aware in the moment that the actual sound I heard was one thing, and the idea "a leaf just blew by" is something else that looses the direct experience of the scratching sound.

I was also just looking without thought, considering the recent exercises, and really SEEING without thinking and it's the same. It's one thing to see the shapes and colors of a clock, another thing to think "a clock". So much is dismissed.

I said before how much I used to love to think (and talk). I still enjoy them both, but they are loosing their power. I desire greater peace and calm in my life. And today, doing the exercise, it was so delightful to just sit and be. It was so, so peaceful. It felt like stepping out of the constant movement of the mind and just relaxing in DE and in the Now. That was super cool to notice. I've always thought "I should meditate" but I've also thought/felt "meditation is boring." It was so wonderful to have the extended direct experience of "being" that was so peaceful and pleasurable. That comes easier now I know that I can connect with DE and differentiate DE from thought+DE. Before, I was (mostly) only sitting with reality narrowed through the confining filter of the mind. That reality was indeed boring, but it was not actually reality. It was like watching a black and white, simplified TV show of reality.

Thanks again for the exercises Henri. They are additive, coloring my experience more and more as I go on. :-)