Exploding the sense separation (Hopes for video guidance, if possible)

[Taz]

LU is focused guiding for seeing there is no real, inherent 'self' - what do you understand by this? That there is no "me" in a sense that this "me" who we think we are is based in the story of thoughts that appear by themselves. There is no control over these thoughts or the story as they arise automatically. This identification with the story creates a sort of veil over the life, so everything is labeled and perceived through this thought stream

What are you looking for at LU? Good question, actually this points down to how the imaginary seeker is seemingly in control and wants to find liberation from itself. By this seeking this imaginary character actually only keeps itself alive. So there's really nothing to do or to achieve as there's nothing else than this already. The self is completely illusory. So the answer is that the illusory self is looking to get rid of itself. It's complete paradox hahah

What do you expect from a guided conversation? Pointers that explode the illusion of me for good. In conceptual sense it's clear that there is no me, and there's been glimpses of there being no me many times. However these glimpses have only lasted for few hours and then passed. So there's this balancing between the identification with the story and non identification where every thing is just happening. The identification is more draining now than it ever was and there's a desire to break through it for good. I would prefer video guidance if it is possible.

What is your experience in terms of spiritual practices, seeking and inquiry? Around 6 years on this path, couple of last years more and more intensely. Digging deeper in to this so much that it has became the most important thing. Started with Eckhart Tolle's teachings, then to Rupert Spira and more ancient teachers, then to Jim Newman and Tony Parsons. Lately i've been also reading threads on this forum and watching some LU videos and listening to the pointers.

First glimpse was back around 6 years ago and lately they've been more and more frequent and lasting longer. The glimpses are hard to describe as the content is always different but it's like there's somekind of peace around even if there would be emotional turmoil at the same time in the body. The emotions or thoughts are then not identified with but they are seen as just happening but for no one.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how willing are you to question any currently held beliefs about 'self?
11

[Luchana]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm Luchana and I can walk with you here if that's ok ?
We can have a chat and see how it goes. Also we can try video (usually ones per week)
In which time zone are you? I'm in Europe - GMT +2

I read your intro and something pops up:

The identification is more draining now than it ever was and there's a desire to break through it for good.

You've mention several times "for good"

What do you mean by that?

What are you expecting to happen?

What do you hope will be different?

How will life change?

How will you change?

Much love,
Luchana

[Taz]

Hi Luchana! Thank you. :)

I'm at GMT+3.

The funny thing is that the sense of me dissolved here couple of days ago by itself. There's no more seeking left. No more sense of things happening to me or by me. The me is completely gone and there's just what's happening. It's like nothing changed and at the same time everything changed. And at the same time it's seen that it's always been this way. It's also fascinating how clear it is that nothing ever happened in a sense that before the history of this character held such a true feeling to itself. Now it's so clear that it's all just a story.

It's nothing how this was imagined to be. Like the ego is still functioning but there's just no longer identification as the ego and the body. Just freedom and life happening and it's always been this way. Now it's clearly seen what Alan Watts meant by saying it's a cosmic joke hahaha So simple and obvious, it was already the case.

I guess what was meant by the "for good" was that there were little glimpses of this but the sense of me came back. So there was this seeking of relief from all that seeking. Which seems kinda funny and paradoxical now. There was nothing to seek for as there never was anything lacking hahah

But yeah, we can still have a video chat. Would be nice to discuss about this with you! :)

[Luchana]

Hi Taz,

would you like me to call you like this? Or do you prefer another name?

The funny thing is that the sense of me dissolved here couple of days ago by itself. There's no more seeking left. No more sense of things happening to me or by me. The me is completely gone and there's just what's happening. It's like nothing changed and at the same time everything changed. And at the same time it's seen that it's always been this way. It's also fascinating how clear it is that nothing ever happened in a sense that before the history of this character held such a true feeling to itself. Now it's so clear that it's all just a story.

Oh, how beautiful to read! Falling away of seeking feels like a relief, no?
:-) So much seeking...and for what? :-)

Can you say more about the dissolving of the sence os being a self, a separate individual?
How this/the shift (or you can use another name) itself felt?
Also do you notice some changes in the everyday life?

How about choise and decision making? Or responsability?

What are you responsabile for?

Did you choose or decide to subscriibe here?

But yeah, we can still have a video chat. Would be nice to discuss about this with you! :)

Would love to :-) Probably in the end of the next week there will be a possibility for me. But let me check and will write you back.

Much love,
Luchana

[Taz]

Hi!

I don't mind call me what you want. :D

Yeah it was great relief!

Can you say more about the dissolving of the sence os being a self, a separate individual?

Yeah well, i don't know what to say. It's like it never happened and to refer back to the "event" feels like just a story. But it's like there was some sort of energetic center in the body and that dissolved. There's no more center, just what is happening. And it's seen that this has always been the case, there's always been just what is happening and no one here that it happens by or for. So yes it's great relief. There can still be all kinds of feelings arising just like before but they arise for no one. The feelings can be even more intense than when there was this "me". But somehow these feelings don't carry the same heaviness to them. They are not personal anymore, and never were. So when let's say fear arises it's intense, it's like wow. It's felt completely by no one and it passes on much quicker than before. It's just pure everything. Pure trees, pure fear, pure squirrel running up the tree. No more subject and object. The subject object relationship was the illusion. It's fresh and new, it's at the same time familiar. In a way like being child again. There's this child like wonderment of everything. It's beautiful, and at the same time nothing special.

How this/the shift (or you can use another name) itself felt?

It felt like a heavy weight being lifted off the shoulders. It felt freeing. Confusing, ridiculous. There was smiling and laughter and wonderment arising. And so simple and obvious. Everything was so intense suddenly all the sounds the sensations, the dirty filter was gone. Thought arise "it can't be just this?" It's too simple to be understood by the mind. Very ordinary yet in contrast to the heaviness of living as a me there's extraordinary nature to it.

It's not at all what the "me" wanted it to be hahah The me wanted to be special. The me wanted to be enlightened. It's so funny now that "enlightenment" is not even worth mentioning.

Also do you notice some changes in the everyday life?

There's no more taking things personally as there's no illusion of being someone. So the personal heaviness of life is gone. It's also clear that there's no one else either. So there's just this play of forms going on.
There's either less or no more neurotic behavior by the character. Feels that the character is in a way unfiltered now, so it's more authentic. More direct and uncensored. No more dwelling in the story of me. So things arise and pass quickly. There's much less reference to past happening. The past seems like it never happened in a way, it seems like just a story compared to before when it held such importance and realness to it. Just seen as vague memory. Almost as if the memory had gone worse haha

There's no mind made hierarchies like before. When meeting people there was this process going on where the other person was ranked through the mind created standards and ranked either above you or below you. No superiority or inferiority. And even if a judgemental thought arises there's no one to identify with it so it's just a judgemental thought and maybe a feeling of what ever arising in the body.

The character is more humorous as there's no more the draining heavy package of the story on the shoulders. So it's not that the humor was added to the character but the tension was resolved and the humor can come out freely. The nihilism is gone.

There's still some of that residue of me left in thoughts and feelings. Like there can still be "negative" thoughts and feelings arising. But there's no one left here for who these thoughts and feelings arise for. So there's no draining heaviness of them.

How about choise and decision making? Or responsability?

Who would choose or make decisions? Who would be responsible if there's no one?

What are you responsabile for?

Who? hahah

Did you choose or decide to subscriibe here?

No. Choosing or deciding are apparently happening but no one does it. There's no one on this forum hahah

Would love to :-) Probably in the end of the next week there will be a possibility for me. But let me check and will write you back.

Cool! :)

[Luchana]

Hi Taz,

thank you for your replies. I can alsmost sense the lightnes between words.

It felt like a heavy weight being lifted off the shoulders. It felt freeing. Confusing, ridiculous. There was smiling and laughter and wonderment arising.

Beautiful!


What we can do now is to give you some final so to speak questions and to share them with the other fellow guides. OF course this is not a validation or an exam. You don't need any of this. Replying those questions you have an access to the different parts of the forum here and also in FB. There are lots of opportunities to share and connect or to just chat with someone.

Shall I send those questions?

And can you send me an mail to

luchanauzunova@gmail.com

to see when it will be possbile to make a video chat next week.


Sometimes pm here in the forum doesn't work properly.

Sending much love,
Luchana

[Taz]

Hi there!

Yeah that's fine! You can send the questions. :)

I'll send you an email.

Br,
Taz

[Luchana]

Hi Taz,

wonderful! Here are the questions, please reply each one individually and give examples where are needed.

1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form?
Was there ever?

2) Share in your own words what the illusion of separate self is and how it shows up in experience.

3) How does it feel to see this?

What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? (this question is for those who are having guided conversation)

4) What was the last bit that pushed you over; made you look?

5a. Describe decision, intention, free will, choice and control. What makes things happen? How does it work?
Give examples from your own recent experiences to how things happen and how things work.
5b. What are you responsible for? Give examples from your own recent experiences to how this works.

6) Anything to add?

Much love,
Luchana

ps. I will reply you via e-mail later to see when to make a meeting.

[Taz]

1) No there is and never was an entity called self me of I. That is the illusion. There can only be thoughts and words arising that contain the sentence I, Me or self. These thoughts or words do not contain any entity of that name in them. There can also be convincing feeling of being the body or the experiencer. Like energetic contraction that is limited to the physical body. This is also part of the same illusion.


2) It's both psychological and energetic illusion. There's a feeling of energetic center in the body or as the body which makes it feel like the body is you. A body that has been born one day and will die some day. A body that is living in a world where everything is separate from itself. The psychological side is the thoughts that create a story of me, mine and I. These thoughts create an identity for this illusion. There's an illusion of being the experiencer, thinker and doer. A complete package of individual person. With freewill, responsibility and choice. It is then taken as obvious fact then that there's also other people that are individuals with the same abilities. Then there's this constant relating as an individual to what is seen as the outside world and other persons. The mind doesn't only create a story for itself as separate me but also for every human and in some cases even animal that appears. With the apparent illusion of separation also comes a feeling of lack. That something is missing. With the lack there can be this almost constant dis-ease or resistance to what is happening. This then causes the "individual" to seek this missing piece from success, money, fame, material, relationships, drugs, alcohol, sex, therapy, knowledge, spirituality, nonduality or what ever is believed to be the last missing piece. The main thing is that this missing piece is to be found from the future. The salvation is to be found "there" not "here". The story of the me involves time within itself, the past and the future. In the dream of me the time feels very real, it is not being seen how the time only exists as thoughts and that there's only ever *this*. The me lives in that story of time. The thoughts create a veil over everything, everything that appears is distorted by the thoughts that label and "know" everything. There's constant explanation and knowing or wanting to know everything. *This* is always seen as unimportant in the story of me. The me can't recognize that this is already the home that it longs for. The me can't recognize that the hopeless search for home is happening at home. The me is the search and the end of searching is the end of me.


3) Relieving. Natural. Funny. Joyful. Compassionate. Peaceful. Wondering, without need for an answer. Just wonderment.


4) intense suffering without hope for better, like living hell.


5a) There's no freewill choice or control. No one that decides or has intention. The character simply functions by itself. The conditioning and genetics seemingly determine how the character reacts to situations. This seeing also has an effect to the reactions of the character. It seems that after the recognition the character has then gradually started to align with the clear seeing. It's been less reactive, less neurotic and more peaceful.

For example, a man came to complain to this character today about where we had parked a car. With the illusion of me, there would've been this immediate energetic reaction to set a defense position, it can even be felt in the stomach area or chest. Now there was just genuine hearing of what is being said. Without position to take.

An example of how reactions work: There's good memories of friday nights after work having a beer and just chilling. It's friday, a relieved feeling after the work week. These circumstances associate the moment with the memories. A thought about beer pops up, which leads to a thought about getting a beer from nearby grocery store. Another thought pops up that says i shouldn't drink alcohol as it's proven to be bad for health. Then another thought pops up saying that just one beer won't do any harm, it's good to relax a bit. Another thought comes up that says: yeah i deserve that. Then the character moves to the grocery store to buy a beer. So there's appearance of choice but what is actually happening is automatic dialogue with thoughts from different standpoints.


5b) Nothing. Responsibility would require a separate me with free will and choice.


6) -

[Luchana]

Hi Taz,

Thank you for your replies. Lovely to read :-)
I'm going to share them with the other fellow guides and they may or may not have further questions.

I will come back here soon.

Much love,
Luchana

[Luchana]

Hi Taz,

the other guides have no other questions for you, which means that you crushed the gate, but as you already know there is no gate and no one to crush it :-)

Keep an eye for a message from the admin and at one moment your name will turns into blue. There are a lot of options for further investigation here in the forom in FB group if you decide to join those.
Also there are online meetings - we are having one each Thursday and you are most welcome to join. I will add your e-mails in the mailing list and you will recieve notifications for all meetings and events.

Here is my fb profile - you can add me as a friend so we can be in touch.
https://www.facebook.com/luchana.uzunova/

Much love,
Luchana