I'm ready to be "liberated"!

[cosmiK]

At present I felt crystal clear, I see the illlusion quite clear now than ever before. When I look into the present moment, I can see my vision fading away into darkness sort of... I feel amazingly calm and peaceful inside of me, but right before the darkness overtook my entire vision, I pulled back at the last minute (or it was the thought of the self that I succumbed to), so I was pulled back into the ego state of mind.... My hands also felt numb.... I knew they were there but I did not feel they were mine....

Nick, what do you mean that darkness took your entire vision?

There is no "ego state of mind", that is just a story. There is just Experience, and thoughts about it, which is also just Experience.

Yes. Experience will be there Nick, hands will be felt, vision will be shift, darkness will appear, but is this experience happening to anyone? LOOK. CHECK. Is there an Experiencer anywhere?

In any case, it is 5:35 am in the morning, and I sleep a lot but holy baby buddha I do not feel the slightest bit tired... probably because there is no I to begin with.... I keep falling for the trap of the self... a part of me is not willing to let go because my fear of the unknown exceeds my curiosity at this point.... its like i see the gate but im still not sure to pass through because i dont know whats in the other end!

Nick, there will still be feelings of tired, hunger, pain, sorrow, desire, horniness, fun, joy, happiness, sadness. Do not expect any huge changes, drop any expectations.

There is no 'trap of the self'. There are just Experience, and thoughts about it:
"I keep falling for the trap of the self" = thought
"a part of me is not willing to let go because my fear of the unknown exceeds my curiosity at this point" = thought
" its like i see the gate but im still not sure to pass through because i dont know whats in the other end!" = thought
you may feel some emotions after these thoughts, just feel these emotions.

Are you afraid Nick? Do you feel FEAR? ANXIETY?

I am here. But you must see this for yourself.

Ask the FEAR, the ANXIETY... what it is protecting? Is there any entity? self? I? me? Nick? there to be protected?


:) :) :)

You are doing great my friend.

Get some rest and respond when you feel alright.

Much Love.

[eggroll1988]

Nick, what do you mean that darkness took your entire vision?

There is no "ego state of mind", that is just a story. There is just Experience, and thoughts about it, which is also just Experience.

Yes. Experience will be there Nick, hands will be felt, vision will be shift, darkness will appear, but is this experience happening to anyone? LOOK. CHECK. Is there an Experiencer anywhere?

when i was looking at the ceiling.... i could see my vision fading away.... except it was sort of like lightness was taking over my vision

Nick, there will still be feelings of tired, hunger, pain, sorrow, desire, horniness, fun, joy, happiness, sadness. Do not expect any huge changes, drop any expectations.

There is no 'trap of the self'. There are just Experience, and thoughts about it:
"I keep falling for the trap of the self" = thought
"a part of me is not willing to let go because my fear of the unknown exceeds my curiosity at this point" = thought
" its like i see the gate but im still not sure to pass through because i dont know whats in the other end!" = thought
you may feel some emotions after these thoughts, just feel these emotions.

Are you afraid Nick? Do you feel FEAR? ANXIETY?

I am here. But you must see this for yourself.

Ask the FEAR, the ANXIETY... what it is protecting? Is there any entity? self? I? me? Nick? there to be protected?


:) :) :)

You are doing great my friend.

Get some rest and respond when you feel alright.

Much Love.

i dont feel anxiety in my body but there is a thought that persists that i cannot let go of, since i know if i let it go, i will pass through the gate.... its like i see the gate, and the fall seems infinite, and i am just wondering what will happen to the body of nick afterwards? will a new self replace the old self like a snake sheds? i have dreams and goals and aspirations, and i am close to achieving them in life at the moment.... if i do this, i fear most that i will become a completey different person and choose a different path....

[eggroll1988]

also i cannot sleep.... im like a hindu cow right now

[eggroll1988]

part of the reason i cant sleep because theres no i to begin with....

[cosmiK]

when i was looking at the ceiling.... i could see my vision fading away.... except it was sort of like lightness was taking over my vision

Nick, what you are speaking of is, what I believe to be, an even DEEPER insight, than that of no-self, but similar, as most of these insights have the same basis. However, we will not tackle ANY of this until we 'cross the gate' so to speak. Let go of this experience, and let's stay focused.

i dont feel anxiety in my body but there is a thought that persists that i cannot let go of, since i know if i let it go, i will pass through the gate.... its like i see the gate, and the fall seems infinite, and i am just wondering what will happen to the body of nick afterwards? will a new self replace the old self like a snake sheds? i have dreams and goals and aspirations, and i am close to achieving them in life at the moment.... if i do this, i fear most that i will become a completey different person and choose a different path....

Yes Nick, and that too, is just a thought my friend.

"its like i see the gate, and the fall seems infinite, and i am just wondering what will happen to the body of nick afterwards? will a new self replace the old self like a snake sheds? i have dreams and goals and aspirations, and i am close to achieving them in life at the moment.... if i do this, i fear most that i will become a completey different person and choose a different path..." = ... yes... you guessed it... THOUGHT.

Nick, let's look at it like this. You know that "I" is just a thought, and believing in it is as good as believing in the tooth-fairy, right? I believe you have a direct knowing of this at present.

Now... if it is just an illusion, then there really was never a self doing anything to begin with. No old self, medium self, little self, Nick self, new self? Like you said my friend, just thoughts passing through... and you choosing to subscribe.

It is great that your Life is flowing so well. Look and see Nick... was Nick ever in control? was the "I" ever in control. Did a thought achieve as much as you have achieved and walked the path you have walked all this time?

Let's work with this before we move forward.

part of the reason i cant sleep because theres no i to begin with....

Perhaps you are just very excited, and Know the Truth already... perhaps. Let's deal with what I have written above. Since you are awake, let's continue this conversation. Go ahead.

[eggroll1988]

damn.... there are just so many distractions right now..... i am leaving to france with my parents in about 30 minutes now... they are just waking up... its 6:11am

kosmic, what happens if i awake alone during my trip?

[cosmiK]

damn.... there are just so many distractions right now..... i am leaving to france with my parents in about 30 minutes now... they are just waking up... its 6:11am

Nick... you are already Awake my friend :) You just perhaps are still believing some thoughts.

I still want to check and probe more, so perhaps you should just get on with your day, and your trip, and we can continue this later. I am as anxious as you to confirm this and finalize the process, but do NOT want to interrupt your Life. You know enough from what I have told you to continue looking. If you need to contact me, you can do so as well.

[eggroll1988]

omg.... i tried to let go... and let go... and while my eyes were open everything became dark.... but i was still present and aware... it was like im not dead but neither "alive" in the sense of being able to see the physical world

[cosmiK]

omg.... i tried to let go... and let go... and while my eyes were open everything became dark.... but i was still present and aware... it was like im not dead but neither "alive" in the sense of being able to see the physical world

Remember, see if there is anyone, or anything, that is doing the "letting go", or is "letting go" just happening on it's own? Which is more True?

You are doing great. Experience will continue, and there will be thoughts about experience, which is also experience.

lol - don't you have to get ready and leave? :D

[eggroll1988]

my mind feels clear, but this is a feeling i had before... but as i tried to pay close attention the present state of experience, while also trying to find my "self", i could no find it. as i progressively reached this realization, my vision became darker and darker even though before i could see. at the end i was blind even with my eyes open..... its like the physical world is an illusion.......

[eggroll1988]

i heard my dads alarm clock go off twice..... he slept passed both but he will eventually awake... its like theres a small window of time to pass this gate or do it when i get back.... october 8 is my birthday which is coming soon, itd be nice to pass the gate before or on it!

[cosmiK]

my mind feels clear, but this is a feeling i had before... but as i tried to pay close attention the present state of experience, while also trying to find my "self", i could no find it. as i progressively reached this realization, my vision became darker and darker even though before i could see. at the end i was blind even with my eyes open..... its like the physical world is an illusion.......

Yes, in a sense the 'physical world' is an 'illusion', but do not get attached to any thoughts about anything. Remember Nick...

THOUGHTS ARE THOUGHTS.

Their CONTENT is NOT REAL.

So Nick, without deconstructing physical reality, which we can investigate another time. Please refocus.

There is Experience.

Is there an Experiencer?

[eggroll1988]

no there isnt...

so the physical world is a mystery

[eggroll1988]

ive glimpsed the illusion i believe.... the self is an illusion, just as the physical world is an illusion.... both are illusions... all there is is consciousness or experience....

[cosmiK]

no there isnt...

Okay Nick,

Now..... LOOK. SEE.

Read this please................. read it slowly, read it mindfully, fully present. If there is noone reading this sentence, then what is doing the reading?