curiousity

[EllieRose]

Hello.

Yes, maybe you are right, but now more rapid changes from one focused attention i think. Especially when it feels like I have a shift in view of who I think I am,from a personal me in center of experience,to a place of knowing nothing ,- and then everything feeling so very intimate and close.
Today I honestly saw several destructive patterns linked to my way of avoiding reality/the seeker energy. it was like I saw myself as this illusion, a felt a raw fear,and then a hidden innocence came and also shame.Sorry,but words do not work here to describe this experience of melting into nothing .
As a war within of thoughts, a belief of not being good enough to be seen, hiding and all the stories to protect this secret "truth". Like a movie of how I came to be here right now. To stop!
Now it feels empty, silent ,safe to surrender to this force of life. Whatever happens now is fine.
Thank you, Jon.
I can write you in a week?
Take a few days to do something different, paint something, maybe this is enough.

love
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hi Rita

. Today I honestly saw several destructive patterns linked to my way of avoiding reality/the seeker energy. it was like I saw myself as this illusion, a felt a raw fear,and then a hidden innocence came and also shame.Sorry,but words do not work here to describe this experience of melting into nothing

Thank you for trying though. Yes, it's common amongst seekers to expect a particular kind of spiritual experience "enlightenment". Only love and light, so to speak. But realisations can seem uncomfortable sometimes too.

Who or what gets to "choose' which flavour of realisation?

. Now it feels empty, silent ,safe to surrender to this force of life. Whatever happens now is fine.

That sounds good.

. I can write you in a week?
Take a few days to do something different, paint something,

Of course you can write, sooner, if you wish.

Painting sounds great. Nature is always lovely.

Love

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!

To your question on "who or what gets to choose the flavour of realization "?
I have absolutely no idea, it is not possible to know. Is it? I guess this is where God or spirituality comes in ?..
Since that experience of "seeing" that this self-created "wall" or separate self was keeping me from knowing myself three days ago, a lot is changed . My senses are stronger and different than before,- both sight, sounds, and bodily sensations.
I thought I wanted to stop this "seeking" , haha,out of a strong fear.
I can feel a new kind of presence or energy is surrounding me, right in front of my face/nose. Very alive like, super comforting and hard to describe what this feels like- a mysterious loving energy. Just been walking around in this dreamlike world.
So beautiful, it is here with me now and has been around the last three days.
I am so grateful to experience this.
Kind of love that I do not control things, this is just mindblowing in the best way.
Will not forget this ever I hope.

Have a nice week-end!

Love
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hi Rita

. To your question on "who or what gets to choose the flavour of realization "?
I have absolutely no idea, it is not possible to know. Is it? I guess this is where God or spirituality comes in ?..

Fair enough.

. Since that experience of "seeing" that this self-created "wall" or separate self was keeping me from knowing myself three days ago, a lot is changed . My senses are stronger and different than before,- both sight, sounds, and bodily sensations.
I thought I wanted to stop this "seeking" , haha,out of a strong fear.
I can feel a new kind of presence or energy is surrounding me, right in front of my face/nose. Very alive like, super comforting and hard to describe what this feels like- a mysterious loving energy. Just been walking around in this dreamlike world.
So beautiful, it is here with me now and has been around the last three days.
I am so grateful to experience this.
Kind of love that I do not control things, this is just mindblowing in the best way.
Will not forget this ever I hope.

This is great Rita. I am so pleased!

I still have a few questions for you, if you will? These ones can help to clarify things further. There are six of these. Are you ready..?

Love

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!

I have been quite busy this weekend, spending time with my grandson.
Now I am back home again, and I am ready for more questions!
This is ....just something else!
Kind of speechless, in a good way.

Love
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hi Rita

Ok. Here are six questions. Answering them all can be quite involved so you may need some time to do this. If you like, split them up into two at a tine, or three at a time.

The best thing to do is to answer from direct experience rather than intellectualise.

See how you get on. Once you've answered them we can look at what you've said:


1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?

5) Describe decision & give examples from experience.

Describe intention & give examples from experience.

Describe free will & give examples from experience.

Describe choice & give examples from experience.

Describe control & give examples from experience.

What makes things happen? How does it work?

What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6) Anything to add?

Love,

Jon

[JonathanR]

Hi Rita

Are you happy to try to answer these questions?

How is it going?

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!
Life has been very different since I had that "insight" or shift...,do not know how to describe this. The truth is I feel that thinking is very stressful and difficult now, and that is also why I find it hard to sit down and answer questions.

1) - The separate self is an illusion, I cannot find it, in any shape or form, other than a thought. A dream within a dream.

2) -The separate self is formed from childhood, language,identity, culture, and so on. The real painful illusion of separation stems from a belief in not being good enough, of lack,of guilt,- a lot of unconcious programming in how to be a "good"human.A lot of misunderstanding from early age, and ever since then trying to fix this "me" . Ahh, this is a big and sad question.But in short a pure longing for love and connection.

3) -It is breathtaking to realize that I have found what I was looking for, that it was always here, it is all love. Feels like everything is worth it now, it is just so good to be here now. When I started looking I felt all this pain from feeling separate , now I belong . Now everyone is part of me, kind of.

4) -The thing that made me look deep enough was the search for a line or bridge between myself and my surroundings.Suddenly I saw how my beliefs in not being"worthy" or even honest with myself, what I see as the true self now, was the reason for all my suffering and longing. Honestly there was a couple of days where it felt like I knew or understood how this big dream of life was created, like a sense of being shown that everything is just perfect. Nothing is good or bad,it is just a play.
This is not as vivid or clear anymore, but it made such an impression, and the sense of walking in this loving precence is still right here ,just pause and breathe.

I can answer the last two questions after the weekend. Find them a bit challenging.

And Jon, thank you so so much for your help. Do not know if my answers resonates with you , your understanding of this life. But it feels so good just to see what has kept me from having a full life, and to connect with this love from "God" or what to call this power of life! So grateful!

Much love!
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hello Rita

. And Jon, thank you so so much for your help. Do not know if my answers resonates with you , your understanding of this life. But it feels so good just to see what has kept me from having a full life, and to connect with this love from "God" or what to call this power of life! So grateful!

Thank you Rita. I'm delighted to have been able to help in some way. Yes your answers do resonate. Lovely answers.

In tackling the last questions don't worry about them. Just answer them from your immediate experience. They can be useful. By the way , you're not being judged and you can' t get this "wrong" .

All the best

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!

I have looked at life and how things move with this "fresh" new way of experience. And have moments of fear of falling back into identity, so there is some thoughts with momentary convincing content.
It feels like a lot of thoughts and painful contraction in my body is the same "thing". And it feels really good to live without believing in them,seeing the "me" in them. I can feel it when answering questions, until I recognize what it is. Just the "me" trying to do things correct. Funny!

question 5)
- decision just happen when this presence seems strong and when it is more in the background of experience there is more thoughts and sensations before decision is taken. Feels either effortless or painful, sort of.
- Intention is from a longing, from my heart.
-Free will is a concept and does not make sense right now. I really find it hard to answer these with examples, other than it is words or ideas or beliefs connected to this illusory separate self.
-choice ? seems to be made from bodily sensations and trust maybe...
- control is an impossible thought from the belief in a separate self, fear.
Can not see that I am responsible for anything,no one is. Very understandable and innocent when looking what happens in humans minds I guess.
I just go around and it feels so amazing and in wonder ,...to even have this experience. My mind/thoughts are not really functioning at the moment, I do not worry about it .Should I ? Maybe worry later, now I can not be bothered...
I follow what feels good, this presence and no words is needed.

Going on a vacation tomorrow for two weeks, camping and hiking is my new thing! Do not plan to be online much, just be here and relax in this...
Write if/when I feel I can put words down with more ease, my system is clearly not in mood for communication with words. I feel it is confusing, like something has happened to the thinking process.

Hope you are well!

Much love
Rita

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!
Still looking at what makes things happen, and it really is not how I thought it was. And when thoughts are seen as just thoughts with no truth in them, that they are not personal, it is so shocking in a really good way.
I see that things get done, and also recognize that what feels really good in my body is being aware of this presence.So with this new aspect of life is expanding within me, who cares about free will and such.
This must be what spirit is, and my attention goes here. The me thought is powerful, and I forget. And remember again, it is still here,this love. So very grateful!
So if this is a fantasy so be it! Feels true!
Love
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hi Rita

Thanks so much for completing those answers to the six questions. Great to read what you've said

. my system is clearly not in mood for communication with words. I feel it is confusing, like something has happened to the thinking process.

Not being in the mood for communicating with words sounds fine. I like your idea of going on holiday hiking. Being outside with nature seems like an excellent idea right now.

I understand what you mean by "something has happened to the thinking process". Is there still confusion?

I would like to ask other guides to take a look at your answers at some point soon to see if they have further questions for you but you might prefer me to wait, given that you are out hiking for a couple of weeks?

All the very best for your holiday

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hei!

You can ask them now,or later,- I will check in every other day if possible.
Now life is just totally different and still just the same! Feels like a miracle to live without believing in thoughts , just let them do whatever.....
Wonder if I am having what is called reset in the brain Full stop. So grateful that my life is quiet. Feels really safe in letting myself just fall into this new reality of being here.

love from
Rita

[JonathanR]

Hello Rita

I hope your holiday is off to a good start?

. You can ask them now,or later,- I will check in every other day if possible.
Now life is just totally different and still just the same! Feels like a miracle to live without believing in thoughts , just let them do whatever.....
Wonder if I am having what is called reset in the brain Full stop. So grateful that my life is quiet. Feels really safe in letting myself just fall into this new reality of being here.

I'm delighted to read this.

Well, several guides did look at our conversation and they do not have further questions for you. You may have noticed that your name has turned blue now, on the forum? If it hasn't already been moved your thread will soon be moved to the Archive section. What this means is that the guiding has concluded

But this is most definitely not an end. More like a beginning, which you have noticed already with the "new reality of being here" (I love that phrase). Also you will receive an email or message from an LU admin, so do read that when it arrives.

I just want to say that it has been my pleasure to point for you.

Please feel free to stay in touch if you like. Also, consider becoming a guide if you feel inclined to do so. I can let you know about that.

Once again, enjoy your holiday!

Love

Jon

[EllieRose]

Hello Jon!
Holiday is nice, been alone a lot just enjoying all this aliveness. So grateful, wrote you a short pm before I saw this post from you. Tuesday I will go on a camping with 300 people, sort of a festival with some friends.Wonder how that will turn out with my head in the sky!!!
Hope you enjoy summertime, and you do such a huge difference in this guiding.Find it really interesting and inspiring to see if I can learn to do the same service for other seekers. Just need a bit of time to enjoy life fom this new view.
Love
Rita