Pre-Awakening

[Statum]

Please describe the relation between noticing and the noticed.
Please note that you describe it from your direct perception of what is here and now.

I can’t find any difference between what notices and what is noticed. From direct perception, it just appears. No subject until a subject is looked for.

[Bananafish]

Very nicely put!
How does it feel to know that?

[Statum]

Very nicely put!
How does it feel to know that?

There is fear of not knowing where I am or how I can know myself.

[Bananafish]

There is fear of not knowing where I am or how I can know myself.

Could you elaborate? This sounds like the understanding is more of an intellectual one.

[Statum]

Could you elaborate? This sounds like the understanding is more of an intellectual one.

I could only say that there is a fear of not knowing.

[Bananafish]

Ok, where in the body is that fear felt?

[Statum]

Ok, where in the body is that fear felt?

In the throat, chest, and stomach.

[Bananafish]

Let's have another look at them in our zoom session, Statum. :)

[Bananafish]

Hi Statum. :)

Here are the final questions I mentioned the other day:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.


3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.


4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?


5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.


6) What makes things happen? How does it work?


7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.


8) Anything to add?


Enjoy!

Kento

[Statum]

Hi Statum. :)

Here are the final questions I mentioned the other day:

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?


2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.


3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before we started this dialogue? Please report from the past couple of days.


4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?


5) Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control.


6) What makes things happen? How does it work?


7) What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.


8) Anything to add?


Enjoy!

Kento

1) There is no special “me” in any way. There is nothing special about reality and that is where it’s true value is seen. This is always the case. Reality is just this.

2) The illusion of self is a perception which combines thoughts, feelings, and sensations to cast the illusion that it is all happening with some special one in the center. This perception continues itself by always seeking the next big thing for itself. “If I only had this, then I would be a real person.” “Whenever I can accomplish this, then I will be at peace.” These are thoughts which perpetuate themselves by seeking after something. The self collaborates on a larger scale with language, culture, and the social matrix of values to give it a special boon to seek that never satisfies because the boon was always just a thought.

3) There is a feeling of relief. Like there’s nothing that has to hold life up. Life holds itself up and is doing so always. It doesn’t need help from anything. The seasons change, sensations pass in and out of reality, the sun rises and sets, all without the help of “someone being the right kind of person”.

There is a greater sensitivity to beauty and gratitude. Beauty for nothing in particular and gratitude for no reason toward no one specific.

4) I was on a silent meditation retreat and I realized that nearly everything that I sought after, I sought after because I wanted to be special. The inquiry appeared “Who are you when you are not special? If you left all of your special projects, who would you be right now?” The answer was just this. And then the realization that there was never anything wrong with just this. Just this is actually quite beautiful. It’s vibrant. It’s alive without anyone to live it. When all the stories of time, space, and selfhood are seen though, then all happenings are seen as grace. Everything is grace.

5) Decisions just happen. The mind works retroactively to make sense of the happening and incorporates just the happening into the context of a self in time controlling what happens. This is what creates the world of seemingly separate things which has a history, utility, and social value. It is the creation of language and also of goals.

6) There is no cause and effect. Nothing makes anything happen. Nothing is separate from anything. The mystery is moving itself.

7) Responsibility is not to be taken seriously, as if there is a person on the other end of action who must be responsible or else. Rather, responsibility is to be taken sincerely like someone plays a game sincerely and not seriously (I give credit to Alan Watts for this analogy). If someone plays a game seriously, he forgets that the game is just a game. He forgets that the object of the game is to play; to have fun with this set of limitations which he has placed on himself. Only when someone plays the game sincerely can he enjoy the game and see the game for what it was.

In the same way, I am responsible for everything that I was responsible for before I began on a spiritual path. I am responsible for my experience, the way in which I present myself to others, keeping up a living, becoming more of a positive influence on myself and the world around me. However, all of this is a game in a dream. Being responsible is simply how I would like to have the most fun playing it.

8) I just want to say thank you Kento! You have been an incredible friend and guide throughout this process and I am grateful for you. Many thanks to you and Liberation Unleashed for your kind attention!