How do I return to Pure Awareness?

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you very much for answering! :)

When ever I asked "Who, where or what is Angelika?" the outcome was the same, a sense of vast openness.
The word that comes as close as possible to what emerged is "Nothing".
I still repeat the question several times a day and will report if anything different will come up.

. . .

Observations:

- Strong physical sensations appear and disappear.

- Focusing on an object causes a concentration of awareness - felt as a physical sense - and the object becomes much more clear.

- Dizziness disappeared once more.

. . .

I will return tomorrow to report more.


Enjoy Scotland & All!

Very Sincerely,
Angelika

[jowate]

Hi Angelika,

“The objects I looked at were so much clearer. As if I looked at them from a different angle. Though angle is not the right word.
It was as if I saw them directly.
As if I saw them through a different kind of lens.
As if some layers of schlieren were gone.

Was this "direct experience?"”

If experience is unmediated by concepts, it is direct. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean the self-view has gone, in itself

“I can now watch awareness getting caught in the illusion of ego self rebuilding.”

Clarify / Look at what is actually going on here. Awareness can’t get ‘caught’ because it is simply the quality of knowing, like a mirror reflecting something doesn’t get caught up in what it reflects. ‘I’ cannot watch because ‘I’ does not exist. That ‘ego self rebuilding’ is an illusion is exactly right – so what is actually happening here?

“When ever I asked "Who, where or what is Angelika?" the outcome was the same, a sense of vast openness.

The word that comes as close as possible to what emerged is "Nothing".”

That word is right on the mark. The other happenings you describe are just arisings that have no direct bearing on seeing through the self / me / I.

Keep focussed on the point!

Who is reading this?

Warm regards,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you for answering!

I read your reply three times and will reply when I can, meaning I wish to spend more time on it.

Thank you very much indeed!

Very sincerely,

Angelika

[Angelika]

Hello John,

You wrote,

"Clarify / Look at what is actually going on here. Awareness can’t get ‘caught’ because it is simply the quality of knowing, like a mirror reflecting something doesn’t get caught up in what it reflects. ‘I’ cannot watch because ‘I’ does not exist. That ‘ego self rebuilding’ is an illusion is exactly right – so what is actually happening here?"


What is actually happening here . . . this is what I reflect on.

This afternoon I sat outside for a while. It was raining.
Although raining happened "my" attention shifted? to the sun behind the clouds.

Earlier today many emotions arose. While feeling the emotions as physical senses "I" asked "Who / Where is Angelika?". Stillness, Peace - NoThing arose. The focus "shifted ?" from the felt sense of emotions to NoThing.

I will return to report further.

Thank you very much for answering although you are in Scotland & in retreats!

Very Sincerely,

Angelika

[jowate]

That's good Angelika - keep looking on that track! :)

'It rains'
'I think'
- no difference!

Good wishes to you, John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you for answering. :)

It took me several days to find the answer to the following question.

"Clarify / Look at what is actually going on here. Awareness can’t get ‘caught’ because it is simply the quality of knowing, like a mirror reflecting something doesn’t get caught up in what it reflects. ‘I’ cannot watch because ‘I’ does not exist. That ‘ego self rebuilding’ is an illusion is exactly right – so what is actually happening here?"


The answer is, the rebuilding of illusion happens.

"I" understand how "I" have taken every thing that happened "personally." Though the rebuilding still happens. The difference is, as the rebuilding arises it also dissolves.
The forming of "the story of me" due to what arises and dissolves ceases.

I will reflect further on the analogy of awareness and a mirror, and will return to carry on reporting.

Also I repeat "Who is Angelika?"

Thank you very much indeed for your great assistance!

With deep gratitude,

Very sincerely,

Angelika

[Angelika]

PS:

"It rains, I think - no difference." Thank you for this hint!

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,

“The answer is, the rebuilding of illusion happens.”

Yes – and no-one ‘does it’, nor does it happen ‘to’ someone, some personal entity.

There is no personal entity anywhere, ever, whether there is an appearance of illusion or non-illusion.

There is no ‘Angelika’.

Angelika / ‘I’ is just a belief. Nothing else. That is all that needs to be seen.

You can see through this belief directly in one moment – no need to repeat the phrase, just look directly NOW! Can ‘me’ be found? Can a ‘doer’ be found?

See that thoughts and actions always just arise of themselves – including the ‘me’ thought and the sense of ‘selfing’.

Is Angelika anything other than the thought ‘Angelika’?

Is ‘I’ anything other than the thought ‘I’?

So use the phrases as pointers to looking, and tell me what is seen, directly. Write your observations as clearly as possible.

Warm wishes,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John!

Thank you very much for your reply!

Due to very much work today I will return and answer to you tomorrow.

I read your email and will apply the phrases as pointers.

Thank you so much!

Very Sincerely,

Angelika

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Today I wrote the following to a friend of mine.

""The more the "conceptual knowledge of the illusion of ego self - me" .... gets replaced by a knowing / direct experience of that very matter, the more a constant echo of pulsating peace from beyond is experienced. Does this make sense?""

I will return later for further report!

Thank you very much!!!

Very Sincerely,

Angelika

[jowate]

Hi Angelika,

I'm about to go up to Tuesday morning to somewhere I'm not sure I'll have an internet connection. I'm also travelling after that, so it's possible I may not be able to respond properly to anything until Thursday ... I will if possible of course, so do continue sending your responses to my last post above.

Best wishes,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you for letting me know! :)

Your plans open up a fine time gap here on my side.
I will go through one sentence after the other.

May I start with this one:

""Yes – and no-one ‘does it’, nor does it happen ‘to’ someone, some personal entity. ""


No one does it.
Ja, this is so.

It is happening. (rebuilding of illusion)

My observations are:

The physical body responds with different sensations to "things" that happen in the present moment.

Contraction in the physical body leads to something like a chain reaction of thoughts and more contractions.

Sometimes the reactions in the physical body shift from one part to the next. This goes on for several hours.
Sensations and emotions come and go.

When the focus is on "That No Thing" then this, what happens does not matter in any way.

I will return tomorrow to continue.

Thank you very much indeed!

Very Sincerely,

Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,
Able to get a connection after all!

You say

No one does it.
Ja, this is so.
It is happening. (rebuilding of illusion)

So if rebuilding of illusion – I assume you mean illusion of ‘self’ – happens with no-one doing it, do you see clearly that if there is no self there, the rebuilding of illusion is itself an illusion?

Yes, the body is responding of itself, thoughts and other reactions arise of themselves. There is no ‘me’ doing any of it, even when ‘illusion’ appears to appear.

When the focus is on "That No Thing" then this, what happens does not matter in any way.

I don’t quite follow the structure of the sentence here! Do you mean by ‘That No Thing’ the absence of self? And that when this is seen directly, whatever happens is fine, ok, equanimous? If so, that’s very good. Just see that there is no self operating in any way, under any circumstances. Keep looking in this way.

Warm regards,

John

[Angelika]

Hello John,

Thank you for finding a connection and answering.

Your question is: " . . . do you see clearly that if there is no self there, the rebuilding of illusion is itself an illusion?"

My answer is : Yes, the illusion is just another thing, that arises and which I have given the label "illusion."

Your question is: Do you mean by ‘That No Thing’ the absence of self?

My answer is: "That No Thing" is a name I chose for that, what I sense when I ask the question "who & where is Angelika?"

Your question is: And that when this is seen directly, whatever happens is fine, ok, equanimous?


My answer is: When this, what arises is seen directly, no judging of the situation happens. Stillness and Peace is how I would name that, what I sense.

You write: Just see that there is no self operating in any way, under any circumstances. Keep looking in this way.

My answer is: I will do this.

You write: Yes – and no-one ‘does it’, nor does it happen ‘to’ someone, some personal entity.

My answer is: Conceptual this is understood.
I want to focus and observe on the interaction between two or more people.


Thank you very much indeed!

Very Sincerely,

Angelika

[jowate]

Hello Angelika,

That's all good. Now, as you say, just focus on that last statement - look for the 'personal entity' here or anywhere - can it be found, in experience?

all good wishes,

John