Hi Stacy,
1) Is there a separate entity 'self', 'me' 'I', at all, anywhere, in any way, shape or form? Was there ever?
No, it probably wasn't there at birth ( can't be sure because there is no memory). Then as I grew older it felt like there was and I believed it fully without questioning it. When questioned and looked for - it isn't there.
2) Explain in detail what the illusion of separate self is, when it starts and how it works from your own experience. Describe it fully as you see it now.
It is a story to give the illusion of control and influence. Its based on language and it starts from a young age - I can see this as I have young kids. The parent says things like "you can do it" and "you are ..." and "because you did this, that happened etc". Or when the child feels something saying something like "you shouldn't feel like that.." as if you have control over what you feel. This is done enough times to condition you to feel that you have control over you actions, thoughts, feelings etc. Society also gets in on the act to reinforce this. As a parent I'm lost as to how to do it much differently - if any of the guides have any suggestions I would appreciate it.
Anyway, once you believe it, it's hard to to know otherwise. Because even if you question it, thoughts will come in and tell you that you are being silly and of course you exist and since you believe your thoughts you carry on and so the cycle repeats itself. Its only when you start seeing thoughts for what they are that you are able to glimpse into the reality of this. Even then it's difficult as there as so many doubt thoughts. There is also fear, so these doubts and fears enable this illusion until for whatever reason you move past them.
3) How does it feel to see this? What is the difference from before you started this dialogue? Please report from the past few days.
Before I started this dialogue, I was doing self inquiry and trying to rest in a thoughtless space to realise this. This dialogue made me look at my direct experience and I can do this all the time, rather than just when sitting. When I first saw it while looking it felt weird and familiar at the same time. It feels very relaxing to let go and realise that this is how its been all along. There are still doubt thoughts and sometime its not clear but that's ok as I know what I know and though the thoughts may invoke certain feelings it doesn't change what I know.
4) What was the last bit that pushed you over, made you look?
It was really just the practice of looking at everyday activities. It also helped that I was able to see how my expectations were just some more thoughts.
5
) Describe decision & give examples from experience.
Describe intention & give examples from experience.
Describe free will & give examples from experience.
Describe choice & give examples from experience.
Describe control & give examples from experience.
What makes things happen? How does it work?
What are you responsible for? Give examples from experience.
Decision is when you feel like you are deciding between one or more possibilities, afterwards you look back and say I made this decision because of.. However in reality there wasn't really a choice, millions of things came together and that decision just happened. It is like a flow and these decisions are part of the flow. At the point of the decision being made there is no-one deciding. It is really only before or after that thoughts come and claim it.
Intention is a thought. For example I may intent to wake up early every morning but it doesn't always work out like that. Its a thought we buy into and try to follow through on but intent doesn't always lead to outcome.
Free will is an illusion that make you think you had control over the decisions/choices you make when in reality there is no-one deciding.
Choice is another illusion making you think there are options but again there is really only 1 option and that is the choice being made in the moment.
Control is what thoughts make you believe you as a seperate entity have. In my experience when you can fully let go of control and be accepting of the present moment- thoughts subside as they have no purpose there.
I don't know what makes things happen. If I was to guess I would say everything all together makes everything happen but that's not in my direct experience.
The body and mind do their own thing. I don't know what Im responsible for, maybe Im responsible for getting out of the way so life can express itself fully through this body-mind.
Thank you,
Chuck
