Working through the first three fetters & not identifying with not identifying!

[Aya23]

For the first ten minutes write down what you are experiencing right now using the word “I”.

I am breathing
I am feeling tightness in my chest
I am hearing the sound of my hand rubbing against the paper
I am writing
I am having a thought about writing
I am biting my lip
I am feeling my lip is wet
I am bored
I am feeling that my toes are cold
I am yawning
I am sneezing
I am looking away
I am yawning again
I am sneezing again
I am overthinking
I am making sounds with my nose
I am looking at my nail
I am looking at the window
I am feeling my neck itching
I am itching my nose
I am feeling my left shoulder straining
I am looking at the stopwatch
I am sitting on my bed
I am looking around
I am feeling tired
I am hearing sounds of cars outside
I am hearing a child cry
I am feeling an itch on my leg
I am hearing the notebook make a sound as I write
I am moving
I am writing
I am feeling my head itch
I am itching my head
I am holding onto my notebook
I am moving my toe
I am forcing my toe to move
I am staring
I am feeling bored
I am hearing a hum in my ear
I am seeing my pen
I am observing the colour red
I am feeling the plastic against my hand
I am looking at the ink
I am blinking
I am feeling tightness in my leg
I am frowning
I am feeling the back of my head itch
I am itching the back of my head

Then for the next ten minutes continue writing down what you are experiencing but this time without using the word “I”. Just describe the experience as it is happening using verbs.

Lying in bed
Breathing
Itching
Breathing
Staring
Thinking
Hearing the writing motion
Feeling the neck
Looking away
Hearing a plane
Feeling tired
Relaxing
Sitting up
Itching head
Feeling dry lips
Licking lips
Biting lips
Itching head with pen
Hearing muffled voices
Sending body
Feeling heavy
Feeling tired
Tired
Sleepy
Relaxed
Closing eyes
Hearing sounds
Stretching legs
Moving notebook
Opening eyes
Breathing deep
Looking at the top of the pen
Closing eyes slowly
Opening eyes slowly
Closing eyes
Hearing sounds
Feeling sleepy
Pausing
Slowing down
Observing thoughts
Opening eyes
Checking stopwatch
Closing eyes
Writing
Opening eyes
Swallowing
Sitting on bed
Feeling tired
Hearing humming sound
Sensing silence
Moving hand
Seeing red pen
Breathing
Breathing
Breathing
Breathing
Breathing

1. Is one truer than the other, and If so, which one?

The second one felt truer as it felt like I was less in my head and more in my experience of the here and now. Whether one actually is truer than the other, I’d say no, both just are.

2. What is here without labels?

Experience (a label in itself)

3. Do labels affect the experience or just describe it?

Labels only describe the experience.

4. Did you notice any differences in the body?

Yes - from tense and a sense to separation of body and experience in the first ten minutes to relaxed and a sense of togetherness of body and experience in the last ten minutes.

With gratitude,

Aya

[Anastacia42]

That's exactly right, Aya.

Here is how to distinguish truth from lies.

We often lie every day & don't realize it.

For example, the grocery clerk asks, "How are you?" You reply, "I'm fine." While, yes. there is a sense in which we are always fine, even in the middle of suffering, at that moment, you were grieving the death of your dog, you had a slight sore throat & you had a headache, but you didn't feel like sharing all of that with the grocery clerk, so you lied, "I'm fine."

Also, it matters none at all how "distant" the remembered lie is. Besides the fact that time itself is fictional, a kind if lie, as we recall the lie it becomes present in this moment, as if it were happening now. This brings the body Sensation that accompanies lying.

Lies can be intentional or unintentional, conscious or unconscious, even so automatic that we ourselves are fooled.

The story of a separate "self" is a lie.

This is the lie you came here to see through. Therefore, it is helpful to notice the body Sensation of lying as one of the tools for finding the truth of no self.

You want to be in touch with body Sensations & able to clearly express them in words. This will help.

Lies are usually felt in the heart or solar plexus as a contraction that we may label as tight, heavy or tense.

In contrast, truth is usually expansive. We may call it loose, light or relaxed.

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Here we count anything, lies we think of as "big" or "small" that "matter" or don't "matter."

How are you? I'm fine. No, your knee hurts, but you don't feel like discussing it with the grocery clerk.

It's a lie. A seemingly "bigger" one will work better for this exercise.

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

If you think the memory you used wasn't clear enough, find another one or lie to yourself right now, make something up.

1 + 1 = 14 is a lie.

I love eating worms is (probably) a lie.

Or call up a video of a lying politician & notice what Sensations arise as you listen.

I will give you a clue: it is not that peaceful Sensation you felt before when you omitted "I." (refers to an exercise I gave before this one)

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Loving,

[Aya23]

Hi Stacy,

First, can you remember a time when you lied to someone you loved?

Yes, I can

Find the lie. I don't need the whole story, just a few key words to refer to it.

I lied about where I was

Then scan your body for any Sensation (DE or Direct Experience), particularly in the gut or maybe the heart. Check very closely.

What is found?

Churning stomach, tense shoulders, blocked throat, tight chest, heavy head.

Please report back with what body Sensations (not interpretations) you feel. Bodies can feel hot or cold, heavy or light, contraction or expansion, etc.

Hot hands, heavy head, tight chest, tight stomach, tense shoulders, blocked throat, dry lips

"Peaceful" is an interpretation of a body Sensation, not the Sensation itself, for example.

Do you see that?

Yes

With gratitude,

Aya

[Anastacia42]

Excellent. As I mentioned, "self" is also a lie.

Say to yourself or out loud: "There is a 'self.'" or any other thought that includes "I," for example, the list you made in that earlier exercise.

Notice similar sensations every time you try to include "I," "me," "my," etc.?

Here is a good video about what it takes to SEE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyNwhK2Ur1c

Let me know how that goes.

Loving,

[Aya23]

Say to yourself or out loud: "There is a 'self.'" or any other thought that includes "I," for example, the list you made in that earlier exercise.

Notice similar sensations every time you try to include "I," "me," "my," etc.?

Yes - tightness, heaviness, churning, but now also tears added on top of previous sensations

Let me know how that goes.

Seeing. Feeling. Breathing.

I feel I want to share more but I also find it hard right now to write anything using the word "I". There's is doubt in me when I say "There is a 'self'" - the sensations in my body tell me that. There is no doubt when I tell myself that my 'self' never existed and that there is no new 'self' coming to life as I do the looking and seeing. I have expectations of what the "fire" would feel like (as told in the video) and feel I am not there yet (though I know there is nowhere to be). It is like I am still only understanding rather than really seeing. Not due to doubt, but due to not wanting to let go just yet entirely of the lie that is 'self'. The desire right now is to add more beliefs to my 'self', before unconditionally accepting that there is no 'self' to add beliefs to. Which begs the question: is this doubt after all, that the 'self' is a lie?

With gratitude,

Aya

[Anastacia42]

due to not wanting to let go just yet entirely of the lie that is 'self'.

No, that sounds like fear. What are you afraid of?

Here is a video for fear and an exercise, too.


https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE


Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

I see the couch.
I see the keyboard.
I see the glass. Etc.

I hear the train.
I hear the keys clacking.
I hear my breath. Etc.

I feel the couch under my butt.
I feel my fingers on the keys.
I feel the cold air. Etc.

I taste a metallic taste in my mouth.
I taste the coffee.
I taste the food. Etc.

I smell the humidity in the air.
I smell my husband's shampoo.
I smell the soap. Etc.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Loving,

[Aya23]

due to not wanting to let go just yet entirely of the lie that is 'self'.

No, that sounds like fear. What are you afraid of?

Well noted Stacy - 'fear' did indeed pop up as a word in my mind when I was making that previous statement but I chose to suppress it instead of naming it.

Deep breath.
Thinking fear.
Thinking meaning.
Thinking what I am afraid of.
Breathing.

Fear that I am going to "miss out on something" if I stop seeking. Fear that unconditionally accepting the lief that is 'self' means no more seeking and no more seeking means no more identifying myself as seeking and no more identifying myself as seeking means no longer having a purpose and no longer having a purpose means there's nothing to live for and if there's nothing to live for, what then? Seems like it is the fear of the unknown that is holding me back from 100% seeing right here and right now that the sense of 'self' always was and always will be an illusion.

Tightness in chest.
Blocked throat.
Dry lips.
Churning stomach.
Holding breath.

Here is a video for fear and an exercise, too.


https://youtu.be/jKX1llYtlKE

Thank you Stacy. This was a very powerful and transformative meditation. Everything expanded. Fully. My fear told me truth will always be bigger than fear, truth will always reveal itself and truth liberates. Fear of seeing that I have no purpose, fear of seeing that the "I" matters is an illusion, fear of seeing that there's no seeking to be done, it all came to rest. And it's all good. The fear prolongs the suffering and the delusion that the 'self' is in control. Letting go of that fear and putting it to rest, doesn't cause greater suffering and there's nothing more I will miss out on discovering by putting it to rest. Instead, it opens everything up to see nothing in the place of fear and that seeing nothing is OK. I can see how fear has been trying to protect me and how it no longer serves me in that way - I can let it rest right now.

Here is an anxiety exercise that focuses a person in the present, and in a part of the brain that cannot do anxiety. Basically, go through each sense and say (or think) "I see/ hear/ feel/ taste/ touch ______________." A minute or two of each and usually anxiety is gone.

As far as I can tell, the only time this doesn't work is when someone won't do it.

Thank you, that was all extremely helpful.

[Anastacia42]

EXCELLENT! You did a very good job jumping into those.

Let's do another pointer:


Actual/Direct Experience - Apple

Have a look at an apple (or any fruit you like.) If you have a ‘real’ apple, you can use it for this exercise. Google for a picture of an apple.



When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

Actual experience does not refer to thoughts ABOUT something…because that is only just more thought.

Actual experience is sound, thought, color, smell, taste, sensation and the fact of thought arising, but not its content.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

While these thoughts are known, what they talk ABOUT can't be found in actual experience.

This is what is meant by "looking in actual experience." What you know for sure, and, is always here.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

Loving,

[Aya23]

When looking at an apple, there's color; a thought saying ‘apple’; and maybe a thought saying, "I'm looking at an apple."

What is known for sure? Color is known and thoughts are known.

What about the content of thoughts, what they describe?

The content of thoughts means nothing when we can only be certain of sensations plus the existence of a thought related to seeing the apple. Anything else is clutter, just a 'self' thinking it knows better by attaching more thoughts on top of the one thought. It makes it all unnecessarily complicated and takes away from the actual experience of seeing the apple, tasting the apple, holding the apple, smelling the apple and seeing the thought of seeing/tasting/holding/smelling the apple, simply.

Is there really an ‘apple’ here, or only color and a thought ABOUT ‘apple’?

There is only colour and a thought about 'apple' as I cannot prove that that which I see is really an apple. I have only been told it is and made to believe from birth that this shape and form I see is an apple. Someone could make a cake that looks exactly like an apple and place it next to the actual fruit and one could not distinguish the difference simply by looking at its shape and form from afar. One would need to taste / touch / smell it to be able to say which one is the fruit and which one is the cake that looks like the fruit.

Can ‘apple’ be found in actual experience?

Apple can be found in actual experience when tasting, smelling, feeling, seeing and thinking of it as an apple.

Taste labeled ‘apple’ is known
Color labeled ‘apple’ is known
Sensation labeled ‘apple’ is known (when apple is touched)
Smell labeled ‘apple’ is known
Thought about/of an ‘apple’ is known

However, is an apple actually known?

Have fun and let me know what you find out.

An apple is not actually known as a person or child who sees an apple for the first time will not know it is an apple unless they are told and made to belief that the shape / form of what they are seeing is an apple.

This makes me chuckle as I realise I have encountered some exotic fruits for the first time as an adult and had no clue what they were. I had to be told by someone what it's called, what it tastes like, how to eat it, etc. in order to believe it is a fruit. For all I know, it could have been a bug or animal disguised as something that looks like a fruit! If I had been told that, I may have believed that. It wasn't until I was told exactly what it was that my mind created a label for it. The actual experience of touching, smelling, tasting it for the first time intensified that belief that it is a fruit, not a creature.

[Anastacia42]

Good. Except for that 1st answer. Thought is divided into the fact that it arises and the content. Later you get clear that the content of the thought Apple is not true. The thought does arise.

here's a pointer to look at "control. "

Palm Flipping Exercise

1. Hold a hand in front of you; palm turned down.

2. Now turn the palm up. And down...and up and so on.

Watch like a hawk.

Don't go to thoughts – examine your direct experience.

Do this as many times as you like, and each time inquire:

How is the movement controlled?

Does a thought control it?

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

How is the decision made to turn the hand over? Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.

Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

Loving,

[Aya23]

Good. Except for that 1st answer. Thought is divided into the fact that it arises and the content. Later you get clear that the content of the thought Apple is not true. The thought does arise.

Could you please expand a bit more on this as it is not clear to me how that differs from the answer I gave. Thank you.

I will go to sleep now and return tomorrow for the pointer!

Best wishes,

Aya

[Anastacia42]

the actual experience of seeing the apple, tasting the apple, holding the apple, smelling the apple and seeing the thought of seeing/tasting/holding/smelling the apple, simply

From the way you wrote it, it sounds like "thought" is actual experience. It isn't clear whether you mean, "thought arising" or "content of thought." Being specific is necessary there. Make sense?

Loving,

[Aya23]

the actual experience of seeing the apple, tasting the apple, holding the apple, smelling the apple and seeing the thought of seeing/tasting/holding/smelling the apple, simply

From the way you wrote it, it sounds like "thought" is actual experience. It isn't clear whether you mean, "thought arising" or "content of thought." Being specific is necessary there. Make sense?

Thank you for clarifying. That makes sense and I did mean it as thought arising. However, can thought arising refer not only to “seeing (or looking at) an apple” but also to each sensation in actual experience, ie: tasting an apple, holding an apple and smelling an apple? That is why I included those sensations in my answer.

With gratitude,

Aya

[Aya23]

Palm Flipping Exercise


How is the movement controlled?

I cannot explain ‘how’. It feels like automatic actions not controlled by thought as no thought is perceived prior to each movement.

Does a thought control it?

No, the body movements just happen without a thought making it happen.

Can a ‘controller’ of any description be located?

No, a ‘controller’ of any description cannot be located.

How is the decision made to turn the hand over?

There is no decision being made.

Track any decision point when a thought MADE THE DECISION to turn the hand over and the hand turns over immediately.


Who or what chose which hand - the left or right hand for the exercise?

No idea! Not “me”!! The left hand just raised itself without thought telling it to do so.

Can you find a separate individual or anything that is choosing when to turn the palm up or down?

No!

Every single movement right now is simply happening. There is expanded awareness (consciousness?) of movements happening, and a realisation of the involuntary movement after its happened (and gosh, there are many movements!).

There is no self or anything controlling, deciding or choosing movement - and the same applies to ‘everybody’ out there.

With gratitude,

Aya

[Anastacia42]

Yes, thought arising can refer to anything at all, but when senses are just content of thought & not Actual Experience, they're still content of thought & imaginary.

See the difference?

You are perceiving correctly on Palm Flipping.

There is expanded awareness (consciousness?) of movements happening, and a realisation of the involuntary movement after its happened (and gosh, there are many movements!

"Conscious" seems to get overused. I use "awareness, " but, yes.

Seeing that there is no self is like realizing that Santa Claus is a man in a red suit. It doesn't matter if he puts the suit back on, he still isn't real as Santa Claus. Hes just a man in a red suit.

Can you say 100% that there's no separate self anywhere?

If so, how does it feel to see this?


Loving,