Until now all attention and focus is on this weight - shame, guilt, self-story.Shame, guilt, self does not exist without thought.
Here, there is hearing (husband busy in kitchen-noises, birds outside-sounds, music-on-radio), feeling (air on skin, pressure of sitting, vibratory, flowy sensations in body), smelling (food cooking in kitchen), seeing (colours in room), and thinking (“Here we go again, I will never get this!” Why am I not getting this?”)Until now all attention and focus is on this weight - shame, guilt, self-story.
Now let's focus on what is here?
The hearing, feeling, smelling and seeing is clear and real. Even thinking is real. Its something that comes up and can be observed. However, the content of the thought is not real. It does not refer to anything real. It refers to MORE thoughts (memories: thoughts of me sitting like this previously). The feelings in the body of hopelessness is clear & real.Notice what is to clear this moment from self-story?
Yes, who is feeling hopeless and like they will never get this? Just more thought-stuffs. There is nothing real behind this. There is just “caring”. Just “feeling hopelessness”.Notice without a self, who is caring on the whole this?
You notice during the wondering "I will never get this" - that everything is happening by itself?Here, there is hearing (husband busy in kitchen-noises, birds outside-sounds, music-on-radio), feeling (air on skin, pressure of sitting, vibratory, flowy sensations in body), smelling (food cooking in kitchen), seeing (colours in room), and thinking (“Here we go again, I will never get this!” Why am I not getting this?”)
Nice. Stay here and notice: does the body aware of hopelessness?The feelings in the body of hopelessness is clear & real.
?because “I need to get ready for work…and what if I can’t function”.
That thought is also just happening by itself, yes. Those types of thoughts are quite familiar, based on that favourite old conditioned belief of "I'm not good enough".You notice during the wondering "I will never get this" - that everything is happening by itself?
No, the body is not aware of any emotion. There is only the experience of the emotion.Nice. Stay here and notice: does the body aware of hopelessness?
No.If not are you a body?
Yes, this dark, still space. Everything moves in it: sensations, sounds, thoughts. The thoughts turn into stories of why this space is dangerous or boring. Sleepiness arises, fear arises.Dive in sensations, in the darkness. Stay there and notice: everything which appears and disappear, everything which moves is known from this dark place which doesn't move or no?
Wonderful, so the body is not ashamed and guilty for anything? Body/women is absolutely innocent and pure .Nice. Stay here and notice: does the body aware of hopelessness?No, the body is not aware of any emotion. There is only the experience of the emotion.
Mm, notice that you cannot become insane because you are not insane? Can you become something which you are not , only because of thought-voice?I’ve noticed some thoughts (“I’ll go insane!”) arise around this story and a fear that letting go will result in the same outcome for me. When this happens, do I just allow this fear to be felt fully?
Right here in direct experience, the body just is, yes. There are skin, nails, hair, arms, hands, legs. It can’t be guilty or ashamed of anything. I’ve never thought of my body as innocent or pure, but yes, that is what everything is in this moment!Wonderful, so the body is not ashamed and guilty for anything? Body/women is absolutely innocent and pure .
What is to find that?
Hahahahaha true! I think this story has lost its grip. Its been seen as just a thought (without a thinker).Mm, notice that you cannot become insane because you are not insane? Can you become something which you are not , only because of thought-voice?
Exactly!And notice that the fear is here but this doesn't mean that there is a tiger in the room?
There is a sense of aliveness yes. Joy: not so sure! Let me look again at what is on this side…. Contracted, dense sensations in the upper face. Am I these sensations? No, I am aware of these sensations. Where does sensations end and awareness of sensation begin?...And then you can notice the joy and aliveness here and to ask "What if there is only This and there is only freedom, my true nature?"
No self. Freedom, no. Perhaps there is an expectation of what freedom should feel like.And notice what is really here - Self or freedom?
Right, I’ll look at this contraction in the face again (which very much feels like self today. What the heck?). No, these don’t belong to Cinderella, hehehehe. She fake! 😊 Do they belong to Marz? No, she fake too! Hahahahaha!Notice the emotions and contractions and answer: Could any of them belong to something imagined as Cinderella or a person?
Riiiiiight. It is being held by this open space. This nothingness.What does it mean to discover that nothing belongs to personality, but to freedom?
Ok. let's see more practical level. What is this in the space, Look around:What does it mean to discover that nothing belongs to personality, but to freedom?Riiiiiight. It is being held by this open space. This nothingness.
No. It does not consist out of things.Ok. let's see more practical level. What is this in the space, Look around:
- is it made by separate things?
There is a sense or assumption of being separate yes: me, experiencing this moment. But when I look for me, there is only this moment. Can’t find me. Yet, the sense of separation continues!!- are you separate from this moment?
Yes, there is a BIG difference between now and previous moment. “Previous moment” is a thought: an image-thought of this body removing a bag from the car, walking through the door. It feels like this memory is about “me”. It also feels like, in this now, there is a me, looking at this memory.Notice the story about previous moment and now - connection is only the story about "me, identity", can you see this?
Me/self/identity = this moment + story. Correct. Me/self/identity is not made out of anything real.And me/self/Identity is made by this moment + story or from something real?
I think I’m getting this intellectually. I am consciousness (what this moment is made of). Without awareness of this moment, this moment won’t exist. I can’t be made from identity. Its wishy-washy wispy clouds, a shadow, not real.Notice what is here and find:
Are you made from identity or from what this moment is made of?
yes, exactly, notice is there a character without identification with shame, guilt...?The character-me so desparately wants to get this. To not disappoint you. To get validation. Yet, intellectually I know the character-me can't "get" anything. It does not exist!
Wonderful, stay here.No. It does not consist out of things.
There is a sense or assumption of being separate yes: me, experiencing this moment. But when I look for me, there is only this moment. Can’t find me. Yet, the sense of separation continues!!
Yes. Notice what the word "awareness" points to?Without awareness of this moment, this moment won’t exist. I can’t be made from identity.
The assumption of a character is constantly there, unless I’m aware of thoughts and can see them for what they are (for instance while doing self-inquiry or when replying to you).yes, exactly, notice is there a character without identification with shame, guilt...?
The person who was doing inquiry 10 minutes ago (that’s a thought, can’t point to it). The owner of everything in this room (thought, can’t point to that either). The person who got triggered by a colleague earlier today (thought!). The person who is typing this, trying to give a good answer and looking… Hang on, nope, there is no person or character. There is typing and trying and looking.Can you point something else which the character is?
Great, thanks for reiterating this!!Wonderful, stay here.
Hmmmm. So everything in the visual field is here. Not separate. Seen as one. There is an assumption of separation: me vs. that, but ACTUALLY there is only THAT.Yes, notice what exactly is separate?
In the body I find all kinds of sensations and space. Behind the eyes: sensations….and space? No person.Notice what is in the body and behind the eyes? There is a person or what can you find?
It’s the experiencing? Seeing, hearing, feeling? Or am I missing something?Yes. Notice what the word "awareness" points to?
Oh, also attention! Attention moves from body to behind eyes. Is attention and awareness same?What is in the body? What is behind the eyes?
Space yes. Definitely no person generating thoughts. The thoughts just appear in space. Space = awareness = attention? I’m pretty sure I’ve come to this conclusion before. It feels new every time, hehehehehe. And now we are back at your suggestion from earlier: “Stay here” 😊Where the thoughts are coming from? Is there a space around the thoughts or there is e person hard making thoughts?
Yes. Wonderful. Stay here :)The person who was doing inquiry 10 minutes ago (that’s a thought, can’t point to it). The owner of everything in this room (thought, can’t point to that either). The person who got triggered by a colleague earlier today (thought!). The person who is typing this, trying to give a good answer and looking… Hang on, nope, there is no person or character. There is typing and trying and looking.
No, this image can’t be known by others. It is only known by me.and notice the image of a self me.
Then notice is this image known by others?
No. The image is not known by anything else.By reality around, check?
Yikes. No.Without the thoughts-story is it known at all?
No. A thought can’t do any of those things 😊If it exist only in the mind - does it real? Can this one speaks, writes, makes coffee, love...? check :)
That character is genuinely all made up then. Crickey! I’ll let this sink in a bit…Do you still believe in Santa? What about this imagined character which is guilty, with a lot of sins, is it known by anyone? Check :)
Yes, thoughts cannot. But is this image "me" can do anything? Is it known this "me" from the rest of the world, check, look around?If it exist only in the mind - does it real? Can this one speaks, writes, makes coffee, love...? check :)No. A thought can’t do any of those things 😊
Yes, made up :)That character is genuinely all made up then. Crickey! I’ll let this sink in a bit…
Sensations don’t know this “me”. Colours and shapes don’t know this “me”. Sounds don’t know it. The world doesn’t know anything. It just is.Yes, thoughts cannot. But is this image "me" can do anything? Is it known this "me" by the rest of the world, check, look around?
No. Reading just happens. Reading is…..neutral….and still. It doesn’t know this “me”.Notice right now, does the reading knows what kind of "a me" is doing it?
Reading doesn’t know anything. Reading is happening. Its real. Its this. “Doer” and “reader” is not real. Its assumptions.Does the reading knows that there is a "doer, reader" and what the story of this doer/reader is?
Notice the game:The “me” is hoping to GET THIS
Users browsing this forum: Majestic-12 [Bot] and 143 guests
