Grace Happens

[gracehappens]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this?
I understand the self is made up of thoughts and there is no true self. The self is like Santa Claus and we’ve been led to believe the self is a separate self. I don’t feel like there’s a separate self but I also don’t feel like there isn’t a separate self. My mind says there’s no separate self but it's not the experience, yet.

What are you looking for at LU?
Help to see what is real and truthful. Guidance through the liberation process. I would like to know when I’m helping myself and when I’m not. I’m still waiting to enter the first gate and hope to get assistance throughout that process. I also like the idea of being with people on the same journey and not to feel alone while doing this.

What do you expect from a guided conversation?
One to one with someone that I can correspond with. For now it's just been YouTube videos and some comments but it seems like one to one would help to know I’m headed in the right direction, or not. Direct assistance I guess.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry?
I've been a “seeker” off and on for about 15 years starting with Eckhart Tolle. There’s also meditation, YouTube videos, shelves of self help books, etc. I found non-duality almost one year ago and have been on the direct path for about six months.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[gmalen]

My name is Gunnar - I’d be happy to guide you.

You're in a great place. I can tell you're ready to really look and question everything.

Disclaimer: This is my first official guiding with someone on the LU site. I passed through the gate early January. A long-timer in the LU community named Vince is my mentor for guiding, lending his oversight for us. I will be off-grid in Hawaii for 1.5-2.5 months between April-June, 2023. Vince has agreed to take over during that time if we are still conversing. I'd be happy to return afterwards or Vince may be willing to continue if you wish.

Alright, so If you haven't already read the disclaimer, please read it now and confirm that you have read it. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/disclaimer-2/

Also please read “Liberation Unleashed is not …” in the FAQ’s of LU. Here is the link. http://liberationunleashed.com/about/faq/#faq-1041

Agreements together:

- The momentum of inquiry is important. Post at least once a day or every second day. If you need more time or are unable to post for several days, just write a quick post on your thread to let me know. I will do the same :)

- I ask that you answer all questions that I have written using the quote function. Even if a question seems redundant at times, it has a purpose. The identity structure is fickle but quite simple in how it functions. So trust the process even when it feels like you’ve ‘already looked there’. If it has a question mark, give it a response!

- I’ve done my share of honorable, silly, beautiful, and not so beautiful things. No judgment here. 100% honesty is very important. Don’t hold anything back. If there’s shame around things like fear, mistakes, or trouble seeing something, do your best to express it and we’ll work through it.

- When answering questions, don’t answer from memory - look into your immediate, direct experience - smell, taste, sound, sensation, color and observed thoughts (not the content of thoughts). Long-winded analytical and philosophical answers are best avoided and may even hinder progress.

- Please put aside all other teachings (videos, books, teachers, etc) during this period together. Direct all your focus into the inquiries we’re exploring. If you have a daily meditation practice, I encourage you to continue it, but it’s not necessary for this exploration.

Do these agreements work for you?

Here is a link to a video with instructions on using the Quote Function if needed.
viewtopic.php?f=4&t=660

Shall I call you Grace or what is your preferred name? What time zone are you in? By the way, I'm open to meeting by zoom/skype down the road if we think it'd be beneficial.

If this feels like a good fit for you, I’d like to start by exploring your expectations around awakening or passing through the gate:

How will life change?

How will you change?

What will be different?

What is missing right now?

Blessings,
Gunnar

[gracehappens]

Hi Gunnar,
Thank you so much for your guidance and welcome to guiding.

These agreements work for me. My name is Tracey.

"How will life change?" - Hopefully my thoughts and judgements will calm down. Sometime's I have such a train of thoughts, I feel like my head will explode. My head literally feels tight sometimes. I hope this will subside and I'm realistic in that I know it won't go away entirely.

"How will you change?" - Hopefully be less reactive to my thoughts and more peaceful overall. Basically less crap running thru my brain and constantly taking me out of the now.

"What will be different?" - Life will be a bit smoother, thoughts will quiet and I confess one day I hope to feel the oneness I so often hear of.

"What is missing right now?" - I'm not entirely sure. My life is no longer bad. I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard but I can't escape the feeling that something is missing.

I am currently reading Liberation Unleashed and watching the YouTube channel. One exercise that shocked me was just yesterday there was a quote that said we are not in control of our body and then it said to raise your arm. I was shocked when I did but realized it wasn't me that did it. I'm seeing that this is true more and more as the hours tick by. How wonderful and amazing.

Thank you!
Btw - I'm not sure if I'm using the quote feature correctly as I wasn't able to use the link. Is this response ok?

Peace,
Tracey

[gracehappens]

Hi Gunnar,
Thank you so much for your guidance and welcome to guiding.

Sorry for the double post - I was able to figure out the quote function and didn't see a way to delete the first post.

These agreements work for me. My name is Tracey.

How will life change?

- Hopefully my thoughts and judgements will calm down. Sometime's I have such a train of thoughts, I feel like my head will explode. My head literally feels tight sometimes. I hope this will subside and I'm realistic in that I know it won't go away entirely.

How will you change? -

Hopefully be less reactive to my thoughts and more peaceful overall. Basically less crap running thru my brain and constantly taking me out of the now.

What will be different?

- Life will be a bit smoother, thoughts will quiet and I confess one day I hope to feel the oneness I so often hear of.

What is missing right now?

- I'm not entirely sure. My life is no longer bad. I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard but I can't escape the feeling that something is missing.

I am currently reading Liberation Unleashed and watching the YouTube channel. One exercise that shocked me was just yesterday there was a quote that said we are not in control of our body and then it said to raise your arm. I was shocked when I did but realized it wasn't me that did it. I'm seeing that this is true more and more as the hours tick by. How wonderful and amazing.

Thank you!

Peace,
Tracey

[gmalen]

Tracey,

Delightful to see your response and begin, love that you're ready to dive right in.

Hopefully my thoughts and judgements will calm down. Sometime's I have such a train of thoughts, I feel like my head will explode. My head literally feels tight sometimes. I hope this will subside and I'm realistic in that I know it won't go away entirely.

Do you have any control of your thoughts to begin with? If not, how could you have any say/control in how they arise, how could you with how they subside, calm, go away? You may like to close your eyes and just watch the stream of thoughts pass through for a short while. Is there a 'you' managing thoughts or do they just arise spontaneously on their own, and pass away on their own volition? Even that sense of pushing and pulling on thoughts, is that 'you'? Do you choose to do that or does it just happen?

In waking up to the illusion of a separate self, we don't require that the mind be calm(er) or quiet(er). Sometimes it is and that's cool, but there is no one making that happen. The important piece is seeing that the self referencing thoughts are fundamentally an illusion, no matter what intensity they at. Some days, I meditate a bit more and things are quieter, other days I'm busy and the mind is a flurry of thoughts. SAME underlying reality. Impermanent states/feelings/thoughts come and go.

"How will you change?" - Hopefully be less reactive to my thoughts and more peaceful overall. Basically less crap running thru my brain and constantly taking me out of the now.

These may be fair expectations later down the road. Initially though, it is not to reduce or get rid of any thinking or selfing patterns. ALL EXPECTATIONS, DOUBTS, FEARS, RESISTANCE are welcome! It's to see that these processes, ALL PROCESSES, are all happening on their own accord, without a self, there is no one controlling, manipulating, or experiencing anything. The "I" is slapped onto experience after the fact. And even that "I" process is completely natural and fine. Don't need to get rid of it. Just see it clearly. What do you see here?

Taking a step back, what are these expectations made up of? What are you wanting that is not here right now in direct experience? Are these expectations pointing to anything in direct experience or do they live in a fantasy thought world?

"What is missing right now?" - I'm not entirely sure. My life is no longer bad. I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard but I can't escape the feeling that something is missing.

You may try and close your eyes for a few min or so and look for that which is missing, simply inquiring, "What is missing (that is not in direct experience right now?) Don't let yourself go up to thought to find an answer. Look in your immediate, felt experience. And don't just mark it off and say 'oh ya, I know there's nothing actually missing'. Keep looking even when there's nothing evident right away. While you might conceptually know, it can take some time looking to really see the truth that undercuts the subtle belief that there is something missing / wrong with this moment. How does this feel?

One exercise that shocked me was just yesterday there was a quote that said we are not in control of our body and then it said to raise your arm. I was shocked when I did but realized it wasn't me that did it.

Beautiful. While you're at it - who's reading this post right now? Who is breathing? Who is thinking about this?
And throughout your day... Who is walking, working, eating, pooping, etc.... Keep looking Tracey, you are on to something ;)

Blessings,
Gunnar

[gracehappens]

Hi Gunnar,
Thank you so much for this! Much appreciation :)

Do you have any control of your thoughts to begin with? Is there a 'you' managing thoughts or do they just arise spontaneously on their own, and pass away on their own volition? Even that sense of pushing and pulling on thoughts, is that 'you'? Do you choose to do that or does it just happen?

I cannot find a me managing thoughts. And as I look for the pusher or puller of thoughts I can't find one of those either, amazing insight. I have been watching the stream of thoughts as you suggested and its making a difference. It makes them less sticky and has also given some insight as to why some of them even happen. Thank you for listing your experience here, it helps greatly.

The "I" is slapped onto experience after the fact. And even that "I" process is completely natural and fine. Don't need to get rid of it. Just see it clearly. What do you see here?

Haha! I actually laughed at the slapped onto experience comment, awesome. I definitely see this now! It's frustrating and beautiful to see all at the same time. I'm also noticing tension in my body with some of the sticky thoughts.

Taking a step back, what are these expectations made up of? What are you wanting that is not here right now in direct experience? Are these expectations pointing to anything in direct experience or do they live in a fantasy thought world?

Fantasy! Yep, as I look I see fantasy thoughts. As I look in my direct experience for what I want, I find it. Its definitely there in my direct experience but the thoughts topple over "it" quickly. I'm just watching them go by now.

While you might conceptually know, it can take some time looking to really see the truth that undercuts the subtle belief that there is something missing / wrong with this moment. How does this feel?

This feels wonderful. I am able to get wholeness, or nothing missing in direct experience. The thoughts seems to quickly cover it.

While you're at it - who's reading this post right now? Who is breathing? Who is thinking about this?
And throughout your day... Who is walking, working, eating, pooping, etc

I'm noticing no one is doing this, it's just happening. I'll fall back into "oh look what I did" but I am generally able to go to direct experience to realize no one did it or is doing it.

Thank you so much!
Peace,
Tracey

[gmalen]

Tracey,

I cannot find a me managing thoughts. And as I look for the pusher or puller of thoughts I can't find one of those either, amazing insight.

Beautiful, there is no one pushing and pulling. No one resisting life. Resisting life just happens sometimes. That simple. The mind can fall into the bottomless pit of resisting, then resisting resistance, etc etc.. Or, we can just see... oh, this resistance, fear, shame, wanting... no one is doing it... who would there be to stop it? lol Ahhhh... then the relief of not resisting resistance... Remember, here we are talking about freedom WITH, not freedom FROM.

Thank you for listing your experience here, it helps greatly.

Welcome. It's to try and nudge you to recognize sometimes subtle aspects of your own reality. So do not trust me, that is one of the most dangerous pitfalls of spirituality, trusting another person's insights/ideas. You are doing very well to not take my conceptual pointers at face value and to SEE for yourself. Keep it up :)

Haha! I actually laughed at the slapped onto experience comment, awesome. I definitely see this now! It's frustrating and beautiful to see all at the same time. I'm also noticing tension in my body with some of the sticky thoughts.

Good to notice the bodily tension with the sticky thoughts. Stay attuned to the thoughts and sensations and how they interplay. You can even break them apart and inquire - Is this thought me? Is this sensation me? It's when they're velcro'd together that the sense of self is really prominent. Pull them apart and the illusory self wears thin.

Its definitely there in my direct experience but the thoughts topple over "it" quickly. I'm just watching them go by now.

This comment makes me so happy. "It (what is longed for) is definitely there in my direct experience" !!! So that's quite a helpful recognition / guiding principle - that if awakening were to happen, it would be JUST THIS... wow...

This feels wonderful. I am able to get wholeness, or nothing missing in direct experience. The thoughts seems to quickly cover it.

Indeed, quite wonderful when we recognize nothing is missing. You've said that thoughts 'topple over 'it'' or 'quickly cover it'. Let's explore this a bit. First, you said that what you really want is indeed in your direct experience. Please describe to me what this means to you, what is it that you want that is in DE?

Second, can thoughts really cloud 'this'? Are thoughts a part of 'this'? What's your beef with thoughts? haha. I like that you experienced this 'nothing missing' as also a kind of wholeness. What if EVERYTHING was a part of this wholeness?

I'm noticing no one is doing this, it's just happening. I'll fall back into "oh look what I did" but I am generally able to go to direct experience to realize no one did it or is doing it.

Keep noticing, keep looking :). That is all we are doing here.. just looking. No need to change, get rid of, reduce, or manage anything... That's the job of the illusory self.. that job is no fun.. lol.. All we're doing is looking, especially at what this "I' or "me" could ever be referring to.. What are these thought labels "I" or "me" pointing to, Tracey?

Enjoying your insights,
G

[gracehappens]

Or, we can just see... oh, this resistance, fear, shame, wanting... no one is doing it... who would there be to stop it? lol Ahhhh... then the relief of not resisting resistance

I see that now! No one is doing it. What a relief, yes! Wow! I am no longer resisting.

You can even break them apart and inquire - Is this thought me? Is this sensation me? It's when they're velcro'd together that the sense of self is really prominent. Pull them apart and the illusory self wears thin.

Yes! This works! I do this now.

Indeed, quite wonderful when we recognize nothing is missing. You've said that thoughts 'topple over 'it'' or 'quickly cover it'. Let's explore this a bit. First, you said that what you really want is indeed in your direct experience. Please describe to me what this means to you, what is it that you want that is in DE? [Second, can thoughts really cloud 'this'? Are thoughts a part of 'this'? What's your beef with thoughts? haha. I like that you experienced this 'nothing missing' as also a kind of wholeness. What if EVERYTHING was a part of this wholeness?

My beef with thoughts, ha! This had me doing a deep dive - what is my beef with thoughts? As I am reading the book liberation unleashed I went to the exercise of deep looking. I spent quite a bit of time doing this and saw some things that were holding me back in regards to thoughts. I've been able to just observe the thoughts as they go by now. Last night as I was reading the final chapter in the book I realized I had let go of "me". It was such a subtle shift it wasn't even recognized at first. I can say with clarity that I have seen through the me illusion. Never had a me, never will have a me and there is no me in anyone. There was such relief and excitement I was almost afraid to sleep in fear that the "me" would return in the morning. Now I see through it and know that it is an illusion. There's been a lot laughing and just wowing. I am so excited to explore this. This nothingness and this aliveness. This life happening without the me-filter. This inherent peace and awareness.

I would also like to mention the spoon and unicorn exercises in the book. I was laughing at the no-unicorn in the room. LOL! When I look for the "me" now, its laughable. I feel like I'm asking if there really is a Santa Claus. Ha!

Back to thoughts, oh they are still there for sure but I am able to watch them go by. The I thoughts have now have nothing to stick to anymore, how wonderful!

There is so much appreciation for you and Liberation Unleashed. I hope that we can continue to explore this together?

Tracey

[gmalen]

Tracey,

Wow, tracey... I'm stoked to read your message. Such fresh joy and seeing!

As I am reading the book liberation unleashed I went to the exercise of deep looking. I spent quite a bit of time doing this and saw some things that were holding me back in regards to thoughts.

Please share what you found that was holding you back! Would love to hear.

What we do at LU at this point is to give you so called final questions and to share your replies with the other guides to see if we've missed anything. I/They may or may not have further questions for you.

I hope that we can continue to explore this together?

After we've looked at your responses to the final questions, you will be invited to a fb group for those who have seen through the illusion, and there are other areas in the forum where you can explore more. If interested, I can also share with you other resources that have been helpful for me at this point.

If you would like to explore this more with me personally, I would be happy to connect on zoom sometime. You can reach out here: gmalensek@yahoo.com. This thread will be 'archived' once the seeing is confirmed so we cannot continue a conversation here.

So if you feel ready, here are the final questions:

1. Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

2. Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

3. How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

4. What was the last bit that pushed you over, that made you look?

5. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice, and control, and give examples from experience.

- What makes things happen? How does it work?

- What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

6. Anything to add?


Peace,
G

[gracehappens]

1. Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?

No, nope, notta. There is not a “me/I/self” anywhere. I’ve looked and looked. Sat quietly searching and can find nothing in myself or anyone else. Not in my pets, not in my self, not in my friends.

2. Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.

During a deep looking session I was shown exactly when that separate self started as a young child (maybe 4) during a violent incident. My “self” came in to protect me. This is not the first time I’ve done trauma work, and this incident wasn’t seen as trauma anymore, but this is the time it clicked. My self has grown layer by layer, experience by experience as it deemed necessary since then.

3. How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.

It’s dumbfounding :). It’s amazing, sad, wonderful and so interesting. The difference is everything really. As subtle as the shift was the more I look into what hasn’t changed the more I find that everything has changed, albeit very slightly. There’s a sense of freedom. Freedom to let life play as it wants to play. To let being be and self to stop narrating every. single. thing. lol

4. What was the last bit that pushed you over, that made you look?

I can’t say it was one last bit but I can say it was a culmination of reading Liberation Unleashed, the deep looking, the writing exercises, the seven steps and the direct contact with a guide that “gets” you and targets specific work or guidance depending on where one is in the process. The direct experience is so key and doing the looking instead of thinking about the looking is what got the ball really rolling.

5. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice, and control, and give examples from experience.

Also dumbfounding. I am still amazed at this. “I” can't find that I have any control. It just happens. I’ve been going about my days as if I’m not in control (as suggested in the book) and I’m laughing as I type this because I really don’t have any. For instance, my son asked me to help him cut his hair and I was up and moving towards him before I even had a chance to think about it, ha! I’m noticing this type of thing all day and even wondering if anything is happening outside of direct experience. It’s hard to describe really. Yesterday, I was washing my hair having a direct experience moment and trying to find if anything else except washing hair was happening. I couldn’t find anything. It was/is the strangest feeling, unknown to this normal daily life.

- What makes things happen? How does it work?

I don’t know. It seems to just happen. Maybe life conditioning. It’s like when I fall asleep at night and tell myself I need to be up by 8:00 am, I just wake up at 8:00 am. I don’t know how that happens, it just does.

- What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.

I’m not exactly sure how to answer this. I don’t find that I’m responsible for anything. There is no I to be responsible. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be socially unacceptable or out of control. I’m finding that things are done but there’s no self to take responsibility. I’m seeing synchronicities that weren’t noticed before and I think this plays into it but I’m not sure how.

6. Anything to add?

With the falling alway of the self it seems like a layer/filter has fallen away and life is better experienced. There is no “me” popping up to take responsibility or say whether something is good or bad. It does still pop up in thoughts but I’m able to just watch them and see that they are just thoughts, mostly lies. I question everything and feel like I know nothing and that everything needs further exploration. Every day, hour seems to get more direct. The last two days as I’m waking up, before I’m really awake or have opened my eyes I’ve had this indescribable feeling come over me. It’s not good or bad, it’s just this feeling of maybe life, I don’t know really but I’m looking forward to exploring this. I can’t thank you all enough. It’s incredible how quickly this all happened after finding Liberation Unleashed. Was it LU, was it my time for liberation? Hard to say but I will recommend LU to anyone I can. It’s sad that it so hard to see through the illusion of self, it seems so impossible, but it’s not! Anyone can do this and it is already there. Hopefully, LU and direct Experience inquiries will make this more accessible to all. Thank you, thank you!

[gmalen]

Tracey,

Goosebumps! lol, I enjoyed your writing. Celebrating with you.

I will share your answers with fellow guides and get back to you in the coming days if we have any further questions.

Until then, enjoy the ride :)

A few of my personal thoughts:

As subtle as the shift was the more I look into what hasn’t changed the more I find that everything has changed, albeit very slightly.

YES! I so resonate.

Sat quietly searching and can find nothing in myself or anyone else. Not in my pets, not in my self, not in my friends.

This seeing others don't have a self really caught me by surprise, quite jarring, and awesome..

It’s incredible how quickly this all happened after finding Liberation Unleashed. Was it LU, was it my time for liberation?

Perhaps Both! The mind was ripe and burning for the truth. It could smell it, almost taste it. And it led itself to the heart of the matter. So beautiful and mysterious...

I was also dumbfounded how quickly it unfolded for me (2 weeks maybe of deep looking in the right place, after years of formal Buddhist practice). It was a shock for the mind to realize.. OMG, IT"S BEEN HERE ALL ALONG! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN JUST THIS...

Hard to say but I will recommend LU to anyone I can. It’s sad that it so hard to see through the illusion of self, it seems so impossible, but it’s not! Anyone can do this and it is already there. Hopefully, LU and direct Experience inquiries will make this more accessible to all.

You may like to consider becoming a guide yourself. If so, let me know and I can share about the process with you.

Blessings,
Gunnar

[gmalen]

Tracey,

The other guides have confirmed and have no other questions for you which means that you crash the gate so speak.. but as you already know, there is no gate and no one can crash it ;)

You will hear from Nerina Vaughan via the LU platform and she'll be able to connect you to the facebook group, tell you about the guiding process if interested, and more.

A delight to engage with you Tracey. Trust your intuition as things unfold.

Grace happens, eh? ;)
Gunnar

[gmalen]

Tracey,

I wanted to share a resource with you regarding some things to expect from here. I'm confident this reading would have saved me from some doubt, uncertainty, and suffering after crashing the gate when the honeymoon faded after about 3-4 weeks (usually between a week and a few months for most people). That said, I encourage you to really bask in the beauty of how things are now. You'll know in your gut when things have settled and you're ready to dive deeper.

Changes at the First Stage Awakening
In the first stage of awakening, the first three fetters are broken.

First, we clearly see through self-illusion. This can happen when we have a period of time where the mind is free of thoughts, and we directly relate to the world non-conceptually using our senses.

Alternately, this can arise when we have a period of time where all of our experiences are related to free us of greed and aversion. Thus, any thoughts that arise are peacefully seen as impersonal, impermanent thoughts, without mistaking them to be truthful or real.

While we view the world in one of these ways, we don't suffer, and we are effortlessly skillful. Life feels simple, easy, and wonderful. Relating to the world in this way makes perfect sense, and there is no reason to live any other way. Even though this experience is simple and enjoyable, there may be a slight ripple of confusion as to what is happening. Your life has never been the effortlessly wonderful before, and that can be slightly disorienting.

Having seen through self-illusion clearly, you also break through the fetters of doubt and attachment to rites and rituals.

When you break the fetter of doubt, it means you now have confidence that mindfulness has gotten you this far, and that it still has more to teach you. You will find that the scales that once covered your eyes have fallen away: wisdom teachings that you once found confusing and impenetrable now make sense.

When the fetter of attachments to rites and rituals breaks, it means you realize that rites and rituals in themselves do not matter. You can't do them to buy your way into "heaven" or Nirvana. They benefit you in their ability to help you be more mindful and see the truth of reality as it is, and you will continue to appreciate them and do them. But ultimately, you know that none of them are necessary for you to awaken or find favor with life.

Turning Increased Sensitivity Into a Story
Although you will see through self-illusion clearly during the first stage of awakening, it doesn't mean you will see through this illusion forever and permanently. Your ego and its delusions will most likely return.

You will fall out of this state of grace, and back into the turmoil of living from your ego. The ego is your story of self, with all of its futuring, pasting, fixed-views, greed, and aversion.

When your ego reappears, it may feel as if you are being cast from heaven into hell. The temporary clarity you had, may even make you more sensitive to everything. Now that you know how good life can be, living in ego feels even more oppressive that it previously was.

This sensitivity is to help you use your body as a compass to mindfully learn and understand what is of the ego and what is not. With this newfound sensitivity, and your continued mindful investigations of your inner experiences, you can continue the process of identifying and letting go of egoic thoughts and habit patterns that no longer serve you.

However, the ego in you will try to turn this experience into a story. It may be a judgmental story: Why did life show me this beautiful reality, only to cast me back into the darkness? It may be a story of self: I had it and now I don't. What did I do wrong?

The skillful way to move forward involves continuing to mindfully see these stroies for what they are: impermanent, impersonal, and frequently false thoughts in the mind. This will help you get back to seeing the illusion of self and keep you walking the mindfulness path to full awakening.

I am Superior Because of My Experience
Another dangerous story the ego will try to convince you of is that "you" awakened. Your ego will use your awakening experience to deceive you into thinking that you are now better and superior to others. Ironically, your awakening experience happened because you saw beyond the illusion of self. But now that the false egoic self has returned as an imagined story of self that you believe, you incorporate this awakening experience into that false story, and become lost in the delusion of arrogance.

When you were free of the illusion of self, it was clear that all life is equally valuable and worthy of our love and care. No one and no being is better or more worthy than anyone else. But now that the ego has returned, comparison has also returned to classify some life forms as better and more deserving than others. Again, the wise response is to mindfully see this story as merely another false and unskillful story of the ego that you do not believe.

The Permanent Shift Around Self Illusion
Although you can still fall back into the delusion of ego, during your awakening experience, you clearly saw through the illusion of self. As a result, even when lost in ego, you maintain an intuition sense that all of these impersonal, changing, unsatisfactory, and temporary things are no longer you.

You cannot be found in your thoughts, emotions, sensations, body, accomplishments, past, future, intentions, the roles you play, and so on. At times, these things still hook you in, confuse you, and cause you to suffer, but when mindful, you maintain an awareness that they are not you.

Thus, the fetters of doubt and attachment to rites and rituals, seem to almost completely drop away. These fetters may rear their heads at times, but rarely remain for long.

In contrast, the fetter of self illusion is all about seeing through this falsehood clearly in a way that impacts you deeply. However, you will most likely then oscillate between living from mindfulness and living from ego. It will not feel as if the illusion of self has permanently dropped away, because it hasn't. The permanent change that results from breaking this fetter is that now when you are trapped in the delusions of ego, you will intuitively know that you are trapped in ego. It’s a big step forward, but not so big that you won’t still suffer greatly once you have attained the first stage of awakening.

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This passage is pulled from this article: https://www.boundlessloveproject.org/ne ... re-all-one. I'm not necessarily recommending you read it all :)

[gracehappens]

I was also dumbfounded how quickly it unfolded for me (2 weeks maybe of deep looking in the right place, after years of formal Buddhistpractice). It was a shock for the mind to realize.. OMG, IT"S BEEN HERE ALL ALONG! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN JUST THIS...

I really appreciate hearing about your experience. Is there somewhere on the forum where I can read your guided liberation thread? I look forward to talking with others as things settle in. Right now I barely want to do anything except go to the park with the dogs and sit and look out the window. Just be. Once things settle in I may look into becoming a guide although I don't feel "qualified" :)

Thank you so much for your guidance. I appreciate you and everyone on this forum. I hope so many more people can find this.

I will read the entire article, probably word for word at some point.

Peace,
Tracey

[gmalen]

Tracey,

Here's my thread: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=8956
I crashed through the gate a couple weeks before starting with LU - this thread is mainly making sense of it all.

Right now I barely want to do anything except go to the park with the dogs and sit and look out the window. Just be. Once things settle in I may look into becoming a guide although I don't feel "qualified"

So good, enjoy :) Trust your heart if guiding feels heart. No pressure.

You're welcome, Tracey. Goodbye for now <3.
Gunnar