Hi Trisha!
I wanted to give it a few days, since there is some unsteadiness going on, with a day or two where it feels like the new perspective is WAY in the background, and then a day pops up where it is right there, very obvious.
Here we go:
1. Is there a separate entity, ‘self’, ‘me’ or ‘I’ at all, in any way or shape or form?
Was there ever?
No. It's all an illusion, a big story of "I". There never has been.
2. Share in your own words what the illusion of a separate self is and how it shows up in experience.
What is, through your inquiry different now?
The illusion of a separate self is a story that arises that there is this individual set apart from the rest of Life, and that it "does things", such as thinking, making decisions, taking actions, effecting changes. It shows up as thoughts claiming ownership for sensations and other thoughts. "I" was thinking... "I" feel
X, "I" see
Y, "I" hear
Z, "I" taste
A, "I" smell
B.
What is different now is that this "I" is seen as an optional story. Some days it is more obvious than others (and today is one of those very clear days). "I" can see that this "I" is like a character in a novel or a movie, "I" can identify with the character (again like reading a novel or watching a movie), but it doesn't change the fact that "I" is fictional. There is an awareness behind all of this that sees, and it is not the "I" character.
3. How does it feel to see this?
What is different from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past days.
Right now things are looking like a low-budget sitcom, so there is a comical absurdity to it.
Along with that comes a freeing feeling. This "I" is completely fictional, so what is there to invest and assign heavy emotions to?
What is different? Previously there was one perspective, "Lisa's". Everything was judged based on the character's script. "Lisa" likes this, doesn't like that, is good at this, is bad at that, wants to do this, doesn't want to do that, etc. It was a big weight, lots of heaviness to carry all that judge-y stuff.
Now there is a lightness and feeling of freedom. There's breathing space where before there was a lot of pressure.
4. What is the last bit that pushed you over, that made you Look?
Wow, it was really hard to Look, "I" couldn't make myself Look. It was several days of mulling things over, wrestling with concepts. It could not be approached head-on, so it happened in a more sneaky way. "I" was mentally berating myself for a bad choice/poor decision, and the thought suddenly appeared that "I" is not responsible for choice, decisions, nothing that happened or happens. "I" does not exist. And in that moment, the implications (truth) became clear. It became clear what that really means, jaw-droppingly clear.
5. Please describe and give examples from experience:
- decision
(This section could get a bit "intellectual", as that's what seems to happen when typing definitions.)
Decision is where something happens in life and then thoughts appear. The thoughts fill in the blanks and the thoughts assign the credit to another thought, "I". "I" did this.
Example: When "I" decided to go to graduate school. There was a very specific moment when the thought popped in brand new, a real "Aha" moment, with emotions of recognition, excitement and surprise. Afterwards the "I" claimed it as a decision, but in truth that thought just popped in all on its own.
- intention
Intention is where thoughts appear, possibly with emotions, that something should happen or be different. More thoughts and emotions about possible actions occur. The thought "I" takes ownership of these thoughts or strongly associates with them.
Example: The thought appears that something is needed or is missing. "I" steps in and it becomes "I" need to go shopping.
- free will
Free will is thoughts about the ability to control situations and take actions that then become linked closely with the thought of "I", such that "I" becomes defined by the thoughts of free will ("I" = free will).
Example: "I" can eat healthy and exercise or "I" can eat junk food and sit on the couch.
- choice
Choice and free will are similar. Choice is the thought that comes with the belief (thoughts assumed to be true) in free will. Once the assumption of free will is granted, choice is also granted. Both are false though.
Example: "I" decide to eat healthy and to work out more consistently.
- control
Control is the belief (thought system) that the "I" both exists and starts, stops, or directs Life's happenings to a greater or lesser degree.
Example: "I" can make a vet appointment for my dog to keep current with his vaccinations and then "I" can drive him there and arrive on time according to the appointment. "I" is the one interacting with the scheduling department, "I" is looking at the calendar determining what day and time is best, "I" is controlling the dog, meeting with the vet, paying the bill, driving home with the dog.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
Nothing makes anything happen, things just take shape. There's no Master Engineer in charge. There's nobody doing anything. It's all a big stew of Life, constantly moving, changing, without anyone or anything doing anything.
The illusion is the aggregation of thoughts building great big belief systems (thoughts assumed to be true, layered or connected to other thoughts assumed to be true, and so on). The false "I" presides over these beliefs (thought taking artificial ownership), and emotions such as fear present obstacles to Seeing.
What are you responsible for?
A big, fat Nothing. There is no "I" to be responsible. That was the insight, that was the Seeing.
6. Anything to add?[/quote]
"I" hasn't achieved anything at all here, but "I" am very grateful to this community and to Trisha for the unwavering support and steadfastness of message/pointing. Truly amazing! Thank you!
Lisa
