Hello! I could use some help!

[Danial]

Hey Rali,

Is being like a container for experiences? Are there ”solid” sensations floating around in “being”- “arising, appearing and disappearing”? Is the knowing of a sensation separate from the sensation? Where is the actual border that separates one from the other? Is there pure being with nothing else, no sensations, etc.? Can there be thinking or seeing, or…, without being?

There's just experience - the knowing of a sensation isn't separate from the sensation.

What in you seems to be proven or seen, that allows you to distinguish the thought as separate, distinct and real?

What arises is a sensation when the thought becomes "solid".
Did it with a thought of my car - there was a sensation as it became a clear thought.
Did it with a thought of my hand - same thing.

Again, once it seems like “something”, let go of that emerging “something” and search your experience for what recognizes that as a “something”. What is there?

Again - nothing there that recognizes it as something, but rather a sensation and a recognition of it as a something happening.

Furthermore, is the seeing sensory apparatus separate from the hearing apparatus?

No. Seeing and hearing are both happening.

Can you find the boundary between knowing of seeing and knowing of hearing?

Nope. Both are happening, and that's it. No such boundary.

Are there separate knowings?

Nope, just knowing.

And, more importantly, with what are you doing this looking?

It's just happening.

Does hearing appear in a different place to thinking?

No.

Can you find an actual line/wall/boundary that divides thinking from hearing? Or is the line a mental construct?

It's a mental construct that leans on me being an entity in my body. No such line.

Does seeing appear in a different place to thinking and hearing?

No.

Can you find an actual line/wall/boundary that divides thinking, seeing and hearing, or is that division a mental construct?

Mental construct. Noticing it now with feeling as well. All things are appearing in the same space.

So is “seeing” clearer now (please excuse the pun :) )? Are there any “objects” to be found?

I'm not sure. Feeling sensations in my head. Heat. Won't lie, there's a bit of fear. I did my best to remind it that this is not a big deal at all, and honored it. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just a slow burner lol.

Thanks Rali

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram

I'm not sure. Feeling sensations in my head. Heat. Won't lie, there's a bit of fear. I did my best to remind it that this is not a big deal at all, and honored it. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I'm just a slow burner lol.

None of this is your shortcoming or accomplishment ;) – it’s all about what kind of conditioning is there that comes in the way. So the more looking the more conditioning is re-evaluated.

You say “Feeling sensations in my head”, let’s explore this
Let’s take a closer look at the idea of the head, where it is believed thinking, seeing and consciousness occurs, but can a head be found as actual experience?
Please IGNORE all thoughts and mental images of ‘head’ and ‘fingers’ and just answer from actual experience. Close your eyes and take in a couple of deep breaths to settle the dust and keeping your eyes closed...

Press a finger down onto the top of the ‘head’. Notice what is actually present.
Is it a head, or is it just a sensation (labelled ‘pressure’) and thoughts ABOUT a head?
What exactly makes it “your” “head”?
Do the same with a finger on each side of the head.
Is a head actually found, or are there just sensations again?
And is there anything between the pressure points, or are there just thoughts about something being in between them?

Without thought, how big is your head?
Without thought, does it have an inside or an outside?
Without thought, does it have a location?

So what is the head in DE?
A sensation + a mental image (of a head) + thoughts about a head, right?

So when you say that you are feeling sensations in your head, can sensations be located in another sensation? Can sensations be located in a mental image or a thought? Are there separate solid sensations with distinct outlines (without thought) or just sensing/feeling fluctuating? Also… so, there is feeling, what is wrong with that without the scary story on the side? Does the story affect the experience or just tries to describe it? The story about experience can be shared, and that in and of itself is an experience, but if we focus on concepts and think that they express a solid reality, we get lost in the theory. Realizing the empty nature of all concepts frees the mind; it makes a good servant not a bad master. Holding on to ideas creates fears, limitation, boundaries, opinions, differences.

I would say thoughts/expectations are showing up as a resistance to the new story that is forming (what we are doing here). When you have two opposing views (i.e. view of reality) you have to keep checking their validity. What we are used to do is to check if a new idea fits with the rest of our beliefs and disregard it if it doesn’t (confirmation bias). This method saves energy so it was used for a really long time. Now we’ve added a second method for dealing with opposing concepts – to check with our senses which one "truly" describes what is happening. The “resistance”/”fear” comes from that confirmation bias as you have not just one thought but a system of thoughts forming your view/belief system of reality. So to “reduce the resistance’ you need to painstakingly examine all thoughts one by one as they appear in order for thoughts to self-organise and form a new core of beliefs. And I underlie self-organise as this is not in your control, it just happens. I’ve basically introduced a virus thought (LOOK!) that causes all thoughts to be reorganised around the experience :).
But again, it’s not like the self is being destroyed and there are huge changes in the whole system; it’s a simple drop of beliefs. The self was never ever there, it’s business as usual in DE. Just thought content is different. And that needs to be checked!

Please let me know if you are ready to continue – the fear is not in the way.
Love
Rali

[Danial]

Rali,

I've fallen ill. Flu I think.
Will look at this tomorrow.

Wishing you well,
Hawram :)

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram

I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you feel better soon!

Love
Rali

[Danial]

Thank you for the well wishes, Rali!

Feeling better, now to answer your questions.

but can a head be found as actual experience?

No head can be found in actual experience. The idea of a head, sure. Then sensations, which get labeled as being in the "head" area therefore there must be a head blah blah. There's no head with DE.

Is it a head, or is it just a sensation (labelled ‘pressure’) and thoughts ABOUT a head?

It's a sensation labelled pressure and thoughts about a head.

What exactly makes it “your” “head”?

"Head" can't be found with DE - neither can "my". Doesn't mean I haven't sat here for the last hour trying to find it. Thoughts of a body and a face, and a sensation.

Please forgive me, Rali. I wanted to get through it all but the question above had me STUMPED for a while. I'll submit this and continue again tomorrow. And honestly, I need to examine that above question again.

Love,
Hawram

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram
Please do not answer automatically, from previous knowledge – just because we’ve been through similar exercises and you know the answer. Always LOOK, this is how thought stories start changing, otherwise the old ones will return shortly (which will take even more looking). Sit with these questions and look properly, really explore. The questions might sound familiar but the answers should be experiential. You can also continue doing the mirror exercises – the deeper exploration of the “body”

Take as much time as you need provided that you are looking.

Love
Rali

[Danial]

Understood.

but can a head be found as actual experience?

No - such a thing cannot be found as actual experience.

Is it a head, or is it just a sensation (labelled ‘pressure’) and thoughts ABOUT a head?

Just a sensation, and thoughts about a a thing labelled 'head'.

What exactly makes it “your” “head”?

Nothing, really. It's just words used to communicate ideas.

Do the same with a finger on each side of the head.
Is a head actually found, or are there just sensations again?

Sensations and thoughts about a head.

And is there anything between the pressure points, or are there just thoughts about something being in between them?

There's pressure - and there being anything between the pressure is conflating the DE experience of a sensation with a thought of space/things in that space. So, with looking, there are just thoughts of the pressure being in "space" and the space in between them being occupied with something.

Without thought, how big is your head?

Without thought, there is no head.

Without thought, does it have an inside or an outside?

Without thought, it doesn't exist.

Without thought, does it have a location?

No.

So when you say that you are feeling sensations in your head, can sensations be located in another sensation?

No, they cannot.

Can sensations be located in a mental image or a thought?

No.

Are there separate solid sensations with distinct outlines (without thought) or just sensing/feeling fluctuating?

Just sensing fluctuating.

Also… so, there is feeling, what is wrong with that without the scary story on the side? Does the story affect the experience or just tries to describe it?

With a scary story removed, there is nothing inherently wrong with a feeling.
The story tries to describe the experience.

I appreciate you working with me on this, Rali!!
Let's continue. :)

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram
Good looking!

With a scary story removed, there is nothing inherently wrong with a feeling.
The story tries to describe the experience.

Let's continue. :)

So is there still fear?
Let's explore "fear" a bit further, just to be on the sure side :)
Fear and resistance show up as a result of an expectation story - a story about how expectations for a better future won’t be met. So it might be a good idea to acknowledge if there are any expectations about the inquiry still lingering around. But let’s examine this “emotion”
Fear = sensation + thought
Inquire into the sensation and ask if the sensation itself knows anything about ‘fear’. Can you find anyone/anything IN the sensation itself, or BEHIND the sensation that is fearful? Now look at the thought that comes with it. Can you find anyone/anything in the WORD ‘fear’ that is fearful?
Divested of the story that is attached to that sensation labelled ‘fear’, what is the sensation itself? Explore the sensation. Notice it, observe what it does. It’s like the sensation is continually changing. It moves around, it becomes more intense, it becomes less intense; always changing its shape. Go deeply into that sensation (i.e. the vibration).
If you had to describe this sensation, how would you describe it? Is it describable? It’s morphing, it’s changing, it’s vibrating, but the vibrating is itself a sensation.
Is it really unpleasant? Is the actual sensation itself unpleasant, or is unpleasantness added by thought? Just leave your thoughts in the background, turn the volume down and refer directly to the sensation. If you don’t think about it, do you know that this sensation is something called ‘fear’? Is there any inherent fear in the sensation itself? Go to the sensation at the soles of the feet. Would you label that sensation ‘fear’? Or is it just a neutral, undefined tingling sensation?
Now compare the sensation of the soles of the feet – which is just neutral sensation – and the sensation in your chest (labelled ‘fear’)…what is the difference between them? A little bit more intense, but apart from that – any difference?
Report back on what you found when doing this exercise.

Once you are at just raw sensation without the thoughts, allow the sensation all the space it needs without pushing it aside or judging it. Sensations come and then go. But, while you are “there” look at what the thought is trying to protect. Is there anything that needs protecting?
“Fear” and resistance become tools that help discover stories that need accuracy check.
Please don't rush through the questions, allowing them to do their magic!
Love
Rali

[Danial]

So is there still fear?

No just sensation.

As for acknowledging if there is an expectation for the seeing - yes, a bit.

Can you find anyone/anything IN the sensation itself, or BEHIND the sensation that is fearful?

With DE, there is just the sensation itself.

Can you find anyone/anything in the WORD ‘fear’ that is fearful?
Divested of the story that is attached to that sensation labelled ‘fear’, what is the sensation itself?

Looking at the word fear, no. It's just color - not anyone or anything that is fearful. Thinking of the word fear - again no, it's just a thought.
Divested of the story attached, the sensation is just a feeling. Funny story - this morning right when I woke up there was a feeling of fear, and I was able to discern the feeling from the story and then go deeper and deeper into the feeling, like I was trying to feel it with my whole being. And I found that it was nothing at all hahah, basically equivalent to an itch.

If you had to describe this sensation, how would you describe it? Is it describable?

I'd say it's a basic, unnamed sensation like any other - like a sensation at the bottom of your feet for instance. Some tingling, heat, etc.

Is it really unpleasant? Is the actual sensation itself unpleasant, or is unpleasantness added by thought?

Unpleasantness is added by thought!

f you don’t think about it, do you know that this sensation is something called ‘fear’? Is there any inherent fear in the sensation itself?

No! Initially, when I'm thinking "fear" when trying to conjure up the feeling, I'm like, this is fear. But then after a second or two when I focus on the sensation alone, it separates from the label and it's just like any other sensation. There's no inherent fear in the sensation itself.

what is the difference between them? A little bit more intense, but apart from that – any difference?

No difference other than a bit more intense and maybe the "heat" sensation (though you could probably lump that in with intense). Minute difference.

But, while you are “there” look at what the thought is trying to protect. Is there anything that needs protecting?

Hmm - thoughts about thoughts and a sensation. Can't seem to find what the fear is protecting.

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram

Very good!!

Let’s have a look at the idea of control, choice and decisions. Please explore the exercises below and report your findings! Remember that we’re looking for some kind of entity, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’. Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the ‘choosing’, but remember we are not interested in “seems like” and “feels like” entities, but ones that could be described.

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

How is the movement controlled?
Does a thought control it?
Can a ‘controller’ or and entity that is choosing be located?
How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over.

2. Put two objects that you like in front of you (e.g. a cup of coffee and a glass of juice)

Step1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.
Step2. Count to 5.
Step3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience an entity doing the ‘choosing’?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does it look like?

3. Please take me through a biggish decision that you made recently - not something very personal so you are able to share more details about your decision making...

How did it come to be? Consider all of the conditions that were necessary for it to happen. If any one of those conditions were different, would the outcome have been the same? How many of these conditions were outside of your influence? What was in your control (according to thought)?

Please take your time with each exercise! Repeat as many times as you need and then write the answers for all of them. Watch like a hawk. Don't go to thoughts, examine the actual experience. Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire with the questions.
Love
Rali

[Danial]

Hey Rali,

How is the movement controlled?

With DE - I don't know. There's color and sensation. Can't answer this.

Does a thought control it?

No, there is a thought about a controller who just 'did' it, but the thought doesn't control it. It just appears.

Can a ‘controller’ or and entity that is choosing be located?

No.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

It just happens - its like an intrinsic, automatic thing.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

No, I did not choose the qualities. They appeared by themselves, as they are thoughts. Same with preferences.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting? Did you directly experience an entity doing the ‘choosing’?

Did not choose what took the front/back seat here either. Again, just thoughts. Did not experience an entity doing the choosing, just the sensations and thoughts.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does it look like?

No.

How did it come to be? Consider all of the conditions that were necessary for it to happen.

So I decided to go back to school to get my Masters degree. I had lost my last job because I hated what I was doing and was super depressed and didn't care anymore. I was financially in a position where I could afford to go back to school, so I did.
Also I was open minded enough to go for it.

f any one of those conditions were different, would the outcome have been the same?

Probably not.

How many of these conditions were outside of your influence?

This is difficult to answer with DE. "Your influence" doesn't make sense with DE, because there's just sensation and thought and color right now.

What was in your control (according to thought)?

According to thought, what I studied was up to me, as well as when I got on with it.

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram

Very good!
You might find this video interesting:
https://vimeo.com/90101368?fbclid=IwAR3

If any one of those conditions were different, would the outcome have been the same?

Probably not.

I just wanted an example of a decision that you would normally consider that you’ve made. The point was to look entirely in thought content where cause and effect “live” and see that even there there’s no “you” making a decision. It was just one event leading to another, leading to another, with “actions” based on previous conditioning. The thought “decision is made” is layered on top of other thoughts/beliefs/descriptions of what has happened before. Why does the wind blow? It just blows. Yes we can say it happens as a result of previous events but there’s no entity “wind” that does the blowing. There is no wind that decides to blow. It’s just language. What is “moving of the hands” in DE? We’ve seen that it’s just a sensation, labelled “hands moving” + colour/shape labelled “hands moving”. So, what makes the sensations to appear? What makes seeing to appear? LOOK! Is there anything that causes anything to appear? Do cause and effect exist outside of thought content? Thought comes to describe that things are happening and why they are happening, but in DE things are just happening. Is the description/explanation/label needed for things to happen?
Love
Rali

[Danial]

Hey Rali,

Interesting video, thanks for sharing.

So, what makes the sensations to appear? What makes seeing to appear?

It just appears. Seeing and sensation just appear.

Is there anything that causes anything to appear? Do cause and effect exist outside of thought content?

With DE, there is nothing that causes anything to appear - there are just appearances of things. Cause and effect do not exist outside of thought content.

Is the description/explanation/label needed for things to happen?

No - things are going to happen anyway.

[poppyseed]

Hi Hawram

Thank you for your effort and perseverance! Very good looking!

With DE, there is nothing that causes anything to appear - there are just appearances of things. Cause and effect do not exist outside of thought content.

Yes! Another factor in cause and effect is time, so let’s explore it.
There is a general assumption that there is linear time that started (if started at all) somewhere very far in the past and advances to the distant future. The present moment (now) is considered to be a very small fragment of time, or an event that is moving forward on a linear line, coming from the past and advancing to the future.

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?
Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?
Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?
How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?
Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?
How long does the ‘now’ last?
Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?
When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?
What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?
So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?

Love
Rali

[Danial]

But is there an experience of the ’now’ moving along the line of time?

With DE there are just things appearing and changing. Time and now and stuff are all thought content.

Any experience of one ‘moment’ giving way to the next?

Nope. Those are all concepts and thought content - no such thing with DE.

Is there any actual or direct experience of one event following another?

No - only in thought content when experiences are compared, etc.
In DE there is simply what is.

How fast is the ‘present moment’ actually moving?

I'm not sure how to answer this.

Just look at 'this moment', can you find a point where it began?

No, that's a concept. 'This moment' is just color and sensation and sound, etc.

How long does the ‘now’ last?

With DE, this doesn't make sense.

Where does the ‘now’ start, and where does it end?

Can't be answered with DE.

When does the ‘now’ exactly become the 'past'?

This requires thought content - with DE can't be answered.

What is the ‘past’ in actual experience?

Thought content.

So is there actual experience of ‘time’ or thoughts about ‘time’?

Just thoughts about time.