Keen to have a good hard look

[Anastacia42]

Hi Gary,

I still feel like "I", (whatever that means) still have control, is that part of this stage or does it come later?

Remember the Palm Flipping pointer on January 26th? Practice that one some more.

And this:



Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Loving,

[GaryBee]

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

The ideas of coolness, fruitiness and sweetness for the squash and warmth, bitterness for the coffee just “came to mind”. They just appeared. The preference for the coffee came out of the idea that the coffee will go cold. That thought sequence also came out of nowhere.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

When the qualities and preferences stopped arriving and there was a pause, then a memory of the instructions came up and I started counting. It wasn’t chosen, one thing just flowed into the other.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

What ever did this was not conscious. There was a wordless preference that moved my hand. No sign of the mechanism behind it.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

No, I can’t find anything. There was a thought that “my hand picked up the cup”, but that’s not DE. I feel quite strange doing this exercise, like being alienated from my own hand. I’m fine, don’t worry, but it is odd and unsettling.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

As my eyes move between the cups there is a wordless, this one intention, as my eyes settle on the one I am going to pick up. It’s not really a thought or a feeling. Just the body making preparation to pick up the cup. No sign on an “I”, in DE.

Thinking back through the day, the body moved around, thoughts came up, things were said, or not. The body typed on a keyboard. Ideas came up. No real sign off an “I”, but I struggle to have mindfulness during the day to notice at the time. If I an a bundle of unconscious processes, doesn’t that constitute an “I” of sorts?

Thanks, Gary.

[Anastacia42]

Very good. You stayed with Direct Experience.

I feel quite strange doing this exercise, like being alienated from my own hand. I’m fine, don’t worry, but it is odd and unsettling.

That is normal. It can be quite restful. There is nothing any "you" needs to do!

If I an a bundle of unconscious processes, doesn’t that constitute an “I” of sorts?

Definitely NOT. It is still just a bunch of made up thoughts. Can you SEE this? Yes, with your eyes.

Much love,

[GaryBee]

Yes, that was just an idea. A thought made up with no evidence in DE. There seems to be a lot of effort being made to find some way out. Watching DE, things just happen one after another. No mechanism can be found, just aliveness, the senses and the world. It’s the thoughts that don’t like this coming up with reasons why this can’t be right. I can feel this sinking in, but I am getting a lot of resistance as well.

[Anastacia42]

Can you ignore this "resistance?" Tell your thoughts it's okay. You're safe.

Just relax and let things BE as they are. It is very freeing - liberating, even!

Keep practicing. Report how it FEELS to SEE.

Loving,

[GaryBee]

Yes. Today I have been focussing on DE. Occasionally dropped in the question, “can I find any self here”, but not let that spiral into conceptual thinking about it. At work I wrote down a list of all the things that frustrate me about my job, and accepted them as the way things are, rather than the usual habit of complaining to colleagues. This was quite freeing. I don’t usually do writing techniques but that was good. Again had a few moments here are there where the scene and my body didn’t seem separate. There is just a complete view, there always is of course, the mind adds the separations. Feeling quite good today, lighter and freer.

Thanks.

Metta, Gary

[Anastacia42]

Very good, Gary.

Keep practicing until you're 100% certain there's no separate "self" to be found.

Report how it FEELS to SEE.

Even a little relaxation is a very positive sign.

Loving,

[GaryBee]

Hi Stacy,

So grateful for your help. Yes I’ll keep practising how I have been and check more areas of my life. Staying in DE as much as possible the concepts seem to be fading and there is more acceptance of what is. This is very pleasant. Today should have been stressful but I just seemed to breeze through it. If I don’t look to thought for the answer, the answer is already there, no self to be found. Where would it be? Language is weird, have the “I”, more or less built in, no wonder people find it hard to see. I did have a thought early which had the word “I”, in it and it made me smile, like it was funny. I have had that in the past during an earlier weakening of self, so I take that to be a good sign.

Metta, Gary.

[Anastacia42]

Hi Gary,

This is all very good.

Can you find any separate "self" anywhere in DE?

Loving,

[GaryBee]

Hi Stacy,

No. Without thoughts or labels, in sight there are shapes and colours, size and depth. I can’t see a self anywhere, the view is mostly headless with this body hanging underneath it. In sound there is the world’s noises, I can’t hear a self anywhere. In smell and taste, no sign of a self. In touch, no self, no shape or pressure seems like a self. In internal feeling a range of sensations which relate to moods, hunger, thirst, pain, energy. These come and go by themselves. Nothing that would be a self. There is a sense of existence generally and a body which senses, but no sign of a separate thing that lives in the body and controls everything.

[Anastacia42]

How does it FEEL to see this?

Has seeking fallen away?

Loving,

[GaryBee]

How does it FEEL to see this?

It feels simple, free and a relief.

Has seeking fallen away?

I would say so, when I stay in DE I am quite sure I can’t find it. I am worried though that the thought element isn’t quite worked out. Are all thoughts lies, or just selfing thoughts? I feel more like a person at work than at home when the mind is engaged. What am I if not a self?

[Anastacia42]

Thoughts will continue to arise & you'll learn to question them. Sometimes it will be automatic, even amusing.

Are all thoughts lies, or just selfing thoughts? I feel more like a person at work than at home when the mind is engaged. What am I if not a self?

Yes. All thoughts are essentially lies in the absolute sense. They are sometimes helpful in the relative world if seeming other people.

We have some "final" questions. Would you like to give those a try?

Loving,

Loving,

[Anastacia42]

Oh & you've never been a "self" & you're not one now. Things are pretty much the same, but totally different. Aren't they?

Loving,

[GaryBee]

Hi Stacy,

I’m willing to give the final questions a go. Talking on things being the same but different, I had an experience of sorts at work today. Suddenly I felt very strange almost dizzy. It felt like I was taller or closer to the ceiling. I was noticing a lot more, seeing everything in more detail. Looking around the room as if everything was new to me. Everything was the same of course, the change was in me. It still feels the same now. It will be interesting how I answer the questions because it feels like, rather than not believing in self I have kind of forgotten what the self was, like forgetting the question you are answering. At the moment everything is falling away back into the silence.

Metta, Gary.