There is a crack in everything

[Smleite]

Hi, Stacy.

Firstly, I begun the investigation you proposed. There was a lot of internal fight.

Tell me about "lost and confused," keeping in mind that ALL emotions are simply a label and a story attached to a Sensation. Focus on the Sensation, the Direct Experience. Tell me where you feel "lost and confused" in your body.

I feel it very clearly around the solar plexus, from the heart area to the lower belly. When I focus on the sensation, I realize it is very strong. I breathe with difficulty. It seems to be there all the time, although usually unnoticed, and feels like fear. Took me hours to be able to connect to it, and when it happened there was spaciousness and absence of bounderies.

I wonder if I should go on with this search, or leave it.

About Sam Harris, I hesitate to explain it because it is all "in the story". He irritated me in the past because I couldnt deal with what I thought was his purely materialistic view of the world - like with R. Dawkins. Nowadays, its just that I feel like his investigations remain compromised with "the story" and are not able to push through. But the truth is that I don't know enough about any of this stuff! Better not to go on rambling about it and simply admit I have a biased view about him.

Thank you for all your help, Stacy. It is very much appreciated.

Love
Silvia

[Anastacia42]

You're welcome Silvia.

Yes. This could turn your world upside down - in a good way.

Go back and read my post on November 9th about lies. This feeling you get - is it in the same family of feelings as the lying?

able to connect to it, and when it happened there was spaciousness and absence of bounderies.

That's right! That's a firm of SEEING.

Sam? Materialistic? You must have read someone else!
Have you read "Waking Up?"


Loving,

[Anastacia42]

You can wait, delay, paralyze yourself, or reduce your creativity almost to nothing. But you cannot abolish it. You can destroy your medium of communication, but not your potential.

A Course in Miracles

[Smleite]

Stacy,

This feeling you get - is it in the same family of feelings as the lying?

It absolutly is. It is a contraction, a limitation, something dense and heavy. Another lie, another fiction?

I haven't read Waking Up. I will.

Your quote from A Course in Miracles made me laugh (in the best possible sense). Thank you for your patience.

Love
Silvia

[Smleite]

By the way, I had a lucid dream last night. I have them on occasion, but this time I felt it was somehow connected to this process.

[Smleite]

Hi, Stacy!

I am not sure if I was supposed to be doing any particular exercice right now, and if you saw my last posts. I am trying to keep engaged with the physical sensations, and also reading the quotes. In the last days, I begun to feel just a little bit better what it feels like "letting go" - it is not mental, but physical and energetic! But when I try to grasp it, it goes away...

Love
Silvia

[Anastacia42]

Good morning,

I remember reading your note about the lucid dream, not knowing how blunt to be about it and then didn't get back to replying. Sorry.

Lucid dreams are no more real than the one you're seeing in front of you right now. They matter none at all.

It would probably be good for you to practice Palm Flipping until you are more comfortable with that.

Let's look at this idea of "choice" some more:

Drink Exercise

The aim of the following exercise is to discover whether the function of choice can really be found or confirmed in actual experience. The idea of making ‘choices‘ is a very clear example of a function that we wrongly identify as the basis of our identity.

Here's what’s needed - a chair, a table and two different drinks. Any two drinks you like are okay for this: coffee, tea, milk, water, juices, smoothies, beer, wine, etc.

Preparation - Place the two drinks side by side on the table in front of you, sit comfortably on the chair and mentally label them as drink A and drink B.

Experiment - Finding the function of choice

Sit for a few moments, take a few relaxed breaths and let the dust settle. When you feel ready:

1. Look at drink A and at drink B. Think about their respective qualities, the things you like about them, compare and weigh the pros and cons of each. See if a preference is manifesting for one or the other.

2. Count to 5.

3. Choose one of the drinks. Pick it up and take a sip.

Questions:

Remember that we’re looking for some kind of function, a something, an ‘I’ which is doing the ‘choosing’.

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action?

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

Much love,

[Smleite]

Hi, Stacy.

I expect you to be blunt.

About lucid dreams, I had just read

66. Realization feels like waking up in a dream. You haven’t left the dream, and nothing looks any different, but there is a feeling that whatever you are is vastly different than what you have previously taken yourself to be. This realization creates a feeling of wonder. You will see at a deeper level how powerful the illusion created by the mind is.

and thought the lucid dream experiences could be useful in this sense. But I will forget about that and simply try to remain focused on what is real.

As to the exercice:

In step 1 when thinking about their respective qualities, did you ‘choose’ the qualities? Or did they kind of appear by themselves? If some preferences manifested, did you ‘choose’ these preferences? Or did they just pop up by themselves?

I do not choose preferences at all. It might seem that I choose qualities, because the ones that appear are the ones I "like" (regarding coffee, I don't consider its bitterness; instead, I remember its rich flavour, for instance), but that comes attached to preferences, and preferences are impossible to choose.

In step 2 when you counted to 5, if the preferences took the back seat while the numbers took the front seat, did you ‘choose’ this sequence of event? Did you ‘choose’ to shut down the preferences to give way to the counting?

Yes, preferences took the back seat, and I did nothing for that to happen.

Did you directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Have you seen this function in action

No. All I "find" is the choosing coming from emptiness.

In step 3 where you made a choice, did you actually witness or directly experience a mental function or faculty doing the ‘choosing’? Did anything arise that announced, ‘I am the chooser’? If so, what does this function look like?

As above, beyond the illusory preferences all I find is emptiness.

Sometimes we describe this sense of choosing as a ‘feeling’: It feels like ‘I’ did the 'choosing’. But the question is, can a feeling ‘choose’? Is it in the nature of a feeling to 'choose’?

It does "feel" that way, before investigation. Feelings have nothing to do with choosing. I might say "I choose what felt better", or "what felt right", meaning the chooser relied on a feeling to make the choice, but when searching for the chooser I only find the feeling.

Silvia

[Anastacia42]

Yes, exactly.

The analogy about dreaming is good. It is like that, but yes, focus on what is HERE & NOW.

Only 2 things can prevent seeing: fears & expectations.
Did you try Ilona's video on fear?

Are you feeling more comfortable?

Loving,

[Smleite]

Stacy,

Did you try Ilona's video on fear?

I did, several times.

Are you feeling more comfortable?

Yes, I am.

Again, thank you, Stacy
Love
Silvia

[Anastacia42]

Okay, here is the only pointer I was given here. I did nothing but this for about 3 months:

ButtChair

Please LOOK for any place where your butt ends & the chair begins.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

How does it FEEL to SEE this?


You've already reported some SEEING. Yes, it's disorienting, but there's nothing to fear.

Is there a separate self anywhere? Has there ever been?

Loving,

[Smleite]

Ok, Stacy.

If you practiced this for three months, I will not dare coming here to report on it daily, unless I have something important to say. I will start practicing now.

Is there any clear dividing line between them? Or only the Sensation with no clear division?

For now, I can say I feel no clear division at all. In fact, I feel like my butt spreads to the chair... or the chair and it are the same...

How does it FEEL to SEE this?

In this very moment, it feels both a bit scary and exciting. There is also some degree of recognition of a deep truth lying in it.

Do you prefer me to keep posting daily, or should I give it a few days of practice?

Love
Silvia

[Anastacia42]

Hi Silvia

Definitely post daily, please.

I wasn't required to do that & I think it would have gone faster if I had. I had stretches of forgetting that slowed me down.

Loving,

[Smleite]

Hi Stacy

Last night, after practicing the exercice for quite a while, I went to bed feeling a bit weird. My mind was almost empty of thoughts. On closing my eyes, I realized I had no boundaries. Everything was wide, dark spaciousness, soft and comfortable. It lasted for some minutes, and felt very good. Sleep was gone (that didn't feel good!). Just wanted to share.

Love
Silvia

[Anastacia42]

On closing my eyes, I realized I had no boundaries. Everything was wide, dark spaciousness, soft and comfortable. It lasted for some minutes, and felt very good. Sleep was gone (that didn't feel good!). Just wanted to share

That's beautiful, Silvia. That is SEEING.

I remember one time years ago when reading a book on kabala propelled me into SEEING and I had trouble getting to sleep. I woke up about every hour or 2 and notice that I was still high as a kite.

So, is there any separate self? Has there ever been?

Seeing comes & goes. It is rarely permanent. Please watch these 2 videos about that:


https://youtu.be/vJQcD588g2w

and

https://youtu.be/PUDzrCLlrj4

Loving,