LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
There is only what is without a separate self that experiences anything. There is just seeing, hearing, sensing, feeling, thinking without a 'me' that is experiencing any of the senses. There is no experiencer in experience. There is only experiencing and not even that description.
What are you looking for at LU?
Assistance in deepening the openings that have occurred already and seeing through the separate self completely. I have seen that no thoughts are true and therefore anything that I think about myself is not true. And, therefore if it is not true here, it is not true over there with the other. And I have seen that there is only this nowless now with no separateness, no divisions and no other. Yet, the sense of a separate self still remains even though I can find no one experiencing anything. I want to finally see through the remaining overlay and belief that is clearly still in place and causes suffering.
What do you expect from a guided conversation?
I would expect to have a direct interaction that points me to truth and where to look so I can look in the most direct way at what is so. I would hope that such a conversation would guide me in the dissolving of remaining belief structures.
What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I have been exploring self-help and spirituality from the time I was about 20. I did a lot of reading in this area and at one pointed joined a spiritual group which turned out to be not so integral at which point I withdrew. When I was 46 I was introduced to non-duality teachings and Adayshanti and other teachers. Within a few months I had openings which were the first seeing into no self. Over the last 9 years I have been meditating regularly, doing inquiry, attending retreats and engaged with books and videos in this realm.
On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11
Initial registration
Re: Initial registration
Hi dear Jed,
Thank you for your burning desire.
I am here. I hear you.
Please share where you want to start from?
So much love,
Lubo
Thank you for your burning desire.
I am here. I hear you.
Please share where you want to start from?
So much love,
Lubo
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
Hello,
Thank you for your guidance and being willing to start now! I am going to be as concise as possible here but there seems to be a lot to say.
25 years of exploration in self-help, new age spirituality, meditation, spiritual communities, reading and seeking. Then 9 years ago an introduction to Adyashanti. Within 3 months openings. One seeing “I am”. And another seeing that no thoughts are true and that any thought I have about myself is not true. I am not anything that I say that I am not even a person. When this was seen here it was also seen that nothing I think or say about anyone else is true either, so all the ideas I had about how my wife should behave crumbled relieving 6 years of fighting. Then similar about my lifetime with my father and sitting with him as he died which was never going to happening prior to the seeing.
Then about 7-8 years of mostly peace and no real ability to believe in problems or any belief really, and no real conflict. So much listening to satsang of Adya, Rupert Spira and many other teachers, going to retreats, meditating daily and wanting to go deeper. Many insights along the way. No more significant openings. Much hoping for “true awakening”.
The last year or 2 has seen more conflict occurring and some despondency about the whole awakening game. No real desire to listen to spiritual talks as a sense of having heard it all has been the feeling. A feeling like, “well that was a failed experiment”. Disappointment though no way to put it all down. Many talks with a friend on a similar trajectory over the years which always re-enlivened it all and was reflexively supportive.
Through this all I have seen a sense of no self on some level, some experientially and some intellectually. Many spiritual experiences and much struggling with really seeing the so-called full view. And so much desire to do so with lots of frustration. Feeling always on the verge.
Then about 3 weeks ago that friend sent a video of Angelo DiLullo and Zubin Damania which strongly sparked the possibility all over again. Much listening and engaging again with excitement. This led me to consulting with a teacher which led me back to Liberation Unleashed on his recommendation (I had encountered LU back in 2017 but didn’t engage).
I registered and in preparation for this interaction, I have been reading Gateless Gatecrashers. In this I have looked deeply following along as I have read about those looking.
This has brought me to first really seeing that this is it, the current experience is all there is, here, now. There is nowhere else to look and never was. I had contemplated this so many times before and agreed with that notion but now it is clear. And at first there was some anger like “Awe crap, really? Just this?” And then a settling into that truth.
Then a clear looking at I, Jed, me. All ideas, labels, concepts. Nowhere to be found in any current experience. Having seen before that I am not anything I think that I am was a step and now truly no reality to any of it to be found anywhere. Not in a feeling, not in a thought, not in a sensation, not in the body. That was always the overlay. A description of what was thought to be me but never actually true.
And then the seeing that this is it and there is no I…”Oh! There never was reality to this me that was hoping to awaken and there never was anywhere else to look, nor could be anywhere else, but right here. There was no one that was ever going to awaken so no wonder there was such struggle.” Search over! Sweet relief!!! No need for a big experience. So plainly simple and direct. All the teachers weren’t lying. Ha!
Then some confusion and wondering about not really seeing the cosmic joke of it but sitting and feeling no difference between any of the senses, feeling the flow of life in all things. And a sense of “ah finally he gets to just be”.
Then a big laugh about the cosmic joke! Soooo nothing to get and only this and it all seemed so complicated or out of reach and it was always right here, unobscured, no veil, the very current experience. Again, just like the teachers always said. So obvious…why didn’t they just say that…oh wait they did!
And then more thinking and then deeper looking. Looking at the sense of there being a controller and what still seems like an I that is experiencing all of this despite seeing clearly that it doesn’t exist and is just an idea. And having a sense of the spontaneous nature of everything but not full seeing of it. So, I’ve looked at each individual feeling, sensation, movement, choice. I think I am having that feeling or sensation and then it is seen that that thought is applied to the feeling or sensation, and it makes it seem like I am having it. But it’s not true. Our language betrays the truth. I think I am making that movement of the body or that choice to do something. That seems reasonable and real. Then it is seen that moving or choosing happens and the overlay gets applied saying I moved, or I chose. Not true because how can an idea doesn’t represent anything real do that? It can’t! I is always an afterthought.
And some doubt and question the sense that I saw through something. Like the I appropriated the seeing. But then questioning that and seeing how can a non-existent I appropriate anything? Confusion. Clarity. Back and forth. But no one having either unless a thought says so.
And still this sense of a me persists. So, I keep looking. What? How can I all talk about “I saw this or that” or “I will look”. It all circular logic. Who is seeing that there is no I? Just seeing sees with no one seeing when no thought is applied. It can be so sticky. That is the way we seem to have to speak about it yet that seems to reinforce the illusion. So then, now my questions:
• LU says in the list of what this is not about “This is not about getting rid of self, ego, I.”. I guess because it was never there to begin with so there is nothing to get rid of. And “This is not a way to make the story of you disappear.”. So, does this mean that the story of me and this sense of I will remain, and it is just about knowing that it isn’t real? Or does that sense eventually fade or transform into a greater sense of the flow without an I? Does it even need to cease or fade?
• It’s so easy to go back to the thought and belief that I am having this experience despite seeing there never was a self. There is this desire to direct attention and still a sense that I need to bring the understanding to the forefront. It seems this is a willful action, but that can only be so through a thought form. Is directing attention the senses and what has been seen really needed? Otherwise, it seems getting lost in thought tends to happen. Or do I just completely relax and just let everything that comes come and let everything that goes go? Oh wait, what I would “do” that? I wonder if I haven’t seen through this completely.
o There is an oscillation between relaxing and tension and I feel like I have to keep represencing the seeing of no self especially as it pertains to the body. Is that expected?
• Is the sense of there being an I a useful fiction like a red light means stop?
• I have experienced a lot of non-descript angst felt as emotional pain in the center of my chest over the last few years. It descends upon me as I awake from sleep. It comes in phases. It is still happening. To work with it do I just feel it and not distance myself from it by saying and believing that “I am having angst”. Just feel and sense it as on part of everything that is in the current experience?
• And what is this experience of a you distinct from a me? There is an experience here that a so-called you or anyone else does not experience.
On further reflection on all the questions above, it seems like a lot of complexity given the simplicity of just this. Maybe this is all just thought driven by conditioning that is going to work it self out.
Thank you!
Jed
Thank you for your guidance and being willing to start now! I am going to be as concise as possible here but there seems to be a lot to say.
25 years of exploration in self-help, new age spirituality, meditation, spiritual communities, reading and seeking. Then 9 years ago an introduction to Adyashanti. Within 3 months openings. One seeing “I am”. And another seeing that no thoughts are true and that any thought I have about myself is not true. I am not anything that I say that I am not even a person. When this was seen here it was also seen that nothing I think or say about anyone else is true either, so all the ideas I had about how my wife should behave crumbled relieving 6 years of fighting. Then similar about my lifetime with my father and sitting with him as he died which was never going to happening prior to the seeing.
Then about 7-8 years of mostly peace and no real ability to believe in problems or any belief really, and no real conflict. So much listening to satsang of Adya, Rupert Spira and many other teachers, going to retreats, meditating daily and wanting to go deeper. Many insights along the way. No more significant openings. Much hoping for “true awakening”.
The last year or 2 has seen more conflict occurring and some despondency about the whole awakening game. No real desire to listen to spiritual talks as a sense of having heard it all has been the feeling. A feeling like, “well that was a failed experiment”. Disappointment though no way to put it all down. Many talks with a friend on a similar trajectory over the years which always re-enlivened it all and was reflexively supportive.
Through this all I have seen a sense of no self on some level, some experientially and some intellectually. Many spiritual experiences and much struggling with really seeing the so-called full view. And so much desire to do so with lots of frustration. Feeling always on the verge.
Then about 3 weeks ago that friend sent a video of Angelo DiLullo and Zubin Damania which strongly sparked the possibility all over again. Much listening and engaging again with excitement. This led me to consulting with a teacher which led me back to Liberation Unleashed on his recommendation (I had encountered LU back in 2017 but didn’t engage).
I registered and in preparation for this interaction, I have been reading Gateless Gatecrashers. In this I have looked deeply following along as I have read about those looking.
This has brought me to first really seeing that this is it, the current experience is all there is, here, now. There is nowhere else to look and never was. I had contemplated this so many times before and agreed with that notion but now it is clear. And at first there was some anger like “Awe crap, really? Just this?” And then a settling into that truth.
Then a clear looking at I, Jed, me. All ideas, labels, concepts. Nowhere to be found in any current experience. Having seen before that I am not anything I think that I am was a step and now truly no reality to any of it to be found anywhere. Not in a feeling, not in a thought, not in a sensation, not in the body. That was always the overlay. A description of what was thought to be me but never actually true.
And then the seeing that this is it and there is no I…”Oh! There never was reality to this me that was hoping to awaken and there never was anywhere else to look, nor could be anywhere else, but right here. There was no one that was ever going to awaken so no wonder there was such struggle.” Search over! Sweet relief!!! No need for a big experience. So plainly simple and direct. All the teachers weren’t lying. Ha!
Then some confusion and wondering about not really seeing the cosmic joke of it but sitting and feeling no difference between any of the senses, feeling the flow of life in all things. And a sense of “ah finally he gets to just be”.
Then a big laugh about the cosmic joke! Soooo nothing to get and only this and it all seemed so complicated or out of reach and it was always right here, unobscured, no veil, the very current experience. Again, just like the teachers always said. So obvious…why didn’t they just say that…oh wait they did!
And then more thinking and then deeper looking. Looking at the sense of there being a controller and what still seems like an I that is experiencing all of this despite seeing clearly that it doesn’t exist and is just an idea. And having a sense of the spontaneous nature of everything but not full seeing of it. So, I’ve looked at each individual feeling, sensation, movement, choice. I think I am having that feeling or sensation and then it is seen that that thought is applied to the feeling or sensation, and it makes it seem like I am having it. But it’s not true. Our language betrays the truth. I think I am making that movement of the body or that choice to do something. That seems reasonable and real. Then it is seen that moving or choosing happens and the overlay gets applied saying I moved, or I chose. Not true because how can an idea doesn’t represent anything real do that? It can’t! I is always an afterthought.
And some doubt and question the sense that I saw through something. Like the I appropriated the seeing. But then questioning that and seeing how can a non-existent I appropriate anything? Confusion. Clarity. Back and forth. But no one having either unless a thought says so.
And still this sense of a me persists. So, I keep looking. What? How can I all talk about “I saw this or that” or “I will look”. It all circular logic. Who is seeing that there is no I? Just seeing sees with no one seeing when no thought is applied. It can be so sticky. That is the way we seem to have to speak about it yet that seems to reinforce the illusion. So then, now my questions:
• LU says in the list of what this is not about “This is not about getting rid of self, ego, I.”. I guess because it was never there to begin with so there is nothing to get rid of. And “This is not a way to make the story of you disappear.”. So, does this mean that the story of me and this sense of I will remain, and it is just about knowing that it isn’t real? Or does that sense eventually fade or transform into a greater sense of the flow without an I? Does it even need to cease or fade?
• It’s so easy to go back to the thought and belief that I am having this experience despite seeing there never was a self. There is this desire to direct attention and still a sense that I need to bring the understanding to the forefront. It seems this is a willful action, but that can only be so through a thought form. Is directing attention the senses and what has been seen really needed? Otherwise, it seems getting lost in thought tends to happen. Or do I just completely relax and just let everything that comes come and let everything that goes go? Oh wait, what I would “do” that? I wonder if I haven’t seen through this completely.
o There is an oscillation between relaxing and tension and I feel like I have to keep represencing the seeing of no self especially as it pertains to the body. Is that expected?
• Is the sense of there being an I a useful fiction like a red light means stop?
• I have experienced a lot of non-descript angst felt as emotional pain in the center of my chest over the last few years. It descends upon me as I awake from sleep. It comes in phases. It is still happening. To work with it do I just feel it and not distance myself from it by saying and believing that “I am having angst”. Just feel and sense it as on part of everything that is in the current experience?
• And what is this experience of a you distinct from a me? There is an experience here that a so-called you or anyone else does not experience.
On further reflection on all the questions above, it seems like a lot of complexity given the simplicity of just this. Maybe this is all just thought driven by conditioning that is going to work it self out.
Thank you!
Jed
Re: Initial registration
Wow, Thank you for the sharing.
The good news is that here in LU you will see/taste at your own DE (Direct Experience) what this "no self" looks like.
Let's taste these small peaces:
We are looking that there is only "non-duality" - and this points that there is something but not an entity.
Stay with this for a while ....and then look next.
Notice the body - is there evidence that the body knows that it exist?
if the answer is no, then look next:
is this sense of existence is the body?
Is this "am" the body?
Stay with these questions, look again and again.
I use different words because they are just pointers no need to believe that words exist. Words are just labels, notice what I point with them.
Don't rush.
I am here.
Much love,
Lubo
The good news is that here in LU you will see/taste at your own DE (Direct Experience) what this "no self" looks like.
Let's taste these small peaces:
We are looking that there is only "non-duality" - and this points that there is something but not an entity.
Stay with this for a while ....and then look next.
yes. And I guess this sense of a me is taken for the body, right?And still this sense of a me persists.
Notice the body - is there evidence that the body knows that it exist?
if the answer is no, then look next:
is this sense of existence is the body?
Is this "am" the body?
Stay with these questions, look again and again.
I use different words because they are just pointers no need to believe that words exist. Words are just labels, notice what I point with them.
Don't rush.
I am here.
Much love,
Lubo
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
Thanks for your response. Looking and feeling a lot of angst like nothing was seen.
I am struggling a bit with understanding a couple of your questions, maybe because of a typo or incorrect English. Not quite sure. Could you please clarify?
is this sense of existence is the body?
Is this "am" the body?
I am struggling a bit with understanding a couple of your questions, maybe because of a typo or incorrect English. Not quite sure. Could you please clarify?
is this sense of existence is the body?
Is this "am" the body?
Re: Initial registration
Oh, Yes, English is not my native. Thank you
Is this sense of a me = body?And still this sense of a me persists.
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
There is no entity there is only what is. Looking for and supposedly finding an entity is so habitual.
Seems this is about getting ruthlessly honest about what is real. And what is real is only what is the current experience. Everything else is a concept.
What is looking out these eyes that would tend to be called me is actually just what is looking out these eyes. No looker and nothing that needs to be given properties beyond just the experience of looking.
Its so simple and clear when nothing and no one is attributed to what is so now.
The body is just another experience. The sense of me in the body is only there when it is said, felt and believed to be mine. If it is felt as sensations only, then there is no me in it.
If I think I am sitting, the truth is that this is just sitting, go no further and don’t attribute a sitter to the simplicity of the experience.
Its not about making the experience of anything go away, including the body, to see that there is no me in any of it.
Then the sense of I that remains is all experiencing and something indescribable and fluid.
The whole human drama seems to be driven by one simple misunderstanding.
Seems this is about getting ruthlessly honest about what is real. And what is real is only what is the current experience. Everything else is a concept.
What is looking out these eyes that would tend to be called me is actually just what is looking out these eyes. No looker and nothing that needs to be given properties beyond just the experience of looking.
Its so simple and clear when nothing and no one is attributed to what is so now.
The body is just another experience. The sense of me in the body is only there when it is said, felt and believed to be mine. If it is felt as sensations only, then there is no me in it.
If I think I am sitting, the truth is that this is just sitting, go no further and don’t attribute a sitter to the simplicity of the experience.
Its not about making the experience of anything go away, including the body, to see that there is no me in any of it.
Then the sense of I that remains is all experiencing and something indescribable and fluid.
The whole human drama seems to be driven by one simple misunderstanding.
Re: Initial registration
:) Nice.
it was fast, dear Jed.
What happen, describe the moment of seeing this?
What is different and what is the same?
What is your advice to this fellows which are looking for that many, many years?
Much love,
Lubo
it was fast, dear Jed.
What happen, describe the moment of seeing this?
What is different and what is the same?
25 years of exploration
What is your advice to this fellows which are looking for that many, many years?
Much love,
Lubo
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
Hi,
Yes, this all seems to have come quickly. As I mentioned, in the post previous to the last one, I was feeling a lot of angst. This has often been here without a clear source or cause, but in retrospect, in this case, it seems to have been about the fear and frustration about not being able to see clearly the answers to your questions about if there is a me in the body. I sat and looked for a long while, scanning each sensation and feeling, and noting each thought about those sensations, listening to what they were saying. Then my wife came home and wanted to watch some tv, so I went with her to lay on our bed and watch tv while giving attention to of one our dogs that doesn’t get much time with us. I had a sense that this was going to be a distraction. I watched for about an hour and then this very strong feeling came that essentially said, “I can’t be watching tv now.”. It was a very agitated feeling in the gut. So, I got up and went to the living room and sat again, going through the feelings, sensations and thoughts. The looking for an entity in the body or anywhere in experience was useful. Literally waving the hand around and asking if there is an entity doing that or is there just waving. I can’t say how it came, but there was a quiet falling away of I as the body feeling and the body became just another aspect of the current experience, just like any object in the room. All experience was seen to be one continuum, including the seeing itself. Feeling the body as not separate from the current experience.
What is different fluctuates between being subtle and a little more than just subtle. A sense of only hereness. A sense of no differentiation in between anything. A beingness that doesn’t have to have a definition as a thing to be.
What is the same is everything as it has always been. The world looks the same visually and circumstances are not changed. There is just more clarity about the truth that can’t ever be changed by a thought or a belief or a need to be an entity that stands out.
My advice to those seeking would be to not believe the spiritual hype! Ha ha! Joking aside, it hard to say what it would take to get any anyone to just look directly in the current experience for truth, despite the obviousness of doing so other than this very process. So many teachings about “there is no one here”, but not enough asking, “Is the ‘I’ a real thing that can be found right here and now?” That’s an evaluation but that questioning is what it takes. And being stupid simple about seeing what is actually here. Asking is there anything but feeling in a feeling, sound or hearing in hearing, etc.? And then simply looking and telling the truth without belief. And simply seeing that there is no need to hope for something to hopefully come later including awakening because there is no one to awaken and there is no later that can ever be experienced.
Now there is just being and sensing mostly, and not even those descriptions. And there is still a lot of thinking about all of this still. And there is a falling back to the habitual way of seeing a ‘me’. So, it is taking some small effort at times to re-presence the clarity. And there seems to be a wanting to concretize what was seen as ‘I saw this’ instead of ‘there is seeing’. There seems to be turning this into something that is known. And there seems to be a wanting to recreate an identity as 'all of this' instead of there just being no self.
Is the sitting in the simple truth something that does take some time to stabilize and requires one to keep looking?
There seems to be a deepening that wants to happen.
Thank you!!!! 😊
Yes, this all seems to have come quickly. As I mentioned, in the post previous to the last one, I was feeling a lot of angst. This has often been here without a clear source or cause, but in retrospect, in this case, it seems to have been about the fear and frustration about not being able to see clearly the answers to your questions about if there is a me in the body. I sat and looked for a long while, scanning each sensation and feeling, and noting each thought about those sensations, listening to what they were saying. Then my wife came home and wanted to watch some tv, so I went with her to lay on our bed and watch tv while giving attention to of one our dogs that doesn’t get much time with us. I had a sense that this was going to be a distraction. I watched for about an hour and then this very strong feeling came that essentially said, “I can’t be watching tv now.”. It was a very agitated feeling in the gut. So, I got up and went to the living room and sat again, going through the feelings, sensations and thoughts. The looking for an entity in the body or anywhere in experience was useful. Literally waving the hand around and asking if there is an entity doing that or is there just waving. I can’t say how it came, but there was a quiet falling away of I as the body feeling and the body became just another aspect of the current experience, just like any object in the room. All experience was seen to be one continuum, including the seeing itself. Feeling the body as not separate from the current experience.
What is different fluctuates between being subtle and a little more than just subtle. A sense of only hereness. A sense of no differentiation in between anything. A beingness that doesn’t have to have a definition as a thing to be.
What is the same is everything as it has always been. The world looks the same visually and circumstances are not changed. There is just more clarity about the truth that can’t ever be changed by a thought or a belief or a need to be an entity that stands out.
My advice to those seeking would be to not believe the spiritual hype! Ha ha! Joking aside, it hard to say what it would take to get any anyone to just look directly in the current experience for truth, despite the obviousness of doing so other than this very process. So many teachings about “there is no one here”, but not enough asking, “Is the ‘I’ a real thing that can be found right here and now?” That’s an evaluation but that questioning is what it takes. And being stupid simple about seeing what is actually here. Asking is there anything but feeling in a feeling, sound or hearing in hearing, etc.? And then simply looking and telling the truth without belief. And simply seeing that there is no need to hope for something to hopefully come later including awakening because there is no one to awaken and there is no later that can ever be experienced.
Now there is just being and sensing mostly, and not even those descriptions. And there is still a lot of thinking about all of this still. And there is a falling back to the habitual way of seeing a ‘me’. So, it is taking some small effort at times to re-presence the clarity. And there seems to be a wanting to concretize what was seen as ‘I saw this’ instead of ‘there is seeing’. There seems to be turning this into something that is known. And there seems to be a wanting to recreate an identity as 'all of this' instead of there just being no self.
Is the sitting in the simple truth something that does take some time to stabilize and requires one to keep looking?
There seems to be a deepening that wants to happen.
Thank you!!!! 😊
Re: Initial registration
Beautiful Jed :)
Thank you. This is a joy to read it.
Share what is going on, what is playing and want to be stabilize? This is not a trap-question, invitation to check and share.
Love,
Lubo
Thank you. This is a joy to read it.
Yes, it looks like that. This is clearing proces.Is the sitting in the simple truth something that does take some time to stabilize and requires one to keep looking?
There seems to be a deepening that wants to happen
Share what is going on, what is playing and want to be stabilize? This is not a trap-question, invitation to check and share.
Love,
Lubo
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
Hi,
Thanks for the feedback.
Yesterday I seemed to be obsessing and hyper-vigilant on keeping the view front and center. Like in every spare moment I had to be purposely seeing unity, seeing all objects of awareness as one thing now that that is available. There was so much thinking about what has been seen and going over and over it again. Looking at there being no-self in any experience constantly. Then thinking about all the teachings I have heard over the years and confirming each one against the experience now. “Yep, that one is so true. Yes, that one too…wow”. And still many ‘I’ thoughts about what I want, what I am going to do or labeling what I am doing. Seeing those untrue thoughts and being perplexed by that. And all of this seemed to be creating a tension. Though so much thought was happening, there seemed not to be getting lost in it. It was happening along with the seeing of the completeness of the current experience. But there seemed to be a need to make sure I stayed with the seeing so as not to lose it or forget it or something. And doubt was arising about “was this really seen and has it been seen fully or enough”. And almost a sense of not knowing what to do with myself which obviously makes no sense. Like should I just forget about this for now and just go do something fun or mindless. But also, mostly just wanting to sit and do nothing and be reality being.
So, that tension could just be let be and felt as it is, just part of reality. But it seemed to be on overdrive, not relaxed. So, I went and took a hot tub outside in the fog of the night. It’s very foggy here at night now. Settling happened and feeling the hot water, the foggy view and the quiet sounds of the creatures stirring. Rubbing the face, feeling face rubbing. Relaxation. And then a guided meditation where all doing was let drop. More space for uncomfortable feelings to be.
Seems there are still desires to see more, to progress, like a search still wants to happen. And it is clear there is nowhere to look but here and nothing to search for. Just old ideas about what this is supposed to look like. And the question about or desire for stabilizing is driven by excitement, uncertainty, and a desire to rest. Still some beliefs about how this is going to all turn out. And still moments of feeling like this me thought, this identity has to be gotten rid of or drop away, especially because I’ve heard so many stories that that is how this all goes.
Today more ease. Feeling vulnerable. Less clinging to what has been seen. Maybe everything can be done and there can be a gentle returning in unoccupied moments to the view of no-self without constantly needing to “do that”. More doubt about relaxing that way and concern about something going back to sleep as a reaction to opening.
Would love some feedback about any aspect of what has been written here.
❤
Thanks for the feedback.
Yesterday I seemed to be obsessing and hyper-vigilant on keeping the view front and center. Like in every spare moment I had to be purposely seeing unity, seeing all objects of awareness as one thing now that that is available. There was so much thinking about what has been seen and going over and over it again. Looking at there being no-self in any experience constantly. Then thinking about all the teachings I have heard over the years and confirming each one against the experience now. “Yep, that one is so true. Yes, that one too…wow”. And still many ‘I’ thoughts about what I want, what I am going to do or labeling what I am doing. Seeing those untrue thoughts and being perplexed by that. And all of this seemed to be creating a tension. Though so much thought was happening, there seemed not to be getting lost in it. It was happening along with the seeing of the completeness of the current experience. But there seemed to be a need to make sure I stayed with the seeing so as not to lose it or forget it or something. And doubt was arising about “was this really seen and has it been seen fully or enough”. And almost a sense of not knowing what to do with myself which obviously makes no sense. Like should I just forget about this for now and just go do something fun or mindless. But also, mostly just wanting to sit and do nothing and be reality being.
So, that tension could just be let be and felt as it is, just part of reality. But it seemed to be on overdrive, not relaxed. So, I went and took a hot tub outside in the fog of the night. It’s very foggy here at night now. Settling happened and feeling the hot water, the foggy view and the quiet sounds of the creatures stirring. Rubbing the face, feeling face rubbing. Relaxation. And then a guided meditation where all doing was let drop. More space for uncomfortable feelings to be.
Seems there are still desires to see more, to progress, like a search still wants to happen. And it is clear there is nowhere to look but here and nothing to search for. Just old ideas about what this is supposed to look like. And the question about or desire for stabilizing is driven by excitement, uncertainty, and a desire to rest. Still some beliefs about how this is going to all turn out. And still moments of feeling like this me thought, this identity has to be gotten rid of or drop away, especially because I’ve heard so many stories that that is how this all goes.
Today more ease. Feeling vulnerable. Less clinging to what has been seen. Maybe everything can be done and there can be a gentle returning in unoccupied moments to the view of no-self without constantly needing to “do that”. More doubt about relaxing that way and concern about something going back to sleep as a reaction to opening.
Would love some feedback about any aspect of what has been written here.
❤
Re: Initial registration
Ah ha! All this wanting and doubt is just part of the old mind-identified structure, and nothing is needed because everything is as is. If things feel unstable, unstableness IS and nothing owns that or needs to have that changed. This whole thing of I feel unstable, doubtful, angst-ridden or desirous was still being seen as being owned by an I that feels that way. Well, isn’t that tricky?!😊
Re: Initial registration
OMG! I just had the thought, “I have to pee” and stood up to go to the bathroom and while walking, all thoughts became totally untrue. This was seen before but not like this. The urge to pee was there but that thought that I have to pee wasn’t true in any way. And so all of life…it has no descriptions…none! It is as it is. And no ‘I’ ever saw any of this or had any realization! None of anything said about anything is real!!! Especially any of the I thoughts. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Re: Initial registration
Beautiful Jed,
:)
Invitation to meet every emotion and to see is that real, is there really someone exist? Is there really something dangerous?
Is there ever Jed running the show??
Thoughts and imagination ...are they someone or they are what they are :) ?
:)
Yes. Now invitation is to see that, every fear and story about suffering is childish nightmare, projection, imagination.None of anything said about anything is real!!! Especially any of the I thoughts. Ha ha ha ha ha!
Invitation to meet every emotion and to see is that real, is there really someone exist? Is there really something dangerous?
Is there ever Jed running the show??
Thoughts and imagination ...are they someone or they are what they are :) ?
I am happy to invite you to join our meetings and events
https://luchanalubo.com/
https://luchanalubo.com/
Re: Initial registration
Feelings are arising, and they are just feelings. And they have the space to be without resistance. They can’t be dangerous when they are just arising and passing in the space of being. Waves of emotion flowing through. Sitting quietly feeling the body, the environment, the thoughts…all one sense. Nothing needs to be done with any of the emotions or feelings. My wife shouts for me and there is gut tensing. And it moves. No imagination is anything but just that and it has nothing behind it and says nothing about anything real.
Like wind blowing leaves off of trees. The wind, the falling. All undone.
Each moment is new and fresh so there can’t be a fixed or known Jed apart from it. I, me, Jed is never running anything because it is not real.
Reality is untouched because who would touch it?
It now feels like everything is and just gets left alone, in the body, in the sensing.
The universe is not going anywhere, and it is not being managed by anything and somehow everything works.
Thoughts and imagination are, not someone, and no story or fear will ever make THIS more or less THIS.
Just sitting with no need for anything to happen.
Thank you!!
Like wind blowing leaves off of trees. The wind, the falling. All undone.
Each moment is new and fresh so there can’t be a fixed or known Jed apart from it. I, me, Jed is never running anything because it is not real.
Reality is untouched because who would touch it?
It now feels like everything is and just gets left alone, in the body, in the sensing.
The universe is not going anywhere, and it is not being managed by anything and somehow everything works.
Thoughts and imagination are, not someone, and no story or fear will ever make THIS more or less THIS.
Just sitting with no need for anything to happen.
Thank you!!
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